BESUSAN's Recent Blog Entries

Sunday Morning Musing

Sunday, November 07, 2010

At twenty before plus one,
my daughter bloomed
in my womb. My birth canal
was our shared rite of passage.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LADYZHERRA 11/7/2010 11:57AM


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ZURDTA- 11/7/2010 11:38AM

    Very expressive...

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Sunday Morning Musing

Sunday, October 17, 2010

It is

my kind of hallmark moment

Itís couscous, spicy greens and yams sweetened with syrup and pecans.

Itís my clothes laid out and my messes put away without any fussing.

Itís the lists made for me or e-mails reminding me what Iíve forgotten.

Itís coming home each night to a kiss and him listening to my fussing.

Itís the conversations: Darfur, Guantanamo, Indi films and preteen obsessions.

Itís the knowing Iím enough and I have plenty.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ZURDTA- 10/18/2010 2:47AM

    Serene... I love the calmness in your poetry...

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Sunday Evening Musing

Sunday, September 19, 2010

you lay blossoms at my feet
weave liquid silk round my ankles
running upstream


All In A Meme: Baby Got Back!

Friday, September 10, 2010

ďOne of the nicest realizations that Iíve come to over the past two years is
that Iím finally learning to love all of my selves.Ē~Wista Johnson

This week's assignment is about body image. The response has been incredible. I tell you, I'm a little anxious if I can measure up to the level of honesty and courage and inspiration I've read. This is going to be a little convoluted because the truth is, it's taken years to work through many issues and body image is complicated and intertwined with others. Anyhoo.

Let me say first of all I like my body. I'm a black woman who's 5Ē0 tall, compact and muscular (how muscular is relative and we'll get to that later). In my world, black women are raised knowing our men like a little meat on the bone so I've never wanted to be rail thin. I did want to be a brick house (36-24-36). Well, I have a straight waistline so the hour-glass is the one fantasy I coveted for years.

I was always athletic, always thick and being a natural athlete, I kept my weight in check. Still, as a kid, I was never skinny, sometimes chunky and I was teased and I wanted to be smaller like my girlfriends. Tomboy that I was, I was still a girl and I wanted boys to see me the way they saw the skinny girls with long hair and light-skin.

Well, I got breasts early and I had a butt and I was fun so the boys came. In high school, I ran track and cross-country, threw the shot put and lifted weights with the football team. I was popular. I still wanted that small waist but hey, we always find something we don't like.

As a young woman, I taught aerobics and competed in amatuer bodybuilding, and let me tell you in the gym, I was happy, a gym rat not bunny (my socks didn't match half the time; the idea of makeup and cute outfit was silly to me). Lifting weights, I felt strong, confident. I had found my element. Where most women my height struggled to put on size and lift heavy, I was naturally built for the stage and I lifted like a fish swam.

Despite my athletic ability and appreciating what my body could do, I still struggled with weight. I loved to eat. I ate for a lot of reasons I didn't understand and so keeping the weight off was an issue even when I was most fit. As I got older and became sedentary, I lost the one check I had to keep the scale from tipping.

Today, I'm back on track with exercising and taking care of my body, and I like what I see in the mirror. I like the shape of my body. I think muscle is sexy and if you don't, that's okay. I got my game on for me. And let me say in this youth obsessed culture, I'm an ageist of the opposite order. I like who I am today. I don't coveted my youth. I don't want to look or feel 'young.' Getting older is a gift and while everything that comes with ageing isn't golden, I like the benefits like no longer worrying if others find me attractive. I'm not in competition with models who've been airbrushed so much that there's little reality on the page. I'm not sucked into fad diets, and I actually know a little about nutrition and my life concerns are bigger than my personal realm.

I am a smart, passionate, intelligent, cute loc-wearin', muscle-building black woman whose eyes smile when she laughs. I'm forty-five, in love with a great cook and I have two dynamic young daughters. I'm a community organizer, activist, writer and literacy advocate who loves the body that allows her to live life abundantly.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BESUSAN 9/19/2010 4:34PM

    Thank you all. I do like my body. It's not my 20-something body and that's okay. I like that I've grown comfortable in my skin and now that I'm taking care of my body, I do appreciate it more.

I will check your blogs for responses. And I'll do better to post topics and respond in a timely manner.

I appreciate that you come by, read and comment.

In good health,

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PSSN4FITNESS 9/15/2010 5:24PM

    Loved this post!! I could relate to a lot of the things you said (I too am a 5'0" black woman emoticon who loves muscles and coveted hourglass waistline too! Very small world indeed.).Though, I was never fit and athletic like you were. I must say it has taken time for me to come to terms with all the hang-ups/mind-frames that I have been socialized into. It sounds like you have a wonderful and strong image of yourself! Enjoy your body and continue being confident in who you are.

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SHERYLDS 9/10/2010 2:55PM

    Here to You! Beautiful inside and out.

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ZURDTA- 9/10/2010 2:22PM

    emoticon I also hope to get something blogged...

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MASSPEACH 9/10/2010 1:14PM

    Love this post, love your attitude!

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BOOKLOVER60 9/10/2010 11:30AM

    What a wonderful read! I've been writing my own response to your invitation for a couple of days now and hope to get something going blog-wise later today.

You've given me some new ideas to consider here.



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LIGHTNINGBUG45 9/10/2010 8:26AM

    You exude confidence! I find this blog to be a powerful statement about a real woman who knows what she's about!

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All In A Meme: Body Image Then and Now

Thursday, September 09, 2010

Hi all, I'm bringing back the meme. Technically, you respond on your blog but feel free to respond here if that works better for you.

Welcome to ďAll In A Meme.Ē Simplest explanation is a meme is a discussion between blogs. Every Tuesday I post a topic for participants to address on their blog. On your blog, summarize the assignment for the week and provide a link to it so your readers can participate or find more participants' entries to read. After you've published your response, come back to ďAll In A MemeĒand leave a link to your response in the comment section (how else will we find yours?). Participants have from Wednesday up to the following Tuesday to publish their responses.

This week's assignment is courtesy of my friend, D. Topic is ďBody Image Then, Body Image Now.Ē Years ago, I published an e-zine and our signature issue was ďMore Than A Bone,Ē an issue dedicated to women. Every year we took a slightly different take on the title but it all came down to how women see ourselves and how we view our lives. Of course, body image is a topic that has to be included when we talk about women's issues.Why, because we live in a culture that puts so much emphasis on how we see our bodies and our body image significantly impacts how we value ourselves. I won't go into one of my political rants about the objectification and over-sexualization of women here, but I will say I am very excited to see how participants approach this week's assignment. And while for me, the topic is linked to women, I hope we hear from men as well. How do you see yourself physically now at this stage in your journey? Historically, how have you felt in your skin?

I hope you participate. Love your body.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LA_EATS 9/10/2010 2:02PM

    Here's mine.


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LADYZHERRA 9/9/2010 11:58AM

    Here's mine!

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