Wednesday, April 11, 2012
So Ive been away from Spark for a while! Its been a long time since I blogged and I miss it! Here's the deal- I gained back weight during my pregnancy- not all of it but about 30lbs of the 50 I had lost. During 2011 I lost 20+ lbs and thats about it. Since then I have been yo-yo ing up and down the same 10-15 lbs. Soooo frustrating. Id lose ten lbs and then gain it back, lose it gain it. lol Pretty frustrating.
Anyways I have continued to exercise regularly, and I track my food/weight/exercise etc in a notebook everyday so I have not fallen whatsoever, Ive just been struggling. A couple of weeks ago I was racking my brain trying to think of WHY I could not seem to get a real grip on things. I went through old journals from when I had been successful. I realized I had kinda lost that fire, determination and WILL to really truly lose the weight, I kept thinking, "if only I could lose 5 more lbs, etc" I realized that in order for me to spark this fire I needed a REAL goal- one that I would have to bust my butt to reach and also, one that I would WANT to bust my butt to reach.
So I made a goal to lose 40 lbs in 3 months. Tough but I achievable and would make a HUUUGE difference in me, my appearance, my attitude, my happiness, my energy, etc. Then I set up a calendar in my phone so my goals are always rt there and I can see them whenever I need to or want to.
I have till June 20th and I have 25lbs left. I am making changes not only in the way I eat, but also my lifestyle. I'm taking the kids to the park, (a lot) setting up playdates, being way more sociable, reaching out to people instead of waiting to be invited.
In the evenings sometimes I go outside and play basketball or ride bikes with the kids and hubs just to get out of the house. I am learning that you CAN walk away from those cravings.
When I go to the grocery store instead of buying some kind of chips or chocolate, I made this change and it has been HUGE for me: I buy grapes, cherry tomatoes, apples, etc and if Im hungry on my way home, Ill have an apple. Or cherry tomatoes (which I just found out I LOVE)
Another change: Im not picking at the kids food. Im learning that the more I do this the more irrisistable it for me NOT to do it, and over the course of a day it can add 100s of cals.
So anyways, I am loving this and don't even feel TEMPTED to cheat. Kinda weird for me, but I think its a good lifestyle change that I can continue to live with, so wish me luck and Ill keep updating on my progress.
As of today Im at 231, and Im crossing my fingers Ill be solidly in the 220s by next Wednesday when Ill blog again. :)
Monday, April 11, 2011
Here are some of my discoveries after a month of wearing a Body bugg.
For one, I had become waaay less active witout realizing it. I was sending my kids to fetch me this or that, I was relying on Alex to do most anything that required effort, such as going downstairs to lock up at night, take the dog down, or feeding the dogs (all requiring a trip downstairs to the basement.) Also, I would wait for him to get the baby out of the car (infant carriers with baby inside are heavy!) I had been avoiding MANY many opportunities to be somewhat active. Now that I have the BB, that has ALL reversed. I VOLUNTEER to fetch things and feeding the dogs or putting them away at night-- leave it to me! lol When we are out and about, I get baby out and many times offer to carry baby (he of course wants to b/c hes the MAN, but I offer!) Any opportunity to burn a few extra calories and I am on it. I used to spend extra time sitting on the sofa with baby. Now I feed him and play with him for a few minutes, but then I am up doing something else. I don't sit through tv programs anymore. I burn about a calorie a minute, while sitting on the sofa. OUCH! When I get up and move or do something, I burn double or triple, JUST MOVING. I do remember when I was normal weight that I couldn't sit through a tv program-- my friends would always joke about how I couldn't sit still. So, I don't know when that change happened! hehe
Also, parking farther away from the store really does make a difference. I can burn 50-60 calories, just walking into walmart if I park towards the end of the parking lot! Amazing! Making my bed counts towards moderate activity-- who knew!! Sweeping, mopping, cleaning- I burn an average of 4 cals a minute. It just blows me away at how the little things really, REALLY add up. The first weekend I had my BB, I had a normal sedentary Sunday-- normal for me. I was over 300 calories UNDER my goal for calories burned. Now I clean and try to stay somewhat active, even if I don't workout, just get moving.
Another thing I have learned is I NEED to move more. I have to. Even on days that I workout (most days) I still have to keep moving, and sometimes add in a 2nd workout just to meet my calories burned goal. Wow, I never realized how sedentary I was. I really, truly thought I was pretty active. Not that I sit around all day, its just wasn't enough to be considered active.
This has all been a HUGE eye opener for me. I LOVE my BB and I think it has been one of the greatest investments I have ever made. It becomes a game, a challenge to meet and try to SURPASS my goal (Of course I am not satisfied with meeting it, I NEED to surpass it, since it was given to me by my BB program, not my own goal) (which BTW, my daily goal is 2,750 cals burned)
Yesterday I was behind on my calorie burn. I went outside and jumped on the trampoline with Lucy and Tobe for a good 20 minutes or so. (BTW, it TORCHES calories, so if anyone has one, go jump for a few minutes!) I was really just having fun with them, didn't even notice the time, and in the end I had burned an extra 250+ calories. That is a good workout! And my kids loved it. ( I did too) Little things like that and I am really, truly, finally losing weight.
I have been doing INSANITY for about 3 weeks or so. It is tough and at first I dropped ZERO weight. I was really really discouraged and wanted to quit except I had made a public and personal commitment and so I felt like I HAD to finish it till the end. I'm glad I am. I am down so far almost a solid 10 lbs and its NOT water weight. I HAVE LOOSE JEANS! YAAAAAY! First real sign. lol Also I like Insanity b/c the workout is hard but it makes me push myself. I am becoming way stronger physically AND mentally. Also it really curbs my appetite (strange but true)
As far as my last blog on being more present, it is becoming more 2nd nature. Yesterday I was in a funk. Sooooo bored and restless. So I told Alex I wanted to go somewhere different, etc. (Normally I would have moped and eaten over this emotion) So we did. I realized as we were driving that I was zoning. I reminded myself to look around and really see where I was going, make conversation, and find interest. We stopped to eat and I realized that I was zoning again. I realized I barely even look at people. I started looking around, and observing. THIS is why I tend to overeat at restaurants. Weird thought. But a good discovery. I have been living in my own little world, wanting more, but not realizing that I actually HAD it but didn't notice. WOW.
I pondered on it and now I know when I stopped looking at people. When Alex and I first started dating, he was super controlling/jealous. Whenver a guy looked at me he would get mad at ME. So I stopped looking around, b/c I didn't want to hear him bitch, and I didn't want to catch anyones eye. Ooookkaaay! WTH? Then it became 2nd nature. Wowza! (For the record that was 10+ years ago, and Alex is no longer controlling, although he is still jealous, just not like that!!!) lol So that is my new assignment-- start looking up again. Sooooo glad I am figuring this out.
I guess Im done blabbing. I just wanted to get some of my thoughts out there. I am still aiming for 50 lbs by my birthday-- only (ONLY) 40 lbs left to go!! lol
Sunday, March 20, 2011
I stumbled on a vlog the other day and feel like I have really stumbled on a huge part of the puzzle that makes up my relationship with food.
In this vlog, she(ANEPANELIPTI) talks about a lot of the problems she has with emotional eating etc. and mentions making meaningful social connections. As soon as I heard that it was like that lightbulb moment. The "AHA!" moment that Oprah talks about. I cannot tell you how many times I have went to parties, BBQ's, get togethers, etc and wanted to stuff my face the whole time without knowing why. Well obviously I knew I wasn't lonely bc I was with a bunch of people, right? Or went out to eat with my family and all I could think about was the next slice of pizza or the dessert buffet. I don't even know how to explain how amazing this thought is. I didn't even have to think about it-- as soon as she said it, it just all clicked together. I just knew.
So ever since then I have been thinking about it and I am surprised that I have used this thought in more than just social situations. I have been using it when my kids get home- I make eye contact when I talk to them, go out of my way to squeeze their shourlder, or give them a hug. I used it when I went out to eat with them-- had a real conversation where I was really present. Even with the cashier, I made eye contact and asked them about their day (not in a creepy way, just friendly!) I have realized more and more how UN- present I am in many of my day to day activities. I barely notice stuff. I am changing that in ways that one would not think were important. I LOOK at what I am doing. I notice what I look at. Could I have been in a weird trance for half of my life? I don't know, but I have been reminding myself how I can enjoy the little things.
I like the way my clean laundry smells when I take it out of the dryer. I enjoy seeing my kitchen clean and sparkling. I love how the living room carpet has lines on it from being freshly vacuumed. My baby smells delish after he gets his bath and his fat little cheek snuggled up on my chest while he is sleeping is so, so beautiful. I enjoy the feeling of leaving my freshly cleaned house and taking the kids to the park to walk with my friends. (Can you guess I am a mom/housewife) This is my life- for the first time I am realizing that I enjoy it. I guess this goes along with the saying "wake up and smell the roses" I am astonished at how much I have missed b/c I have not been "present" and how much I have eaten over. Makes me sad but happy at the same time. I still have so much to enjoy and look forward to. This weekend when we spent time with friends, I took the time to actually enjoy it- made more eye contact, I listened more, I found connections and reminded myself to be PRESENT. I am thrilled that I have discovered this. I don't know if this is exactly what it meant to the author, but this is what I got out of it and it has made a huge difference in my day to day life. And my eating has been very calm the last week. I didn't have to fight with myself. I found fulfillment in other areas. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! This is what has been missing for so long. I had this before when I was around the people that I knew and loved. Yet when we moved 1000 miles away I had to make new friends and had a "new" family that I wasn't happy with. (my in-laws) and I didn't know how to cope or respond. Good grief that was 5 years ago!!! And since then I had gone from a size 12 to a size 20/22. (not currently a 20 thanks goodness, but I was)OUCH. So thank you for helping me and opening my eyes! And to God for leading me to this. :):)
Im going to talk about goals here. I have been in a slump for the past few weeks. Im still here, not letting go, but I guess I just wasn't feeling bad enough to really want to change. So I had been working out 2-3 times a week, and eating good some days and some days not, but not trying much. Well a week or so ago, something just snapped- I want to lose again. I don't want to maintain anymore. I want to get into my pre-pregnancy jeans. Then I want to get into the jeans that I was wearing 5 years ago and I really want to see what I look like as a size 10, I would love to know what I look like at 180 lbs, or 160. I want to get there. And get there I will, slowly but surely. I want to enjoy the ride down. lol
I bought a Bodybugg (YAY ME!!!!) which I am loving. Ive only had it for a few days now and it has been a real eye opener. First of all, cleaning, chasing kids and parking farther away from the grocery store really does make a difference. And 2nd of all, I NEED my workouts if I am going to lose. hehe It really encourages me to move MUCH more.
I am going to start INSANITY tomorrow with a friend. We both want to lose 50 lbs-- I need to lose more than that but its a good start. lol So we are going to do a challenge of the full 60 days of INSANITY. Im excited to start but also SCARED! That workout is TOUGH and I know it will whup my A@@. but I WANT to push myself and having her to be accountable to will definitely help. My goal is to lose 50 lbs by my birthday-- I have 19 weeks, so its an ambitious goal. I don't want to waver. I must keep my consistency and momentum going, I know I will do this!!!!!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
I must admit-- I am a total food addict. I didn't realize this or that such a thing even exsisted, but after a lot of research, I can honestly say, I have a REAL problem with food. I binge eat. I starve myself. I workout for hours on end. Then I binge eat again.This is a horrible cycle. I just want out, but it seems that no matter what I try, I can't control myself.
This IS the reason for my weight problem. Nothing else. I LIKE to exercise. I don't have a problem with overeating-- I can handle hunger. What I haven't been able to handle is my emotions-- most of which I don't even KNOW what they are. So realizing all of these things I have contemplated doing many drastic things-- starving myself infinitely, doing the master cleanse, working out biggest loser style (ie: hours a day) Pills, etc.
I haven't always been this way. I have lost weight before, I have been not "thin" but normal weight. I kept asking myself how did I do this before? I pulled out my food journal from 2003, (after the birth of my 2nd child, when I lost from 240 to 190)-- my lowest weight as an adult. As I was reading it I was shocked. I didn't know "how" to diet in that time. And yet I Iost 50 lbs in a matter of a few months. This is what I saw:
1) I started out with the same problem. I was eating emotionally, and I had binges.
2) Pretty much the only exercise I did was walking
3) I didn't diet.
4) I stopped binging, even though I still had days that I ate too much
5) Even though I was not dieting or busting butt in workouts, I steadily and without fail, lost 2 lbs a week.
6) I did not count calories
So shocked I was! LOL How did I do it, and how can I do it again?I read the whole journal.
I did it by eating conciously.
I ate only when I was truly hungry,
I listened to my body and stopped when I was satisfied.
I was consistent. I ate whatever I wanted-- no special foods, no low carb, no seperate meals for me and my family, even ate out a lot. Just ate less. I lost my obsession with food, and I weighed only once a week. Even towards the end,(of the journal) when I was losing 5 lbs a month (not b/c my metabolism slowed-- I was eating a lot more food, therefore my weight loss slowed) I was cool with it. I just kept on trying, without even trying. Just making better choices, and enjoying NOT being a slave to food.
So I decided-- this is what I need to do to regain a normal relationship with food. Im not going to lie-- the first day I was TERRIFIED. I didn't know what to do if I didn't have some kind of restriciton. How would I know what to eat? Or when to stop? How would I know if I was eating too much? How would I not GAIN weight if I was eating whatever I wanted? So I sat down to dinner with my family-- regular food, not unhealthy, just not what I was used to eating. (It was beef stir fry on rice) I served a regular portion-- I had these horrible thoughts swirling through my head-- "What if I lose control and start bingeing on it? What if I don't stop? How can I eat this without losing control? What if I eat too much and gain weight? How can I TRUST myself to stop?AARGH!
I took a deep breath (literally-- I was so nervous I was shaky) and made a concious effort to really savor each and every bite, SLOWLY b/c I wasn't planning on serving myself more. Lo and behold, by the time I was finished, I was full and knew it. I was satisfied and didn't need more. Wowza. First meal down. After dinner, my hubs and kids had some mexican sweet bread- I was scared of it-- what if I lost control and started mowing on it?What if I couldn't resist NOT eating it? What about my new resolution then? Then I realized, I can have some if I want it. I asked myself "Do you want some? " Um, not really. hahahahaha I couldn't believe it!! I didn't even really want any, but b/c I initially told myself I couldn't have any, I was SCARED of it. Strangest realization ever. This has really helped me realize that I am totally messed up in my relationship with food. When did I become SCARED of food? When did I stop eating b/c I was hungry? When did I become so obsessed?
The next morning, I was lost. What do I eat if I don't have to count my calories? How do I know if its too much? I finally ate a banana, then 1 serving of hot cereal, and hardboiled eggs. I was satisfied, so I decided that was good till my next meal or snack. It seemed like a lot of food. I couldn't help it-- I did the math on my cals. I was still under 400 cals, so I guess it wasn't too bad. Although on a good calorie day for me, I would have kept B-fast to about 150- 250 cals. ( That was another thing that shocked me-- What I was eating to lose 2 lbs a week seemed like way more food than I would allow myself on "good " diet days.) But then I didn't have horrible binge days. And without thinking about it, I LOST consistently. Anyways, I had a wonderful food day, all in all. I ate more than I would have allowed, but my tummy was rumbling by the time I went to bed. Weird.
Another thing I (finally) decided to change. No more weighing in everyday. Its too frustrating and honestly undermining. I would see the number go up and get depressed. I would see the number go down and relax, etc. I learned to not trust myself, but to trust the scale, which we all know is a very fickle friend, and a poor measure of success (on a daily basis) I've resolved that I will measure my success in my daily habits, and TRY to trust myself in being in tune to my nourishment, not my weight. I am going to weigh once a week, but I am not going to put all my faith in it. For example, one week (in my old food journal) instead of losing 2 pounds, I gained a pound. I wrote: "Im not concerned about my weight this week-- I know I'm on the right track. Plus I'm on my period."
I couldn't believe my good attitude-- these days that would have thrown me into bingemode soo fast. What I really couldn't believe was that, sure enough, the NEXT week, I lost 5 lbs. which was the 1 lb regained, plus the 2 lbs I should've lost the week I gained PLUS 2 lbs for the current week. Still exactly 2 lbs a week. WOW! Where have I gone wrong in the last few years? It amazes me that I at one time knew what I was doing, and I lost it.
Anyways, today is day 3 and I am feeling SUPER. I really REALLY wanted to weigh myself this AM, b/c I FEEL thinner already. But I refrained. (Yay me!) I am feeling much more confident about my food choices, although I still feel pretty shaky and nervous when I am deciding what to eat. I feel a tremendous amount of freedom. Just the thought that I can eat any food, but I must enjoy it, has given me a new perspective on food and my life in general. I am excited to simply have a normal relationship with food. (Still learning!)Of course I want to lose weight, but I have decided that if I lose even 1 lb a week, consistently, I will continue on .
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Thats right-- Im down 10 lbs since I started Chalean extreme 10 days ago. I was so shocked I almost fell off the scale. lol The best part is that I also took measurements the day I started and today-- sure enough, I have lost basically an INCH all over. Off my chest, waist, hips, etc. and 1/2 an inch off thighs, knees calves. WOW!! I am so totally thrilled. Nope, its not water weight, I have lost some real weight. YAY!
Anyways, this hasn't come easy so far. I have been busting butt in the workout category. I am following the CLX program AND adding extra cardio. On the 3 days that are the strength training, I am also doing 20- 50 minutes of Turbo Jam. Usually the 20 minute, but sometimes I do a long one. Plus I haven't taken all of my rest days, and have been doing extra cardio on those days too. Im not going to lie, there have been a couple days when I didn't know how I was going to do it-- I was so friggin SORE. After my first Burn workout, I had to change my baby's diaper and even leaning over to change him in the changing table, my legs were SHAKING. I had to keep standing up straight, b/c my legs were so super spent. I Like it though.
I've also been REALLY strict on my diet. I have made major changes, since I got into the habit of late night eating after baby was born and had to change that, plus get back into counting cals, although I am focusing on changing my relationship with food, so the diet is quite interesting here lately. LOL
Anyways, I was so super excited with my first 10 days, I had to share. Im hoping for another 10 lbs in the NEXT 10 days-- how cool would that be????? haha
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