Thursday, May 09, 2013
These past couple of years have been up and down, on and off, sideways and upside down!
My heart is still desiring to lose weight and be more healthy. I have gained a lot of my weight back...again...which discourages me quite a bit. But, I'm refusing to give much energy to anything negative and instead will count it all as a part of my journey to health.
I am now a grandmother which is filling my life with great joy! It's also inspiring me to take all those years of "training" I've gotten through the trials of my journey, and put them into practice once and for all.
I want to lose weight because I know it would be better for my body. My joints, heart, and overall energy. But I also want to lose weight because I want to play with my grandchildren! I want to be known by them as a strong, energetic, and really fun Nana who loves being with them and always has an adventure up her sleeve!
Right now, I can't do those things at the level I want.
So, I'm paying attention again. I don't need to research anything, or create a new plan, or figure anything out. I already have all the answers...and now I feel I've got a reason. Let's see how the journey goes now.
Monday, August 16, 2010
I quit. I'm so tired.
Tired of focusing on dieting, then failing, then trying to get on track again.
Tired of trying to find the energy to "pump myself up" for exercise.
Tired of WAITING until I get "there" to live my life and embrace the person I want to be. Like being thin will somehow change WHO I am.
I am a PRO at researching things to DEATH! I have acquired so much head knowledge, you'd think I'd be the fittest most healthy woman on the planet! Not so however. I get the information, I apply it for a while, then because I can't stick with it "perfectly", I get discouraged. Then I have to find the strength and motivation to pull myself back up again, dust myself off and push forward. Which I do remarkably well...until the next thing that comes along to knock me off track. I'm so tired of starting over...and over...and over....and over!!! Ahhhh!
It dawned on me last night that maybe I should just stop TRYING to diet, TRYING to lose weight, TRYING to be athletic, TRYING to not comfort myself with food, and instead just BE.
BE the me I see in the future.
DO the things I plan to do when I'm "there".
LIVE the way I want to live...as if I'm already "there"
SEE myself as the person I think I'll be "then".
TAKE CARE of myself.
EAT well and MOVE my body because it's so good for me and makes me feel so good! Because I WANT to, not just to lose weight.
I'm choosing today to see my life in a new way...and live it in MY "New Normal"! No more fighting this "thing" that haunts me incessantly...
1. I don't diet. I eat healthy and enough to get and keep my body at a healthy weight. No more figuring things out...I already know.
2. I am not afraid of my emotional eating at night because I KNOW I am tired and want to comfort myself. I have a great plan in place for my evenings. I don't comfort myself with food, but instead with peaceful things like a gentle stroll with my dog, a nice warm bath, soothing my body with lotions, curling up with my hubby for a movie or a show, going to bed early, reading a good book, etc...
3. I don't push myself too hard; but just enough. My fitness is going to improve over time if I just do it step by step. I don't push because I know that I will have more setbacks if I do. I have a strategic plan in place for each month so I know where I'm heading. I do fitness that I ENJOY and I do well at it.
4. I don't have to "pump myself up" because I'm not starting and stopping something. I am just living my new lifestyle. No more of that.
5. I live beautiful NOW. WHO I am is beautiful...not my size. I take time for my appearance and health.
6. I am who I am. I do things I enjoy. I am choosing to stop living in bondage whether it be to food or to dieting...I am going to live in freedom.
I guess it boils down to my motto for 2010...JUST DO IT and for today, I have peace in that.
Thursday, June 03, 2010
Wow, I am overwhelmed. When I wrote my last blog, I was venting and feeling really crappy and even though I hoped to hear from someone, I wasn't really expecting such wonderful and caring advice.
Sparkfriends have said THE things I really needed to hear...how does that happen? :O)
I feel renewed and refocused after taking some time today to...REMEMBER! Remember where I've been, the many, many hurdles I've overcome and the growth I've experienced...why in the world would I want to leave that behind!? I DON'T!!!
Thank You so much to all who encouraged me so much. My heart is leaping with joy tonight and I'm ready for the next leg of this race.
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
I'm not a blogger...it's on my to do list, but never finds it's way to the top. However, I am blogging today because I'm struggling. How can it be that after being on such an even path for so long, old habits show up again? I don't get it.
I'm scared because over the past year, when I'd slip up, I'd get right back on track. Now they are becoming bigger slips and lasting longer and longer each time. I do NOT want to end up where I was, but my resolve is waivering and my strength to continue is sliding away.
Reaching out for help and support has never been my strong suit, but I'm getting better at it.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Wow. What a week. After having an amazing week prior to this one, this past week was in my mind...a disaster. After a very busy weekend which included some careless eating, I just wasn't able to regain my composure and found myself bingeing at the end of every day this week.
It's my nature to analyze. I can research things to death!...let alone overthink everything. I am realizing though that although doing that can be beneficial at times, it can also be a way for me to escape and justify my actions. What was causing this behavior? Was I too tired? Did I overexercise the week before? Maybe I didn't eat enough that week. Was it the type of food I ate which started the binge cycle?
And yes, I'm sure to some degree, these things MAY have played a role in my "success" or lack thereof this week.
This is the point. It doesn't matter what the reason is...WHAT DO I WANT? It's up to me.
Do I WANT to live my life in this state of confusion and turmoil?...to go back to the lifestyle I had of pain, exhaustion and depression just because I CHOOSE to use food for the wrong reason? Do I enjoy "pleasing" myself with food so much, that I'm willing to die?...to give up all that I've gained?
My husband can't make this decision for me. My family can't...even my trainer can't do this for me. At the end of the day...at the end of this journey...it will be ME who decides whether I cross the finish line. No one else can do it for me.
So this "unsuccessful" week has brought me to this fork in the road. Do I go down the path that I've always known of diet-lose weight-binge-gain weight-; Or do I CHOOSE the higher path of eating for health, enjoying new challenging adventures, denying myself of eating for the wrong reasons and instead actually experiencing life with it's ups and downs?
After a lifetime of hiding behind my weight problem and trying to live my life to please everyone else and even DIETING because it's the "right thing to do", it's time I stop playing around and do this for the RIGHT reason.
The right reason? This is what "I" want! I want health. I want strength. I want to live! Am I willing now to let nothing stand in the way of that?
JUST DO IT.
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