Monday, March 12, 2012
No more teens! I started relatively young - though I managed to avoid the "teen mom" distinction by turning 20 a few months before my oldest was born. Her half-brother was born 20 months later and his sister was born 13 month later.
So here I am 42 going on 43, and my youngest is 20. I have no more teens!
Of course, I think the funniest moment of the weekend came talking to my DDa about her cousins. (My DS and DDa are the eldest grandchildren on both sides of the family.) Her closest in age cousin is 3 years younger than her. In doing the math, she came up with 17 and suddenly said "Dannnnng, I feel OLD!"
Sunday after I got back from the gym, I settled down with SparkPeople Nutrition Tracker and started plugging in the food I already had at work and home. Turns out I can get by without buying any groceries. (I usually get enough to last a little longer because of past issues with late paychecks and because if one thing tastes awful or goes bad, I'm not out of luck.) Already had my quarters for the laundry, so no stress there either.
AND ... I had totally forgotten about my savings account until I logged into Mint to rework my budget for March. Oh, hello there. Of course, my first reaction was to laugh at myself. My second was to say "Nah, not important enough." Since I already gave DS and DDa the heads up it would be off for a few days, I don't see it as vital. (I don't have a landline, but I do have internet. The phone's wifi connection should still be good too - and since both they and I have routers with wireless and our light rail trains offer wifi and their school offers wifi, I think we're set.)
The other thing I discovered is that I need to resubmit my federal taxes. Something didn't match (the previous year's numbers that they ask for as part of the electronic signature). I just don't check that email often enough.
It's funny, but something I realized about me this weekend is that I don't play head games about whether I'm going to get to the gym. I do play head games while I'm there to push for the time I want, increase my resistance or speed, add a little more weight and push for my full set of reps.
And while I have the inner whining about this or that hurting, being tired, I also have an inner reminding me that I've gotten this much done, what's five more?
Years ago I had some physical therapy for some sort of nerve pinch - the place was called MORE and they had T-shirts with the phrase "Just five more!" on them. When you have a therapist pushing you to do five more crunches, and then five more, and then five more, it does get to be a running joke. Had me giggling at the Personal Trainer when he said it. (Well, he said three, but still!)
The ooooof is TMI, so turn back now if girly talk isn't your cup of tea (though this isn't particularly gross =P ).
Ooooof is the best way to describe Sunday. Time changes don't get me at all. TOM does for one day. I don't know if it's how I'm eating / losing weight / working out, my age, someone around me I don't know about ... but I've gone from my usual cycle which was more like 31-32 days between to a mere 24 days between. This does NOT make me happy.
Thankfully, I don't deal with PMS, but usually the first or second day of the actual TOM is seriously draining physically. My lower back especially hurts, my joints ache, cramps are constant, I don't feel like eating much and my digestion seems off, and I'm tired and almost spacey. Literally I say it drains the life out of me that one day. The next day I'm back to normal or pretty darn close.
So I woke up late, got breakfast and crawled right back in bed. I got up again around 2:30 because I knew I needed to get to the gym before they closed. (Thought it was 5 pm - turns out it is 6 pm. But better I didn't put it off longer.) Man, that was the LONGEST 40 minutes on the Recumbent Bike EVER.
I actually put my towel over the display at one point because what felt like 5 minutes was only a minute passed. Each ten minute segment was head games of "that's enough, let me get off now" and "no, we're here. we're doing the full 40". (Hence the earlier inner demon, inner cheerleader comment.)
Got home, climbed back in bed for a while, got needed things done (cleaned room, got some receipts dealt with and scrapped, laundry, eating), then crashed early for me.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Two weeks ago I popped in and got an eye exam. I knew I was slowly becoming farsighted because things with very small print got blurry pulled closer instead of clearer. I've also had a slight astigmatism since I had my nearsightedness address with an experimental procedure - since released - known as corneal implants. While I can see and read within more than acceptable limits, I'd like to see without the slight strain it involves.
Now, frames have definitely gone up in price since I last had to wear glasses (15 years ago?) and there was no way I was buying those two weeks ago with rent and storage and bus fare and more all end of month costs. So I put it off until today and, being DDa's birthday, we planned to have her help me pick out frames then go to see The Lorax.
(I don't have any insurance at all, so this is purely out of pocket expenses for me.) Perhaps I should have had them quote me frames + lenses + transitions (what makes them darken outside, lighten inside) beforehand, perhaps I should have decided I wanted more cushion, but I didn't. I had enough for those, groceries, and the movie.
Or, as our change of plans went, dinner instead of movie. Movie is put off. That's not the whoopsies.
The whoopsies was realizing that today being the 10th, my next paycheck on the 16th ... I had completely forgotten the cell bill comes due on the 13th. Eh-heh ... WHOOPSIES. I've texted DDa and DS and let them know we'll be without service from the 14th to the 16th, but I just felt so silly for thinking that was further away.
The tiredsies (okay, silly made up word, I know) is because I was expecting to be sitting through a movie. Instead, plans got adjusted and rearranged such that we wandered a good bit at the mall, wandered a good bit more, then I walked my DDa home. Pedometer called the total 10.5 miles, but that does include the gym - treadmill and elliptical - and general walking in the morning which was about 1/3 of that.
I did do a bit of calf stretching while waiting on the bus home and am icing and elevating my foot now. It's not badly sore or anything, but I could definitely feel the pull in the last bit of walking to get home. I wouldn't have tried the treadmill today if I'd expected to also be on it so much the rest of the day.
And one bit of randomity. One of the health food stores in the mall has a machine out front that can check body stats for a dollar. My DDa had done it earlier and we went back for me to do it later.
Weight: 208.5 lb (fully clothed)
Height: 5' 8.0" (not sure if it includes shoes or subtracts - usually I'm 5' 7.75")
BMI: 32 - Overweight (duh?)
Body Fat: 34% (hand holds to measure this)
Body Fat Mass: 71.2 lb (making my lean mass 137.3)
Weight compared to my home scale which I measure nude first thing in the morning is close enough to be comparable taking clothes into account.
Body Fat % my scale uses feet pads and, I already knew, runs high because of that. (Maybe things like calluses and temperature - but 44-45% doesn't match up with most of the Body Fat % calculators that have me put in measurements either.) The gym's hand version had also put me somewhere around 34-35%.
For my height, my ideal weight range is usually listed as 125 to 165 pounds. Which amuses me to compare those numbers to that Lean Body Mass of 137.3 because with 0% body fat, I couldn't reach the low end without lose notable amounts of bone and muscle mass. I'm not silly enough to even WANT that.
(( IMPORTANT: I don't quite buy into that number though. I'm going to guy my body fat % is actually a little higher. Why? Because with a Lean Body Mass of 137.3, I would have to weight 169 - 174 to be in an 18-22% body fat range, considered healthy. I know that I haven't built up that much muscle yet, so I'd wager the hand measuring tool is underestimating the amount of body fat. Playing with numbers for me this is like daydreaming about how I'd spend $20 million if I won the lotto - fun, but nothing I plan my life around. ))
LOL, just realized I missed getting credit for this blog on the 10th. It's only 11:45 am here and the time change won't occur until 2 am (which will become 3 am). So why can I spin for "tomorrow"? Because SparkPeople rolls over nightly on Eastern time. I've noticed that before because I can't check my streaks after 9 pm or they show as one less than 100%. On the East Coast, it is already 2:45 am sprung forward to 3:45 am. Which is then adjusted to my Pacific time and assumed to be 12:45 am.
Good night Sparklies!
Thursday, March 08, 2012
At the gym on their "Bally TV", one of the things mixed in with everything else are inspirational quotes. After a few days I've seen and read them all, but for some reason one of them struck me again tonight in a different way than I've thought about it before.
I think it may have to do with something I wrote in response to a SparkFriend's blog that was still somewhat fresh in my mind. (Had to do with doing what we can right now rather than focusing on the mountain we need to climb and the cliffs we can't possibly imagine being able to scale.)
== Self-discipline is easy when you believe that you can do it. Clear your mind of can't. -- Samuel Johnson ==
Normally I hone in on that word I like so much - believe. The strength of my belief that I am able to do is what allows me to do so much.
Tonight I caught on the word can't and realized I've been skipping over the second sentence as not being necessary or not important or something.
"Clear your mind of can't" just sounds too ... something. If I can't do something, how am I supposed to just clear my mind of knowing I can't? In a way it is negating the reasoning of the person who believes they can't without providing any solution other than "believe you can". And while I think believing is important, I don't think it magically overrides natural law.
Of course, what it really depends on is what we're saying we can't do.
I can't fly by flapping my arms. No amount of believing I can will change that.
I can't go to the gym right now. STOP!
Now, wait just a minute. What's stopping me from going to the gym? I have feet. The gym is not that far away. I can put my sneakers back on and walk it in half an hour. It is not impossible. Why am I saying I can't?
The problem lies in my failure to clearly identify what it is that I can't do. I know I actually CAN get to the gym, but it closed at 10 pm and won't reopen until 5 am - and it's 1 am right now (.... go to BED, BLUE! Dagnabbit!) What's the point of getting to the gym? It's doing a workout. So CAN get to the gym is true, but CAN get a workout at the gym at 1 am is not. No amount of believing will get me a gym workout right now.
Now that I have my can't statement straight, I can turn things around. I don't clear my mind of can't. I clarify exactly what it is I can't, then turn it around and look at what I can. The reason for wanting to get to the gym would be to do a workout. But workouts don't REQUIRE the gym. Nor do workouts have to be done immediately if I plan tomorrow better.
* I can find and do a workout video in my room right now.
* I can play music and dance energetically.
* I can set my alarm an hour early and go to the gym before work.
* I can work out longer at my next workout.
* I can eat less this week based on how many calories I failed to burn.
* I can plan ahead so I won't get to 1 am and still need a workout in the future.
Some of those aren't the best or even good options for a variety of reasons. It's 1 am. I should be sleeping. No workout is important enough to get an hour less of sleep for me. But unlikely as I am to pick those choices, they are things that I can do.
In fact, there's a lot more that I can do than those I've listed. As long as I sat around telling myself "I can't go to the gym right now", nothing was accomplished. Once I clarified what it was that was impossible to do, I opened my mind to looking for what was possible.
This made me think of the Sherlock Holmes quote: "How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?"
If we clarify our can't to be the impossible, we can look at the possible and the improbable, and find the truth of what we can.
Oh, and since it wasn't at all obvious, that was just an example. The gym for me is right next to my bus transfer point coming home from work. The only day I had an issue, I'd forgotten to pack my workout shirt and the sweater I had on wasn't workable. Home is 15-20 by bus, so I just went home, changed clothes, and went back and got my workout done. I've accidentally gone one stop past and walked back. Really, there is NO legitimate reason I should ever be saying "I can't get to the gym" in my current circumstances.
Wednesday, March 07, 2012
Ongoing from my earlier blog on the Protein Powder I've purchased: www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
== Experiment #3 - mixed with strawberry yogurt (6 oz container) ==
This didn't taste too bad, but was an unexpected consistency. I don't think I've ever put yogurt in a blender before, so the whipped nature of it kept throwing me off. I may try this again but stirred in a bowl rather than mixed in the blender.
I somehow expected this, being a milk product, to better mesh with the taste the protein powder has. It didn't seem to do so as well as I might have expected.
This one I think I'll tinker with a little - more yogurt, not blended. There is the possibility, though that the faintly sour taste of yogurt (even fruit-blended) may still clash a little with the powder. (Which might be why the orange juice just didn't go well.)
== Experiment #4 - mixed with Low Sodium V8 (8 oz) ==
Oh, GROSS. Ewwwww. Let's just forget I thought that would be worth trying.
I honestly had the idea that veggie juice is pretty strong in flavor and would therefore cover up the powder. Instead, the two flavors clashed horribly. This one was finished off with the vow to never ever try it again.
== Experiment #5 - mixed with apple juice (10 oz) ==
Well, not bad at all. This one I'd call a definite success. Yes, I could tell the powder was mixed into it - just a hint of the taste with each bit I drank. But it didn't stand out or clash.
Guessing here, but I think a big key is that apple juice is so naturally sweet.
I did find that like the orange juice, the initial blending made this very foamy. With the orange juice, I was drinking the juice below and letting the foam settle. With the apple juice I waited maybe half an hour after blending for the form to fade away before drinking. I don't think that would make an appreciable difference, but *shrug*.
I also used apple juice that wasn't chilled. All the other items had been in the fridge, but the Apple Juice was just on the shelf. I don't think that appreciably affected the flavor, but it might have helped with allowing the powder to dissolve / blend more cleanly.
I'm already thinking ahead with plans of apple juice and cut up strawberries for a tasty variant.
Tuesday, March 06, 2012
The title of this blog was inspired by an article in an ezine called MediaTapper that discussed internet hecklers or trolls. ( mediatapper.com/hecklers-and-the-int
ernet/ - the last few paragraphs specifically)
This question also applies to our journeys of self-discovery. Finding the answer(s) can give us far more strength to continue forward toward a better and brighter future.
I've mentioned in a blog some time back that I feel our beliefs are extremely powerful. A case in point - scientific studies with placebos in the control groups have found that some of those who believe they are being given a drug to help with a symptom and, further, believe that it will help can feel significantly better ... even if all they took was a placebo.
But not everyone given a placebo does so. It takes more than just saying, or thinking, that we believe. It takes a deep down REAL belief that it will change and can be changed and that this is what will bring about that change.
So how does this apply to us?
How many of us have a negative voice track full of reasons we'll fail? Do we panic as we near a milestone because we're going to quit just like always? Do we face a family dinner or weekend with resignation because we're going to overeat and be unable to say no? Does making time to workout make us selfish and a bad parent? What are some of the things that negative voice heckles us with?
Quoted from the article referenced above:
== You see … in order for a negative word to hurt us for the long-term, we have to buy it on some level. ==
Now, imagine for a moment if your negative voice started in with "You're an alien from Denebria II who was exiled as a criminal. You've murdered millions and tortured thousands more. You're evil and despicable." Would that hurt us? Would we even listen further or just start laughing or trying to figure out when our negative voice went crazy?
Next imagine something you absolutely 100% know is true about yourself, a positive thing. For example, I'm very independent. If my negative voice started in with "You're such a weenie. You dump your problems on everyone. You can't handle anything on your own" ... it would get nowhere. There's absolutely nothing in that for me to buy into, nothing I believe about myself that matches up.
Last, think of something that negative voice repeats often that actually hurts, that really bothers you, or even that you've accepted as true. "You'll never have a man in your life who puts you first. They'll show up for a good time, but you're not a keeper and they'll always find someone better."
Wow ... OUCH!
Why does that bother me so much? What is it that I believe that gives rise to those fears that my negative inner voice spouts? Do I believe I am flawed in some way? Do I believe I am not deserving? There is some wrong belief in there, a deep-rooted poisonous plant, something I need to carefully dig out by the roots.
There are also positive beliefs that can be found and nurtured. What do I believe to be true about me? I am unique (weird, one-of-a-kind), I am independent, I am a thinker, I am active, I enjoy gaming and reading. There are plenty of reasons I am a keeper; I just haven't found the right man yet who appreciates all of me.
Now the heckles from my inner voice have lost most of their sting. I know the absolutes are faulty, I know the belief I have that it is playing on is irrational (even if I haven't rooted it out yet), and I know and believe enough in myself to let the negative talk go and move forward. By examining what I believe about myself that allowed that heckling to get to me, I've made progress. (Much more remains to be made. Let's not mislead ourselves that we'll spot the troublesome belief and root it out immediately. It takes real work - but work that can be done with eyes open.)
So the next time your negative inner voice starts in with its heckling, take a moment to think about WHY the particular comments bother you so. What is it that you believe deep down that gives the heckling a "ring of truth" and allows it to bother you? Knowledge of that belief can give you the power to change and grow.
What do you believe to be true about you? (In fact, what do you WANT to believe to be true about you? Plant some new positive beliefs and nurture them!)
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