Friday, September 11, 2009
It's not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change.
- Charles Darwin
I do have to admit, I am not one who deals well with change. I am very strong, but change takes me time to adjust to.
I wonder why I struggle so much with change. I have actually refused to change sometimes. It has cost me. Maybe it's time to look into why I am so afraid of change.
Fear of the unknown comes to mind. However, I know I can deal with it, and I can succeed at anything I put my mind to. Change is not always a bad thing. It can go either way. Why not try to find the positive in it, rather than just refuse it?
Change is part of progress. It really says something about me being stuck and almost refusing to deal with change. I used to be afraid of becoming one of those cranky old ladies who has the "cat butt" mouth. You know the one. The one with the pucker lines all around it and it is shaped like a little cat's butt.
That's the one.
All joking aside, my head get's why I need to go with the flow more. Why I need to cope with change so much better. So why does my emotional side fight it so badly? I can't even enjoy a surprise party. I get that I cry. I cry all the time. It is my first response to surprised, change, everything actually. I get embarrased when I cry like that. I still can't do it, even in front of my friends. I personally know crying is not a sign of weakness, but that stigma attached to it is forefront in my head when I wonder why I can not cry in front of others.
I am a very strong person. I guess it is important to others in my life that they know this. I do not know why exactly, but it must be. Otherwise I would have no problem crying in front of people. I can't even cry in front of my husband.
Holy cow. What is going on here? I really need to keep exploring this one. Even when my grandma died, I let everyone around me know I would break down and cry for no apparent reason. I told them if it bothered them, I would not be offended if they walked away while I composed myself again. Why do I worry about making others uncomfortable? If they are friends, they will be supportive. Maybe because I am not very good at telling who are my true friends, and who are just acquaintances. I do know who my good good friends are. However, I treat my acquaintances as good friends also, for the most part. I tend to treat others as I would want to be treated. I have gotten myself into trouble by being too open with acquaintances in the past. Now I am much more guarded. Or if not guarded, I warn them first. If I feel like I am about to "overshare" or they ask me a question I am not sure they really want the answer to, I tell them. Are you sure you really want to know, or do you just want to hear I am fine today?
So this brings me back full circle. Why am I so afraid of change? Maybe because it is unknown. I may react in a new way, and I am afraid to show who I really am. Maybe it's not a nice person. I know I am angry and agressive, and generally not a nice person when I am stressed. Change brings stress. Hmmmm...
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
Yesterday's worked so well, so I figure I should do it again.
Yesterday I was able to get out and run 6 miles. It went well. I felt great. In fact, I am even contemplating adding 2 more miles to it today.
However, yesterday is done. It is great that I had a good day, but it is over. I need to focus on today. Today I am down to 208lbs on the scale. It is the first time in FOREVER that I have been below 210lbs. Look out Onederland, here I come.
BUT if I don't get up and get out, I will not get there. I need to take action TODAY to reach my goals of tomorrow. I need to build on what I started yesterday. Sitting here on my butt is not building on yesterday. Instead it is building on my butt. Get dressed and get out there. The hardest part is starting. You have already proven this to yourself repeatedly. I already ate breakfast - eggs and a little cheese. It was a kind of heavy breakfast, but all I have. In fact, I will need to get groceries right after my run, or I will have nothing for lunch. Not a big deal. Run, drink water, and have a granola bar to tie you over until you get groceries. YOU CAN MAKE IT WORK. YOU CAN WORK IT.
Do you really want to keep that scale moving down? Or just give up. Stay here wishing for Onederland. Are you willing to not loose those next 2lbs this week? You have such nice new workout clothes now. Put them on and enjoy the run. It's not overly cold. It looks a little overcast out today. The cool air might feel nice.
Those 2lbs were nice, but today is a new day. Clean slate. If you want to loose the next 2lbs, you need to get off your butt and get out there. It is cool out today - maybe take out a new pair of long pants to go running in today. You have been looking forward to wearing one of the new pairs of pants for a workout.
You will feel great. Mickey will appreciate it. You will look great - between the scale dropping and the new workout gear. NOW GO GO GO!
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
I am still at 210lbs. I get that I am just getting back on track, but by now I was hoping to at least be down to 208. I know it is not a big difference on the scale, but the difference is huge to me. 210 has been my sticking point for many many years, and many weight loss attempts. I will break this one. I already have my smaller size jeans purchased and waiting for me to get there. I also just received my new lululemon workout clothes - size 10 pants and a large top. I already fit in the size 12 outfit I bought earlier this year.
Now I need to kick my butt. The reason the scale is not moving is obvious. To move it, I need to do two things: burn calories (exercise) and watch what I eat (nutrition). I know this. This is how I got here. This is how I can easily blow past this point. Okay, you have been trying late last week. What about this weekend? Yes, I did get a whole lot of housework done, and I did burn some calories, but no where near what I would burn if I went running. I guess I am worried about my upcoming half marathon this weekend. I have decided I am going to do it. Honestly, my best bet is to go running today, maybe a long run on Thursday also, and take it easy on Wednesday, and especially Saturday. Friday I should do an easy run.
Now get up off this couch and run. You need to eat something first. Go and get some fruit right now. Two pieces of fruit and at least 1litre of water. You can be ready within 1/2 an hour to go running. Today is going to be 10K at least - twice around the lake and back home. It is beautiful out, so now is the perfect time to get out there. Before the heat of the day.
Imagine how great you will feel knowing you finished your workout. You will not only feel accomplished, you will physically be feeling great. Those endorphins are wonderful.
You can get past this plateau. Burn more, watch what you eat, and you can do it. You won't even know the weight is coming off. It just will. Are you going to let this couch stand between you and the next 2lbs you want to loose. Are you kidding me? Is it that hard to get up and get dressed? The hard part is getting out the door. After that, it is all down hill. A little sweat, and you will feel great. Forget that you are out of work for the next 2hours. Just go and run. You will feel you can accomplish something great.
I spent this weekend purging the house. Not only unpacking boxes, moving furniture and so on. I also purged my closet. If it doesn't fit anymore, or I haven't worn it in a year, it's gone. It is AMAZING how much stuff I am getting rid of. Late last night I started to worry. Some of these tops were my favorites. They helped hide my bloated tummy on bad days. What if I gained my weight back? I would not have my security blankets. That thought alone solidified my resolve. I do not want security blankets anymore. I do not want to know that if I regain, I can still feel good. Forget it. I believe in me. I can keep an eye on it this time. I need to be aware daily of where my weight stands, especially once I reach my goal. No more head in the sand for this ostrich.
However, that said, I am terrified. Winter is coming. Will I be able to find an exercise routine that keeps me motivated once it is too cold outside to run? I will need to revisit this next week - after my race.
Sunday, September 06, 2009
I am absolutely terrified right now. A few months ago I signed up for a half marathon on September 13. When I was training earlier this year, I was doing great. I was up to running for 90 minutes straight. Then I started a new job. Not wanting to blame it all on being busy, but the shift work was taking a lot out of me. Getting home at 2pm made running almost impossible. It was too hot out, and by sunset, I was in bed trying to get ready for my next shift. I was being gentle on my body. The one day I did push and went running, I got caught in a hail storm. It just turned me completely off of running for awhile.
When I finally gave up on that job, I figured I could get back on track. Boy was I wrong. I spent a couple of weeks feeling like a complete failure. I couldn’t do anything. I had to face the fact I needed to journal for a while to get my head on straight again.
It took me a while, but I am back on track. However, I am still nowhere near running for as long a time as I was a few months ago. I am being good to myself. Rather than feel like a failure and give up, I am realizing that I need to build my way back up to where I was.
Now for the biggest issue. There is a 3 hour limit on the half marathon. I am afraid I won’t finish in 3 hours. Part of me wants to just not show up. Avoid the embarrassment. However, another part of me says to heck with that. Just doing it is a success for me. I can keep going even after they open the route to traffic. Who cares. As long as I do what I can, and finish when I can.
I guess I still need to work on my thoughts on this whole thing. In the meantime, I am taking votes on which shirt to wear while I run. I have posted the images here. Let me know what you think.
They are all images on the back of simple tank tops. Something comfortable to run in.
Saturday, September 05, 2009
Time to re-define my small stone for the week.
This week I will continue with:
- Drink 13 glasses of water per day.
- Try to get more freggies in – work towards 5/day.
I will also add:
- burn at least 3,000 calories this week.
I actually met this goal last week, but I will focus on it this week. I also need to prepare for my half marathon coming up on Sept 13.
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