Thursday, March 10, 2011
I haven't been online in soooo long and just wanted to point out that I really miss you all. Life has been so chaotic lately. I'm going to try to visit and post more to keep you all updated. :)
So... if you've read my intro, you know that when I was overweight, I was diagnosed with PCOS and was told it would be highly unlikely to ever concieve without fertility treatments. So I continued on my weight loss journey and figured that when I met the 'One' and we had determined it was time, we would try. Well...things don't always work out like that.
In October, I had missed a month of my period and the new guy I was dating suggested I take a test. I laughed. Little did I know what he figured was completely on target. I was 5 weeks pregnant. I was in hysterics. Life had just changed completely from that moment on.
I am now 27 weeks along and our baby girl Payton Kieara is due to arrive on June 12. Adjusting to this whole gaining weight thing has been really difficult. I've already packed on 40lbs from essentially not caring about what I ate. I went from kickboxing twice a week and daily gym visits to nothing. I was so afraid of losing the baby because of my PCOS that I got lazy. REALLY lazy. Needless to say, I've now been tested and diagnosed with gestational diabetes and that really got my butt in gear. I'm rededicating myself to clean eating and safe prenatal exercise. I also want to make sure that once she arrives, I'll be more than ready and able to step up with the exercise and diet.
I thought I would let you know why I've been M.I.A and I can't wait to see you all soon. Wish me luck.
PS: I've just joined BabyFit and if you don't know, it's created by SP for pregnant women. YAY. If you are on there, add me. Paytsmama
Sunday, July 12, 2009
I know I haven't been online for a lonnnnnggg while. I've fallen off track big time, but I know that in the past year and a half, SP has always been there for me. It's been the best place for support and love which is why I'm writing today. I've always found that blogging here helps me see things clearer and allows me to vent. I have a few confessions to make. I don't know if my behaviour is due to the weight loss and having the mindset of being able to do anything I want to do but I know that it is very self destructive and I'll explain why.
In recent months, I've found that I let men control my life and my emotions. I have not admitted this until now but I believe that I am addicted to being promiscuous. It makes me feel loved but of course, a one night stand is only temporary and I'm out the next night looking for a high. I realize that my mood is so up and down and it is all dependant on the attention I get from males. I've gotten to the point (and I HATE THIS) where I now have a reputation. A bad one at that...I've been branded as a whore by almost everyone. (Work, old friends, new friends, etc.) It has to be the worst feeling in the world. I used to be so sweet. SO innocent. I wouldn't even swear, let alone allow strangers to use my body. It's almost like I changed overnight. All of a sudden I woke up and I'm a new person. A very bad one with no goals or aspirations. I remember the girl I used to be. Classy, sweet, contagious. People would always tell me that I had this aura that just drew them in. It's all gone now. I'm a barbie now. I fit in with every other party girl out there. I have nothing that makes me stand out anymore. When I was overweight, I relied on my personality getting me where I needed to go...Now, it's really as simple as a wink and a smile. I have no more charm, no more wit.
Another thing is that I've been experimenting with drugs. I have become so stressed out with my life, I'm behind on bills, I have collectors calling me constantly, I was deathly ill for a while, my family and friends don't know who I am anymore, I got suspended at work, life is just crashing. I know that there is no excuse but like I said about the promiscuity, the drugs are a temporary happiness. It covers up the pain and helps me focus on something other than the fact that I've actually hit rock bottom. What happened to me?
So today, I figured I really need to change myself back to who I used to be. The first step being that I won't be swearing. Seriously, I have a foul mouth now and I think by cutting that out, I can perhaps start to see who I used to be.
Second, I'm seeking counselling.
And lastly, I am going to filter my friends list. I cannot surround myself with bad influences any longer, or associate with friends that are nothing but drama. It's time to turn over a new leaf.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
I just want to say thanks to everyone that nominated me as a motivator! You all have NO idea what that did for me. I am so glad I was able to inspire you and in turn, you all were able to motivate me once again after being run over by the wagon. Love you ALL!! :)
Friday, March 06, 2009
So I'm proud to let you all know that I have finally been on the clean eating wagon for 5 days now. That includes 4 days of exercise as well! Me and my best friend (saskiegirl) are working on the 30 Day Shred by Jillian Michaels and let me tell you...I am so sore I can barely talk. (which if you know me, is very very very unusual. lol )
It feels so good, I forgot how abundant my energy is. I'm not in a grouchy mood anymore, I'm not tired, and have my positive outlook back!
One thing that I'm super proud of is that today we sprinted for 1 minute at 7mph on the treadmill. We did that twice. If you remember, I could bareeeeely run 30 seconds at 5mph. I felt so free today on that treadmill. I loved it and honestly, to tell you the complete truth, it didn't even feel that fast. I could have probably done an extra minute or two I think. Next time I promise. :)
I am truly glad I found SP. It gave me my life, my energy, my attitude, my confidence. Thanks for your support and if you ever need anything, I'm here.
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