BKIRSCHKE86   23,012
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BKIRSCHKE86's Recent Blog Entries

its been over a year needless to say unhappy panda

Friday, December 12, 2014

Where do i start? I have not tracked nor come to site because of shame and lazyness and so many other life fanatical issues....i was around 20 lbs from my goal weight...then i went and ignored everything and gained more than what i lost and beyond that lost sight of who i was....its a sad sight...i hadnt weighed myself nor let anything not pass my mouth...so honesty coming into full view my partner whom i love let me have a semi shock value alert that i have let myself go and no longer enjoy the things i used to ....well yeah food and alcohol have been filling my voids of negativity...mostly the alcohol which i am not proud to admit to myself nor anyone else but here it us none the less its a numbing agent for me oh you didnt work out again its cool grab a beer numb is good...but its not anymore..im tired of that feeling.... so here is my admission of needing to change i refuse to let where i am be the person i will continue to be.. its a harsh light looking into the mirror and not liking what you see but shrugging and going anyway'...this stops now immediately...ok i admit i am 205lbs at a 5'3 stature is not anywhere near a healthy weight so i come here seeking acceptance and motivation even though i cant seem to find it for myself right at this moment but small steps helps and i know progress not perfection is what im seeking so i make this commitment here n now to change and move forward knowing my knowledge is not a weakness just an acceptance of my body the way it is and to make it stronger and healthier along the way....i ask for strength and patience along this journey i walk and know that i am not alone in this struggle...thank you

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BKIRSCHKE86 12/13/2014 12:10AM

    Thank you all i appreciate the support i really need it and yeah its easy to get down on myself i need a support system

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SMILES4100 12/12/2014 12:46PM

    You can do it! I promise! It's not always going to be easy, but you can do it! I know you can!

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SMILES4100 12/12/2014 12:46PM

    You can do it! I promise! It's not always going to be easy, but you can do it! I know you can!

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BUSYBEE37 12/12/2014 10:26AM

    It's tough looking ourselves in the mirror and not liking what we see. You've made a good start by acknowledging that this will not continue. Don't stop, you will get stronger and healthier every day.

Could you be depressed? It sounds like it from your post. I get that way some times and the absolute best thing I do for myself is start moving. Hiking, walking, getting out of the house, etc.

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RD03875 12/12/2014 3:25AM

    (((((HUGS)))) You took the first step in knowing what you have to do, now sit down and make a plan. If you did it before you can do it again. I know exactly how you feel, been there done that and now I'm working it again.

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dr dr gimme the news i got bad case of loving you

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

So doctors appointment today ..turns out blood pressure is great...but weight not so much...I'm 3 lbs more than I thought I was...yay for old scale at home making me feel awesome....but lies are never fun...so new goals have to be made and I've been very consistent with my eating habits so now I must need to get more than just walking in...which should not be hard at all just upping the pace a little and I have nothing to hold me back technically I'm healthy as a horse..just not an athletic horse...YET =D looking forward to trying a new routine and there's plenty of videos on spark I think I'm going to take on a video challenge...I know I get an email a day with an exercise in it so that shall be my objective for now...along with an added video perhaps since I don't have a gym membership the outdoors and indoor weights and stability ball will definitely be my tools for success! I have the recipe now I just need to add it all together ....hope you all are having a fantastical day =)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHESMITH1 10/25/2013 9:24AM

    Success starts with a plan - and you have a great one!

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MARYJOANNA 10/24/2013 11:03AM

  Thank goodness you don't have 50 pounds to lose!

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FIT4MEIN2013 10/24/2013 10:58AM

    You can do it!

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ALFBUNDY 10/23/2013 4:47PM

    I LOVE THAT SONG!!!! emoticon

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PRINCESS_SOFI 10/23/2013 4:06PM

    emoticon

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oh how I have missed natures skittles...

Monday, October 14, 2013

well life liked to peek in n hand me a barrel of monkeys..needless to say the wagon fell off into a canyon of friedfoodsonlyville...i dont think i have missed healthy eating so much in my life... its been about a week and i think i have seen one fruit and one vegetable... well if you count toppings on a pizza... or mashed potatoes smothered in gravy a serving =P it is kinda crazy how easy it is to give into laziness and how that will snowball quicker than a second hand on a clock.....exercise? pshh pizza n tv lets do it.....so so very easy to say yes to all the bad things .....also how easy the voice of reason can be shut out with junk food and/or drinks.... i have come to the realization i miss feeling energetic and although giving into the fast food felt good momentarily... in the long run it is not meant for me and i honestly will not miss it.. having this feeling i do now.. craving veggies and fruits like no ones business not to mention the energy lag... its like coming off of a cup of espresso after 2 days of no sleep....i was attempting to enjoy the life my family has around me but they partake in things i do not like to mostly in the food realm ...since i have been making smarter more informed decisions i cannot rely on those around me to have my best interests at hand... that is my doing and i know this....i am looking forward to my farmers market trip tomorrow...i dont think ive ever been more excited to pick out food to make for the next few days =D

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WHYNOTJ1 10/14/2013 10:05AM

    I think we sometimes do have to fall off the wagon to figure out that you don't like the way you feel after eating certain foods, or that some "treats" really aren't as tasty as you thought they would be. Making choices that work for you--not your family--may not always be easy or realistic, but perhaps you can come up with some good compromises. (I brought lite cheese and unsalted almonds with me on a movie "date" yesterday, so I could avoid greasy, salty popcorn that I can't stop eating once I begin.)

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ROSEPETAL80 10/14/2013 5:58AM

    I've had days like that, felt just lazy and blah and didn't feel like tracking/eating well etc.

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GHOSTFLAMES 10/14/2013 4:36AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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consistency for the win!

Sunday, September 08, 2013

am now on my day 4 of making healthy food choices and working out 10 or more minutes per day im feeling more confident and although a bit sore im enjoying it =)

i recently watched Forks Over Knives..im not sure if any of you have heard of this.. its a documentary about changing food habits and having the food be the medicine in your life.. its quite an eye opener and definitely something worth watching..i was introduced to it oddly enough in English class.. we were discussing observing the ordinary.. and one of the most ordinary things we do without thinking is eat food.. with as many fast food and convenient go to stores for our fast pace lives.... do we focus what we put in our bodies.. i know spark has helped with alot of that... makes us slow down and write everything look up nutritional value...i personally have given up fast food for quite a while now after reading so many articles and knowing how sluggish and blah the food makes me feel after eating it.... its interesting to know all the facts they give you in the documentary and how things relate to one another www.forksoverknives.com

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MICHELELYNN777 9/10/2013 9:24AM

    emoticon You are doing great with your streak of healthy food/exercise habit! Thanks for sharing about the documentary. I've been wanting to watch it~I think it's on Netflix streaming. We have been talking about going a little more vegan at our house, too, and we haven't even watched it. Have a healthy week!
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dealing with the deep stuff

Thursday, September 05, 2013

sometimes i wonder if falling off the bandwagon is helpful or hurtful i acknowledge where i go wrong and so therefore think i learn.. but somehow those treads keep getting worn cause those same paths are followed.. i seem to try to maintain this mask like everything is ok and eventually yes i know it will be but those moments.. those crucial moments when everything is coming at you seems like it is never going to end....ive been keeping more to myself lately and im not sure why i have a good idea.. i havent been maintaining anything besides food or drink to mouth.. which isnt really much of an accomplishment.. i know ive been burying things i do not wanna deal with and i know it isnt the right way to go about it...im trying to take control.. perhaps trying isnt the best way to say it.. because its only do or do not...these past few months have seemed over whelming and ive been ignoring it as if you can just whim away issues and they will be like oh we're bothering you? sure we'll just be on our way... i know it never works that way.. but if it did wouldnt life be easy?... nor worth it cause earning things makes them that much better....my birthday was a week ago and i cant say ive ever had "happy" birthdays per se but this year was just off.. i felt completely miserable and i know its because i havent moved more than a fork in months ..and the negative nancy in my head wants me to just lay down n relax and pretend everythings ok ...im struggling it sucks and im owning up to these moments because i refuse to let them have that power anymore... i learned recently that my mother was diagnosed with dementia and a touch of alzheimers... not that this is news to me.. my mother has been in and out of hospitals since i was 10... so i guess i missed out on alot of things other than the inside of er waiting rooms and various lobbies ....besides that our home is now lacking...the washer/dryer and range top have both broken down within 2 months of each other...quick meal fixes and laundromat trips has become my new go to ...on top of that im in school with 3 classes..one of them being college algebra -.- not my favorite subject... its become challenging to wake up with a positive mindset ...but i still maintain an optimistic outlook that things will somehow work out in one way or another...as one of my fave movies says "it can't rain all the time"

  


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