Wednesday, May 28, 2008
If you are what you eat, then maybe I'm a mix of the following: too much bread, a lot of cheese, some mangoes and tangerines, lots of red meat, a variety of veggies, a TON of potatoes, and every bit of all that topped with oodles and oodles of extra hot peppers. And other spices and herbs. With the occasional stuffed-mouthful of crap drugstore chocolate (it's vile, but an easy fix). And plantain chips - the only thing other than chilies that I can claim is comfort food.
The past few weeks have NOT been pretty. I've basically refused to take any responsibility for my choices: eating out, binge-ing on crap chocolate, even refusing to exercise (okay - that one is simple - I overdid it the week before and I was seriously achy all over).
Been going through some rocky issues that I've not wanted to deal with, so denial's pretty much been the theme for the past few weeks. I've been reading a lot of "fluff" - cosy murder mysteries - and watching a bunch of Bollywood junk. Really junk - it didn't seem to matter what I was watching. Or reading. Or eating.
The results? Pretty predictable - feeling blah, serious eye-strain (as someone who's had 20-10 vision all my life - until now - I'm finding it hard to accept that my eyes don't adjust focus as easily as they used to - I still have better than 20-20 vision, it's just not what I'm used to from my own past!), tighter-pants-waistbands, and, worst of all, a completely screwed up sleep cycle. The only positive thing I've done is kept up the water - which hopefully counts for some of the weight that's going to be on the scale when I get to the gym in a few minutes. At least that's what I'm telling myself, so don't y'all go raining on my little parade.
So, time to straighten out this train wreck.
I'm off to the gym. Weigh-in will tell me what the damage is (the 215 is my rough estimate, but it may well be over - WELL over). I'll update my ticker when I get back from the gym.
I've signed up for the new challenge on my SPClass team - it's going to be tough, but I can do ANYTHING for 3 weeks, right?
And it's given me a goal: to be as close to my original starting weight of 208 in January as I can get before June 1st. Without starving myself - just getting back into my calorie ranges and working out. And the other thing I need to watch myself at is simply overdoing the workouts - to the point where I burn out. I have to remember that all this blubber didn't get here overnight and it's not going to go away overnight. (Oh, didn't I mention I've no intention of trying plastic surgery or liposuction?)
Okay, time to get my Maya on.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Some days I just wonder: what's the POINT????
Today is one of those days when I feel just like Boris Badenov (of Rocky and Bullwinkle fame) must've done when he realised that, despite the most carefully laid plans, "moose and sqvirrel" had got out of his clutches. Again. For the zillionth time.
No, I'm not trying to be an evil mastermind - just trying to eat healthier, work out a little more and lose a few pounds. Okay, more than a few. :) But I keep bouncing between the 204 and 214 zone. I've heard of body "set points", but I don't really think that's the case here. For most of last year, I was between 199 and 205. This year is a whole different range.
The real problem is that, unlike Boris, I don't stick to the plan. Let's put it this way, Boris failed often, but usually it was because Rocky and Bullwinkle were too dumb to see his evil plans for what they were - not because Boris did something to make the plan fail. Moi? I like ice cream. And french fries. And I choose to eat them more often than not. :)
So, no big surprise that the weight isn't coming off.
No, I'm not whining. Just trying to understand what I'm doing. WHY I'm doing it is presumably a whole different kettle of fish. And why the weight doesn't come off even when I'm being "good" is ... well, let's not delve into that. Stress supposedly plays a role in retaining the weight. As do a myriad other factors - I'm too tired to delve into those realms of mystique tonight.
But, hey, tomorrow _is_ another new day! :)
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Not all of you know Jenna. I didn't know her before I joined SparkPeople, either.
A fellow Canadian, and a tremendous success story in every aspect of her life, she was one of the first to reach out to me when I was new here and whining about weight loss - her help, her sympathy, her understanding, the pointers she was happy to share - all of those went into making each day on SP a happier, more wondrous day.
Those of you who know me, know that I'm a slacker. :) I needed a swift kick in the pants on many occasions, and my friend Jenna was often there with the required boot! :)
Late last month, she wound up in hospital. And that was when many of us met Jenna's family - what a wonderful, inspiring bunch of folks they are! Children who really adore their "Momma" and "Poppa", a wonderful husband, and friends from around the world! Not to mention all the SP-ites who've been watching Jenna's and Todd's SparkPages, eagerly awaiting updates on our good friends.
After a number of complications, Jenna passed away this morning. As I sit here weeping, all I can think is, "if it hurts me so much, how must her family feel?" I can't even imagine the answer to that question.
All I can do is take heart from the example she was - a truly beautiful human being, with a heart so generous that she probably didn't even know how many of us she touched and how much we all adored and admired her.
Her life had its ups and downs, as does every life - the way she handled those told us a lot more about her than she realised. And her willingness to share even painful memories has helped me (and doubtless many others) to cross painful thresholds of my own. Her steadfast good cheer and abundant joy in life came through loud and clear in every message.
Jenna helped me find again the courage to go forward boldly, trusting that any shadows will fall behind. Now we have to deal with another shadow - the loss of Jenna herself - not a loss I'll be able to forget easily.
Jenna, I'll miss you.
Rest in peace.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Hmm. The scales at the gym this morning said that I weigh 210 lbs today. Was that a real loss or just water weight? I don't know. I'm changing my ticker, though, and will change it back up if this was just a blip. And if I'm lucky, it was YESTERDAY that was a blip - the unavoidable result of overdoing it at McDonald's on Sunday. :)
All I did yesterday was stay within my calorie range and work out hard. Of course, that meant I drank a little extra water (not quite as much as MrsHoneyC would like me to, but I don't think I could've drunk an extra 4 or 5 8-oz cups - I felt like I'd puke by the time I got to 15. :)
And maybe it wasn't either the workout or the food intake - maybe it was simply because I updated my tracker so everyone could see that unlike all the others in the teams I'm in, I've actually managed to _gain_ weight since I started in January this year. Maybe that's what it takes - a dose of accountability, of knowing that there _are_ no secrets. Maybe my body is more worried about being accountability than I'm consciously aware of.
Whatever the reason, today the scales claim I'm 3 pounds lighter than I was yesterday, so who am I to disbelieve them? :)
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