BESSHAILE   52,147
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A different, sadder kind of loss

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

It wasn't my intention to write a gloomy post during this festive time of year but death has blown hot breath through my community and in the space of a week I have lost 4 friends. Two had been dreadfully ill for a long time. Their departure was not unexpected, but it certainly wasn't looked forward to either. But both B and M were so very sick who would want them to linger in a suspended state of pain and suffering? One was, in the nature of time, at least a reasonable development. H was 92. Dementia had set in and the circle of his life had shrunk to very tiny movements. And until 3 years ago, he was driving, cooking, taking care of himself and enjoying his grandchildren. I am sorry and sad but there is something whole about the fullness of his life - his experiences - his love. Like the cadence of a beautiful symphony - it feels right when it comes even if it does mean that silence follows.

and then the 4th blow struck with the news that Pete had died over the weekend.

Pete has been out of touch with everyone for a long time. He was actually incommunicado, though I had a private way to send him messages. He was a piece of work - this man who never did anything - probably not even breathing - in a less than 100% full blast total explosion sort of way. He loved with everything in him and boy could he fight with people in the same way. He never fought with me - he was my first friend when I moved to the country these 36 years ago. He gave and helped and shared everything he had. Once he held a party and it is still referred to as Pete's oyster roast. He was just larger than life.

And he once saved my son's life.

I don't say that in an cliched sort of way. There was a day when we were building our house. My 4 year old boy and I and Pete climbed up to the second floor to look around. there was just the smallest gap between some flooring and sure enough, my 4 year old dropped through it. The fall would have been about 12 feet to a concrete slab. Both Pete and I were just beyond an arm's length away from him and in slow motion I watched my only child heading for that unyielding floor below. Faster than lightening Pete leaped the distance, snatched my little boy by the shoulders and flung him back onto the second story surface.

A flash. A millisecond. An adult with severe ADD. A miracle. Thank God.

Everything that is my early adult life was wrapped around Pete and loosing him really hurts. Knowing he was alive and okay and somewhere doing what he wanted was one of those little savings accounts I kept in my heart to assure me that I had extra resources, that I was rich.
The memories are still there - Pete and the Ghost Car. Pete and swimming up at Marlbank. Pete and the arrowhead root. Pete's oyster roast. Pete's crazy laugh. Memories. Not quite as tangible as the real flesh and blood Pete - but riches nonetheless.

Oh Pete. Fare well.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHEILA1505 12/7/2011 8:41AM

    Treasure those memories, Bess
Strength and hugs

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MSLZZY 12/7/2011 7:40AM

    So sorry for you. I'll keep you in my prayers! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FAERY_FACE 12/7/2011 6:30AM

    I am so sorry for you loss. I will keep you in my prayers. emoticon

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MRE1956 12/7/2011 6:16AM

    I am so sorry to hear of these losses in your life - it's especially hard to take during this time of year......

May they all rest in peace.....


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Thankful Thanksgiving and Delightful December

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

I admit it - I'm an unabashed holiday lover. I emoticon emoticon emoticon the holiday season. I love Thanksgiving with it's gathering of friends and family at my house for the most delicious smells and tastes. I love Christmas with it's promise of God's love, it's glittery decor, it's splendid music, and the thrumming energy of the people around me. I love New Year, which gives each of us the chance to begin something new, something that will carry me into a brighter future. I never feel like the holidays are 'too commercial'. I won't ever grumble Bah Humbug. I just can't still the joy in my heart from late November to early January.

If I seem chirpy - well - I am!

But I'm also longing to shuck off the excess poundage. I've been playing around with these 15 lbs for absolutely months. I'm happy that I'm inside the holiday season lighter than last year but I want more. I want to step out of the holiday season even lighter and one of the tools I'm using is regular gym visits. Not daily since Other Things can interfere - but regular and frequent. This tool stood me in good stead last week during Turkey Time, when I lost 1 lb of coconut cake and salty treats that I'd packed on the 2 weeks before. (I'd do it again, too - make that sinful cake with my darling little visiting cousin) So the fun will be to see just how many times I can make it to the gym and just what difference it will make.

And just for this week I have a goal - which is to stay within my dietary limits - which are generous - and to enjoy the first two holiday parties of December. To do both I'll have to get in that gym visit nearly every day - and I think that's do-able too! I'll be back next week to let you know how well I did.

Cheers and Happy December Eve

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSLZZY 11/30/2011 6:38PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AEBROWNSON 11/30/2011 1:10PM

    Me, too, Bess! Since I hit my goal weight back in May, I've put on 17 pounds. I am taking part in a Holiday Challenge at the gym, which gives prizes both for weight loss and for not gaining. I'm hoping to be in the first category by January 9th. We can do it!!!

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Think like a thin person

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The holiday season is only days away. Every time I see a Christmas decoration or display in a store my brain sort of does a swirling double take and then I start counting and realize it's Almost Thanksgiving - in fact - it is only 8 days away. And while I absolutely adore the holidays - and am looking forward to everything that's coming my way - I also want to make it through the party/feast/gift basket/cookie&candy/nostalgia fest and still lose weight. So I've been looking in my bag of tools - you know, the dusty one in the corner that we sometimes forget we have - that store of wisdom we've welcomed into our lives and then promptly put into our subconscious cold storage unit in our brains.

ahh and I found just the tool I was looking for.

I need to think, act ... I need to BELIEVE ... that I am already a thin person. Because when I look around at the slender people I know, especially at meal time, or when the tray of cookies is passed around, I notice that they take one cookie and nibble on it - they place their fork down and participate in the dinner table conversation - they do not have snacks in their hands all the time. They eat what they are hungry for and then stop. They are quick to jump up and do something. They move more and for longer periods - even if it's just putting away the dishes or tidying up the books on the end table. They are both less frantic when they are eating and more energetic when they are not.


And even if they are not these paragons of blissful calm and deliberation - I can pretend that I Am. I will think like the thin person I would like to be - and act like that too.

Perhaps just for today. Yes. Today I will be the thin person I long to be. I'll worry about tomorrow later - at Tara.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WEDDWT 11/16/2011 6:14PM

    emoticon Little Black Dress

emoticon Gingerbread Cookie?

(Or how 'bout putting the LBD on the GC?)teehee

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AEBROWNSON 11/16/2011 4:37PM

    Really good post! I need to do this, too.

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SHEILA1505 11/16/2011 1:54PM

    Good one!
I think you'll make your way through it just fine, Bess - just believe, with all your strength :)

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MSLZZY 11/16/2011 1:32PM

    Great blog. Think thin and believe! HUGS!

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GOOSIEMOON 11/16/2011 8:24AM

    Great blog post.
You have summed up my thoughts exactly.

Here's to our holiday season as thin people!


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DADDYTREVOR 11/16/2011 7:57AM

    Good teaching.

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Movin' it

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

On November 1 I finally walked back into my gym. I don't even remember why or when I let my commitment to exercise lapse. It happens. It's happened now and then for 30 years so I don't get too bent out of shape about it - emoticon but of course, I do get a little out of shape - which is frequently the trigger to push me back into the gym and I hit that point last week.

So last Tuesday I got out the mat and started with morning yoga - which is a fabulous way to start any day. In addition, I've committed to 30 minutes a day at the gym or a 30 minute lunch time stroll about town. With the exception of Friday - which was a heavy meeting day, and yesterday which was a double ... no ... a triple meeting day - I've managed to stick to that schedule.

Which was the perfect foil to the local Oyster Festival held this weekend and the fried oysters, oyster pie and oyster stew that was ... also a part of my life. I didn't lose any thing but I managed to slide through the weekend without gaining either.

All to the good, of course - the weight thing - but of far more importance are the stress management properties of steady, regular exercise. Work has become extremely taxing - fun taxing, good taxing, but so freaking hard for me I'm almost afraid of it. And this is just the very beginning of the real holiday season - I'm going to be busier than a one arm Christmas tree decorator. If I don't get the endorphin calm of well exercised muscles I am going to get the well padded hips of a very miserable body. And I'll be as cranky as an old Model T.

I knew that. You know it too, don't you?

So. Let's go. Let's move it! Life will be so much better.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    I'm with you. I'm trying to keep this body moving!

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SHEILA1505 11/9/2011 11:37AM

    What a lovely image that conjures up, Bess!

Well done with getting back to gym and enjoying the endorphin rush :)


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MSLZZY 11/9/2011 7:23AM

    emoticonKeep that positive attitude! HUGS!

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Sobering Scale Stats

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

I have been on the road, often in luxury surroundings, for almost 2 weeks now - with home parties at both ends. Part of me knew I always had the choice to say no thank-you, or to take small portions, at the many lavish dining tables to which I sat down, but the greater part of me was whispering "It's New York, Honey. When will you get this chance again?"

And I was nearly 15 lbs lighter than the last time I was in New York - so my clothes fit nicely, I felt svelte.

But I knew. I knew there would be a price to pay for all the indulging and the piper called for his money yesterday. The scale is up several pounds.

So. was it worth it?

I believe so. It was a special time out of my routine. I don't plan to live that way, only to experience it for a brief time. That brief time is over now. Of course - the number on the scale brought me up short. I've diddled around with 2 lbs for months now - and here I am, with about 5 extra pounds to deal with. That's not a 'diddling' amount.

But I have tools too. First thing - I pulled out the tracker and started with a brand new Day 1 writing down what I ate. I also recommitted to daily exercise, including morning yoga to help me keep my equilibrium during the coming holiday months. I haven't been exercising at ALL, even if I did get all flowery about doing so almost a month ago. Time to change that now.

So - like a sketch that didn't work out, my early autumn plans got scrapped, but that doesn't mean I can't just get a new piece of paper and start a new plan. There is a lot I want to accomplish before January 1 - and a healthy weight is just one of them.

May you have no sobering news today - but should you be so unfortunate - remember - it's just a day. It's just a number. You can choose to make things different.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BELOVE2013 11/2/2011 10:09AM

    Congratulations on Day One, then! Best of luck!

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READY2DOIT58 11/2/2011 8:39AM

    I spent 2 weeks on vacation also, was a bit bummed about not keeping up with the weight loss I had going but did enjoy our time away and the foods at wonderful restaurants. I just won't continue eating prime rib every day! I'm back on track & like you will start a new day with better choices. Pat

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MSLZZY 11/2/2011 8:06AM

    It's all about attitude and you've got a positive one. You have the tools and knowledge to get back on track. So glad you had a chance to enjoy a break and it was worth it. HUGS!

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JLITT62 11/2/2011 7:50AM

    Great perspective!

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SHEILA1505 11/2/2011 7:28AM

    Oh I do so relate to that - but, yes it's worth it at the time. Glad that you had a great trip - and now it's time to settle down and sort it out.

Isn't it amazing how quickly we can pile it on but it takes seemingly forever to get it off again! Back in June/July I went away for a long weekend of being spoiled :)) and then I spent a month or so "sulking" because I was back home in the normal day-to-day drudgery again - ooops! Anyway, I focussed again - varied my workouts, changed my eating patterns ( up cheese - oh, that was not easy but it's helping - my sinuses are clear too for the first time in forever) ... and I can see the difference - I can see some hollows again!!!

You'll get there again Bess - big hugs xxx

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