Thursday, October 28, 2010
This has been a MOST challenging autumn. Work has been demanding, if fun, ... no. demanding is too weak an adjective. Work has been flat out madness. and fun. Time for other things has suffered and attention for other areas of my life has been in short supply.
Add to all that, there has been the extremely difficult situation with my crabby old dad - one of those wounding things that you accept, set aside, but know is still there, oozing its pain into the world. We can duck that sort of thing but we can't avoid it altogether.
I have often found myself gobbling my food - and being horrified about it too - because it's not only an unpleasant activity, it's a dangerous one. Besides not tasting what you're eating, you can choke on stuff! Ask me how I know.
the one thing I've clung to this autumn has been my swimming schedule and of late, I've actually been ahead of schedule - closing in on that one mile goal post almost a month earlier than I thought I could.
but the pace, the load, the list of Things To Do has grown so large, so demanding that yesterday - at quittin' time - when I found I had to stay late to finish something Important - I actually contemplated skipping the swim.
and boy did my body protest. Just the thought of Not Swimming, even if only for a few laps, made my entire body sink into suffering mode. It was amazing. I actually felt as if I'd been hit. You know that sinking sensation you get when you are told really bad news? that's how my body felt. as if it were hearing really really REALLY bad news from my brain.
Wow. Imagine. My body just shrieked at me. It said "oh no you don't"! It protected me from giving it short shrift. How about that? My own body - looking out for me like a mother would. I'm still amazed.
Of course, that didn't mean I could leave the project unfinished. It does mean that I found someone who could do the last bit for me - and I could get in half a mile of swimming. And best of all - the moment my body learned my brain wasn't going to cheat it out of its needed exercise - it decided to cooperate and not gobble up dinner with two deserts ... something it's been doing lately, in retaliation, I now see, for a brain that hasn't been putting the Whole Me at the top of it's list.
so. hope you don't mind this tale of the fractured dieter - I'm not really crazy - only my brain is. sometimes.
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
Hitting That Big Old Wall - How to Keep Going When You Feel Like Stopping, by Julie Isphording, really struck a chord with me today. I feel like I've been hitting that wall all summer long and with far less success than Julie encourages you to grasp. The truth is - it's been easy to just coast along, not eating badly but not eating well either. Just ... over eating a little - just enough to keep my weight lodged firmly in place. Because it has been hard. It IS hard to lose weight. Every one of you here, who have successfully lost weight, has worked hard at it. It's hard to resist temptations. It's hard to plan ahead. It's hard to make good choices and it's hard to remember what those good choices are!
And it is easy to go along with the status quo. In my own case, my life is sweet and satisfactory and I have lived in the same place so long that people think I'm just fine the way I am. I am only reminded of how much I want things to change when I see candid photographs of me. Ugh. Then I am not just reminded - I am floored - sometimes I am horrified.
But I know I am capable of doing hard things - of even lasting to the finish line. I am reminded of the time I truly hit a wall at work - performing a task that daunted me by it's enormity. I sat on the floor one day, surrounded by old fashioned catalog cards and just thought "I am defeated." and felt the complete and utter magnitude of my defeat. and then - since not finishing this task really wasn't an option .. somehow I continued working. And eventually, if shabbily, I did complete that task.
A less arduous and daunting incident of coming up against a wall .. or at least noticing how close that wall is - has happened as I've been swimming laps. Several weeks ago I remember gasping after the 10th lap and wondering if I had what it takes to go that one more lap. I took a bit of a breather and then plunged in. Today I will swim 25 laps and I'll have to push myself for those last 2 - but I have this sweet history of being able to go Just One More Lap so I am more confident of my success. I know that wall will be up there, but I believe in my ability more now. My consistent application of the JOML principle has built that confidence and added a bit of pride to the mixture.
And so. Perhaps what I need is a series of small Just One Less Bites. Perhaps today is a good day to fold that thought into my brain. Yes. I like that. Today I will take Just One Bite Less and see where it gets me in, say, 6 weeks!
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