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So much change.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Wow. I just wrote a blog on March 10 about my pregnancy. It's funny to see that considering I gave birth on April 1. I wasn't due until June 12 but seems like the little one couldn't wait to make her appearance.
Payton Keaira was born 10 weeks early and weighed only 3lbs 12 oz. I'm happy to say that she's doing fantastic! She's currently in the NICU but should be coming home soon! YAY. I can't wait for mommyhood to begin.
So I've decided to get back on the clean eating bandwagon. I gained close to 55 lbs by the time I was 7 months pregnant. I'm happy to say that I have now lost 29 of those said pounds. :) (mostly due to the weight of the baby, blood and guts, and boob juice. lol) but either way, I'm happy it's gone.
Time for my newest challenge. Losing my weight while caring for a newborn. EEEP. I'm stressed just thinking about it. Puhleasssssse hit me up with ideas if you have any! I did have to have a C-section so right now exercise is limited. I'm not supposed to lift anything heavier than 10lbs nor am I allowed to partake in strenuous exercise (in case I pull a stitch or you know, cause a hernia, no big deal lol)
Anyway all my SP bloggers, I hope to hear from you and can't wait to share all my successes again!

PS there are more pics in my album!



Expecting! :)

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Hey everyone!
I haven't been online in soooo long and just wanted to point out that I really miss you all. Life has been so chaotic lately. I'm going to try to visit and post more to keep you all updated. :)

So... if you've read my intro, you know that when I was overweight, I was diagnosed with PCOS and was told it would be highly unlikely to ever concieve without fertility treatments. So I continued on my weight loss journey and figured that when I met the 'One' and we had determined it was time, we would try. Well...things don't always work out like that.

In October, I had missed a month of my period and the new guy I was dating suggested I take a test. I laughed. Little did I know what he figured was completely on target. I was 5 weeks pregnant. I was in hysterics. Life had just changed completely from that moment on.

I am now 27 weeks along and our baby girl Payton Kieara is due to arrive on June 12. Adjusting to this whole gaining weight thing has been really difficult. I've already packed on 40lbs from essentially not caring about what I ate. I went from kickboxing twice a week and daily gym visits to nothing. I was so afraid of losing the baby because of my PCOS that I got lazy. REALLY lazy. Needless to say, I've now been tested and diagnosed with gestational diabetes and that really got my butt in gear. I'm rededicating myself to clean eating and safe prenatal exercise. I also want to make sure that once she arrives, I'll be more than ready and able to step up with the exercise and diet.

I thought I would let you know why I've been M.I.A and I can't wait to see you all soon. Wish me luck.

PS: I've just joined BabyFit and if you don't know, it's created by SP for pregnant women. YAY. If you are on there, add me. Paytsmama


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GEMINIGEM6 3/13/2011 11:05AM

    Oh wow! Congrats!! I'm happy for you. I too was diagnosed w/ PCOS so I know the issues that come with it. My main issue hasn't been w/ trying to have children as I do not want any, but I know so many women deal w/ that part of it. I have dealt w/ other symptoms from it though (of coiurse the weight issues) so I know it's just not fun for anyone. And as far as gaining weight and all that you will be fine. You're already getting yourself back on track and you will be able to pass your good habits on to her! :) Congrats on everything! :)

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BILLALEX70 3/11/2011 7:29PM


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TOSWEETLISA 3/10/2011 7:24PM

    Congratulations. It is an amazing journey from conception to having your little one. Stay strong. I know you cannot wait to meet your little girl. I hope everything goes well for you.

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KOFFEENUT 3/10/2011 7:14PM

    What amazing news - CONGRATULATIONS!!!


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On being self destructive. :(

Sunday, July 12, 2009

I know I haven't been online for a lonnnnnggg while. I've fallen off track big time, but I know that in the past year and a half, SP has always been there for me. It's been the best place for support and love which is why I'm writing today. I've always found that blogging here helps me see things clearer and allows me to vent. I have a few confessions to make. I don't know if my behaviour is due to the weight loss and having the mindset of being able to do anything I want to do but I know that it is very self destructive and I'll explain why.
In recent months, I've found that I let men control my life and my emotions. I have not admitted this until now but I believe that I am addicted to being promiscuous. It makes me feel loved but of course, a one night stand is only temporary and I'm out the next night looking for a high. I realize that my mood is so up and down and it is all dependant on the attention I get from males. I've gotten to the point (and I HATE THIS) where I now have a reputation. A bad one at that...I've been branded as a whore by almost everyone. (Work, old friends, new friends, etc.) It has to be the worst feeling in the world. I used to be so sweet. SO innocent. I wouldn't even swear, let alone allow strangers to use my body. It's almost like I changed overnight. All of a sudden I woke up and I'm a new person. A very bad one with no goals or aspirations. I remember the girl I used to be. Classy, sweet, contagious. People would always tell me that I had this aura that just drew them in. It's all gone now. I'm a barbie now. I fit in with every other party girl out there. I have nothing that makes me stand out anymore. When I was overweight, I relied on my personality getting me where I needed to go...Now, it's really as simple as a wink and a smile. I have no more charm, no more wit.
Another thing is that I've been experimenting with drugs. I have become so stressed out with my life, I'm behind on bills, I have collectors calling me constantly, I was deathly ill for a while, my family and friends don't know who I am anymore, I got suspended at work, life is just crashing. I know that there is no excuse but like I said about the promiscuity, the drugs are a temporary happiness. It covers up the pain and helps me focus on something other than the fact that I've actually hit rock bottom. What happened to me?

So today, I figured I really need to change myself back to who I used to be. The first step being that I won't be swearing. Seriously, I have a foul mouth now and I think by cutting that out, I can perhaps start to see who I used to be.
Second, I'm seeking counselling.
And lastly, I am going to filter my friends list. I cannot surround myself with bad influences any longer, or associate with friends that are nothing but drama. It's time to turn over a new leaf.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEXYSIZE_12 6/30/2010 10:08PM

    We all have drama in life even some that you mentioned, men problems, job problems,weight problems, bill collectors calling, some even with the drugs. But it's all how you respond to it in life, I responded by over eating. I hope things are much better for you by now and if not you seek some type of help such as counseling for the drugs and financial problems. I'm hoping that you're family can and has helped you, we all fall down and we can get up. We're not meant to be perfect don't be so hard on yourself in life. You know you're the exact same age as my daughter and I would hate if she didn't come to me in this hard time in life, I hope that you have the same with your family.

You had a point about cutting people out of your life, if they are negative and if the encourage and or do drugs and are just bad for you in general it's a must not to have anything to do with them. It's hard to get and stay strong when dealing with people who will continue to do what you're working on getting away from.

You're in my prayers, best wishes and hugs to you. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PLB1967 6/30/2010 1:02AM

    You are so right about the change of mind and being when the weight falls off. I had my stomach stapled in the 80's and bulimia to lose weight. I once was 155 or so pounds and it looked alright on my frame. It was mind blowing to recieve attention from men, but I was also angered by married men and some married preachers who made passes. I did however start to become "loose" myself. the thing that saved me was that I started gaining weight back as I kept binging and purging, then I suddenly stopped and just started to eat. I stayed slim for a few short months and gained weight rapidly, which made me lose the self-confidence that I had gained. When you lose weight you do start to have these conceited thoughts aobut yourself. I found that as a slim woman I started to look "down" on fat people and even laugh to myself when I would see a large person. To be quite honest, I am much nicer fat than thin. I seem to be or want to be very vindictive.

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CARMINACG 6/21/2010 4:44PM

    Hey there,

Well its kind of a weird thing that happens when you either get tied up in a different crowd, shed a few lbs or even start gaining attention from people that may not necessarily have your 'best interests' in mind. I think it takes a lot to call yourself on actions that you yourself find unapealing and to want to work on them! So its great you have reached that point for you!

Sometimes it takes asking yourself - Hey if I met me for the first time, what would I think? Would I want to be friends with me? Would I want to date me seriously?

I tell this to my very good girl friends that are single -

Remember to be true to you! This goes for meeting new friends, dating etc... Don't change to impress people (EVER!!)- the people you feel you have to do that for are not really concerned about you at all! Also if you pretend to be something your not, you are depriving people of getting to meet the real you, and the real you is someone very special and worth getting to know!

When you are dateing - Ask yourself - is this someone I would want to introduce to my friends, family, or my grandparents? Is this someone who clearly has good intentions twoards me?

Lets face it dating is just plain hard work, you have to listen, remember details about strangers and plain flat out give a crap! So until you are ready to put the effort into getting to know someone, not just skip to the phsyical stuff, its just not worth your time!

Stay true to yourself, love yourself first! Look out for #1 (you)! Good luck on your journey!

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THOMIAS 11/6/2009 3:09PM

    i know this is an old blog bess but i just want to know that yes you have had some changes but honeslty i love you to death. I agree that some of the things you were doing hasnt been the healthiest decisions but you have done the healthy thing by acknowledging this and making changes.
Also i want you know know that i know that you are there for me whenever i need. You are still a goood kind caring wonderful person. And lastly bess, you are my inspiration. I see what you have done and it keeps me positive. Losing weight is hard, i know this almost more than anyone out there lol. But you make me see that it can be done.
So keep your head up and just keep surronding yourself around the right people. You are amazing my dear!

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TOXICANGEL-NZ 7/13/2009 9:07PM

    Aww I just want to give you a big hug hun!

Like Rowan said, you usualy only hear positives (not that im saying hearing yours a good) but its actualy nice to see some real down to earth honesty!

At least you have told yourself off, and you are turning over a new leaf!

Keep at that new leaf, and do see a councellor, im sure you will do beautifuly!

Big hugs
Nina emoticon

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BILLALEX70 7/13/2009 8:36PM


This blog took a lot of guts to write and I applaud you for your strength.

I've been told that my attitude has changed during my physical change. I guess it's hard for someone who has never been considered a normal sized person to not look down upon others who are still fat. I'm glad to hear that you're going to see a counselor. I hope that you can find your way back to your old self.

Best wishes!

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AUGUSTWHISPER 7/13/2009 12:03AM

    i admire you so much for coming here to post it because i know it had to be a hard thing to do. you are an inspiration to me in so many ways! and i am glad you are seeking counseling and getting back on a healthy path. if you need anything let me know! you are in my thoughts.

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ROWAN_MAPLE 7/12/2009 11:46PM

    I found this blog really interesting. You usually only hear all of the positives about losing weight. I can totally understand how that could happen though. I really wish you luck in finding your old inner self again and it sounds like the steps that you have made for yourself, are the right ones to get you there! You've really opened my eyes as to something to be aware of. Good luck and I know you can find the sweet and classy girl that you truly are deep down. emoticon

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Thank you, Thank you!! *Bows*

Thursday, April 09, 2009

I just want to say thanks to everyone that nominated me as a motivator! You all have NO idea what that did for me. I am so glad I was able to inspire you and in turn, you all were able to motivate me once again after being run over by the wagon. Love you ALL!! :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EIRINNOCUINN 4/15/2009 7:14PM

    You go girl!!

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BILLALEX70 4/10/2009 9:00PM

    You've earned it with every pound you've dropped!

You're getting sooo near your goal. You look emoticon.

Keep up the hard work.


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Back on track for good??

Friday, March 06, 2009

So I'm proud to let you all know that I have finally been on the clean eating wagon for 5 days now. That includes 4 days of exercise as well! Me and my best friend (saskiegirl) are working on the 30 Day Shred by Jillian Michaels and let me tell you...I am so sore I can barely talk. (which if you know me, is very very very unusual. lol )

It feels so good, I forgot how abundant my energy is. I'm not in a grouchy mood anymore, I'm not tired, and have my positive outlook back!
One thing that I'm super proud of is that today we sprinted for 1 minute at 7mph on the treadmill. We did that twice. If you remember, I could bareeeeely run 30 seconds at 5mph. I felt so free today on that treadmill. I loved it and honestly, to tell you the complete truth, it didn't even feel that fast. I could have probably done an extra minute or two I think. Next time I promise. :)

I am truly glad I found SP. It gave me my life, my energy, my attitude, my confidence. Thanks for your support and if you ever need anything, I'm here.



  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIMMY1445 4/7/2009 10:33PM

    That's awesome! I need to look into this shred....I've been in a bit of a funk lately. But your enthusiasm has inspired me! Congrats and thanks!

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BABYBEARY 4/5/2009 5:01AM

    Congrats! :)

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MIKEJS11602 3/8/2009 10:55PM

    Congrats!! :) Now if I can just get back on track:)

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