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Personal stress taking me down - you may want to skip this one.

Monday, July 21, 2014

I've been feeling down for a while now. I can pinpoint the exact time this hit, and why this time.

I went into Regina to go dancing. It was a Tuesday evening. Hubby was working, so I didn't even bother to invite him. I went. Had a lesson, and danced for an hour. Then came home.

As I was driving home, I realized just how happy I was. My heart was happy.

Then I got home. Hubby and I got into a fight. He's always in a mood when I come back from dancing, but this was a bad one. When he started listing off all the reasons I shouldn't go dancing, I told him enough. I paid for the gas. I drove myself there and back. I didn't ask him for any $$. I knew he would not take time off work to go with me. I told him all of this. I also told him I'm sick & tired of him finding excuses to be upset when I go. Enough is enough. I was tired of him expecting me to give up everything to be here. My kids are too far away. I don't ride my motorcycle here - I don't feel safe and he doesn't want me to. Now he expects me to give up dance? NO friggin way.

So I've been down since that night. I've had a lot on my mind. I've been trying to decide if I can be happy here or not. I still don't know. It's been weeks. I don't think I'll ever know.

Hubby's a good man. If I can't make it work with him, I won't date again. Forget it. It just won't work out anyway.

I've been trying to realize that there may be a way I can be happy here. I won't give up dancing, and if hubby expects that, I will have to go. Plain and simple. But there must be a way for me to be okay with the rest of it. To find peace.

I am not sure I can. I've been trying.

Today my daughter texted me. She needs help. Hubby and I had this fight before. He's not okay with her coming here.

So I guess that's it. I've got to find a place for me to live. If hubby really becomes an ass about it, I'll loose everything I own. I have to start over without a vehicle or anything.

I can't keep doing this. But my kids come first. It's that simple. I may be willing to try to compromise who I am, but if my kids need me, I have to go.

I don't know if I can do this.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RENLLY 7/21/2014 2:16PM

    It's not unreasonable to want to do something fun for yourself once in a while. Also to be there for your kids and help them in any way you can.

Make some plans and stand strong. You should never have to compromise who you are.

You can do this - and maybe the marriage will survive, maybe not - but you need to love and respect yourself.


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POSITIVEHOPE 7/21/2014 2:13PM

    Sorry you are so conflicted. You stated your problems very clearly. You and to go dancing because it makes you happy. You are willing to share that experience with hubby but he refuses. You don't want to give up going dancing. Your kid needs you and your hubby doesn't agree on a solution to her problem that works for you. You find the stress of your kids unmet needs unbearable.
Instead of searching for solutions to these issues alone, why not ask hubby to offer you solutions and if he can't offer any workable solutions ask him to find a third party that might be able to suggest some solutions.
I hope you find some peace.

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LWILKINS60 7/21/2014 2:05PM

    Good for you for standing up for yourself!

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Vacation Part 13 - Seward

Monday, July 21, 2014

The boat we went fishing on.

you can see how well people here follow the laws and rules.

a shot from our room window one evening.

hubby catching a fish

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1HAPPYSPIRIT 7/21/2014 10:58AM


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Vacation Part 12 - Anchorage

Sunday, July 20, 2014

My race gear for the land of the midnight sun half marathon on June 21

This steep hill was a tough one. We had to run up the other side, then down this side. It was made worse by the thick sticky mud. I ended up falling right after this picture was taken.

one of the views on my race

Anchorage is where our tour ended. Hubby and I stayed on in Alaska for an extra 6 days. In that time we explored Anchorage, and went to Seward for some fishing. I'll post the fishing pics tomorrow.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COOP9002 7/20/2014 2:20PM

    Great pics!

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GARDENCHRIS 7/20/2014 11:42AM

    Thank you for taking us on your trip. I enjoyed every minute!! Hope you did not hurt yourself when you fell.

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Today's Kick in the Butt

Saturday, July 19, 2014

I got up and went running this morning. Almost didn't, but I got out there.

We only went 1.6miles, but I tried to run during it. My HR spiked, and I was working with what I've got - a body and heart/lungs that are not used to this. So we took it a little easy and came home.

I didn't use my asthma inhailer. I'm working on getting my lungs stronger without needing these crutches. Yes, for me an inhailer is a crutch.

Now for the tough part today. I'm supposed to go to a wedding with Hubby. I really don't want to go. I don't know anyone. I won't be able to eat anything. And if there's any dancing it'll just make me want to cry.

I hate feeling this bad at such a happy occassion. I just can't shake this.

Oh well. I'll do what I can today. That means:
Fitness - partially checked. I still want to walk the dogs tonight.
Water - I'll have half of it in before I shower
Nutrition - Already tracking everything I have eaten. Now to keep it up and stay within my calorie ranges.

I'm off to a great start today. I may not be feeling great, but I'm doing great.

What are you going to do to reach your goals today?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SILVER_WOLF1221 7/20/2014 9:55AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DJ4HEALTH 7/20/2014 1:31AM

    emoticon emoticon

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BYEPOUNDS 7/19/2014 12:09PM

    best to you

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Today's Kick in the Butt

Thursday, July 17, 2014

I did it again. I slept in this morning. My eyes opened up at 7am. Then I fell asleep on the couch.

I'm honestly having trouble breathing. But I'm using that as an excuse.

So far today, I've gone to work - I only had a couple of hours today. I came home and prepared two perogie fillings - lactose free sweet potato mozzarella, and one regular potato/cauliflower/smoked gouda. Hubby also wants some sourkraut perogies, but there is no prep work for that filling really. I have an order for 2 dozen lactose free sweet potato/mozzarella, 2 dozen apple filled, and 2 dozen cherry filled. Then hubby wants the potato/cauliflower/smoked gouda, and some sourkraut. They'll all be gluten free, so the dough is a little harder to work with, but not too terribly bad. I'm looking at about 5+ hours of rolling out, stuffing, and freezing perogies.

I so want to just melt into the couch and not do anything more than that.

So that means I really need to get out and exercise. I will be taking the dogs out. Now to figure out if it'll be for a 5mile walk, or if we're going to run part of that. I'm leaning towards running part of it. I really need to get moving more. Walking is good, but it's not quite enough.

I got on the scale this morning, and faced the reality of where I am. Time for me to change that. I've been doing well since last Saturday, but it's not good enough. There is no change on the scale. Good isn't getting me anywhere.

That's what's so frustrating. I'm tracking every bite of food. I'm walking 5miles a day with the dogs - okay it was 5, 5, none, 5, 4. It's not enough. grrrr.

So I've gotta figure out how to get some more fitness into my day today. So far I'm doing okay for eating. I need more water. I need more freggies - I have all the stuff to make a greek salad. I don't put dressing on my greek salad, and I go light on the feta cheese.

Time to get to the perogies. Here's hoping I can find the energy/desire to get out there and do what I need to do for me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TERRY0217 7/17/2014 6:03PM

    I'll kick yours if you kick mine...didn't do well with the junk food this week...
Your perogies sound delicious!!

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NEPTUNE1939 7/17/2014 3:08PM

    At my age "Geritol" helps emoticon emoticon

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AHORSEY1 7/17/2014 3:02PM

    You perogies sound yummy! Had some store bought ones the other day, but your home made ones sound so much better. Happy cooking!

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