Sunday, November 06, 2011
Of all silly seeming things, I have a more difficult time getting in my 8+ glasses of water on the weekend.
At work, I'm at my desk 8 to 8.5 hours. On my desk is a mug that holds about 12 ounces and a Brita water filter I refill regularly. I start off my morning with orange pineapple juice, but once I finish that, it's water all day long. I sip whenever I think about it.
By the time I'm heading home, I've usually had 5-7 glasses of water and another 1-3 is fairly easy.
On the weekend, I tend to go to bed later the night before, and sleep late. Getting up at 10 am or later means I don't start drinking water as early. Then I head out to do my walking and errands and other things.
Walking I have learned not to bother taking a water bottle right now. It's awkward to carry (eventually I may buy a pack of some sort), for one thing. For another, while I'm walking I am unlikely to do more than have a rare sip - which I can do at the water fountain. BUT, that means I don't have the water with me riding to and from the place I walk either. Which is about a 2-3 hour total time with very little water consumption.
Laundry I do take the water with me. That's the easy errand - though it burns 2-3 more hours of my day. Shopping I don't. I'm going to be carrying lots of bags and the last thing I want to deal with is proving I'm not stealing a water bottle or carrying it all over a store and not forgetting it on a shelf.
Saturday night I really showed the effects of that. I was literally pushing myself to drink my last glass and a half of water to hit 8 glasses at 11:30 pm. ^_^;; And was up at 3:30 am as a result of that. Not great for sleep.
Tonight I did better, having realized some of why I had trouble - but also because I only did a mile and a half walk (not my 5k) and had no other chores I could do besides cleaning at home.
Ultimately, I need to improve my water intake on the weekends so it is more spread out.
Sunday, November 06, 2011
I plotted out my course using the Map Route option (which uses Google Maps). Started from a part of the Los Gatos Creek Trail which doesn't really have distance markings, with the goal to end at a point not much past the "START" line. I know they have distance markings up to 2 miles, so as I hit that point, I'd know every quarter mile how I was doing.
I've been doing all my timing of myself before this using my cell phone, which does not show seconds. That means I've been starting right when it changes to a new minute, then rounding up to the next minute when I end. Yes, that means I end up with an 18:00 minute mile instead of a 17:24 minute mile, as an example, but since that's also the way Spark People's Fitness Tracker works it has been fine.
For my first 5k (Oktoberfest 2011), they timed me - I didn't even try to figure out when I crossed the start or finish.
So pre-race today, I stopped and picked up a relatively cheap watch. I don't think I've worn a watch in a decade. Silly as that sounds, I tend to beat them up. I had one for years that was amazingly durable though I had to have the glass face replaced twice because of all the scratching and scuffing. It finally gave in and I didn't replace it.
My cheap choices where I went were ... two watches, both Timex. One was hot pink, the other a subdued slate blue-gray shade. The latter has a Split option on the Chronometer which lets me get times for legs of the race. (I was still learning how to use it for this one, but now that I know, I look forward to using it.)
Off to the trail I went from there. Quick potty stop, set up my timer, make sure my shoes are laced comfortably, and AWAY.
At the point I hit the 2 mile line, I was at 16:47 which was definitely pleasing. I was aiming to be in the 48s when finishing, which meant that as long as I maintained 16 minutes per mile for the 2 miles to go, I was golden.
There were a couple of points there where there were hefty slopes. I think I actually pick up speed a little going up, then I hit the top and level out going slower. It's a little weird, but having noticed my pace dropped, I pushed it right back up. I passed the 1 mile lines as 32:34 and knew it was all smooth from there. (Most of the climb is immediately "after" that 1 mile mark - and having come backwards, I was more on the downhill now rather than the uphill.)
Finally I was in the home stretch and gave a little push. I crossed the "START" line at 48:04 and my mapped finish line at 48:20!
Did a cooldown walk of about a quarter mile there, another slower cooldown walk to the light rail station, and stretched out there while waiting on the train.
There were a few sprinkles along the route and heading home, but nothing that could stop me.
Next 5k is the Silicon Valley Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving day. My bib should be in the mail already and I have to go pick up my shirt later this month. EARLY race, though. The 5k race starts at 8:15 am. **YAWN** My goal is to be in the 45s, which would mean building up to 15 minutes per mile. I'm not sure if that's realistic, so mostly I'll be delighted to beat today's time.
Saturday, November 05, 2011
It's an odd thing when I stop to think about it - but I actually don't have an obvious motivation for getting healthy.
I mean ... I know it's a good thing to do. I know it's been my intention all along to eventually stop ruining this body. I know I don't want to go through aging with ailments that were avoidable. But it doesn't feel like some driving force, my reason for eating better, walking more, etc.
Similarly, I know I'd love to buy clothes from a "normal" store rather than being stuck in styles and cloths I don't like. I've never liked shopping, though - my weight having nothing to do with that. I shop for clothing when I have to. In, find what I need, out. So other than a simple wardrobe in colors I like, styles and materials I enjoy wearing, it's not that important.
An example for my kids? Not really necessary. They've each found their own path and its working for them. Neither is gaining weight - in fact, both lost their "baby fat" as they came toward the end of their teens and began their adult life. I never made a secret of how I was gaining weight - and I never made food a focal point of their lives.
I bulked up to avoid dealing with guys. I've still got that baggage even if I've removed the weight tag from it. Unless I figure out better ways to handle it, I'll still have major trust issues with men when I'm at my ideal weight. I honestly can't even imagine myself dating anyone
I don't hate my body. Sure, the way the abdomen bulges is unattractive, the fat in general is more than I want to have, but I don't feel ugly - nor does my sense of self feel less for how the body looks.
So I've been trying to figure out where I'm getting my motivation from. I must have something because I'm here every day, I'm tracking my food every day, I'm weighing in, I'm working out, I'm reading and writing. I don't feel like throwing in the towel and quitting. I'm actually having fun with the 5k walking. I occasionally look at the junk food or have a coworker ask if I want a Starbuck's Hot Chocolate, and it's not difficult to say "No thanks".
Why worry about finding it? I have the possibly illogical idea that if I wait until something happens that trips me up (injury, illness, lost job, whatever), it will be too late to recapture whatever it is I have powering me now.
Something to sleep on.
Friday, November 04, 2011
Back when I was quite young, I made certain decisions.
One of those that I distinctly remember started with typical sibling fighting. I have no recollection of what my first brother did to annoy me so, only that on two separate occasions he pushed me so far that I hauled back and socked him, causing a bloody nose. I don't even remember ever getting punished for those, in fact. What I do remember is the decision that fighting back was NOT the right way to handle things.
A fine decision, yes?
It certainly prevented further such events occurring, not that my younger siblings were any less annoying at times.
However, some years later in a new school after a move, I somehow became the preferred target of a bully. She first picked on me for not wearing a bra. I passed this apparent lack along to my stepmother and found myself measured and wearing ... a C cup at 12. Back to school I went, only to now be picked on for stuffing my bra.
Nothing major until the next year - middle school which we were bussed to. The teasing became bullying. I was frequently pushed, books tugged on, the works. She got very frustrated because I would not react, would not fight back. It finally came to a head when she started pushing me into the street - and my stepmother got the school's vice principal involved.
I'm not saying fighting back would have helped necessarily. But the reason I didn't was very firmly tied into that prior decision not to fight back.
That's not the only decision I've made in my life that, in retrospect, didn't work out as well in later situations. In fact, sometimes we forget we've made those kinds of decisions, and yet they continue to affect us.
Another decision I have yet to be able to pin down and break free of has to do with competition. I will go through all sorts of contortions to avoid competing with others, to let others "win" where possible while still looking like I'm doing good. I remember the report card comparisons with siblings, and being proud of mine until it became a challenge to see whether mine or one of my brothers would be "better". Never mind that he was four grades lower than me and I was taking Advance Placement classes in High School.
Yet if the me of now, with whatever the decision is hiding there, were in that situation, I'd have gotten one lower grade just so I wasn't in a competition - or I'd have made a point of not handing over my report card until his was known and forgotten.
Sometimes we get decisions like that which sabotage our progress here, too. We may not even realize they're there.
An example? I've seen some people say "I can lose 30 pounds, I've done it many times before. But I just can't get lower than that - I always end up binging or quitting." Somewhere in there is a decision they've made at some point. Maybe the first time they lost 30 pounds, they were so happy they decided that weight was good enough. They've long since forgotten, but that decision sits there and detours them every time they get to that point.
I believe we have to identify those decisions and realize that they aren't really helping us. Not always an easy task.
Thursday, November 03, 2011
Earlier today I was watching a couple of speeches on a variety of topics. The first was by Nigel Marsh called "How to make work-life balance work" (these are on a site called http://www.ted.com). He makes some very interesting points, such as:
"... there are thousands and thousands of people out there leading lives of quiet, screaming desperation, where they work long hard hours at jobs they hate to buy things they don't need to impress people they don't like."
"A friend came to see me last year and said: == Nigel, I've read your book. And I realize that my life is completely out of balance. It's totally dominated by work. I work 10 hours a day, I commute two hours a day. All of my relationships have failed. There's nothing in my life apart from my work. So I've decided to get a grip and sort it out. So I joined a gym. == Now, I don't mean to mock but being a fit 10-hour a day office rat isn't more balanced, it's more fit."
Little comments like that and you get a real picture of the kind of life this man has carved out for himself, how he has found a balance that works very well for him and his family.
Then I headed off and started watching one allegedly on how to be happy. The speaker was making a point that many things have little to nothing to do with being happy. Each of these was represented on a chart with a picture on the left and a picture on the right and words below that would light up.
Where we live (climate, etc)
How much we make
Skin color / race
... and that last is where I quit watching / listening to the speech completely.
Why? As he said "If you're ugly or you're really really good looking ... makes no difference."
The words that lit up? "Attractive" and "Overweight".
Who thought that one up?
A little thing like that and I've lost any respect for the speaker I might have had. Attractive and Overweight are not opposites. No more than Attractive and Bald are, or Attractive and Short are.
There is a valid point to what he was saying, though, that is important to remember in spite of that bit of prejudice.
We aren't going to be happier skinny than we are obese. We may think it will be that easy - that hitting our magic number is the ONLY thing necessary to "be happy" or to fix the other things in our life we don't like.
The reality is more like a short high and subsequent lesser highs. We step on the scale, we're THAT number, we're SKINNY! Life's going to be perfect now. A week later, we step on the scale again, we're still that number, we're still skinny. Life's going okay. A few weeks later, we don't even bother with the scale, or we do and are just glad it hasn't started going up. The rest of life has sucked us back down and that number is no longer the big highlight.
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