Wednesday, February 23, 2011
It's been well over a year, and I was supposed to be down by about 40 lbs by now. Instead, I'm up 10. My biggest set backs: my computer crashed (no more spark people) and I was working long and somewhat odd hours. Sure it was great that my office had it's own gym, but what good does it do if you never have time to use it? I'm not making excuses. After dropping my kids off at school / daycare at the earliest possible hour I barely made it to work in time to clock in, and usually had to pay late fees for picking my children up past close! By the time I got home everything was a rush... dinner, baths, bedtime, cleanup, walking to my own bedroom like a zombie to set the alarm clock and do it all over again.
Then something unexpected occurred: I became very sick. I was misdiagnosed as hypoglycemic when I was 17, and as it turns out, it's actually some kind of movement disorder. Grrreeaaattt! So, at my worst point, I was practically couch ridden. Everything was a challenge; walking, talking, standing, cooking, writing..... my life seemed impossible. I underwent months of testing with inconclusive results, tried multiple medications, meditation techniques, and all with minimal results. And when my second medical leave of absence was denied by my employer, I found myself without a job.
It's been a more than trying year, but in the end I have to consider all the things I am grateful for. Because of my well paying job, I was able to take our family on a vacation. I got to watch my boys splash around and zip down slides at a water park. My eldest son was able to ride his first steel roller coaster, and my husband and I were able to see one of our favorite bands. We were also able to pay off our car, so now that I am unemployed, we have one less bill to be concerned with. So despite the long hours and my failing health, we had a really great year, with intentions to make this one the best year yet!
My new goals: drop the weight I had promised myself long ago to lose, enroll in school, and do more one-on-one activities with my children. So long as I keep those goals, I have no doubt that this year will be one none of us will ever forget! : )
Monday, November 23, 2009
With Thanksgiving just around the bend, I'm paying a lot of attention to the things I should have gratitude for, and I feel that area is overly abundant! My husband and I don't make a lot of money, but we have jobs we really enjoy. Our kids are healthy and happy, and aren't having to do without anything. We have wonderful parents who help us when he need it, and give us space when we don't. We both got everything we wanted for our birthdays, and even a few surprises. Our bills are paid, our home is cozy and conveniently located, and our car is in great shape. Everything is not just as it should be. . . it's better!
As for progress on my eating binges, I definitely see light at the end of this 13 year tunnel! Yesterday morning I went to my mom's house and stopped at McDonnald's on the way. I know an Egg McMuffin is actually not a bad way to go for breakfast, but I stuck with a yogurt parfait instead. I got a couple of sausage biscuits, hash brown, and chocolate milk for the boys. I went ahead and gave the boys their hash browns for two reasons, bide their appetites, and banish my temptation! I ended up eating my yogurt parfait and half a sausage biscuit. Before I could have eaten 2 sausage biscuits (or 1 Egg McMuffin), a hash brown, yogurt parfait and a large orange juice.
For lunch I had some of my mom's homemade turkey chili. I didn't put American or cheddar cheese and a ton crackers in it like I usually do. I just savored the flavor of the chili all on it's own.
My mom and I went out together for a while. Sunday's have turned into a ladies day out for us. We ended up at Taco Bell for dinner, because they've brought back the Gordita Crunch, which my mom LOVES! She insisted I try one, (so I ordered ONE), and we split an order of cheesy fiesta potatoes. I can eat a whole "Bell Box" by myself!
Somehow though, what I ate through the day felt very satisfying. I'm sure I could have made healthier choices, but fast food is something I've always binged on, and for the first time yesterday, I didn't!
Last night on the way home, I decided to stop and get the boys something for dinner. We ended up at Wendy's, and before I pulled into the drive thru I asked myself "Am I hungry?" When the answer was no, I didn't even think about ordering myself anything. Before, not being hungry meant ordering a side ceasar, chili, potato, or frosty.
I know my kids and I ate fast food twice in one day, which we usually don't even eat twice in one week! I know there are better food choices that could have been made, but I'm proud of myself. I'm not trying to force myself to be the perfect eater, because I honestly don't believe there is such a thing. But I'm proud of the little bit of progress I've found.
And hey, I lost one pound this week, or at least that's what the scale at the convenience store said, so I'm proud! That's the goal anyway. . . one pound a week, or 5 pounds a month. And by this time next year, I'll be a knockout!
Monday, November 16, 2009
It's November 16, 2009, which means at 11:57 tonight (unless I magically lose 50 pounds) I will not have met my goal for the year. I'm very disappointed in myself more than anything else. I mean, back in January I was so gung ho to do whatever it took to get the weight off. I bought a couple of videos, borrowed some from my mom, got a new stability ball and a few weights, bought some new cook books, and completely restocked my kitchen. I didn't eat a carb for 2 weeks. And by March I had gained back every pound I had lost.
I'm trying not to beat myself up too much about it though, because I honestly believe part of my problem is a medical issue. I was allergic to iodine until I was about 18, and it cause me to have hypothyroidism. I didn't start taking anything for it until a month ago, and I'm still trying to get in the habit of taking it daily. If anything good has come from it, it's that taking a daily medication is a great reminder to take a daily vitamin, and I'm beginning to feel more "normal."
So now, at the start of a new year, I'm setting new goals. I still don't have my own car yet, but that's ok. The biggest thing is to be mindful of what goes in my mouth, get up and get moving for at least 10 minutes EVERYDAY (not just every few months for a few days straight), and not to give up on myself.
I have 60 pounds to lose over the next year. It seems drastic, and if I continue to view it as unreasonable it will be. . . but if you break it down, it's only 5 pounds per month. Even if I didn't work out, at all, and just cut calories, it's an easily attainable goal.
So here's the plan:
I'm going to log on every Monday (I'll try to log on every day. . . but I'm not good at getting on the computer daily) and track my progress. I'm going to quite drinking soda at work, and change out "boredom binges" for gum. Once a week, I'm going to give myself something special, be it Ben&Jerry's or Checker's french fries. Everyday I'm going to get up and get moving. The longer it takes me to get to the couch, the better. And every week when I go grocery shopping, I'm going to replace one processed snack food with fresh produce.
So 25 isn't exactly a quarter life crisis at all. It's an opportunity to finish out my 20's as the best me I can be!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
I've really struggled at home with any kind of real progress. My weight fluctuates, as well as my enthusiasm. So, I've decided that when I get a car, I'm going to join a gym. I know that sounds like one of those crazy far fetched dreams, but this is a true reality because I'm getting a car very soon. It's a '93 Pontiac Grand Prix, but who cares? The thing runs. . . that's all that matters! And once I have a set of wheels, I can actually go places during the day. So, it looks like I'm already shaping a "New Years Resolution" but it's more of a life style change that I'm seeking. Hopefully, to make it more concrete, I'll be able to start BEFORE the holidays!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
So, I kinda fell off the wagon. I say kinda, because unlike all the times before, I really didn't change my eating habits. My usual trend is to get really into watching what I eat for about 2 weeks, and then binge like crazy when I get bored. This time I didn't pay attention to when or what I was eating necessarily, but when I think back about it, I really wasn't eating that badly. I wasn't sitting down to a plate of nachos or a big bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy at 10 o'clock at night, nor was I eating Ben and Jerry's for breakfast. I definitely could have done better, and I certainly need to log in and keep track, but I'm kinda. . . proud. I mean, there are serious changes that have taken root for me to not go back to the same old thing.
Biggest, best change I've made?
are you ready?
I QUIT SMOKING!!!
I haven't bought, smoked, or even thought about cigarettes for a week now. My husband is over the moon about that one. He doesn't care if my waistline doesn't shrink an inch, and never really has, but he's never liked kissing an ashtray. I have to admit that I'm pretty psyched about it too. I ran, not walked, ran all the way up my stairs yesterday and never got the least bit winded. : )
Change is a commin'. . .
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