Friday, April 09, 2010
So today my nursing school hosted a Health Fair. It is also my birthday... I'm 22. Neat.
I was feeling pretty good about myself. I was wearing some capris that were a little loose and my School of Nursing polo- per uniform policy for the event. I'm always the biggest one in my class- it's been that way for as long as I can remember, honestly. But honestly the whole "fat girl" mentality was mostly in my head. People were never really cruel to me directly, save for a few really lame people that hurt my feelings when I was much younger.
Today I was at the information table and helping people out, etc. Two very slender girls came in to get some free stuff from the fair. They were standing a little ways away from the table and trying to figure out somewhere to go for lunch. There were a few other people working the health fair sitting at the table with me. They were all very small...one of them did not meet the 110 lb. weight requirement to donate blood at the health fair.
I wasn't really focusing on the girls' conversation, but then I heard one of them say to the other, "Alright let's go. Go ask the fat girl at that table for directions."
And she came over, and asked me for directions to one of the eating places on campus.
I couldn't breathe. I answered her question, excused myself, and went to the bathroom and cried like a tween watching Twilight.
What a terrible thing to say, and on my birthday of all days.
I had been feeling so good about myself. I know I'm at the beginning of this journey and have a long way to go, but I've been eating right, exercising... and the encouragement from the people on SP has been helping me to stay on track despite distractions. And they're everywhere.
But this cut like a knife. I wanted to say- "But I've been much bigger than this! This is progress!! Don't you see that?"
But I can't wear a sign, and of course I didn't correct her...
It sucked. I came home and worked out on my birthday.
My boyfriend's grandma made me a cake. I cut back earlier today and worked out a little bit longer, planning ahead so I could have a piece. Now I'm contemplating skipping it... but it would hurt her feelings.
It's my birthday... You only turn 22 once.
Gee whiz. Just... ouch. Off to my party. Because fat girls have birthdays, too.