Tuesday, September 24, 2013
I have learned that my disarray of eating patterns is ultimately my responsibility. Yes, I am the one who eventually puts the food in my mouth. I have never been force fed. However, I do recognize triggers that cause me to make wrong choices and over eat: Some are actual foods, some are events, some are people and some are emotional.
I was, let's say, challenged to increase the variety of what is currently on my revolving menu. So far my choices have helped me release into the atmosphere, never to be found again, 31 pounds. The person challenging me is someone I respect because of her education and background.
You know what I once again discovered? My foodie brain just waits to get an "okay go for it" message! This time it was a variation in my diet. I tried something new, saying to myself, "I'll just try a 3 inch by 3 inch piece." Oh, yeah, right sure! How many times have I said THOSE exact words while trying to get healthy!!?? Too many to count! So alias, it led to a food bender. Sugar, flour, fats...my go to indulgences in any consumable form.
Well after 2 days of cravings, pacing, and fighting "head hunger" I am back on track and feel more peaceful. (Peaceful enough to write this post.) I wonder, "Will my life ever be without those hellish moments with food?" I hope so. Today, I will choose to be healthy, check in with my PEEPS, and treat myself kindly.
Today, I will let that well meaning, advice giving person know that I need to stick with what works today as far as my health. Maybe in the futre I can expand my menu!
Monday, September 16, 2013
Hope you are having a successful week. It doesn't really matter how we define successful, right!?
I exercised once this week..., I meditated about 4 times.... my food is on track..... SUCCESSFUL!
How were you successful?
***Hey I was reading an old diet program book this morning. The words challenged me to once again think about the WHY I over eat. I consider myself addicted to the behavior of overeating. (Yeah I could overeat veggies! No fun there...) The reasons become irrelevant after a while. The fact remains I do want to snuff out the chronic emotional pain I can feel so deeply. The momentary pleasure of eating fools me into believing that the pain has vanished only to yet again discover it has not. Thus, I can over eat again. For the moment, though, I don't think, feel or care. I go unconscious in a way.
Today, I am reaching out, and really trying to stay present, mindful and caring for me!
Point to ponder: What is YOUR chronic PAIN that you are trying to make UNCONSCIOUS?
Sunday, September 08, 2013
I love to hide. I gain weight and I hide. I avoid people at all costs because of how ashamed I am. Unfortunately, I have been hiding most of my adult life.
I took a courage step today. I actually posted photos of myself to my Sparkpage ~ How I looked this summer (20 lbs higher then) and a bit of photo history of my sizes. This is the first time ever posting "fat" photos.
I usually avoid cameras or delete photos because I don't want to remember how I look. My weight swings have been drastic. Every time I get into an uncomfortable size, the shame has been so great that I hide from the world.
Today, I am Living Life On Life's Terms. I am not using food to escape. I exercised today and broke a sweat! I am blogging and posting photos so all of you "Sparkpeople" can see who I am. I am pushing shame out of my life.
No one has ever said, "Wow you gained a ton of weight!" Nor have they acknowledge the drastic swing up the scale several times throughout my life in any way. I guess people don't know what to say. Maybe they don't even notice?
What they think of me is none of my business!
I have escaped through food, or lack of , since I was a tweenie. (Back then, there was no such label.) Today, I face you with who I am and where I have come from.
I don't want to be hiding anymore. I won't hide anymore.
PSSSSST! AFTER KEEPING THE FAT PHOTOS ON THEIR, I JUST DON'T WANT TO ADMIT HOW I LOOK. SUCH SHAME…. I removed the fat photos….
Friday, September 06, 2013
Can you relate to zero motivation on some days? I can so relate. What helped me on those many days, months and often years of not caring at all for myself was to do something I enjoyed while eating BUT giving myself permission to do the activity without eating. I know that sounds strange but here's how it works:
Part of us gets relief from eating and does associate it with activities we do while eating such as T.V. , reading, socializing, etc.... Often it becomes a hand in hand habit.
When I gave myself permission to watch T.V. mindlessly, but WITH OUT the eating part, that part of me that wanted to "just eat and eat" was a little more satisfied than if I have gone cold turkey into doing "healthy" things on my list of things to do instead of eating.
I try to be gentle and kind to that patterned side of me that is tying the event to eating.
Another example: Let's say your not motivated to exercise. Going for a gentle walk to enjoy the outdoors without the goal of getting sweating, sore or burning calories... See, you would be doing something you enjoyed and sneaking in some exercise.
Giving yourself permission to be gentle and making it okay takes away the compounding guilt we often feel when we don't "stick to the plan" perfectly. I think I'll give myself to watch a movie today.... (without eating!)
Wednesday, September 04, 2013
Sometimes I need to remind myself with what to do with food pushers and that's why I'm copying my post to a blog.
I have such a problem people pleasing that I will blow my food and exercise program because of putting others needs first. I would be the one on the air plane that puts the air on YOU first then, dying, tries to give myself air! (think about that one!)
Here is my message board post:
Food pushers, food enablers, guilt trippers, I have dealt with them all in my long journey with disordered consumption.
Because I have been off and on diets, I have become very unpredictable diet person. People have offered me food, bought food for me, left food for me, handed me leftovers when they were finished eating..... anything one can imagine because my eating patterns were so erratic.
Today, I am dealing with a hubby and sis-in-law cooking all day in our kitchen. They are both food pushers offering "just one." (Hah) None of the food is what I will choose to eat today.
Here is my plan and what I found works with food pushers:
First, compliment, "Wow that sure looks/smells good!"
Next, a gentle decline, "Today, I'm not going to try any...."
Bring it back to them with such gratitude, "But, Thank You! You go ahead and have my share!
Use humor to end it with: "I will live vicariously through your taste buds!"
TA DA! food pushers be gone!
This method has worked for me and I hope it helps!
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