BLUECOUGAR54494   6,151
5,500-6,999 SparkPoints
BLUECOUGAR54494's Recent Blog Entries

No more being a yo-yo

Sunday, August 05, 2012

The last 2 weeks have been hell on me emotionaly. The guy who I have been seeing the last 3 years finally pushed me to the edge of my sanity....& beleive me I do not have alot to spare lol.
Kevin has been very rude & crude with remarks about my weight & me not being to walk normal due to needing a hip repalced. Besides me NEEDING to lose weight to be healthy I am lossing weight to make it easier to recover after having my hip replaced which will be done this October.
Kevin calls me to say he is sorry but then in a few days he right back at being mean & shallow. He has MS & needs someone to take care of him but yet when I help him he says it doesnt look good for a overweight handicapped person to take care of him that he wants an able bodied slim female to help him.
I have had it being used like a yo-yo. I have told him no matter if I lose 5# or 110# I will not ever call him to take me back as a girlfriend. If he can not like me now he does not deserve to be with me when I reach my goal. It might take me 2 years but I WILL DO IT!!!!
Then I hope to run into his mom or sister so they can go back to Kevin & tell him how good I look hehehehehe.
I am an emotional eater HOWEVER I did not let his negativity get to me. I have been very good about watching what I eat & I even lost 3.6# last week!!!!!!!
So I am hoping that I will continue to be able to avoid turning to food as comfort.......maybe I should take up target practice again with a pistol????? hehehh

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NIKKIV2 8/7/2012 1:11PM

    So proud of you! You not only lost a few pounds but you gained your self respect back. You deserve better than what he was doing to you! I know you will reach your goal! Good for you for being the strong person to take back your life!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DDHEART 8/6/2012 9:23AM

    Being Strong isn't easy....but you have done just that! I know there had to be some redeeming qualities to this man for you to have been with him but obviously he and the relationship had become toxic. you are worth so much more than that!

Now, make a daily affirmation....something like..." I am strong...I am beautiful...I can be everything I want to be"

Report Inappropriate Comment

    You go girl. Everyone, no matter what their size, should be respected. Stay strong and remain positive. You're going headed in the right direction.

Report Inappropriate Comment
TATTER3 8/5/2012 10:09PM

    Good for you! He may have a disability..but abuse is abuse and if you put up with it now...he will be worse later. There will always be something you will have to do in order to meet his demands! You go girl and go fast. better to be alone than be a target. Keep Sparkin'!!

Report Inappropriate Comment

    You deserve better. He should be happy to have someone to take care of him without belittling them. My mom has MS and is very independent in spite of being wheelchair bound so there's no excuse for that behavior. Glad you're not putting up with it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
YAPPAT 8/5/2012 8:27PM

    You deserve to be treated with respect regardless of your size! Good for you for not allowing him to sabotage your efforts.

Report Inappropriate Comment
TBARBOUR0322 8/5/2012 8:22PM

    Although dealing with some major negativity in your life right now, congrats on learning how to deal with it besides turning to food.

Report Inappropriate Comment

Rewarding myself.

Thursday, June 07, 2012

I have been struggling BIG time with my weight loss over the past year. Before being told I could not be a bus driver (a job I LOVE) I was on my way to losing 70# following Weight Watchers. Until I have my hip replaced I can not work let alone walk alot. The past few weeks have been some what of a ray of hope for me. I have lost 2# here; gained 4/10ths #; lost 6/10ths#; stayed the same; lost 6/10ths #. My boyfriend KNOWS how I am struggling & I really do need encouragement & positive comments to help me continue on my weight loss journey. However yesterday after my WW weigh in I texted my boyfriend & told him I lost another 6/10ths #. When we talked later in the afternoon he said that it was a minuscule number that it really doesnt count as a lost. I WAS FLABBERGASTED!!!!! How dare he say it really didnt count. Then he proceeded to let me know that he can not understand how I can be struggling with the weight loss. All I asked from him was alittle positive encouragement. I have been very positive with him & his quitting smoking & I never have told him I am disappointed in him when he buys a pack of cigs to help him get over the urge. I keep all comments to myself knowing positive comments help him. In the past when this has happened I turned to food & binged like crazy. This time I told him I needed his support & his negative comments only hurt me & worse of all they sent me to food for comfort. I DID NOT turn to food this time but I did go have a long hard cry down by the river where it was peaceful. I felt better & I came up with non food rewards for the small goals I meet. I am rewarding myself for the next 25# (a mani/pedi); 30# (a sexy penior set); & 50# (a weekend getaway in Northern Wisconsin). I have told the boyfriend what the rewards are & when they will be appearing. He told me those were nice rewards & he even showed me the penior set we can both agree on. I have come to the conclusion that I will just keep my weight loss progress (good & bad) to myself so the only way he knows how I am doing is when I show off my reward just so I do not have to hear ANY negative comments. Maybe I am wrong with keeping the gain/loss from him but I am trying to keep the negative thoughts & comments from sabotaging my weight loss.
(I have been known to be alittle (alot) vindictive at times but I would LOVE to go to the boyfriend & say nananan nanner & show what I can do without the negative comments or thoughts)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DDHEART 6/11/2012 9:51AM

    Sometimes it is hard for others to see how we can be pleased over the little successes but those daily/weekly tiny signs of progress are really the things that keep us moving in the right direction. Don't forget to put some little success rewards in place so you get the positive stroke that you deserve....things like maybe a penny jar with a penny for each tenth of a pound lost....seeing the jar fill up will give you a daily boost...only you will know why/how the jar is filling up and when it gets full you'll have some of the cash toward the bigger rewards...100 pennies is a dollar and that would be 10 pounds....ok, maybe that doesn't seem to be a large amount of cash but that's just the point...and it's really the visual that can make you smile. Keep up the slow and steady progress!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment life & in clothes.

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

When I started weight watchers in July 2010 I was 340#. In the 5 months after joining WW I lost 50# by my 50th birthday (12/27). My clothes were fitting VERY lossely & I kept telling myself I should drag down my sewing machine & alter the clothes seeing I didnt have money to splurge on new clothes. Well I didnt get my machine around however I am glad I didnt becuase I was laid off of work due to me needing a hip replaced. Well without working & not being able to move like I did when I was working I gained 30# back from May 2011 to January 2012. I am really upset with myself for not caring enough about myself to keep following the WW plan. Well 1 morning I woke up & just told myself that I would get back on track & alter my eating habits. Since February 2012 I have lost about 10#. Granted I would lose 3# then gain 2# back.....but I would keep at it & every week that went by I would do better at tracking my food. Fast forward to today..... It has been 3 weeks in a row where I have lost alittle something. That little something was pounds but better yet inches off my body. This past weekend my boyfriend commented on the slacks I was wearing....& it was not a nice comment either. He told me that it looked like I had a "load" in my pants. It was that the slacks I was wearing was TOO BIG & BAGGY. Seems like a few weeks ago those slacks fit me ok. Well let me tell you I came home & I lugged my sewing machine down the stairs from its storage area. I spent the better part of Sunday taking in 4 pairs of slacks & a top. The slacks I took in 2" each side plus 1" in the inseam & 1" in the crotch areas......they fit FABOULOUS!!!!! So I am altering my eating habits as well as my clothes. With doing this I will have to stay on plan with WW & with the support from my Spark PEople friends & groups I will have to alter more clothes in the future....besides I can not afford to buy larger clothes right now but I am very happy to be able to wear clothes I havent been able to wear in years. Now only 100# to go to my goal lol.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEDYBEAR2838 5/7/2012 1:07PM

    emoticon Blog. Little steps, make big ones.


Again, welcome to the 50 Pound Challenge team

Report Inappropriate Comment
D_4RECOVERY 5/3/2012 8:55AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHARON-MARIE 5/2/2012 9:19PM

  BlueCougar, Good for you for getting back to your journey! And yay for the sizes and inches lost! That's fantastic.

Be blessed,


Report Inappropriate Comment
PARKERB2 5/2/2012 7:55PM

    Good luck to you. emoticon One reward for you would be a new outfit, even if it's just every 3 months or so. You deserve it.

Report Inappropriate Comment

20 years later....

Monday, April 09, 2012

I am not 1 to wear a skirt or a dress often. And when I say "often" I mean like I go YEARS in between wearing a skirt or a dress. The last time I wore a skirt was about 20 years ago to my brother's wedding. I was going thru my clothes this past week & found my favorite purple skirt. With me being over 300# & VERY self consious about what I wear & how I look in something I put on that skirt. OOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GOSH!!!! It was TOOOOOOO big for me. I wanted to wear it to Easter brunch with my boyfriend & my family but I didnt have time to have it altered. So I did the old stand by of using a safety pin to make it smaller & so it would not fall down off my hips. I was told I looked really good in that skirt & I felt even better knowing I have lost so much weight in 20 years. Granted I am sure it was lossing & gaining weight over those years but to me it was a very good & happy realization that I CAN lose weight & will look good doing it as well as being able to go into places like KMart & Walmart & buy clothes off the racks & not have to mail order clothes because they do not cary my size. Simple things like how a favorite piece of clothing can make you feel good about yourself even after 20 years.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMAKEELEY 4/10/2012 5:32PM

    Congrats to you! I can't wait until my clothes are too big.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CMWARDRN 4/9/2012 4:08PM

  Awesome! Yay! Thank you for the inspiring blog. That feeling must be awesome.
emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
THINAGIN2 4/9/2012 1:01PM

    Congratulations! I remember when I went through my clothes and the too big ones to the resale shop. It was exciting but I also found lots of clothes that I could wear again! Keep on keeping on!

Report Inappropriate Comment
RADFEN 4/9/2012 12:51PM

    Yay, that is great!

Report Inappropriate Comment

    YAY! Congratulations. This is AWESOME! Pretty soon, you'll be buying yourself new skirts that make you feel absolutely beautiful. Keep up the amazing work!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment