Thursday, November 19, 2009
Lord, My soul is ripped with riot
incited by my wicked diet.
"We Are What We Eat," said a wise old man!
and, Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can.
I want to rise on Judgment Day, that's plain!
but at my present weight, I'll need a crane.
So grant me strength, that I may not fall
into the clutches of cholesterol.
May my flesh with carrot-curls be sated,
that my soul may be poly unsaturated
And show me the light, that I may bear witness
to the President's Council on Physical Fitness.
And at oleomargarine I'll never mutter,
for the road to Hell is spread with butter.
And cream is cursed; and cake is awful;
and Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Mephistopheles lurks in provolone;
the Devil is in each slice of baloney,
Beelzebub is a chocolate drop,
and Lucifer is a lollipop.
Give me this day my daily slice
but, cut it thin and toast it twice.
I beg upon my dimpled knees,
deliver me from jujubees.
And when my days of trial are done,
and my war with malted milk is won,
Let me stand with Heavenly throng,
In a shining robe--size 30 long.
I can do it Lord, If You'll show to me,
the virtues of lettuce and celery.
If You'll teach me the evil of mayonnaise,
of pasta a la Milannaise
potatoes a la Lyonnaise
and crisp-fried chicken from the South.
Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth.
Author: Victor Buono , who appeared in "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane".
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Well, today was off to a strange start. I had over 100 emails in my spark email box. It took me a while to figure out why. Many people liked my last blog - how to lie to the bathroom scale. Lots of comments there. Then I found out I was a sparkpeople motivator. I am completely surprised, and honoured. To think my journey is motivating others on theirs. That is great.
Anyhow, here it is 12:30 now, and I am still here on my computer and going through emails. I have decided I have to stop for a while. I have things I need to do today. Once they are done, I can sit on SP tonight and catch up on email and messages.
In the meantime, I need to get focused today. I had 2 good days. The scale is not agreeing with me, but I know I had 2 good days. Ran both days. Ate clean for the most part. I did have some empty calories, but kept within my calorie ranges.
I really want to keep this ball rolling. I need to get ready to run. I just finished breakfast, so I have a little time to wait before I get moving. As good a time as any to blog.
I am out of chocolate silk. I so look forward to it when I finish my running. I am broke, so no running out to get some. No cheques came today. I am holding a cheque right now. I am going to turn it over to my bankruptcy lawyers. I have an appointment next Tuesday. I am behind on payments. It is very important that I catch up. So I will not cash it.
I need to get out and run today. I think I will run again in my vibrams. My feet and legs feel good today, so I figure it's worth another shot. If it is too much, I will call it off early and come back home. The plan is to try an easy 30 minute run today. However, I need to watch how far I push it, especially with new shoes.
Okay, it's time for me to get dressed and get moving. I have lots of little things I need to get done today.
Taxes to the accountants
Dance lessons tonight
I will update as my day goes. See you all later.
I'm back from my run. 30 minutes in the new shoes. Feet feel great. Not even warm today. Used body glide and it is working. I did cave and drove right after my workout to find my chocolate silk. 4 stores and no such luck. I finally just gave up. Now I am sitting here starving, having just finished a workout, and cranky. Not a good combination.
Okay, my day is done now. I ran, and then tonight I had 3 hours of dance lessons. Usually I get 1 easy hour, then 2 hard ones. Tonight it was 3 hours of hard lessons. Wow, are my legs ever tired...
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner... as well as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast, because it's nice to see how much weight you've lost overnight.
2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.
3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget the earrings, these things can weigh at least a pound.
4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off...to your advantage.
5. Always go to the bathroom first.
6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter.
7. Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you've weighed in, completely naked, of course.
8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).
9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?).
10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you'd stepped on normally.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
1. But the doughnut was calling my name.
2. I felt left out because they were eating.
3. But it was my birthday, so I had to eat the whole cake.
4. The kids over seas are starving, so naturally I have to clean my plate.
5. I had to get the bitter taste out of my mouth from eating the so-called dish, so I had a ice cream.
6. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
7. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
8. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
9. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
10. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
11. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
12. Cookie pieces contain no fat-- the process of breaking causes fat leakage. Exception: Cookies sold by TEXAS D'LITES distributors. Great "Meal Replacement" with little or no FAT content, low in calories, lots of fiber, protein, and other nutritional ingredients.
13. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
14. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
15. Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and Popsicles.
16. Only eat things that have been broken into pieces; that way, all the calories fall out.
17. Overheard at McDonald's.... " There are no calories in this. Look how small these chicken nuggets are and there are so few of them. I eat them every day."
18. 'Eat off someone else's plate. The calories don't count if its not your food.' Words of wisdom from Rach.
19. I can't start a diet today. It's not Monday and everybody knows diets don't work unless they are started on a Monday, (unfortunately every Monday in my case!) So I'll just have to pig out for the next 6 days and wait for Monday to roll round again.
20. I can't afford to buy the new clothes that I'll need if I lose weight so I'll just have to stay this size!
21. I was just testing your ice cream in case it had gone off, and I didn't want you to be sick! I wasn't certain so I had to keep having another spoonful to make sure.
22. By the time I'm thin fat will be in!!!
23. It wasn't a chocolate ιclair, it was a funny looking stick of celery!
24. If you don't finish the donut, then it's calories don't add to your list from Weight Watchers.
25. If you eat the broken biscuits, the calories have all leaked out.
26. I'm not Overweight, I'm Undertall!
27. I'm not fat, I just retain water. I f I could take a 12-hour pee, I'd be ripped.
28. Since round is a shape, I can eat more to get in shape.
29. I have just been onto your Web Site and found it really interesting and thought I would send you the best excuse that I have heard as a Weight Watcher Leader, when weighing a member in at the scales.
The member had gained weight and when asked - "do you know why this has happened" she quickly replied - "yes, I went to McDonalds and had a large Big Mac Meal, and I forgot I was on Weight Watchers"
And believe it or not, the woman was genuine that she had forgot.... Bless her.
30. I'm a weight loss coach, my diet excuse is the one I saw on a poster of a large panda, in my doctor's office. The caption was: "I'm not fat; I'm just fluffy."
31. If you chew your food long enough you will kill the calories.
32. My doctor said I shouldn't over starve myself.
33. I went ahead and ate the rest today, so I can be good tomorrow.
34. I'm not sure if you already have this one, but here it goes: If you put your food, be it cake or vegetables, on a treadmill before you eat it, it has less calories. Shape it up anyway you want. i just thought of it watching biggest loser. I don't know if it was lodged somewhere in my brain already or not, but yeah. so there you go.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
I have a dilemma today. I need to focus on the fact that today is day 2 of my next 12 week push. I really want to stay motivated and on track.
My problem is that I have been in pain all night. Not bad pain. More of a twinge. I know this pain. I am very familiar with it. I am afraid of having another attack and ending up in the hospital. I am just plain scared. Do I push through it and risk aggrivating it? Do I just lay up for the day and risk loosing my motivation and momentum?
I know what I am most likely going to do. Take some tylenol and go running. I will try and push through it. If I can't, then I will stop. I have done this before. I will do it again. It just bothers me to have this pain back.
Let's see. Gee, the pain started when I was woken up in the middle of the night to hear my hubby verbally attacking my son again. Surprise surprise. I am learning that these pains are now 90% tied to my emotions. The only way to heal may be to send my hubby away. That might not be a bad thing right now. However, I do not know if I can completely take over for him. Why not try for 2 weeks. Just send him away to see his grandkids for 2 weeks. That should give me time to heal, and with my son's help, we should be able to cover for him. Ryan and I always were able to do the same job as Bruce in 25% of the time.
It is just so frustrating. The more I think about it, the worse my pain gets. Like that is any kind of surprise.
I need to put this out of my mind right now. I need to find my motivation for today. I did so well yesterday. Okay, honestly, I had some ice cream. What is done is done. I did go running, and then 2 hours of dance lessons last night.
I should ... NO WAIT. No shoulding on myself today. I am going to get up and make some eggs for breakfast. while in the kitchen I will make my salad for the next couple of days.
Now forget shoulding, it's time for a kick. It's 10 degrees outside, so I can try out my new shoes. I should be looking forward to it. There's that word again. Anyhow, eat. Get dressed. Go running. Take it easy today, but go anyway. That's the plan.
Today is an important day. It is day 2 of my next 12 week push. I can do this. It may just be one day, but it will be a day lost if I don't take advantage of it. I deserve so much better than that. It is not hard to take advantage of the day. I already had a good breakfast. Salad is made, so all I need to do is just serve it up when I want some. Salad and chocolate silk. What a great post run snack. Helps get me excited to get out there and run. I get to try my new shoes. I get to burn some calories. And I have a great snack waiting for me when I am finished.
And I thought I was off to a rough start to my day.
I am back from my run. I used my vibram fivefingers. My feet are burning a little bit now. I am going to try to use body glide next time. I might not be able to run in these shoes. I will keep trying though. Other than the burning, I feel great. Repeated W1D1HM (week 1 day 1 half marathon training). Finished strong. Now deciding if I want to go running again later today - if and when the wind dies down.
Oh, I did ask the hubby if he wanted to go visit the family. It started a fight. I don't get it. I even told him I don't get it. I am offering to take over for him for 2 weeks and give him a chance to go and visit the family. All he did was get angry. Things were said in the end. I think it may be the best decision - I go on social assistance and move out with my kids. Enough already.
Ow. my tummy hurts.
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