BIGGIRL2082010   88,589
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Ugh! It's all too true!

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Yep. My guess was right on the money: I weigh 215 pounds as of this morning.

Which means, even to just get back to my "starting weight" (did you know SP won't let you "save changes" to your SparkPage if you weigh more today than you did at your "start weight"????), I'll have to lose 7 pounds.

Is that do-able by the 1st of June? I don't know. But it can't hurt to try - just keeping to my recommended calorie range and working out every single remaining day of this week should help. I'll be happy if I'm just 212 instead of 215 when I start the new SPClass challenge on the 1st! Let's see: 1/2 of 212 is 106 - so 13.5 8-oz cups of water should be plenty each day. Which means I have to UP my intake of water by a half cup - not too difficult.

It's the staying consistent on the eating side that's going to be difficult, I suspect. Unless I can figure out a way to NOT obsess about food - which is pretty rare for me: I _like_ food. :)

Okay, June 1st, here I come. I got in a good workout this morning: cardio, followed by a bunch of core ab work and some mild body-weight resistance stuff. There is a small hope in me that I _will_ actually be down to 210 by this weekend - let's hope it's not just wishful thinking.

- Maya

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TATASTHA 5/29/2008 8:57PM

    You can do this. Just keep on track. you know what you need to do.

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JEREMY_PATRICIA 5/29/2008 7:39PM

    If you eat vegan you will have better luck with your diet - just a suggestion from Patricia with love and hugs.

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STEPPINSTAMPER 5/29/2008 10:07AM

    Don't loose WILL get are a winner! emoticon

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VONNIE130 5/28/2008 5:47PM

    you will get there,good luck emoticon

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Frustration. Denial. Acceptance. Determination.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008


If you are what you eat, then maybe I'm a mix of the following: too much bread, a lot of cheese, some mangoes and tangerines, lots of red meat, a variety of veggies, a TON of potatoes, and every bit of all that topped with oodles and oodles of extra hot peppers. And other spices and herbs. With the occasional stuffed-mouthful of crap drugstore chocolate (it's vile, but an easy fix). And plantain chips - the only thing other than chilies that I can claim is comfort food.


The past few weeks have NOT been pretty. I've basically refused to take any responsibility for my choices: eating out, binge-ing on crap chocolate, even refusing to exercise (okay - that one is simple - I overdid it the week before and I was seriously achy all over).

Been going through some rocky issues that I've not wanted to deal with, so denial's pretty much been the theme for the past few weeks. I've been reading a lot of "fluff" - cosy murder mysteries - and watching a bunch of Bollywood junk. Really junk - it didn't seem to matter what I was watching. Or reading. Or eating.

The results? Pretty predictable - feeling blah, serious eye-strain (as someone who's had 20-10 vision all my life - until now - I'm finding it hard to accept that my eyes don't adjust focus as easily as they used to - I still have better than 20-20 vision, it's just not what I'm used to from my own past!), tighter-pants-waistbands, and, worst of all, a completely screwed up sleep cycle. The only positive thing I've done is kept up the water - which hopefully counts for some of the weight that's going to be on the scale when I get to the gym in a few minutes. At least that's what I'm telling myself, so don't y'all go raining on my little parade.

So, time to straighten out this train wreck.

I'm off to the gym. Weigh-in will tell me what the damage is (the 215 is my rough estimate, but it may well be over - WELL over). I'll update my ticker when I get back from the gym.

I've signed up for the new challenge on my SPClass team - it's going to be tough, but I can do ANYTHING for 3 weeks, right?

And it's given me a goal: to be as close to my original starting weight of 208 in January as I can get before June 1st. Without starving myself - just getting back into my calorie ranges and working out. And the other thing I need to watch myself at is simply overdoing the workouts - to the point where I burn out. I have to remember that all this blubber didn't get here overnight and it's not going to go away overnight. (Oh, didn't I mention I've no intention of trying plastic surgery or liposuction?)

Okay, time to get my Maya on.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

QKDEBB 5/28/2008 12:17PM

    As Janice Taylor says: "All is forgiven, move on." Congrats on your signing up for the challenge. I saw that challenge, I think we started the same week, and I was very intimidated by the strict rules. But as you say, I can do anything for 21 days (I'm crossing my fingers as I write this) and will join you. We can do this !!


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NICOLE108 5/28/2008 11:50AM

    ugh, i know exactly how you feel! i've been binging and going out to eat almost everyday this past 2 weeks. its been horrible. you should read my last blog.. we have some things in common! but so far today im doing really well.. hopefully it will stay like this when i get home from work. usually i will binge on everything in site.

summer is almost here girl!!! lets do this together =]


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Persistence - does it always pay off?

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Some days I just wonder: what's the POINT????

Today is one of those days when I feel just like Boris Badenov (of Rocky and Bullwinkle fame) must've done when he realised that, despite the most carefully laid plans, "moose and sqvirrel" had got out of his clutches. Again. For the zillionth time.


No, I'm not trying to be an evil mastermind - just trying to eat healthier, work out a little more and lose a few pounds. Okay, more than a few. :) But I keep bouncing between the 204 and 214 zone. I've heard of body "set points", but I don't really think that's the case here. For most of last year, I was between 199 and 205. This year is a whole different range.

The real problem is that, unlike Boris, I don't stick to the plan. Let's put it this way, Boris failed often, but usually it was because Rocky and Bullwinkle were too dumb to see his evil plans for what they were - not because Boris did something to make the plan fail. Moi? I like ice cream. And french fries. And I choose to eat them more often than not. :)

So, no big surprise that the weight isn't coming off.

No, I'm not whining. Just trying to understand what I'm doing. WHY I'm doing it is presumably a whole different kettle of fish. And why the weight doesn't come off even when I'm being "good" is ... well, let's not delve into that. Stress supposedly plays a role in retaining the weight. As do a myriad other factors - I'm too tired to delve into those realms of mystique tonight.

But, hey, tomorrow _is_ another new day! :)

- Maya

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TIKKAGIRL 5/19/2008 2:53AM

    It sounds like your spirit is feeling weighed down (I did NOT mean that just happened.). I feel it. Life can get stressful and weary and our best plans for weightloss and healthy living get derailed first thing. Go easy on yourself. You can make a difference, one day at a time. Jenna's death is a hard, hard hit. But one good decision a day would make her proud. You can do it. I hit a plateau a while back when I was training for the 10k and NO weight was coming off no matter what I did. Then I stopped training and just tried to maintain--weight started falling off like crazy. Keep trying new things--you never know till you do it what will trigger your body to respond.

You Go Girl!!

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    Hey there! You will get there! Are you tracking your food? Sodium can play a huge part in stubborn weight.

I will be a cheerleader for you, and I am subscribing to your blog. I may not be the wisest person here LOL but I can lend advice sometimes, and a hug when needed.

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Jenna, I'll Miss You

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Not all of you know Jenna. I didn't know her before I joined SparkPeople, either.

A fellow Canadian, and a tremendous success story in every aspect of her life, she was one of the first to reach out to me when I was new here and whining about weight loss - her help, her sympathy, her understanding, the pointers she was happy to share - all of those went into making each day on SP a happier, more wondrous day.

Those of you who know me, know that I'm a slacker. :) I needed a swift kick in the pants on many occasions, and my friend Jenna was often there with the required boot! :)

Late last month, she wound up in hospital. And that was when many of us met Jenna's family - what a wonderful, inspiring bunch of folks they are! Children who really adore their "Momma" and "Poppa", a wonderful husband, and friends from around the world! Not to mention all the SP-ites who've been watching Jenna's and Todd's SparkPages, eagerly awaiting updates on our good friends.

After a number of complications, Jenna passed away this morning. As I sit here weeping, all I can think is, "if it hurts me so much, how must her family feel?" I can't even imagine the answer to that question.

All I can do is take heart from the example she was - a truly beautiful human being, with a heart so generous that she probably didn't even know how many of us she touched and how much we all adored and admired her.

Her life had its ups and downs, as does every life - the way she handled those told us a lot more about her than she realised. And her willingness to share even painful memories has helped me (and doubtless many others) to cross painful thresholds of my own. Her steadfast good cheer and abundant joy in life came through loud and clear in every message.

Jenna helped me find again the courage to go forward boldly, trusting that any shadows will fall behind. Now we have to deal with another shadow - the loss of Jenna herself - not a loss I'll be able to forget easily.

Jenna, I'll miss you.

Rest in peace.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JEREMY_PATRICIA 5/15/2008 11:18PM

    This is going to be read today at Miss Jenna's service. Miss Momba told me about this. Jeremy

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WOODLANDMYST 5/15/2008 7:17PM

  Beautifully written - you've said what many of us feel and just couldn't get down in writing. Jenna lived life fully and I can only hope to be a tenth of the person she was. The world has lost a true champion.

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TIKKAGIRL 5/15/2008 1:34PM

    I am so so sad! I just heard through your blog. Thank you for your wonderful remembrance. I always felt so honored when Jenna took time and encouraged me. I remember finding her sparkpage when I first started and realizing that she had lost an ENTIRE PERSON, so maybe I could lose the 20-30lbs that I needed to. What an encourager! She will be so missed.

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JEREMY_PATRICIA 5/14/2008 11:41AM

    The world is crying today for Miss Jenna. I am glad you were her friend and I am glad you are Miss Samantha's friend. I hope you will be our friend also. We miss her and cannot stop the tears from coming. Jeremy and Patricia

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    This was very beautiful to read. She meant and still means the world to me. She truly never knew how much she has inspired and touched so many of us. She was a better "mother" to me, then my real mother. Thank you for writing such a beautiful blog about her.


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Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Hmm. The scales at the gym this morning said that I weigh 210 lbs today. Was that a real loss or just water weight? I don't know. I'm changing my ticker, though, and will change it back up if this was just a blip. And if I'm lucky, it was YESTERDAY that was a blip - the unavoidable result of overdoing it at McDonald's on Sunday. :)

All I did yesterday was stay within my calorie range and work out hard. Of course, that meant I drank a little extra water (not quite as much as MrsHoneyC would like me to, but I don't think I could've drunk an extra 4 or 5 8-oz cups - I felt like I'd puke by the time I got to 15. :)

And maybe it wasn't either the workout or the food intake - maybe it was simply because I updated my tracker so everyone could see that unlike all the others in the teams I'm in, I've actually managed to _gain_ weight since I started in January this year. Maybe that's what it takes - a dose of accountability, of knowing that there _are_ no secrets. Maybe my body is more worried about being accountability than I'm consciously aware of.

Whatever the reason, today the scales claim I'm 3 pounds lighter than I was yesterday, so who am I to disbelieve them? :)

- Maya

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OZCALL2006 5/11/2008 9:55PM

    that is good about the losing 3 pounds and dont kill yourself for having mcdonalds, hell i have it every few months i just cant stop, but its awesome u are just doing it.

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CLAIREBEAR_1980 5/7/2008 12:57AM

    hmmm interesting thought. maybe i should try the accountability thing :)

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