Friday, May 15, 2009
For years I have tried to lose weight for different reasons. I've tried to please my doctors, my family, boyfriends, friends, employers, pretty much everyone. Well that is everyone except myself. I am learning something about myself this time around. I never liked myself well enough to really take care of me. That's why it would never last. The minute I would lose weight and people would start to notice or comment about it, I would immediately start regaining. I think the fact that they were happy because I lost weight was too much pressure. Because if I had pleased them then there was a good chance I could fail them too. The weight would always start to climb again.
Now I think I'm in a different place. I didn't start this thing to please anyone but me. If I fail I can only fail me, and I'm really tired of failing. I want to win for me. So I can feel healthy, and live longer. I am a worthy person at any size. I deserve as much love and respect now as I will when I reach my goal. I'm tired of hiding myself from the world and being ashamed. I am going to go out and embrace life now, not wait to be a certain size. Anyone who doesn't like me doesn't have to look at me.