Monday, December 17, 2012
I'm digging this vegeatiran thing. I have Morningstar HARMS at least once a day, out of necessity. When I get comfortable and figure out some different stuff to do for lunch at work (which for me happens at midnight) then I'll start incorporating some more variety into the mix.
The most wonderful thing the switch has done for me so far is made me exceptionally conscious of what I put in my facehole. I have to plan ahead wherever I go, and my portions are so very different, i.e. SMALLER. It has also changed how I look at food- breakfast, lunch, dinner, etc. I enjoy variety so I end up going with lower calorie options. I haven't eaten an entire bagel in a sitting in the last three weeks- I'll eat half of it with yogurt or fruit. I don't care about food combinations anymore either. Tonight I finished up leftover spinach lasagna (which I made myself) and paired it with some squash and a few pretzels. It wasn't a conventional dinner, and I don't care. I'm hitting my calorie and protein goals daily, and though I feel like I'm grazing a little bit, it's all things I've planned on eating and packed to stay on target.
I'm so conscious and worried about becoming a carb-itarian that I end up making way better choices than I used to. I recently wrapped up classes for the fall semester, and I'll begin my thesis when spring hits. By this time next year, I'll be completely done with school forever- unless I go back for my doctorate in a few years, but that doesn't count.. I'm looking forward to working out again, but Stella hasn't gotten her groove back just yet. I need to get my game face on, as our zombie race is only three months away now!
Anydangway- I'm liking it so far. I have no desire to eat meat, but it was never a problem in the past. I really feel like I may have found something that's going to work for me for a very very long time. And that makes me happy. The weight loss has tapered down- I'm no longer losing a pound a day, but I'm still the lowest I've been all year! Wrap it up- I'll take it.
Sunday, December 09, 2012
I haven't been able to keep weight off since I switched to nights. The cleanse didn't go very well- I did alright on it but I was so miserable I didn't make it all the way through.
So I've tried literally everything under the stars to make healthy living a lifestyle. High carb, low carb, crazy low-cal, calorie-cycling, juicing... none of it will stick.
I won't go into how I came to this decision, because you naysayers will tell me I'm crazy. It felt right, and about ten 10 days ago I decided to become a vegetarian.
With Paleo and low carb, I spent tons of money, lost a great deal initially but gained steadily thereafter. I love bread and pasta and fruit and beans and... all the stuff research says I'm not supposed to eat.
So I'm a vegetarian now. I've lost a pound every day, losing the weight I gained from switching to night shift pretty much... overnight. So even if it it slows down or stabilizes, I'm back to where I was before in about a week. I'm alright with that.
So far it's really easy. I wasn't big on meat- I forced myself for the protein. But I'm enjoying whole grains, soy, tofu... and it makes me feel a little special. I have to seriously think about what I'm going to eat, and my calories have been automatically decreased- clearly. I miss chicken a little bit. I know to stay away from Boca and Morning Star because they're technically still junk food, but they're great in a pinch. I'm really excited for where this might take me, because literally EVERYTHING can be made vegetarian, whereas making things Paleo was really complicated and took a lot of effort and extra cash.
I don't want a diet- I want a lifestyle. I didn't want a workout- I wanted an active LIFESTYLE. That's why I pine so much for things like cabaret and derby and training for runs- you get fit by default. For me, it's really easy to just... NOT eat meat. I'm eating more vegetables and thinking about my carbs, i.e. getting healthier by default. Because seriously- who wants a bread sandwich with a side of bread? I'm not going to fall into that "potato chips aren't meat" trap that fat vegetarians fall into. I'm hopeful that I can turn this into something I can do forever, though I've said that before. I will never know until I try.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
This blog is to announce that I am officially waging war on my metabolism. I enjoyed the NC state fair, some brewskies with my brother and sister-in-law + my wonderful hubsband. I didn't track but I enjoyed it. It was worth it, fo sho.
But now it's time to get down to brass tacks and prepare for the upcoming struggle. I know it's coming and this time I'm going to be smart about it. I'm hanging in the (lower) 250's which is always where I get comfortable, slack off, slowly quit my efforts, and creep back up to repeat the cycle again. This time, I refuse to fall victim to the false lull that is a loose pair of size 18's.
I like numbers for two reasons: you can't argue with them; certain numbers have the ability to be changed.
I PRESENT TO YOU~
My life in numbers at present (with pumpkins... for obvious reasons!):
32: Number of days until Thanksgiving/My first half marathon
20: Number of days until I stand next to my best friend while he marries one of my other best friends
19: Number of days I have left to find a dress for the wedding above. Brides/grooms-maids were able to pick their own dresses- I gambled online and lost. The one I ordered is hideous, I'm at square one. (Ooh another number!)
21: Number of days in my metabolic challenge which starts tomorrow. More info on that below
252: The number the scale has been telling me, give or take 2 lbs, for the last 2 weeks.
295: My highest weight this year
289: My weight in July when I decided I was doing this once and for all
18 /1: My jean size/shirt size at Torrid
199/14: My goal weight/size for my 25th birthday. This is a benchmark- I'm not losing it for an event or using shortcuts to get there quickly. If I'm consistent- this is feasible.
I follow a blogger by the name of Meredith, and her blog is called Swim-Bike-Mom. She's awesome and I love her style of writing. She has inspired me to take on the challenge/sport of Tri- but I want to get below 200 before I begin that part of that journey. This will give me time to get comfortable with fitness, research bikes and wetsuits, etc. It's going to happen on MY time. But I digress. Meredith has begun a 3 Week Metabolism Makeover, designed by a RD with her MS in Metabolism and some other stuff... what I'm getting is that her credentials are impressive. I forked out the $12 to get the plan, and decided this investment required that I would actually TRY the plan. It's frequent meals, whole foods- very sensible. Meredith (candid as always) has warned us that it's going to suck for a few days, but she's down 9 lbs in the first week (she lives in the low 2's right now).
This is not quick fix. This is a lifeline, a jumpstart. My first half is coming up in just over a month, and I CANNOT run any faster. My current comfortable mile pace (12:50-14:10) puts me coming in RIGHT under/at the time limit, down to the wire. I don't want this. I can't run any harder/faster- but I can do it better/stronger. I gotta drop some ell-bees. I've added strength training to the mix, and I'm going for it. If I can drop 10 lbs in a few weeks, it WILL increase my speed (it's physics- pure and simple- every pound equates to dropping 1-2 seconds off your time with the same amount of effort) and make me more comfortable in this skin... this increasingly looser, kinda-floppy skin. :) But that's for another blog.
There's the link the blog talking about her adventure with the plan. Check out her other blogs for a dose of encouragement and realism that'll leave you walking away smiling with some pep in your step. She's great, I love her (not in a creepy way, but in a "there goes my herrroooo" kinda way.)
Alrighty then. We shall see how it goes.
Official SW: 252
Look for a followup blog at the end of week one-10/28.
It's not about the number of the scale, but it is about the wonderment of crossing that finish line. If I can do it lighter, healthier, happier... then why not go for it.
Stay tuned! :)
Monday, October 15, 2012
Things were going well in Bex Land. I had an adventure at Torrid in Greensboro, NC while I was visiting for class and fell in love with an ensemble. I didn't purchase it in-store, but stole it for 20% off online with an additional 10% Cosmo coupon at the very end. Sweet victory.
Ordered laaaaate Tuesday evening, arrived on Saturday- fit crazy well. I felt fabulous. Size 18 (SKINNY!) jeans and a plaid top. Here I am in the store looking very perturbed indeed. I can't emphasize enough that these were SKINNY jeans. I have worn bootcut jeans before that were so tight on me that they could have passed for the skinny variety, but this was my first time wearing something fitted purposefully.
The top above is a size 2 (18-20 in real talk) but I ended up going with a size 1 (14-16) as I'm continuing to lose and was hoping to carry the look into the spring as well. The stretchiness of the denim fabric on the bottoms will make that an easy task in that department.
Once again... victory felt pretty sweet.
Today is Monday. I ventured out to clinical this morning in my 2X scrub bottoms and XL jacket/vest- both of which are way too big for me now, but I'm waiting for a scrub sale so I can go crazy and make out like a bandit at the same time. We'll call it a fall frugal frenzy, and we shall all rejoice at the amazingness of the alliteration. But for now, I'll look frumpy at work. No big whoop. For the afternoon, I drove my husband to class (he's gone back to school, I'm the sole income right now- switching to nightshift this week actually to cover our losses as the shift-dif will help SIGNIFICANTLY... but I digress) and did some homework at a local coffee shop that I used to frequent as an undergrad. I paired the plaid top with some denim knee-length shorts (size 18 but loose now- they were barely button-able back in September despite being the stretchy comfy denim we plus-size gals love) and my converses. I felt a little on the hip side, sipping my iced coffee, earbuds in, the Fighters of Foo providing a wonderful background to the steady sound of the click-click of my keyboard as I pounded out some discussion board postings and part of a paper. I was being productive. Productive = sexy. I. felt. sexy.
For the first time in my adult life, on both Saturday and earlier today, I felt super girly and cute. A (really cute thin) girl at a restaurant we visited on Saturday complimented my pink strip in my hair (an homage to National Breast Cancer Awareness Month... Nurse Bex says CHECK YO'SELF!) and my perfume. This doesn't happen. Ever. She looked clean cut and was very attractive, so I immediately ruled out "crack smoker" as a potential personality flaw resulting in the compliment. I exuded confidence in that outfit, dang it. I really did! Here... I have more proof from Saturday!
Creepy. It's what we do best.
This afternoon, my bridesmaids dress arrived from eshakti. I was excited to try it on- but it's hideous and was a tad tight. I took off the plaid top to try on this awful thing, and when I put it back on the sleeve on the right wouldn't act right. The sleeves can be worn long or 3/4 length, with the aide of a strapppy-buttony contraption. The problem was that the right side had come unbuttoned somehow around the circumference of my forearm, and I couldn't get it to re-button. It destroys the 3/4 effect and looks wacky unbuttoned. We tried buttoning it AT my elbow, as well as buttoning it at my wrist and rolling it up. Nothing was working. My big fat forearms were ruining things. But how, and why? I didn't magically swell up on one side and not the other, nor did one side of the shirt instantly shrink. Whatever the cause... I lost it. We had planned to grab some food and head to the mall to hunt for a new bridesmaids dress for me- but I had a nervous breakdown.
I bawled for 15 minutes or so, then threw on my running clothes. I had to sublimate this anger into something productive. My husband told me it wasn't my fault, that I was beautiful... that I was good enough, smart enough, and doggonit, people like me! But I couldn't Stuart Smalley my way out of this. I needed to sweat. And sweat I did.
I ran a 5K at the park (beating a former PR) for the heck of it, then huffed it to the Y and did some ST. I hate ST, but I thrived on it tonight. It hurt, I pushed harder. I maxed out. I sweated. I cursed under my breath. I had it OUT with my body. **I did so SAFELY. Good body mechanics, paused when necessary- but I pushed. I pushed it real good.
((Words of wisdom: Rage Against the Machine will make Bex push harder than she ever has before... i.e. a 9-minute mile for a few minutes at a time. ("%&*! you I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!" Where my Rage fans at? Can I get a witness!?))
Anyway, at the end of the day, exhausted and fulfilled, I came home, gave the shirt the bird, and relaxed knowing that I'm insane. What a roller coaster of emotions over a stupid shirt. It was definitely the button's fault- something went awry. I didn't go all Popeye on one side instantaneously. It's not possible- it was a wardrobe malfunction. Nothing more. But I didn't binge. I worked it out. I sublimated that anger into something awesome.
Amidst my ramblings and whining during my tantrum, I told myself I was wasting my time- getting nowhere fast... too slow, not making a difference.
Tantrum Bex is an idiot. I gotta keep at it, though. We can't rest here. It's not safe yet. Not yet.
Keep digging, keep rolling up your sleeves- so you can roll up your sleeves.
Sunday, October 07, 2012
I find that I have looked at so many before and after photos- for motivation, inspiration, etc. - that I look at ALL photos in this light. I'll see a picture of someone I haven't seen in awhile and automatically think- Wow she looks amazing!
Then I remember that they have always been that size, and it makes me giggle.
I am constantly in motivation-seeking mode, it seems. I'm NOT downing my slim friends for looking awesome all the time, I just think it's funny that I automatically attribute their fabulousness to non-existent recent weight loss. :)
Whatevs. It's fall, and I have a chin again. I wore cute scrubs yesterday. I win.
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