Wednesday, August 22, 2012
I weighed in at just a few ounces over last week's weight and the Big Number is still 153. That's 3 pounds from my WW goal and only 1 (almost 2) pounds from not having to pay to go to meetings. I like those meetings and expect I'll continue to go fairly regularly even though the rule is only once a month. I like the WW employees and I like the people who attend. But I would rather have the $.
When I look in the mirror, though, I see that I would rather weigh 140 lbs than 150. It's a proportion thing and it's an age thing. The only thing that would keep me heavier would be if my face sagged too much at the lower weight (also an age thing). But way back in 2003 when I first picked this WW goal I thought I'd look and feel better in the 140's. I just didn't want to work towards it any more. Now, almost a decade later and half an inch shorter, I need to see if this is right for me.
So. So what's going on? I'm playing around with the same few pounds - or eve ounces - again. Time to listen in to my Left Brain School Marm and my Right Brain Wild Child and see what we can do to start moving again.
LB Well, my friend - we're starting to dance away from our weight loss goal again. Want to talk about it?
LB So, do you want to get slender?
RB Yes but I'm afraid
LB What are you afraid of?
RB I'm afraid I'll have to work this hard for the rest of my life
LB What else?
RB I'm afraid I won't be able to live up to our expectations. And I'm tired
LB What are you tired of?
RB I am tired of having to think all the time. Think about what to eat. Think about exercising. thinkthinkthink
LB How else do you feel?
RB I don't feel free enough
LB What would make you feel more free?
RB LOL - a cook in the kitchen who made all the decisions for me and they were all good ones. And restaurants that figured out how to make good for me food as tasty and cheap as not-so-good-for-me food.
LB Well. I'd like that too - but what can I do to help you feel more free?
RB Make the lists. Make the plan. Plan out meals. Take time to do your job.
LB Hmmmm. I can do that. I even like doing that. But it means not doing other things. Time is finite when it comes to this sort of thing. You have to be willing to Not Play with Other Things while I do all this list making and planning.
RB When? When?
LB How about Thursday afternoon? But you will have to be quiet
RB OK - I can be quiet while you're working.
LB And we may miss drawing and have to double up on Saturday
LB Anything else?
RB I am getting older and I don't know who I am as an old lady
LB You're the same person you always were
RB No I'm not - I have creaky bones and aching joints sometimes and I have to watch out for my back and I'm scared I'll look bald when my hair turns grey but I'm afraid I'll look stupid with an old lady face and died hair.
LB Nobody's looking at you that hard
RB I am looking at me
LB How can I help
RB Oh. I didn't think anybody could help. Can you make a plan about that too?
LB I'm sure I could
RB When When When
LB Well - hmm. How about Labor Day weekend, when I have a little extra time ? And btw, I'm glad to learn you see the value of all my list making and plan writing ...
RB I've always valued you - I just don't like it when you forget about me
LB Fair enough. Well - Let's work together on this
Well. Who knew? I'll be back when I have my plan to share. Hope you got a chuckle out of all this.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
So - I was 3 pounds from my goal and what did I do but think and talk myself into failure - and gain a pound. I made a half hearted effort last week and dropped half a pound on Tuesday - but no sooner did I weigh in (well - a little later anyway) but I go to the frozen yogurt store and ... well, they only have one size cup and it looks like a pint to me. And I split cake with my little visiting cousins at their favorite restaurant yesterday.
As Strother Martin said in Cool Hand Luke "What we have here is a failure to communicate "
Only, the lack of communication is between my goal setting, list making, do-it-cause-it's-good-for-you left brain school marm and my touchy, feely, you-can't-make-me right brain wild child.
RB "Frozen Yogurt! Just what I wanted!!"
LB "WHAT! You have to be joking - we're 3.6 lbs away from goal - and half an inch shorter than the last time we were there!!"
RB "Frozen Yogurt! Just what I wanted!"
LB "STOP STOP STOP. Are you crazy? Goal won't even be good enough. Stop! Don't turn left!"
RB "Frozen Yogurt! Just what I wanted!"
LB "No. No. Bad Girl. Bad Bad Wild Child. Don't you want to be strong and fit and slim and wear pretty clothes and besides it's the RULE and you have to log it and you are ruining everything!"
RB "Frozen Yogurt! Just what I wanted!"
Hmmm. Sounds like the script from a Max and Ruby picture book.
Time for a new dialogue:
LB "So, honey, we're almost at goal? What can I do to help you stay on the plan so we can reach that goal in the next 2 weeks?"
RB "Let me draw tomorrow morning instead of getting on the internet"
LB "Oh. okay. I thought you liked getting on the internet in the morning"
RB "Not when it keeps me from drawing. I want to draw more"
LB "well, honey, I'm sorry. I will let you draw tomorrow morning."
LB "And you will stay within your points/callories for two weeks?"
RB "No. but I will for today."
LB "hmmm. Sounds fair. What about tomorrow - and the weekend?"
RB "Ask me tomorrow - and on the weekend"
LB "Oh. Hmm. Well. But I like to be prepared ....."
RB "Well I can't predict the future. I can only tell you how I feel right now."
LB "I see. At least I think I do. You know tomorrow there is going to be FOOD"
RB "Yeah. So? there's food every day. You told me that."
LB "Touche - I did. Okay ... any thoughts about tomorrow?"
RB "I don't know. You're the planner and list maker and task ticker offer .... "
LB "Okay - how about this plan ... NOT written in stone, you know - but as a possible way to handle tomorrow ..... at a FOOD event - how about only drink water, only eat fruits and vegetables and take one bread savory and one sweet?"
RB "It sounds alright but you better talk to me tomorrow to be sure."
LB "Will Do - in fact - I'll check in with you EVERY morning till we reach goal"
RB "thanks! I'd like that. You know - I really am a nice person and I have good ideas too."
LB "Yes. You are - Much better ideas than 'Frozen Yogurt!" LOL"
RB "LOL! Yes. I do have other ideas besides 'Frozen Yogurt!" Ask me about them and I'll share.
Your best friend really ought to be yourself.
Friday, August 10, 2012
I actually blogged about this on my Other Blog
a week ago - but I thought perhaps I would re-post some of that blog here, just in case someone wondered ...
My August pick is this:
8. Draw 20 minutes a day. I will never get any better if I don't practice every day
As busy as I've been all summer, I just haven't felt very creative or artistic. Yes I know - there is creativity in problem solving, creativity in making a work environment where other people can blossom, creativity in organizing (and yes, creating) a beautiful room (I promise - photos soon) out of a cluttered hot mess. But in the traditional, hands on sense of creating, I just haven't been there. I even took a precious day off 2 weeks ago and met up with a girlfriend with the intention of painting au plein air, but it didn't happen - we just used the time to catch up on each other's lives. But we did come up with the idea of doing a 20 minute sketch every day in August and emailing it to each other. (As all Spark People know) It helps to make a promise to someone else when I try to effect a change and yet, I'm still shy enough about my own skills and talents to go slow with something like drawing and painting. Also - doing artwork play is very difficult for me. I can easily spend an entire weekend scrubbing out dirty kitchens ... but playing with art takes more initial thrust than getting the Saturn Moon Launch up. We need not go into all the reasons why I have such a hard time letting myself do the perfectly innocent things I want to do - suffice it to say that I have to make a duty out of play before I can actually play. At least I do make it a duty - or part of a list - or a public commitment ... and once I get over the initial fear of getting caught out not werkwerkwerking, I sometimes get pretty good at this play stuff.
As for my other 7 habits - here's the score card on them
1 Track my food ---Habit
2. Daily prayer --- Not yet a habit
3. Drink enough water --- Habit
4. Exercise --- Habit
5. Compliment someone every day --- Not even close to a habit
6. Select a Big Life Goal and take one step towards it --- Not yet a habit
7. Charles Schwab List --- Habit
Not a perfect record but not bad either - and at least I can see where I want to put in some extra effort.
And as proof that I'm drawing every day - here's one of them.
Wednesday, August 01, 2012
So - sometimes it's that number and sometimes it's not. But for sure - all the time - it's an attitude.
Don't you doubt it - I it when I have a numerical break through. Crashing through the 160 barrier was a thrill. Watching the graph go downwards tickles me. I'm eagerly looking forward to reaching my goal weight and I am positive I'll do so this month. But the triumph isn't always numerical - sometimes it is a zipper, sometimes it's a gleam in an admiring eye, sometimes it's just a choice.
My big triumph last week was *in spite of* a number. Last week I posted a small weight gain - though I had tracked, exercised, drunk plenty of water and, unlike this week, slept soundly through the nights. I remember at the time thinking "Hmmm. Wonder what happened. Wonder if I did something wrong. Wonder if I played the fudge game." You know ... where you serve yourself a portion of something high calorie/fat/sugar and then say "oh. it's not really that bad - probably only __X___ calories/points/grams." though if you'd taken the time to look it up you'd have found out it was ___2X___ or even ___3X___ calories/points/grams. Recognize that? I thought you would.
But that's ALL I did last week. I just assessed the information from the scale and considered my recent actions and then let it go. I didn't get upset. I didn't beat myself up. I didn't feel like I might as well quit. I just acknowledged what was spread out before me and then started a new week of tracking, drinking water, exercising and making choices. Because that was what came next. That was the next Best Thing To Do. That was the *now* of last week.
And this week I posted a 3 lb loss. Hmmm. I can pretty much guarantee I didn't actually lose 3 lbs last week. I ate about exactly what I'd eaten the week before - ditto exercise and water. My guess is that at some metabolic level my body dropped 1.5 lbs each week. Who knows why it displayed things the way it did; holding on to poundage one week, releasing it the next. For the first time I could grasp the reason why so many health pundits tell you to quit being so obsessive about the scale.
While I understand the danger of an obsession, I'm not yet ready to let go of The Scale and it's powerful, if dictatorial, rule. I can conceive of a time when I won't need it every single day of my life - when it becomes a now and then tool that helps me keep tabs on things - but right now I am enjoying the thrill it gives me when I see that needle go down - and I am also just doubtful enough of my focus to be glad of its authoritarian security.
As I said above, sometimes it's a number and sometimes it's not. It's the attitude that is constant. The acknowledgement that everything the scale tells me is about actions I've taken, in the past - not about who I am nor even about actions I will take in the future. And the future always begins now. Right here. With my next choice of a Best Thing To Do.
Keep that attitude, my friends. It's your best tool.
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