Friday, November 09, 2012
I haven't been having the best week, I'll admit it.
I signed up Wednesday to take a Circuit Training class at my gym. It's late enough that DH is always home by then, so I figure, no problem, and even let him know what time the class is. He didn't get home in time (and he is chronically late for things anyway, and I do take it personally like his time is more important than anyone elses') and I missed the class. I was dressed and ready to go. I had put on my shoes and was ready to step out the door to at least go running on the treadmill, but I was FUMING mad. I was so mad I couldn't even speak to DH.
Instead of leaving for the gym, I decided I wanted to go to my room to be alone. I was still super angry. I have a very short hot temper, and I didn't yell or get upset. I just boiled inside. I should have gone to the gym, I tried talking myself into going to the gym, I even reached out to friends both in real life and online for encouragement to go to the gym. I left the house. But, did NOT go to the gym... I went to the store and got "binge supplies". Great. And I'm so cliche "woman": chocolate, salty chips, wine (no, it's not that time of the month!). I full intended on binging on the chips and chocolate and of course over indulging in wine to numb the disappointment. When I got home, I ran upstairs in shame, supplies in hand (children are still awake mind you), and made a phone call to a BFF I haven't spoken to in quite some time. I told her I would call her at 7:30, so I needed to keep that time. Little did I know what a lifesaver that phone call would be.
While we spoke on the phone, I ate my tuna sandwich I saved from Subway from the day before and only a handful of those chips. I was so busy chatting, that I barely ate, but I was full. Satisfied. After that, looked at the chips and seriously did NOT want any more. Then I looked at the chocolate and decided I didn't want any of that either. I still felt pretty down, angry, and then disappointed at myself, but it was like my primal urge, that shark-like state of craving where my eyes roll back and I binge binge binge, had left only a lingering impulse in me. It was there, but it was nothing. It didn't control me.
I'm still, to this moment, very upset that I just sat in my room and pouted instead of going to the gym. What a waste of energy! But, that has to be one of the first times I was cognizant of my emotions, let myself feel, then let it go. My pouting child got a time out, I guess, and it was just enough to not let the addiction control me. This was a first.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
... that you are looking in the mirror and are admiring your very toned and shapely derriere (that I am most definitely at least 60 lbs away from)?! Hahahahaha!!!
Thursday, October 18, 2012
I can see changes!! It's so motivating. My shirts fit better, my pants fit better, I stand taller. I haven't been seeing big numbers on the scale, but my workouts are definitely showing how my body is changing. The stretched out 2-baby belly is tightening. My "butt shelf" as I call it (spare tire anyone??) is flattening. I am down a size. It's strange that the scale isn't moving more, but at this point I don't care. I feel good.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
QUITE frustrated. Here I am, about 90 lbs overweight. I am exercising, changing my eating habits, not seeing much in the way of results. So, a month or two back I checked out surgical weight loss options--gastric bypass. I am a candidate, with my BMI, sleep apnea, depression. Unfortunately, my insurance doesn't cover "morbid obesity treatment" How?? How can something simply described as leading to DEATH, not be covered in insurance???? Oh, our privately paying company that DH works for elected out of it. Thanks, guys! And surgery costs about as much as buying a new car, so that's out.
So, again, needing some help, support, I talk to my family doctor. She recommends the nutritionists and weight loss program that the medical center runs. They take insurance. GREAT! Except MY insurance doesn't cover that either because I don't have diabetes. F%#@!! So, 90lbs overweight, morbidly obese, does not qualify for medical help? I don't get it. I am so frustrated!!!!
Monday, August 27, 2012
... you have to double-bag your boobs for a workout!
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