BEXXYOH   11,527
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What A Weekend...

Monday, May 03, 2010

So last week I worked out as usual... about 5-6 days. But I didn't track like I normally do. I'm scared to get on the scale. I was very bad for a few days, resorting to the old habit of "getting a craving out of my system" so I could "be good".

It's time to rededicate- get serious. I'm pumping up my cardio, I'm going to build to about 1 hr 30 minutes, and beyond if my body will let me. I have 3 months to fit back into my School of Nursing scrubs or I have to buy new ones... which will be expensive and pointless. I know I can do this.

I'm not going to go crazy and hurt myself- I'm going to push though. I know I am capable. I just have to prove it to myself. I started the 100 Day Challenge today... I even marked it in my calendar- a countdown - and I will be finished August 11, just before I start my last semester of nursing school.

There is absolutely no chance of my body NOT changing with what I'm about to do to it.
Later, love handles.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JILLIBEANIE 5/4/2010 1:26PM

    Awesome, push through and keep it going. You'd be surprised that treating yourself to your cravings here and there isn't as bad as you think it is. Just get back into your routine and you'll be fine. I stayed stable all month without any changes, so now I'm back to pushing myself..

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PIXIECN 5/4/2010 9:50AM

  Great job making the steps to get back on track!

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MERISSA1315 5/4/2010 8:52AM

    You can and will do this! You're going to rock this!

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MUM2SUSANAH 5/4/2010 8:46AM

    emoticon Seems like we had a similar week. Congrats on getting back on 'the wagon'. Can't wait to see your graduation pics!

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SPARTANJAI 5/4/2010 7:20AM

    You show those love handles who's boss!

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A Blog From the Boyfriend :)

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Brandon's personal message to the SparkNationWorldCommunityThing :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISS-GETS-FIT 5/13/2010 9:47AM

    That was emoticon!!! Lucky girl to have such a great man in your life be so supportive. emoticon

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MUM2SUSANAH 4/13/2010 9:37AM

    Oh my gosh! That was awesome!! I have such a huge grin now. See: emoticon

I hope to see Brandon soon in the "SparkNationWorldCommunityThing"

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JILLIBEANIE 4/12/2010 11:32PM

    Loves him!!! He's a good man, very supportive. Keep that guy around! emoticon

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COOPIE007 4/12/2010 12:00PM

    Your boyfriend is INCREDIBLY sweet! That's what its all about-having positive people around to encourage & motivate! :) Good luck to you (and possibly Brandon) your continued journey of a healthy life.

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MERISSA1315 4/12/2010 9:02AM

    OMG he's totally awesome!!!

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LAYDEJ 4/11/2010 1:32PM

    awesome!!!! emoticon emoticon

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ZENMIND7 4/11/2010 3:25AM

    Hey Brandon, this is the first time I've come across BEXXY's page on SP, but it's great that you stopped by to say hello and lend support! So great that you are supportive of BEXXY's efforts!

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GEKKO1 4/10/2010 10:05PM

    Another man supporting his girl...that rocks!

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ALESHABEE 4/10/2010 8:29PM

    Bexxy...You're marrying this guy right?!?! If not girl I'm gonna hit you upside the You have yourself a keeper not let him slip away.

Brandon you rock man!!! You are emoticon.

You guys are too cute, hehehehe!

Brandon definitely join SP....I'll be on the lookout for you!

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SUZALOO 4/10/2010 8:20PM

    Awww, that was really sweet!

You should join SparkPeople too! It's free,fun, and easy so what have you got to lose? (except weight! emoticon) Go for it!

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Still the Fat Girl... Apparently

Friday, April 09, 2010

So today my nursing school hosted a Health Fair. It is also my birthday... I'm 22. Neat.

I was feeling pretty good about myself. I was wearing some capris that were a little loose and my School of Nursing polo- per uniform policy for the event. I'm always the biggest one in my class- it's been that way for as long as I can remember, honestly. But honestly the whole "fat girl" mentality was mostly in my head. People were never really cruel to me directly, save for a few really lame people that hurt my feelings when I was much younger.

Today I was at the information table and helping people out, etc. Two very slender girls came in to get some free stuff from the fair. They were standing a little ways away from the table and trying to figure out somewhere to go for lunch. There were a few other people working the health fair sitting at the table with me. They were all very of them did not meet the 110 lb. weight requirement to donate blood at the health fair.

I wasn't really focusing on the girls' conversation, but then I heard one of them say to the other, "Alright let's go. Go ask the fat girl at that table for directions."

And she came over, and asked me for directions to one of the eating places on campus.
I couldn't breathe. I answered her question, excused myself, and went to the bathroom and cried like a tween watching Twilight.

What a terrible thing to say, and on my birthday of all days.

I had been feeling so good about myself. I know I'm at the beginning of this journey and have a long way to go, but I've been eating right, exercising... and the encouragement from the people on SP has been helping me to stay on track despite distractions. And they're everywhere.

But this cut like a knife. I wanted to say- "But I've been much bigger than this! This is progress!! Don't you see that?"
But I can't wear a sign, and of course I didn't correct her...

It sucked. I came home and worked out on my birthday.

My boyfriend's grandma made me a cake. I cut back earlier today and worked out a little bit longer, planning ahead so I could have a piece. Now I'm contemplating skipping it... but it would hurt her feelings.

It's my birthday... You only turn 22 once.
Gee whiz. Just... ouch. Off to my party. Because fat girls have birthdays, too.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JILLIBEANIE 4/10/2010 10:40PM

    Don't worry, people suck sometimes. You can rise above it and know that you're beautiful no matter what you look like. YOU know what kind of journey you're on and YOU know the hard work that you've put into all of this. Just say screw them and move on! You've got more heart and love than both of them combined and they'd never understand how things make other people feel when they don't know that other people can hear. Just keep your chin up, have your birthday cake, and do some crunches emoticon

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KIMMERQU 4/10/2010 10:21PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Happy Belated Birthday!!!! Like everyone has said, those skinny bitches just need to put people down to make themselves feel better. You're doing great!
Hugs, Kim

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Comment edited on: 4/10/2010 10:21:27 PM

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DANITX 4/10/2010 11:42AM

    Happy Belated Birthday---and forget those two girls they are insecure and to make themselves feel better they want to put you down. They are insensitive and don't let them discourage you. People can be evil sometimes -take it with a grain of salt and smile and keep moving. I know easier said than done but don't let anyone else steal your joy.

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CHELLESDOINGR8 4/10/2010 10:22AM

    emoticon HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY emoticon

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MOMSLOSINIT4_2 4/10/2010 9:39AM

    Happy Birthday, I am so glad you had your cake. You deserve it!

Don't take what those girls say to heart! They are usually body concious themselves and stay skinny in unhealthy ways. They find pleasure in putting other people down. You can change your outside appearance, but sometimes you can't change ugliness on the inside. Your right you can't wear a sign, but you can do the right thing...and you did! You gave them directions despite what they said or how they treated you.

Keep doing what your doing, focus on the positive (look at all those birthday wishes...I'm jealous!), remember your fellow done girls have your back! 'Cause, your so done!!!

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EMLG11 4/10/2010 7:46AM

    Makes me think of the song MEAN Girls. What you have to remember is that you are making changes in your life. You are making those changes to get healthier not to be a skinny mean girl like her. Someone mentioned above that she won't be happy. That is so true. I hope you had a great celebration with those who love you. Keep up the great work!!

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PEGASI51 4/10/2010 7:28AM

    Ugh. Now those were some awful girls. Growing up I always thought skinny people were mean because they were less happy. It always made sense. larger people = happier people. I've only met one or two mean large people, compared to the scores of awful skinny people I've met.

The good news is you'll show them! This journey of yours will give you ore self-confidence than they can ever dream of. They'll garner all their self-worth from what other people say or think about them, and so when they age & loose their looks, they'll freak out because they will suddenly not know who they were any more. (Not true for all skinny people, but probably for all SHALLOW skinny people.)

I hope your birthday was a smashing one, and keep up the good work. Yay for loose pants!!

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MICHELEB609 4/10/2010 7:04AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon Happy Birthday, beautiful girl! Don't let some rude, ill mannered, classless little twit's nastiness bring you down. You are doing a great job! Celebrate your special day!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CKNY54 4/10/2010 12:31AM

    What a bitch! FAT chance of her ever finding happiness in life because she's got a narrow mind and a FAT head!

Pick your chin up, girl. I hope you enjoyed your birthday despite that BS. You deserve it!

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SALLY4ORTH 4/9/2010 11:54PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Hope you have a fabulous birthday the rest of today!

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SALLY4ORTH 4/9/2010 11:53PM

    You can be done being the fat girl, but mean doesn't ever go away...she's stuck with it for life. You're not.

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46SHADOW 4/9/2010 11:34PM

    How can people be so mean. I just have to shake my head. I'm sorry it hurt you so much. there is so much negative stigmatism. I hope you can shake this off and go back to feeling good about your body now. Wear it with pride.

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JAXX06 4/9/2010 10:54PM

    You're losing weight and working toward health. She can't "exercise" her way out of being a bitch. You win.

Happy birthday!

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WANNABTHIN53 4/9/2010 10:28PM

    Enjoy your birthday and to heck with rude people.

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BRILLIANTAQUA 4/9/2010 10:10PM

    How horrible! I don't understand how some people can be so rude & thoughtless.

Happy Birthday!! You definitely should celebrate & have cake today, you do only turn 22 once and it should be remembered for the awesome party and not for some evil bitchy comment.
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SUZALOO 4/9/2010 10:05PM

    People are very ignorant sometimes!

Don't listen to them, everyone here on SP knows how hard you are working, and these girls obviously don't!

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WIFEYPOO2 4/9/2010 9:35PM

    Ugh-- I know that really hurt you a lot, but you know how wonderful you're doing!! Don't let a mean comment get you down, sweetie!! You are heading in the right direction, and soon you will be thinner and better yet a lot healthier!!!

Hope that you have aownderful birthday-- I added you as a friend, BTW!!!
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SOCKS117 4/9/2010 9:06PM

  Wow. Don't feel bad. (If you can not). That girl was a snobby bitch. Think about it, even if you saw a girl way bigger than you, would *you* say something like that? No. I think not. Which is what shows you that she is just a mean person.

Happy birthday - I hope the cake was taste-y.

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SHIPESTA 4/9/2010 9:00PM

    first off HAPPY FREAKIN BIRTHDAY! second, EAT THE CAKE! third, you can and are fixing your flaws - she can't and won't fix hers, it's that simple. Now, go enjoy yourself - don't give the comments or the girls that kind of power to ruin YOUR day...afterall, it's your birthday. emoticon

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    Mean people suck! Yet another reason why I hate the word "fat" -- it's never good! Don't let it deter you -- you're making great progress and doing REALLY well.

And please - have a piece of cake. It's your freakin' birthday!

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SWEEBUM 4/9/2010 8:40PM

  You know, pretty soon, you'll be as thin as her, prettier than her, and she will still be a bitch emoticon

Chin up! You have a heart and emotions, both qualities she obviously lacks my dear emoticon

And Happy Birthday! emoticon

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SUNSHINE20001 4/9/2010 8:21PM

    Hi there! I am so, so sorry that she said that. Some people honestly have no sense whatsoever!! Please don't let it get you down any more and just enjoy the rest of your birthday emoticon...altough that's alot easier to say than do I know, but know that all of us here are proud of you and all that you have accomplished thus far!!

Happy Birthday!! Have a blast!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    Happy Birthday and to heck with those "skinny" girls, YOU are beautiful inside AND out OBVIOUSLY they are not. Hope the cake was good. Enjoy your birthday.

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KARVY09 4/9/2010 8:20PM

    Holy crap. That is the worst feeling. I'm sorry you had to experience that and on your birthday of all days. When I was 22, I would have reacted the same way as you. Now, approaching 30, I think if someone said that I'd have said "Ask another fat girl" and walked away. People need to learn that the things they say hurt people and have consequences.

Just know that as thin as they are on the outside, they are ugly on the inside. And they probably always will be. As they say "fat can be lost. Ugly is forever."

Have a wonderful birthday weekend and surround yoruself with the people who love you, no matter what your size, you deserve it!

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JUST_SIMONE 4/9/2010 8:12PM

    Happy birthday! You share a birthday with my dad, who is an awesome person.

Mean people piss me off. I had an experience walking along a trail after I'd lost about 30 pounds. Someone moo-ed at me. GRRRRR. I still get angry thinking about it. I also get angry that those skinny girls talked like that to you.

I say allow yourself a small serving of cake. Enjoy it. And then track it and move on.

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BONJI40 4/9/2010 8:01PM

    Hi there fellow Done Girl....
First of all..OMG! I cannot believe the rudeness of some people in this world. Where in the world do people learn to act that way?? I don't know you...just happened upon your blog....but I wanted to cry when I read this. I've felt that hurt before, when I overheard something, or when someone has said it directly to me. They don't know the person you are inside, and they don't know the hard work you are doing to get healthy! And to make things worse, it happened on your birthday of all days....well, I hope you can rise above all that, enjoy your birthday evening, enjoy a piece of cake, and as someone else here said, use the memory of that hurtful comment as a tool and a motivator...prove to those stupid girls that they are dead wrong.

You are DONE being the fat girl! Done Done Done!!
I hope tomorrow is a good day!
~Carrie, a fellow Done Girl

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CAROJONES 4/9/2010 7:58PM

    Give yourself permission to eat some really sweet fruit! -- fresh pineapple -- is awesome!
Don't let anyone make you feel bad -- stay focused on yourself and your health!!
Give yourself permission to freeze the rest of gramma's cake!

Hang in There -- you can do it!

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SAYEATER 4/9/2010 7:25PM

    Happy Birthday!! You can't change what other people say, you can only change how you let it affect you. Enjoy your day, no one can take it from you!

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MEL_UNRAU 4/9/2010 6:52PM

    Oh... I am sorry. What a moment! You deserve to cry like a tween watching Twilight (made me laugh, btw-- could say tween or me! I bawled like a baby when I first saw it and read the book. See, I am sharing my secret shame with you!) Those girls were just inconsiderate, regardless of your size. You are allowed to think those things, you just aren't allowed to say them out loud.

Have a piece of cake, and celebrate! It's your birthday and you get to celebrate it regardless of size, number on a scale, cardio minutes, or mean skinny girls. You are learning to live a lifestyle, and that lifestyle will include many more birthdays and happy events to celebrate!

Have a wonderful wonderful wonderful evening! You deserve it! Beginning or end of your journey, you deserve to celebrate your birthday!

Have a happy happy birthday!

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SUNNYDAZE9 4/9/2010 6:47PM

    Happy Birthday to You--that is important for the day.

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ALESHABEE 4/9/2010 6:36PM

    Girl do not let them make your bday not good! To $%*^&@ (fill in your own mean word) with them. People will always have something to matter what size you are! Be you and do your darned are in nursing school so I know for you it is not only about the looks but about your health. Bravo to you for doing so well on your journey. And trust me that payback is a Biotch! A lot of the people who used to make fun of me when I was younger are now HUGE!! One girl used to call me sumo (as in sumo wrestler)...and now she is the one who could shed some pounds. Trust me that what goes around comes around.

Happy BDay girl and enjoy you only to get to be 22 once honey!

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MERISSA1315 4/9/2010 6:32PM

    There should be a rule that you can throw rocks at people like that...I mean, it's a good thing that you are a better person than them and will be better able to handle any kind of situation that comes your way because you're already making it through a battle.

I'm not sure I could have politely answered so kudos to you for not just slapping the not nice person.

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AGAINALWAYS 4/9/2010 6:21PM

    Ouch. I wish people wouldn't be so thoughtless. I guess to be the bigger person (pun intended) I could feel sorry for them that they are so insecure that they need to tear someone down to feel better about themselves.

Happy Birthday! Don't let them get you down!

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CAROLSUE21 4/9/2010 6:19PM

    BEXXY2POINT0 I am sorry about the comment that was made to you. Don't let uncaring, rude people put you off track. You are doing a great thing for yourself and although the comment hurts now use it as a motivator for where you are going.

And you are right - you only turn 22 once so have a small slice of cake to celebrate and work it into your calories for the day - even if you have to cut out something else.

Happy Birthday !!!! emoticon

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ChaLean Extreme... and my reservations... :-\

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

So ChaLean Extreme got here today, and I started out super excited! I couldn't wait to get into the package and figure everything out and get started.

Starting Measurements
Upper arms....18.75"
Hips..................54.5" (good lord...)

Fit Test (Start)
Plank................10 seconds
OH Press.........12 @ 8#
Bicep curls.....20 @ 8#
Sit & Reach.....7"

The Fit Test exhausted me, which was depressing because I've been working out for a few weeks and I thought I had already made some progress. I've tried really hard every day since I started SP to find something I like about myself and to compliment myself on it. But today, I couldn't find anything. I had dark circles under my eyes, my hair was frizzy, my boobs hurt, and my butt looked way more dimply that usual...

I really don't want to screw up this time. I keep thinking about all of the efforts I've made in the past. I keep trying to figure out what went wrong and what's going to be DIFFERENT this time to help me to succeed. I am tired of being the fat girl. I'm tired of never having anything to wear. I'm tired of feeling self conscious all the time, no matter what I'm wearing. I NEED this to be the time that I succeed- that I become an "after". I need to stay motivated... and I'm trying really hard! I need to get out of my head because I KNOW that all of this is self-defeating. I need to stay positive, but it's very hard when I have failed every other time I've tried. I keep looking at people's pages-- they don't even look like the same person after losing 50, 80, 100 lbs... I want to be one of those people! I want my life to change and to feel good about me for the first time in 22 years. My birthday is Friday... I really want next year to be different. Ugh... oh Becca. Get out of your HEAD.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MUM2SUSANAH 4/6/2010 4:59PM

    One of the most difficult parts of losing weight (especially when you have a lot to lose) is to change your thoughts. I think Pixiecn's advice about focusing on the "here and now" is great! That way you don't get so overwhelmed.

Don't worry if you have some days that are harder than others. What is important is that you see each moment as a new opportunity to refocus and recommit yourself. You are already taking some great steps just by being here!

A thought on finding something you like about yourself each day: Try to avoid picking an external characteristic. It is much easier, and much more productive to find a special quality in yourself.

Your positive thing today from me is: You are very determined. An excellent quality for anyone!


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PIXIECN 4/6/2010 4:23PM

  I know exactly where you're coming from. One thing I've found that seems to help is avoiding looking at the big picture. If I remind myself everyday that it's another 70 lbs till I reach my goal, I'll give up. So, I focus on the here and now. What can I do this hour to be healthy? This day? This week? This month? I try not to go bigger than that. I made some goals for the month of April that can all be broken down into a day or week. It's so much easier to think I can accomplish them if it's only today that I'm focused on.
Good luck and I hope you find something that works for you!

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MERISSA1315 4/6/2010 4:05PM

    Becca, you're already changing. You're stopping the negative thoughts and you're making an effort to live a healthy life. Stop thinking of yourself as a failure when you're obviously a "LOSER".

You've got this!

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CBAYNE245 4/6/2010 4:03PM

  You can do this. You've already invested the money in the program. Don't give up. It really is worth it. You are worth it!

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Energy... Neat!

Monday, March 29, 2010

I'll post a video blog later this week or perhaps next week... but I just gotta say- A fellow SP member introduced me to TurboJam, and I am totally in love with this workout! It kicks my butt! BUTT (haha) I don't feel like I'm really working out because it's so much fun. This is what I've been looking for! I'm covered in sweat and warm all over at the end, I know I've burned tons of calories...and the energy is AWESOME! emoticon I'm down 5 lbs and I can't wait to see what's going to happen in the weeks to come! I'm gonna be a succsess story fo sho!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JILLIBEANIE 3/29/2010 10:24PM

    That's great! Exercise SHOULD be fun, that's what helps you keep it up :) Keep going girl, you're doing fantastic!

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THINMOMMAGN 3/29/2010 10:10PM

    Way to go! Fun exercise is a real bonus and great job with your weight loss!! emoticon

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