Wednesday, December 18, 2013
This blog is not going to really be about me specifically and my day to day issues. I am at my all time highest weight. Had no idea my scale went that high! I've never had a fat butt -- I mean NEVER -- until now. I'm in the largest size I've ever worn. I'm not asking for sympathy or pity or whatever. I'm just stating the facts as they are today. I have, obviously, totally fallen off the wagon (and then some). Eating too much and not healthy enough. Absolutely no exercise of any kind--why, I'm too busy with Christmas, don't ya know??? Yeah, this is all my fault. I take full responsibility.
But, here's what this is really about. I've started reading Marianne Williamson's "A Course in Weight Loss--21 spiritual lessons for surrendering your weight forever". Now, I will admit I'm not quite halfway through this book so I'm definitely not an expert. But, this book has raised some questions for me and I'd love your thoughts and insights.
Her theory is the reason we don't lose the weight or it keeps returning is that we haven't really healed what our issues are. Now, I know I carry a lot of baggage (as do most, dare I say all of us do). But, I've never really thought this impacted my weight. Now, I see it in my son--low self-esteem, etc. But, I don't think that's me. I think I don't like to exercise and I do like to eat. Could there really be more to this weight issue than that? Could it be a matter of soul searching and healing some of those old demons before you allow yourself (she talks about asking God to help us break through) to lose the weight forever?
I am a Christian. I am a "non-practicing" Catholic. So I'm not offended or put off by this theory. I've gone to counseling for some issues. I try to be honest with myself and work through the things that bother me or make me less than I would like to be. But, I've never felt like my negative feelings, old baggage, old perceptions were holding me back. I thought it was simple--like I said; I don't like to exercise and I do like to eat.
Could I be doing this to punish myself? Down deep I don't think I deserve to lose weight? I don't lose weight because it's protecting me from ???? what, I don't know.
Has anyone else read this book? I would love some input, insight, thoughts.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
So, the last time we talked I was getting ready for my sleep study. It was, essentially, a disaster. I could not sleep for anything--tossed and turned (as much as you can when wired). The finger probe made my finger feel "burny" and the medical tape on my throat itched all night. Miserable!!
Took the machine back the next day and within 24 hours got a message that the finger probe malfunctioned and they got no readings. REALLY???? I have to do it again. I am told not to worry about the sleep; I'm probably getting more than I think and, if I want, I can take a Benadryl. So I did. Good sleep that night!! Finger did not burn; I did not use medical tape; much more comfortable.
Got results in 24 hours-----yep, it's apnea all right and they recommend a CPAP machine. Hubby and I will be quite the pair in our masks!!! We wouldn't have been caught dead in these things when we were young (of course, we didn't need them then!) but as we've gotten older, we have no shame!!! (I even wear comfortable shoes and don't care what anyone thinks!)
So I get my machine on Thursday. Hubby's had some adjustments so I'm not sure how easy it's gonna be to transition to a mask, etc. But, if I feel better I will make it work!
Still not tracking food; exercise is erratic at best. NO ENERGY!! Would probably have a bit more if I would move a bit more!
We'll see what this week brings. My weight has maintained so I probably will not track food but I will try to push the exercise a little more. I'm thinking of backing off a little on the exercise until I get CPAP and see how I feel. I'm hoping to feel much better with more energy.
Wednesday, November 06, 2013
Over the past month I have been all over the place emotionally. First, I found a food tracking site that seemed awesome! Easy-peasy!!!! Yikes! I could never type in anything that came up in their data base. Not sure what my problem was so I left that site after a week or two in search of a new site. Bingo! Found it. Great site that gave lots of great info. Problem????? It was awful trying to input new foods!! My original complaint. So I decided to return to Spark food tracking. Now, I must tell you that as I was searching for these other food sites guess which site kept coming up as easy and quick????? Yep! Spark!!!
OK. So now it's about 3 weeks later. I start using the Spark tracker again. Doing fine. But hit a stretch where I needed to input a lot of new foods and my consistency waned. Actually, it has waned to the point of being non-existent. I have not tracked food for a week or so. Well, that would be problem #1.
At the same time, my exercise started to wane and it is where my food tracking is---nowhere. I have not exercised for about a week. Well, that would be problem #2.
While all of this is going on, I am feeling more tired, draggy, groggy. I am a snorer and have been for years but in the last 6 months or so it has gotten dramatically worse. I mean I rattle the windows!! Now, dear hubby never complains and says he doesn't hear me anymore. That may be true but I sometimes wake myself. I'm embarrassed to spend the night anyplace. On family vacations or overnights with grandkids the family will "lovingly" tease me. Not enough to hurt feelings but enough to embarrass. I finally got fed up and as I was feeling worse physically I told my husband I was going to doctor to see if there's anything that can be done.
While all of this is going on DH is diagnosed with severe apnea and is waiting to get his c-pap. I am happy that he will start feeling better. So I take my chubby little self to the doctor on Monday knowing he would tell me to lose weight and see if that helps. Well, lo and behold, my doctor sets up a sleep study for me!! He seems to think I have apnea as well! Well, that would be problem #3. Went to sleep medicine to get my study kit and will use it tonight. Results could take 3 weeks (hubby's were back in 2 days). I'm still not convinced I have apnea but I sure fit the profile on all of the questionnaires. I was told today that 99% of snorers have apnea and c-pap is often used for serious snorers with out apnea.
So where does this leave me? Befuddled. Am I tired (with other minor symptoms)due to apnea, lack of exercise, or just have myself "convinced" I'm draggy and tired all the time?
ACK!! This week has been crazy so I think next week I will start back with my exercise and tracking food. I'll see if I feel any better. Then I'll get my apnea report and doctor and I will figure out next step.
This is actually a very bizarre situation: my son has severe apnea and uses the machine; hubby just got that diagnosis; and now I'm waiting to see.
This is not a big deal in the overall scope of things but another annoyance and question mark for me right now. I need to get back on track.
Friday, October 04, 2013
First of all, I NEED to update my Sparkpage! The dogs are gone, the baby is here and the son is married. I am a bit behind.
Not sure where to start this rambling blog. First, let me say that I am not frustrated, depressed or angry. Just curious....wondering what the heck?
I joined Spark in 2009 and I now weigh more than I did then. I have been down and I have been up but I have kept nothing off. I have tracked food and exercise religiously and I have not tracked at all. I have been consistent and inconsistent with exercise and food intake. I eat fairly healthy and I try to watch my portions. I HATE to track my food. I absolutely resist having to do that. My weight did not go down when I did track and it seems to take an ungodly amount of time to input all info. Yes, I do have a favorites list, thank you. But, there are some things I can't find on Spark, there are some things that I can't figure out measurements, and it hasn't made a difference in the past. I will track exercise, water, fruits/veggies, etc. but I bristle at the idea of tracking food.
I have been consistent with my exercise for over a month. My schedule: Monday, brisk walk 20 minutes in my hilly neighborhood and 20 minutes of strength training; Tuesday, walk 30 minutes (yep, same hilly neighborhood!); Wednesday, 30 minutes of yoga (I really need this as my balance is diminishing and I've never been flexible); Thursday, same as Monday; Friday, same as Tuesday and Saturday is another day of yoga. Sunday I rest. I'm finding if I follow this routine that by the end of the week I'm dragging on that Friday walk and Saturday yoga. I'm hoping my body gets stronger and this fatigue will stop.
Another factor I have going on is that (TMI WARNING!! BEWARE!!!) I have IBS constipation and diarrhea alternating. So I can be really bloated for a day or 2 and then feel very slim for a couple of days.
Which brings me to my next confusion: (Editor's note: I will tell you my age--62; my bra size 36C but I do not share my weight with anyone--hubby does not know my pant size anymore nor does he know what I weigh. But, because I am truly stumped and you people may be able to answer some of these questions, I am going to tell you--but don't tell anybody!!) I try to not get too hung up on the scale numbers but out of curiosity this week I weighed myself for consecutive days: Day one- 185.7; Day two- 182; Day three 185 even. Really? How can I ever tell when I've really lost weight? This was on same scale and same time of day. Is it related to the IBS? Salt intake?
I have gained a bit of weight over my entire body but my belly is the area that I have recently been struggling with. I know all about menopause belly but I've been through menopause for quite some time so why is this a significant issue now? My lower belly has had some "protrusion issues" in the past but this is more the upper belly and it's getting harder and harder to conceal it.
My friend MEADSBAY really started this contemplation when she decided to not track anymore. I totally get that as it has not made a difference for me. I'm not here for weight loss only but I'm more concerned with feeling good and being healthy.
I'm just not sure where to go next or what my next step should be. If you have read this far, thank you. If you have any suggestions or ideas, thank you even more!
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
HMMMM! I see it's been a month since I've written. I don't know why I procrastinate blogging. I think I have nothing to say (after reading some of the awesome, inspirational blogs!) or I have too much to say and don't know where to start.
This past month has been pretty good for me. I got back to walking. Whew! I was so out of shape it was pathetic. But, I kept pushing and am back to my old routine. Actually, I've changed it up a little. I walk and do ST 2 days, walk a longer distance 2 days, yoga 2 days and rest one. Does that add up right???
Just as I knew, my mood and attitude started improving after the first day of walking. So that impacts everything in my life. It becomes easier for me to deal with all of the little (or big) issues that come along.
Granddaughter had first day of kindergarten. Her response was lukewarm. She's transitioning from half day preschool to full day kindergarten plus a bus ride. It has been a tough transition for her. Needless to say, grandma (retired teacher) is a bit disappointed. She loves to learn, is reading, doing some writing, etc. so I just assumed she would be like me and her mom.......LOVE school. Well, not yet! She doesn't resist or complain but eh... whatever seems to be her attitude right now. I will keep my fingers crossed for some increased (or any) enthusiasm as she adapts to this schedule!!
My grandson had his first day of preschool yesterday. I asked him if he liked it and he told me he LOVES it!!! He could tell me every toy he played with!!! He makes me smile he is so cute and such a BOY!!!
Hubby has been traveling quite a bit; we've had some dear friends here for a visit so life has been busy for us.
However, last Saturday we went to adoption day to see if our dog was there. We think he might have been. We came home, talked, thought and asked if we could have a "trial" period with him. He is adorable beagle but we need to make sure he gets along with my son's dog since we keep him a lot. We drove an hour to the kennel and picked him up. He was very excited and so were we!! His name right now is Theo but we don't know if we will keep that name. He got a bath first thing almost and was very good about it! He has kept me busy today for sure. Our dear beagles were about 12 when they passed and Theo is 2!! Big difference in energy level and curiosity!! He is finally taking a nap! That's probably what I should be doing!! LOL Son and wife are bringing their dog, Albert, this evening for the big introduction!!! Keeping my fingers crossed!!
Sorry the pictures are not very good! My phone does not take good pictures ever!
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