Tuesday, September 09, 2014
Today I completed the Whole30 challenge. Day 30. Boom.
If you aren't aware, the Whole30 is set out in "It starts with Food". If you haven't checked it out, I totally recommend it.
For 30 days, I skipped:
- Preservatives and Additives
and I only ate:
- Animal protein
- Healthy oils like coconut oil
Aaaaaand it went like this:
Day 1: This isn't so hard. I love eating like this. AND I LOVE EGGS!
Day 2-3: Ouch. Headache and lethargy. WHY?!
Day 4-8: Craving ALL THE CHEESE. And the cake. And the cheesecake!
Day 9-15: Cravings are gone and I feel amazing!
Day 15-20: Whatever! This aint no thing and I could do this foreeevvvveeeerr!
Day 21-28: I'm totally over eggs. No more eeggggggss!
Day 29: Am I over today? No? I swear today should be day 30. Trippy dreams make me wake up guilty for cheating, when I actually did no such thing.
Day 30: Heck yeah! I freakin' did!
I'm so glad to have this under my belt. There is something in my heart that fears that I am a failure deep down. When I do something, I assume somewhere that I am going to quit. And the more I DO, the more I can say I am not a quitter and I can do anything I set my mind to. I am proud of who I am, and I am proud that I have accomplished another challenge I committed to.
Also, I am feeling so healthy. I've lost nearly 25 pounds this month (Ummmm WHAT?!) and I can wear anything in my closet. I am back in tune with my body. I know how to be hungry. I know how I feel when I need to eat or when I need to stop eating. Avoiding all food without brakes has made me realize that I am strong and capable.
Tomorrow I start reintroduction. I'm starting with cheese because apparently, it's all I can freaking think about!
Sunday, September 07, 2014
It is hard for me to make a comeback so long and with so much time and space between comebacks. It is hard for me to see my face and to read these past blogs watching myself obsess over numbers and grams.
I can still feel the gut-wrenching dread of trying so hard and just not succeeding.
I carry my mistakes with me in the form of fat deposits around my body. When those mistakes get bigger in my mind, I get bigger.
Moving to the USA was a challenge. It tested every relationship, every ideal, every cultural norm that I experienced. It was awful. I got bigger.
And then, about a month ago, I realized how close I was to my starting weight- AGAIN- the number that literally shames me- and something clicked. I realised that my size is not only making my life difficult, but will also physically REDUCE my years with my family. I am willing to give them everything- why am I unable to give them time with me? I need to give them an extra 7 years with their wife and mom.
So the next day, without any thought, I went back. I started feeling my body's ebb and flow. I recalled what hunger actually feels like when I am eating clean.
I started a Whole 30 challenge- (if you aren't familiar it's no grains, sugar, additives, alcohol, dairy, legumes or soy) and have watched my Tiger Blood return. I started hiking, doing pilates, best of all, I'm dancing in the kitchen again.
I am losing weight and I can feel the obsession with the number building. But I'm on day 29 of the 30 day challenge and I'm not supposed to weigh in until the end.
I feel like I've walked this journey and I know this road. This lends a feeling of dread (of the speedbumps), excitement (of the victory), and fear (of my own failings) that I carry.
I'm still doing all the things that I offered as excuses before: I still night parent, I nurse my toddler, I squeeze freelance work in between every activity late into the night.
But this time? They aren't excuses. They are just things that keep me busy. If I want this, I'm going to have to do it.
And, boy, do I want this.
Friday, October 25, 2013
Today's a special reminder that progress is not a straight line. It's not a math equation. It's one day forward. One day oops. Three days forward. One meal oops.
It's because life- life happens. I was derailed by a pregnancy and some bad advice that took my 3kg (6.6lbs) gain from pregnancy and escalated it to a whopping 9kgs (19.8lbs). I wouldn't trade Babyboops in for a better body, but it is what it is, and once again I am a stranger in my own body.
Here's my little graph of weightloss. The first arrow is when I became pregnant, the second when I birthed.
Of course, I weigh in kilograms so thats why I have such "small" numbers.
But things are getting better. I can now button my size 16s. I get severe muffin top, but they are buttoned. And this means that I am leaving my fat clothes in South Africa, and heading to the US with nothing but the clothes that currently fit or are one/ two sizes smaller.
So, all that to say, be encouraged today. This meal matters. The next one matters. My success will not be a straight line and neither will yours.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
I promise to not always come on SP just to lament how fast the week goes by. But seriously? It FLIES!
It was a good week. Healthful and kind.
I tried goji berries and they are delicious. I want to put them in just about everything.
I weighed in the same as last week.
At this point, as long as I don't gain I'm better than going free for all in all this stress!
On that note, 30 days until hubby, myself and my favourite infant jump on a plane with all our belongings in a suitcase ready for a new adventure.
Man. I'm stoked.
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