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trying to make a comeback

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Well I haven't been on here too much for ages. Seems like a whole other life time that sparkpeople was my mainstay for fitness and sanity.
I stopped checking in due to a major downturn in the sanity department. We closed our business in April last year, which although it wasn't actually making any money for us, it was still making life a little easier on the day to day expenses. We were able to get our milk and basic grocery items at cost.
I spent several weeks and months slipping deeper and deeper into a depression that was just not taking me anywhere other than down. So I stopped everything I was doing, I couldn't clean the house (and I'm talking even the basic stuff here like, the dishes and laundry) fortunately Ihave a very supportive partner in that respect and he was able to do all that for me, admittedly it wasn't without some complaints. He didn't pressure me to greatly, though I was still for the better part of it responsible for cooking the family meals, needless to say we ate very plainly. Pip (my partner) is a very good gardener so we always have a great supply of fresh vegetables so we are able to dine quite easily on those and cut back on the meat etc.

After a while I had become so bad that I wasn't even opening the mail, I couldn't go to the letter box and I wasn't able to answer the phone. The pressure of the bills was getting to much for me, I had a parking ticket that eventually escalated into a $360 court fine, I found out about this when I came home from my part-time job to discover the bailiff had been, fortunately we were all out so he had only left a note. I was able to make a committment to pay the fine within a certain time or the bailiff would be back to seize goods..

It was then I realised I had to do something about my state. I decided to start back on the prozac the doctor had prescribed me the year before but I refused to take because they made me feel so ill and we were still running the shop then and I couldn't afford to feel that ill for six weeks till the side effects subsided.

So anyway the medication worked, kind of, I called them my anti-neurotics because that is what they were doing for me, I opened the mail although I was shaking, I sorted out all the bills and set up a system so I can be reminded daily which bills are due and when. That worked for a bit. The pile has returned the anxiety about the phone calls also and I still can't go to the letterbox.

Not only that but I found I was experiencing severe mood swings, with a rapid turn around. One day I would be high as a kite absolutely indestructible, I wasn't experiencing shopping sprees but I was thinking about having tattoos and drug (recreational) taking. Then the next day I would be in the bowels of the earth, not suicidal but I certainly was wishing I was dead. I couldn't do anything on those days, I would stay in bed most of the day, and sleep much of it. I wasn't like this all the time but certainly much of it. (to be continued)

(continued)
I talked to my Dr about changing the anti-depressant for a different one but she didn't feel a simple change of anti-d's would benefit me but she did change my meds. She's put me on Epilim which is an anti-manic - eek does this mean I'm bi-polar. The new meds have helped me greatly, I'm only on 200mg 3X daily but I find I am eating incessantly andmostly sweet things like chocolate. I even find myself gobbling food and staying up late so I can eat chocolate when everyone else is in bed. I can picture myself putting back on all the weight I've managed to lose over the last 6 months in a matter of weeks.

I've come back to sparkpeople to help me stay motivated the exercise and eating healthily. I won't track my meals at this stage because I know I will skip meals so I can make up the extra calories with chocolate. So I will concentrate on getting active again and filling the plate with lots of yummy home grown salads and fresh vegetables from the garden.

My resolution for the year (I feel I have the strength to make one now) is to achieve at least 50% of my goal weight loss and ditch the chocolate habbit.

So alll you Sparkies here's to 2010 and great goals achieved.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUBYREDHEN 3/15/2010 11:02PM

    Welcome back. Well done with the steps you have made so far..you have inspired me.I know you can do this. Go forth!! :)

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LIMASTAR 1/13/2010 10:02PM

  Boy, you seem to be going through a lot. Hope your meds level out and that you begin to feel like yourself again real soon.

I think everyone is experiencing some degree of stress and depression because of the economic situation, so you're not alone. I know we've tried to cut back some to make up for the losses in our retirement accounts.

Keep yourself healthy and hope things turn around for you real soon.

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LIMASTAR 1/13/2010 10:02PM

  Boy, you seem to be going through a lot. Hope your meds level out and that you begin to feel like yourself again real soon.

I think everyone is experiencing some degree of stress and depression because of the economic situation, so you're not alone. I know we've tried to cut back some to make up for the losses in our retirement accounts.

Keep yourself healthy and hope things turn around for you real soon.

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this is so frustrating.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

emoticon
I just did this whole blog about my bad birthday and then I posted it, and ticked publish to facebook but it fell off the cyberverse and is lost in the ether somewhere, and I'll never be able to verbalise those thoughts so well again.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHIPPERGAL 6/24/2009 10:20PM

    Wow- that really is frustrating! especially after having a "bad birthday"! I hope your day improves.
Happy Birthday

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bootcamp

Saturday, May 02, 2009

Started the swimsuit bootcamp today. Last week I weighed myself again at the pharmacy and have regained the weight I lost over summer. Oh god I'm such a fatty patty. I'll try to update my measurements today.

  


yayy go me!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Hey look at me, I've lost more weight! I can't believe it. I have been too scared to stand on the scales again because I thought I would have put the weight I'd lost over summer back on but I haven't and better than that I've lost more! and and my hippies have shrunk too. yayy go me!!!

  


Finally moved that darn ticker!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Finally I have lost some weight and my waist measurement has changed! Yayyy. All it took was working flat out every blooming day for two weeks and not eating properly - skipping meals because I was too busy to eat, although I would often have ice-cream for brunch (I work in a cafe).

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROAD2HEALTHY 1/15/2009 1:15PM

    humm.. well, I am happy it moved but you gotta take care of yourself mama! you can do this!

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KNIGHTS6 1/15/2009 5:28AM

    well done. I am so pleased for you. keep it up. emoticon

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