Sunday, January 29, 2012
Today, I got lost in a run. One of my greatest joys, following my first 5K, was simply to run just to run. No time constraints, just a playlist and a park track. Today I got that back, for a little bit. c25k, w6d3, a 22-minute run. A few weeks ago I was Captain Huff n Puff with a 60 second interval. Today I enjoyed a 22 jog in crisp, clear weather before church. I enjoyed it.
I run for fitness, because it's great cardio, because I love racing myself... because I love to see the silhouette of my shadow shriiiiiinking.
My favorite version of Me loves that stuff- I think she's back.
Also- my husband and I are starting Paleo tomorrow. I'm going to focus on workouts, eating whole, natural, awesome foods- protien, veggies, fruit. No grains, no dairy. I am going to track, but I know that the fat content is going to scare me. I've already done a sample day, and I didn't like what I saw. We're committed to doing it for a month and then re-evaluating. I, myself, am not going to track for calories/fat/etc. for a full 2 weeks. I will track, but I'm not going to pay attention to the "You exceeded your limit for..." whatever. I feel larger or like I'm not making progress, I'll track and pay attention to the limits again. But for now, I'm going to pay attention to my body- how I feel, when I'm hungry, when I'm thirsty, when I'm tired. I'm going to listen to what it tells me and obey. My husband is so excited, he's beside himself. He gets to eat bacon. Dudes love bacon.
I really do feel like we can do this forever. Stuffed peppers for dinner tomorrow, ready to go in the slow cooker tomorrow afternoon. An omlette ready to go for the morning. How does this take anymore time than boiling water for pasta or throwing a McMuffin imitation in the microwave? It really doesn't, and I'm going to harness that "I got this" mindset and apply it to this new adventure as well.
Tonight, though... pizza and beer. :) We can have those again, in moderation (friends tell us we won't want it later after we experience the bliss that is preservative-free, natural eating) but for now... I'm enjoying my Yuengling, I'm proud of the work I've done so far... I'm proud of the prep work I've done for meals for the next day or two (leftover turkey that wouldn't fit in the peppers will be a tasty burger for one of us on Tuesday- one of us can have a salad...)... I'm looking forward to learning my way around my kitchen even more, to exploring new flavors, combinations. I bought an eggplant! I dunno what I'm going to do with it, but you can bet I'm gonna figure it out and it's going to be amazing! And so what if it's not amazing- trial and error, excitement, and keepin' it so fresh and so clean clean are going to make this adventure FUN!
Thanks to all my Sparkfriends for all your input and support, and to OFFDREA especially for inspiring to get my booty outta bed before work in the mornings I've gotta go to work.
PS- Be prepared for my parody video coming this summer... "I'm Bexxy and I Know It" You'll laugh, you'll cry (from laughing...) you'll wonder why I'm in healthcare. ;)
Til next time...
Monday, January 23, 2012
My best friend from high school is getting married in November. He's a boy, I'm standing on his side, and the only wedding I've ever been in has been my own.
I originally had a smaller weight goal planned for Vegas in May (which we MAY or may not be going, after all, but the enthusiasm hasn't dwindled, so I dig) but I just thought I'd see if I could even get close to "onederland" (I.hate.this.term.so.much.dunno.why) before the wedding. I plugged in 199, and it saved. I'm accustomed to "please readjust your settings... reccommendation of no more than 2.5 lbs per week... you can't do this."
But it let me save. So I kept playing (because I don't like using the function of 'type in your weight, see how long it takes' or vice versa... I feel like that's cheating). 169. I could be 169 lbs before November 10 of this year.
I haven't been under 200 lbs since middle school. I haven't been 169 since the seventh grade. Never, in a million trillion zillion years, did I think I could POSSIBLY CONCEIVE of losing 104 lbs in 10 months? I mean that's 10ish pounds per month....
This is so dangerous for me. I was focusing on effort vs. weight loss but... the numbers are still always going to matter to me. This time around has been soooo different mentally anway- maybe I am ready to be able to focus on effort, watch the numbers, and not freak out. I did manage to break my scale addiction- Shelly is back, but I'm using her daily only, and it really did make it much easier having her gone for a week.
I would like to set a size goal, or inches lost goal- but I can't coneptualize those. I stuffed myself into 18's from the 240's (loose) to the 290's (way tight)... when I finally bought a new pair of jeans, I was for some reason surprised that they had to be 20's.
I can track my effort- reward my effort.
I can feel the sweat drip down my nose and cover my whole body. I can CRAVE this feeling- I do.
I can watch the miles add up, the time count down, and cross four 5K finish lines this year.
I can watch my collar bone peek through my v-necks and smile and see cheek bones.
I can make delicious, healthy meals, every day, drink water like it's going out of style, and make rad choices when we go out.
I can sneak a few pieces of dark chocolate every day, because it keeps me from raiding work's candy jar and it keeps me S a N e.
I can do all this - the weight loss will come with it. So why can't I wrap my head around the concept of this stinkin' number. There's nothing special about 169- there's obviously something sexy about it, because it makes me giggle. I'd still probably be obese because I'm so darn short- why can't I wrap my head around the fact that I DESERVE to get there?
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
My husband hid Shelly- my scale. I asked him to do it, because I was addicted to weighing.
It. is. so. hard. not. to. weigh. first. thing. in. the. MORNING!!!!!!!!!
I'm pretty positive he took it with him in his car. I've looked everywhere.
I need that reassurance, which when I'm losing is a good thing. When it doesn't say what I want it to, or what I think it should, it goes the other way, though. Since I'm focused on EFFORT goals - not WEIGHT goals - this time around (the LAST time around) it would only make sense to focus more on how I feel- my energy level, my clothes, my cheek and collarbones (I found dems!!!)
So much harder than I thought. Hoping to see some progress on Monday when he brings my "frenemy" home.
...I have to pick up his glasses later. There are scales at Wal-Mart... Shelly is looking kinda ragged, these days. And how accurate is she... really? I mean, I told him to hide THAT scale. A NEW scale was never part of the deal... Muwahahahaha....
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
I am no stranger to dance, or dance aerobics like Zumba or Sweaty HipHop or any of the other million ĎI donít feel like Iím working outí workouts. Zumba happens to be my favorite, and Iím wicked pleased to be back in classes thanks to the wife of one of my husband's long time friends. She hooked me up with a 2 week pass to the Y, and now Iím joining. Neato. So Iíve been dancing for 20 years now, and I pick things up quickly in class situations, for the most part. Generally, if we go to the left, weíre probably going to go the right next. Shake hips, repeat. Although I enjoy class immensely, I am often... no always... at the back.
I do not stand at the back of the class because I am afraid of others seeing me, I stand at the back of the class because I am the least punctual person you will ever meet, and thatís all thatís left because people love these classes. I donít have a need to be seen or acknowledged, and while making friends would be a lovely perk, Iím at the Y for me.
Today, though, I realized that there is freedom in the back row- not even a row- I am by myself in between exercise equipment and a door. I am my own row. When I saw myself in the mirror at the front, unobstructed by fellow dancers, I realized that I look like a lazy dancer.
My hips, legs, and even shoulders move with intensity like the rest of the class, but my arms never go above shoulder level. I started thinking back cabaret practice for the Christmas show, where we had to throw presents over our heads, and how my hands stopped at face level. I hate my arms, and Iíve been unknowingly half -@$$ing it where they are concerned for years. I began to look around the room, and saw 50+ pairs of arms raised high, moving with the music- often in the wrong direction, but nonetheless they were moving. Some were more toned than others, and even the instructorís jiggled a little bit (gasp)Ö but I was the only one not going all out!
How many unburned calories have I missed? How many toning opportunities have I robbed from myself? How many concerts have I been to and looked slightly-less interested than everyone else? How many Jersey Shore-fans have I offended by not really fist bumping? (Okay that last one is total garbage- the fact that show exists makes me weep for my generationÖ but thatís for a whole other blogÖ)
I have often said that if my arms were smaller, I would be content with the rest of my body as-is. This is totally false, as I know I would just find another body part to focus on and hate. I have held back on getting my sleeves/half-sleeve artwork because of my hatred for my arms. Does it make sense to NOT work the one part of your body you hate the most because you think itís ugly? Um, no. That renders zero progress/results. Itís stupid, and I loathe stupidity, almost as much as I hate the Jersey Shore.
Although I know spot-treating is impossible, I have decided the work the HECK out of my arms. The adipose will remove itself slowwwwwwly with my exercise and healthy eating efforts. Iím gonna work my arms like they are magnificent guns that make errybody jealous. And when they are the toned, sleek thangs I have in my mindís eye, I will be ready for greatness.
Monday, January 02, 2012
*Two of my best friends got engaged on New Year's Eve- I've never been in a wedding except my own, and now I'll be in 2 in the Fall! Motivation, no?
*My besties came down for the night and we partied like rockstars. Sushi, White Russians (my fave), Cheese Puffs, I made a cake... sooo worth it. It's fine to blow it occasionally when it's worth it.
*This morning my friendies had donuts and OJ, and I made them cinnamony rolls. I had a whole wheat bagel with some light cream cheese, a Cutie (those lil bitty orange-y things... I'm in love) and half a banana + my vitamins. My friend Andy traded in a donut for a banana. I didn't want to give him one.
We live in Wilmington, NC... they live in Wadesboro... it's a three hour drive to see each other. When our lease is up, we're seriously considering moving westward for the sole purpose of being near these people. The friends I spend most of my time with eat with reckless abandon and tell me I'm perfect while they dangle bacon dip in front of my face.
*I treated myself to a c25k app on my phone that times my intervals. There are premade playlists and stuff, and I probably could've spliced my music myself... but this felt like an investment. An exciting, $1.80 investment.
I think I'm going to add a goal of having 2 drinks per week to my plan. That way, I can consciously track both of them and allow some wiggle room into my long term plans. I can enjoy a Yuengling Light after work, or a Zing-Zang & vodka Bloody Mary. I'm sending the Copo de Oro home with the friendsss, because I know I'll overdue it with White Russians (even with Skim Milk and flavored vodka... it's a weakness and I know this) so I'm eliminiating it from my pantry. I've also added moisturizing and teeth-whitening, because 1) It feels good to check boxes and 2) Tracking helps me to turn things into a habit.
Gonna check out GNC for Gold Card week, pick up some chromium pincolate today to add to my regimen... see my friends off, get a run and some ST...
HAPPY NEW YEAR! Indeed.
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