BESSHAILE   44,257
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Holding It Together When A Blow Falls

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

On Sunday my little 7 month old puppy leapt out of the back of the truck while it was moving. Slowly, because the truck doesn't go very fast and we weren't going very far - but fast enough. Normally we don't let her ride in the truck bed just because she's so impulsive but this day we did. "It's just a mile. We're only doing 20 mph" we thought. More fool us. She landed badly and broke her femur. We managed to get her to the veterinarian (who came in on a Sunday afternoon) without disintegrating into a guilt fueled quarrel but it took a lot of compassion and a lot of locked lips to do that.

Anxiously waiting all evening and well into Monday afternoon without eating every chocolate carb in sight - or on the store shelves - took a herculean effort but I did it. I allowed myself some leeway - so long as I didn't go over my weekly calorie/points allotment and so long as I had nutrition from every food category - I allowed myself some extra endorphin producing carbs. I did eat a commercial protein bar yesterday - 5 points - about 250 calories - when the chocolate craving was at its height. There was a little mindless eating - but it was pre-figured, pre-counted, mindless eating - not a binge.

Also - I kept up with my exercise - not necessarily an effort because exercise always makes me feel better and boy did I need things to make me feel better. Also - I just plain like to move.

And today is weigh-in and I'm pretty durn sure I'll make at least one of my goals - that of not having to pay for WW meetings - and I might actually hit my WW goal weight. If I don't hit it this week, I will next week. There's very little difference between the two - 152 and 150 lbs. But I have shrunk an inch in the past 10 years so even at goal I am a little heavier than I want to be. I have another weight goal which I will strive for after these two and after that the goals will be maintenance and fitness goals.

And on Monday I am going to TheCity by myself - when I plan to buy at least one reward. Originally I intended to buy new shoes because my best pumps were slightly damaged by a baby puppy last fall - but a wonderful shoe repair man opened up shop after Christmas and he fixed those shoes and now I don't need new ones! So there will be retail rewarding on Monday.


I have a lot to be grateful for:

A compassionate veterinarian
A loving house with dogs
A tenderhearted husband
All My Friends at Spark People

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHEILA1505 3/12/2013 1:52PM

    Well done
Glad there's good news
big hugs

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KAB7801 3/12/2013 12:06PM

    Good job in a stressful situation! It's hard, keep it up!

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JLITT62 3/12/2013 10:36AM

    Big hugs! Oy! At least they bounce back quickly at that age . . . Chester had knee surgery at 9 months.

I think you handled the whole situation amazingly well!

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MSLZZY 3/12/2013 9:19AM

    Hope the puppy is okay and you do need time for yourself. A break and a reward couldn't come at a better time.

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YMWONG22 3/12/2013 8:15AM

  Sorry to hear about your puppy. Hope it is better now.

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CBLENS 3/12/2013 7:41AM

    Accidents happen, you did great not using your stress as an excuse to eat all the chocolates & carbs. I like the Fiber One Coconut almond chewy bar. it's only 140 calories & has 6 protein & 5 fiber. It's so good you feel like you are having a candy bar. I use them as a snack, not a meal replacement.

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I Get By With A Lotta Help From My Friends

Sunday, March 10, 2013

That's you - Spark Friends. And it took every ounce of friendship I could scrounge because yesterday came mighty close to a bust.

Dragged to the city for what was supposed to be a few hours of shopping - I ended up stuck there with no lunch. As the clock ticked way past noon I managed to grab some granola bars - which I enjoy as a snack but am always dissatisfied with if I try to use them as meal substitute. Too many calories and not enough of feeling full. In fact - I can NEVER substitute a granola bar for a meal. I always eat the meal too - as soon as I can. Eventually, and in a bad enough mood (due to Someone's carelessness and self-delusions) that I really only wanted to go home, I hauled Someone to Panera's - which I hoped would have something light and filling, but I swear - they haven't got a thing to eat that isn't half a day's worth of calories. I mean - when half a greek salad without any meat comes in at 7 WW points - something is seriously wrong.

We did accomplish the shopping toal without disintegrating into an argument ... mostly because I am kind emoticon - but I'd eaten my entire day's calories by the time I got home at 4:30. Not a happy way to face a Saturday evening - and definitely enough to break my streak. And knowing I was going to have to fess up to my SparkFriends and admit the streak was over really felt bad. The accountability aspect of making a claim that other people will read is so powerful. Not that I'm doing this "for" you - but that my pride is involved enough to want to be the person I say I am.

So how did I save the day.

First - even at the height of frustration I stayed well watered. And I maintained my Lenten ban of diet sodas. I only drank water.

Next - once home I tracked every thing I'd eaten all day long - including the 7 cookies from that snack pack I picked up when it looked like I wasn't going to get any lunch.

I took a beautiful 2 mile hike through the woods as the sun sank into it's golden bed of springtime light. (spiritual healing plus exercise)

Then I took stock of my tummy and realized that I was not hungry for a meal - but there were a few nutrients I needed. I had a nice big apple.

A little later in the evening I had some more fruit.

I got to bed at a decent hour and slept blissfully through the night.

So. As per my decision a few days ago to claim a healthy day when the majority of my choices were healthy ... and when I stay within my caloric range and get some exercise ... Yesterday still counts.

I did eat junk food in frustration.
I did eat a calorie blown lunch

I drank plenty of water
I got in 2 walks - a little over 4 miles altogether
I did not eat a meal just because it was meal time but ate only the nutrition my body hungered for
I did track in the middle of the day before things got out of control - and acknowledged what was going on before I let the day fall apart.

4 pluses
2 minuses
a healthy day

Not bad. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLACHETKA103145 3/10/2013 9:56AM

    emoticon emoticon

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MSLZZY 3/10/2013 9:33AM

    emoticon emoticon

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heART Health

Saturday, March 09, 2013

Sometimes you need to feed your soul more than your body - or perhaps I should say - in addition to your body. I've been working very hard all winter - which used to be the quiet time at the library - the time when we did inventory, wrote up plans for the summer crush, maybe even goofed off a little. That hasn't been the case in a long time (because I've been here an even longer time). In addition to schmoozing with the state politicians, dealing with the budget, making it through the audit and holding the quarterly board meeting there are just plain lots more people using the library and this past week we had a book&author event. Whew.

Ordinarily I would have taken off the day after the B&A but that was Wednesday and Wednesday means story hour - AND I'd remembered, at last, to bring the crayon scented perfume for the kids.

why yes. Of course. Didn't you know there is a crayon perfume? And a freshly turned garden one and even a perfume for zombies!

Check out this website.

But back to MEMEMEMEME emoticon

I new I needed a recuperative day and had scheduled one. I invited a girlfriend to bring her pens and paints and come visit for a day of art and talk. Rita is quiet and shy - nothing like big mouth me, but we really appreciate each other. And we both long to be better artists. She is the gf who drew every day in August with me and exchanged her sketches with me via email.

Of course - we also had to catch up on library gossip. She is a retired librarian so she's been a little out of the loop and there have been a lot of changes in the area libraries - with people coming and going. All of my colleagues are retiring and I will be the last of them. When I go ... which won't be till 2018 - I think I will be the longest serving library director in Virginia - not in all time, but at that time. Sheesh!

But we won't talk about that. It's off in the future. What we will talk about is yesterday - which was a blissfully sweet day for recharging my mojo. AND of course I made good eating healthy choices and we got in a walk through the forest ... where I suddenly realized why I'm so fixated on drawing and writing about pixies and fairies - I mean can't you just SEE a sylvan sprite ducking down this path?

So here is a Spring Fairy drawing to cheer you on this weekend.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSLZZY 3/9/2013 7:51AM

    Sounds like you are always busy and this winter,
more than ever. Kovely drawing. Can't wait to see more!

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FORBANDE 3/9/2013 7:36AM

    What an awesome way to recharge! You are so right. These days may just be more important than the healthy eating and exercise moments. If our minds and soul are good, it definitely makes the rest so much easier.

Beautiful drawing!!!

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Choices and Habits - we need them both to be healthy

Friday, March 08, 2013

It's been 2 weeks since I decided to follow fellow Sparker Pixi-licious' example

and start a spark streak of living each day as healthily as I possibly can. Two weeks. 2/3's of that magical, habit forming, 21 days.

This has been a wonderful 2 weeks and I'm looking forward to a time when the conscious choice of a healthy day has become a habit. Right now it's still VERY deliberate but it's still interesting and fun. Because I'm really emphasizing healthy over "good" or even "good for you", this little commitment is influencing me to make different choices - to even give up old habits that aren't actually bad habits but perhaps, not the choice for today. It's pushing me to write definitions about what is healthy. Not just what won't hurt me, but what is positively actively forward moving healthy.

That's why I asked, the other day, for some feedback about the Sunday cookie cooking day. I was so glad to get different viewpoints. I knew the day was "not bad for me" in the numerical sense of exceeding a caloric max for the week. I've built in wiggle room for days like Sunday. But it was good to read JLITT62's

thoughts on choice vs habit. It really helped me come up with a way to measure - for myself - what I consider a healthy day. On a day when I make more healthy choices than UNhealthy ones - it's a healthy day.

This discussion of what is healthy vs what is UNhealthy and it's companion discussion - what is UNhealthy vs what is just NotParticularly healthy - are all helping me get where I want to be - which is ... to be as healthy as I can - to age gracefully - to live fully.

Oh yes.

And to reach my ideal weight.

And my little victory yesterday was to CHOOSE between a tamale and ice cream. Either of them fit within my calorie (points) limit - but not both. I always have a small bit of ice cream at the end of the day. It makes me feel like the eating for the day is over. But that's just a habit I have. It isn't mandatory. I really wanted the heartiness of corn meal (we make our own tamales) and not the sweetness of the ice cream. (my favorite in all the whole wide world sweet)

I made the choice and rejoiced with it. Now THAT'S living a healthy life! emoticon

Hope your day is healthy too.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOTUSBURGER 3/8/2013 2:12PM

    emoticon Fantastic! What a GREAT job you are doing!
PIXI is a great motivator! emoticon

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JLITT62 3/8/2013 7:55AM

    "I made the choice and rejoiced with it. Now THAT'S living a healthy life"


ny, my WW leader is
Ike you - ends her day with ice cream. I only want ice cream whenit's warm out!

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Healthy Doesn't Mean Perfect

Thursday, March 07, 2013

Whole lotta bloggin' going on here this month. That's because I am trying to maintain a streak - a personal streak - of living each day as healthily as I possibly can. I'm making a claim every day and I want it to be true. Of course - there's no Truth Police who will arrest me for saying I made healthy choices when I didn't. Spark People won't kick me off the website. I doubt anybody here would even point out to me that "hey girl - if you're so healthy why are you X pounds?"

But I need to be honest with this claim - for some reason, making it written, posted, stated here - is driving me to hold myself to a truthful claim. I'm actually finding this little morning claim - that is a wee bit of a boast - stays in my consciousness throughout the day. I'm more likely to ask myself if I'm making the right choice, now that I have to 'fess up to that choice the next morning. I feel accountable. For that I must thank You - and Spark People - and my sparkbuddy Pixi-licious. Don't know how this came about - but it did and I'm grateful for it.

But now that it's been almost 2 weeks I realize I have to come up with some definitions - because some days are really healthier than others and I want a set of guidelines for claiming any given day as a healthy one. Because I am not going to be perfect every day but that may not mean I am not making healthy choices. Healthy doesn't mean Perfect.

Take yesterday for instance. I was utterly wiped out after a day that started at 6 and contained a huge work project that kept me out till 10 o'clock. I live on the east coast and if you watched the weather channel at all yesterday you know we had terrifically bad weather. I work 7 miles south of the snow line - so it was torrential rain with snow mixed in the whole day long - but it never got bad enough to close up shop and go home - for a nap. It was raw, bitter, and wet. There was not going to be my normal early morning walk but I did 15 minutes of step aerobics in the living room. That's one for the Healthy Day team.

I went to lunch with a colleague to talk over the previous day's big event and ordered a sandwich - which when it came - had obviously been fried in butter. Ooops. Not a healthy choice.


I cut it in thirds and only ate 1/3, taking the rest home in a box. It was delicious, too. I wasn't able to just let the waitress take it back to the kitchen but I know now I won't eat the rest of it - I'll give it to my dogs. That's two for the Healthy Day team.

At 5 I made that left turn out of the parking lot - the one that takes me to the gym - and lo - it was CLOSED. And by the time I got home I knew my day was done. I didn't even cook dinner. I had an apple and a banana - another for the Healthy Day Team but I followed that by cheese and crackers. A measured amount of cheese and crackers - but really I didn't need the fat or the dairy and would have done much better with some broccoli or a green smoothie - because I knew I hadn't had enough green vegetables yesterday and I'd had dairy with my greasy lunch. So that's my bad for the Not Healthy Day.

so. Of the 5 obvious choices I had yesterday - I made 3 healthy ones and 2 unhealthy ones. Mind now - ALL of these actions were CHOICES. I didn't mindlessly eat or forget to exercise. I assessed where I was, how I felt, what was going on at each moment - and then made a choice. And on a day when I make more healthy choices than unhealthy choices - unless there is some additional issue involved - I am going to call it a Healthy Day and add it to the streak.

Because this is MY PERSONAL HEALTHY STREAK - not a theoretical definition of healthy streak. And in my book - healthy doesn't mean perfect.

Happy Healthy Day to each and every one of you.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOTUSBURGER 3/7/2013 3:18PM

    Good job after a frustrating day.
I let myself get down when stuff like that happens
so I have the excuse to eat MORE mindlessly!
Good for you for being so AWARE and listing it
to make it a lasting HABIT emoticon emoticon

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JLITT62 3/7/2013 7:39AM

    I totally agree with everything you've written. The only reason I felt the other day ended up unhealthy was because the ice cream wasn't really a choice, it was habit.

But here's tbe thing: it really doesn't matter what I think. It only matters what you think!

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    those sound like good choices - and if crackers and cheese are your unhealthy ones - you have made some great changes that you should be proud of

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MSLZZY 3/7/2013 7:21AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WELLNESSME09 3/7/2013 7:08AM

    Great healthy choices! emoticon

Happy healthy day to you also! emoticon

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DMEYER4 3/7/2013 6:53AM

  congrats on your healthy choices and I hope today will be filled with healthy choices for you emoticon emoticon

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