BESSHAILE   50,539
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BESSHAILE's Recent Blog Entries

Pushing through the doldrums

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Several months ago I made a promise to myself that I would blog here once a week - and on the day after weigh-in - as a sort of progress monitor. Today is the day and I am singularly uninspired - so that it's difficult to put words down that actually share what is inside me and also makes for, at least, acceptable prose.

Physically I'm doing well. I've crossed over the tipping point into a weight where I actually like how my face looks - one of the markers that tick off true progress. I'm keeping up with exercise so that things like muffin tops and back fat, lie flatter beneath my clothes. I even zipped up those gold brocade trousers I bought a few years ago because they were a size 12 and ought to fit - but did not - which is probably why they were marked down 90%. A real size 12 couldn't wear them and someone smaller than a size 12 wouldn't bother to try them on. They are so festive and would be the perfect thing to go to the sort of holiday party I'm likely to be invited to - casual, country, but still party. (it's not a shiny brocade but a subtle textured weave). And while 2 weeks ago I could technically zip them - I sure wouldn't wear them. Now they zip smoothly and are just begging for me to top them with a cream colored sweater so they can look all snowy New Year's Eavish.

So yes. There is progress and success and there are the kind of non scale victories that are the real reason for bothering to make the weight loss effort. You'd think I'd be longing to post about all this (and of course, you would notice that I just have!)

But 10 minutes ago I couldn't seem to get started. 10 minutes ago I'd written and deleted half a dozen sentences and a different title and finally thought "Oh. Why bother. Who cares if I stick to some arbitrary schedule? It's just this once."

And then it struck me - fully - square on - kaPow!

That attitude is exactly what has kept me from losing these last 12 lbs I really want to drop. It's what makes me drift away from good eating habits. It's what makes me slide into the right turn home instead of the left turn towards the gym after a long day at work. It's choosing to get close but not bothering to go all the way.

I know that once I actually do put down the second ice cream bar - once I even turn left out of the library parking lot after work - I'll go the rest of the way. I'll walk out of the kitchen or into the gym. It will not be miserable. I'll get busy with something in another room of the house. The exercise will feel good. All that's needed is to refuse to cave to the voice of sloth and take the next good step.

and what do you know - I've made that blog post after all - and no. It wasn't so hard. Maybe next time I feel like getting close but not going all the way - I'll remember this. It's really not that hard.

Hope your Hump Day is not hard at all! Ta.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AEBROWNSON 12/14/2011 1:54PM

    Thanks, Bess...I needed that.

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STARL_73 12/14/2011 12:59PM

    Owtch. That hit close to home.. but I guess I needed the wake up call. I think I've been living: It's choosing to get close but not bothering to go all the way.
Something to think about.. and time to do something about it!

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MSLZZY 12/14/2011 11:45AM

    I call this time of year the "hibernation mode". It seems like it is just a trial to want to do what I know I should. I have to shake it off and once I get started, yes, it goes good. Keep an upbeat attitude and keep on SParking! HUGS!

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JLITT62 12/14/2011 9:07AM

    It's strange how things we KNOW make us feel better seem so hard to do.

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A different, sadder kind of loss

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

It wasn't my intention to write a gloomy post during this festive time of year but death has blown hot breath through my community and in the space of a week I have lost 4 friends. Two had been dreadfully ill for a long time. Their departure was not unexpected, but it certainly wasn't looked forward to either. But both B and M were so very sick who would want them to linger in a suspended state of pain and suffering? One was, in the nature of time, at least a reasonable development. H was 92. Dementia had set in and the circle of his life had shrunk to very tiny movements. And until 3 years ago, he was driving, cooking, taking care of himself and enjoying his grandchildren. I am sorry and sad but there is something whole about the fullness of his life - his experiences - his love. Like the cadence of a beautiful symphony - it feels right when it comes even if it does mean that silence follows.

and then the 4th blow struck with the news that Pete had died over the weekend.

Pete has been out of touch with everyone for a long time. He was actually incommunicado, though I had a private way to send him messages. He was a piece of work - this man who never did anything - probably not even breathing - in a less than 100% full blast total explosion sort of way. He loved with everything in him and boy could he fight with people in the same way. He never fought with me - he was my first friend when I moved to the country these 36 years ago. He gave and helped and shared everything he had. Once he held a party and it is still referred to as Pete's oyster roast. He was just larger than life.

And he once saved my son's life.

I don't say that in an cliched sort of way. There was a day when we were building our house. My 4 year old boy and I and Pete climbed up to the second floor to look around. there was just the smallest gap between some flooring and sure enough, my 4 year old dropped through it. The fall would have been about 12 feet to a concrete slab. Both Pete and I were just beyond an arm's length away from him and in slow motion I watched my only child heading for that unyielding floor below. Faster than lightening Pete leaped the distance, snatched my little boy by the shoulders and flung him back onto the second story surface.

A flash. A millisecond. An adult with severe ADD. A miracle. Thank God.

Everything that is my early adult life was wrapped around Pete and loosing him really hurts. Knowing he was alive and okay and somewhere doing what he wanted was one of those little savings accounts I kept in my heart to assure me that I had extra resources, that I was rich.
The memories are still there - Pete and the Ghost Car. Pete and swimming up at Marlbank. Pete and the arrowhead root. Pete's oyster roast. Pete's crazy laugh. Memories. Not quite as tangible as the real flesh and blood Pete - but riches nonetheless.

Oh Pete. Fare well.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHEILA1505 12/7/2011 8:41AM

    Treasure those memories, Bess
Strength and hugs

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MSLZZY 12/7/2011 7:40AM

    So sorry for you. I'll keep you in my prayers! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FAERY_FACE 12/7/2011 6:30AM

    I am so sorry for you loss. I will keep you in my prayers. emoticon

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MRE1956 12/7/2011 6:16AM

    I am so sorry to hear of these losses in your life - it's especially hard to take during this time of year......

May they all rest in peace.....

emoticon

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Thankful Thanksgiving and Delightful December

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

I admit it - I'm an unabashed holiday lover. I emoticon emoticon emoticon the holiday season. I love Thanksgiving with it's gathering of friends and family at my house for the most delicious smells and tastes. I love Christmas with it's promise of God's love, it's glittery decor, it's splendid music, and the thrumming energy of the people around me. I love New Year, which gives each of us the chance to begin something new, something that will carry me into a brighter future. I never feel like the holidays are 'too commercial'. I won't ever grumble Bah Humbug. I just can't still the joy in my heart from late November to early January.

If I seem chirpy - well - I am!

But I'm also longing to shuck off the excess poundage. I've been playing around with these 15 lbs for absolutely months. I'm happy that I'm inside the holiday season lighter than last year but I want more. I want to step out of the holiday season even lighter and one of the tools I'm using is regular gym visits. Not daily since Other Things can interfere - but regular and frequent. This tool stood me in good stead last week during Turkey Time, when I lost 1 lb of coconut cake and salty treats that I'd packed on the 2 weeks before. (I'd do it again, too - make that sinful cake with my darling little visiting cousin) So the fun will be to see just how many times I can make it to the gym and just what difference it will make.

And just for this week I have a goal - which is to stay within my dietary limits - which are generous - and to enjoy the first two holiday parties of December. To do both I'll have to get in that gym visit nearly every day - and I think that's do-able too! I'll be back next week to let you know how well I did.

Cheers and Happy December Eve

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSLZZY 11/30/2011 6:38PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AEBROWNSON 11/30/2011 1:10PM

    Me, too, Bess! Since I hit my goal weight back in May, I've put on 17 pounds. I am taking part in a Holiday Challenge at the gym, which gives prizes both for weight loss and for not gaining. I'm hoping to be in the first category by January 9th. We can do it!!!

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Think like a thin person

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The holiday season is only days away. Every time I see a Christmas decoration or display in a store my brain sort of does a swirling double take and then I start counting and realize it's Almost Thanksgiving - in fact - it is only 8 days away. And while I absolutely adore the holidays - and am looking forward to everything that's coming my way - I also want to make it through the party/feast/gift basket/cookie&candy/nostalgia fest and still lose weight. So I've been looking in my bag of tools - you know, the dusty one in the corner that we sometimes forget we have - that store of wisdom we've welcomed into our lives and then promptly put into our subconscious cold storage unit in our brains.

ahh and I found just the tool I was looking for.

I need to think, act ... I need to BELIEVE ... that I am already a thin person. Because when I look around at the slender people I know, especially at meal time, or when the tray of cookies is passed around, I notice that they take one cookie and nibble on it - they place their fork down and participate in the dinner table conversation - they do not have snacks in their hands all the time. They eat what they are hungry for and then stop. They are quick to jump up and do something. They move more and for longer periods - even if it's just putting away the dishes or tidying up the books on the end table. They are both less frantic when they are eating and more energetic when they are not.

LOL

And even if they are not these paragons of blissful calm and deliberation - I can pretend that I Am. I will think like the thin person I would like to be - and act like that too.

Perhaps just for today. Yes. Today I will be the thin person I long to be. I'll worry about tomorrow later - at Tara.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WEDDWT 11/16/2011 6:14PM

    emoticon Little Black Dress
or

emoticon Gingerbread Cookie?

(Or how 'bout putting the LBD on the GC?)teehee

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AEBROWNSON 11/16/2011 4:37PM

    Really good post! I need to do this, too.

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SHEILA1505 11/16/2011 1:54PM

    Good one!
I think you'll make your way through it just fine, Bess - just believe, with all your strength :)

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MSLZZY 11/16/2011 1:32PM

    Great blog. Think thin and believe! HUGS!

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GOOSIEMOON 11/16/2011 8:24AM

    Great blog post.
You have summed up my thoughts exactly.

Here's to our holiday season as thin people!

emoticon

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DADDYTREVOR 11/16/2011 7:57AM

    Good teaching.

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Movin' it

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

On November 1 I finally walked back into my gym. I don't even remember why or when I let my commitment to exercise lapse. It happens. It's happened now and then for 30 years so I don't get too bent out of shape about it - emoticon but of course, I do get a little out of shape - which is frequently the trigger to push me back into the gym and I hit that point last week.

So last Tuesday I got out the mat and started with morning yoga - which is a fabulous way to start any day. In addition, I've committed to 30 minutes a day at the gym or a 30 minute lunch time stroll about town. With the exception of Friday - which was a heavy meeting day, and yesterday which was a double ... no ... a triple meeting day - I've managed to stick to that schedule.

Which was the perfect foil to the local Oyster Festival held this weekend and the fried oysters, oyster pie and oyster stew that was ... also a part of my life. I didn't lose any thing but I managed to slide through the weekend without gaining either.

All to the good, of course - the weight thing - but of far more importance are the stress management properties of steady, regular exercise. Work has become extremely taxing - fun taxing, good taxing, but so freaking hard for me I'm almost afraid of it. And this is just the very beginning of the real holiday season - I'm going to be busier than a one arm Christmas tree decorator. If I don't get the endorphin calm of well exercised muscles I am going to get the well padded hips of a very miserable body. And I'll be as cranky as an old Model T.

I knew that. You know it too, don't you?

So. Let's go. Let's move it! Life will be so much better.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STRONGERLEANER 11/9/2011 1:39PM

    I'm with you. I'm trying to keep this body moving!

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SHEILA1505 11/9/2011 11:37AM

    What a lovely image that conjures up, Bess!

Well done with getting back to gym and enjoying the endorphin rush :)

Hugs

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MSLZZY 11/9/2011 7:23AM

    emoticonKeep that positive attitude! HUGS!

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