Thursday, July 15, 2010
my precious husband has very fragile vision. One eye is pretty much blind - it sees light and dark. The other is now having trouble. Please if you pray, ask that his eyes heal and his vision stays. We will weather any storm, but prayer is such a miracle that we'd like to have yours with us as we face what's up ahead.
Thank you so much, my spark friends.
Thursday, July 08, 2010
to say I did 2 brisk miles at the gym yesterday in spite of the ferocious heat. well - the gym is moderately air conditioned. they don't keep it way down, but it's fresh enough to help you feel like moving. Today, in just minutes, I will do my 2 miles outdoors - because one of the things I want to do more of is Be Where I Am. I live in one of the most beautiful natural places and I work all day indoors. I need to feel a little more like I'm a part of my natural surroundings.
today it's back to the city for more doctor stuff for Himself. This is always a mixed situation. We wish that he had strong healthy eyes but we absolutely love having a day out of the routine to spend together going somewhere. go figure. He and I have ALWAYS had fun in a car.
A day in the city is always a challenge food wise - but I'm psyched up for it.
Hugs to you all. I'll be back to scatter spark goodies around in a day or two. Won 100 goodie points today on the log-in wheel.
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Cooked spaghetti arms are typing today's post. I checked into the pool after work last night and swam laps for 15 minutes. Oh La! I had completely forgotten how lap swimming uses every single muscle in your body - neck, arms, forearms, the stuff hanging off your shins... toes... everything is telling me "hey!"
Mind now - nobody is complaining - those muscles are just surprised as heck. I guess they thought I had no more use for them. They were planning to pack up and shrivel away.
I've always loved swimming and I still play in the river in the summertime - but river swimming is not the same thing as laps. River swimming ends up being a few strokes out or some serious treading to keep from floating away with the tide. Lap swimming is .. well - you know what it is and the part of my brain that likes calesthenics also likes laps. but in 2005 I hurt my shoulder and neck very badly in a serious fall and it wasn't till this spring that I began to suspect I was getting full range of motion back. Recent diagnosis of osteoarthritis in my spin at both the neck and lower back explains some of the issues I've been having with my regular workouts and my doc suggested swimming, so, though I'm also sensitive to chlorine, I gave it a go yesterday and WOW - that's all I can say.
The pool was mildly unpleasant with it's chemical scent. I'm going to be careful that, in typical Bess fashion, I don't overdo it right from the start - but boy oh boy - it was wonderful to see that I can do a good crawl across and back, that 15 minutes of it burned a heckuva lot of calories, and that I can now tuck this refreshing form of exercise back into my daily life.
Especially since it's going to hit 103+ today. that's 39 for my celsius friends. Tomorrow we're expecting a cold snap of 91. It hasn't rained real rain since the first weekend in July. Drought is tough but drought plus days and days of temperatures in the triple digits means we've lost the corn crop. The only money we'll get from that is from the crop insurance. Late beans won't even germinate. I suspect they've been cooked in the ground so rain probably won't help them either. But we need the rain. My beech tree has lost almost all its leaves, as has the redbud and dogwood. Poplars will be next and the sweet gum is already turning red.
So. Lord - send us rain Please!
hugs to you all.
Monday, July 05, 2010
Beyond the very busy schedule I've been living the past month, I've been wrestling with the dark side of my weight issues. And my opponent is a pretty formidable adversary. She knows my weak spots and she has weapons in her arsenal. Her name is doubt. The 4th of July really hit me hard with the truth that I am pretty much the same weight I was 6 months ago. I have to ask myself: Is my desire for weight loss real or fake? Am I serious about this or do I think it's just something I'm supposed to want, something I'd sorta like ya know if I didn't have to work too hard at it.
I'm not trying to beat myself up about this – what I really want is to live my life as honestly as I possibly can. I don't want to write inspiring pieces about healthy living while choosing too much of the wrong food or lolling about instead of strengthening flabby muscles. I also don't want to give up on myself when the going gets tough. What I really want to do is be honest, encouraging, flexible and patient with myself, just like I'd be to any friend who was having a hard time reaching a goal.
There are some real issues and perhaps I ought to admit them up front.
First off, I'm not at some sort of plateau. I'm not doing everything right and being tripped up by some unknown metabolic issue. I'm eating too much food and exercising too few minutes. I pretty much like how I look. At least, I like how I think I look. This is largely because I live in the rural south where I am comparatively smaller than more than half the women around me, and maybe 3/4ths of the women my age around me. It's so common for us to look like the world around us – dress like they do, fit into the mold. In my world, the mold is very roomy. I have to want the change a lot and be willing to fight the tide to achieve it, and as far as looks go – dress size, appearance, the outside stuff, I don't really think I do want it enough – at least, my behavior for the past year hasn't demonstrated that I do.
I have arthritis in my spine at the neck and the lower back with a disc that is trying to slip out from between the vertebrae. This really limits my ability to exercise, especially in ways I'm use to. Careful change is required but it also makes exercise even more important than ever before. Besides, the extra weight hanging on my skeleton is putting stress on my spine. 20 fewer pounds would make an enormous difference.
And doing nothing is going to leave me more and more crippled till I can't move, can't stoop down and pick up something from the floor, reach high and get something off a top shelf - sleep through the night without an aching back. Mobility really is a motivator. My dear crippled mother, almost bedridden now, is the warning I should heed.
I think the biggest issue for me, though, is portion size and speed-eating. Deep down I know I should not be eating dinner in front of the television. It's a routine my husband and I have gotten into and it's really taking its tole on my efforts. I eat too fast. The food is gone before I'm ready for it to be. I miss the taste of a lot of the food on my plate so it's not uncommon for me to eat more, looking for the taste I missed.
So. It looks to me as if the desire is real, but it's the desire to be strong and mobile, not slim and fashionable. A first for me, I believe – as I have loved the outward appearance all of my life. I still do love it, but more important, I love the freedom of choice I have now, and resent the impeachment of that freedom that has begun to creep in. It's time to fight back.
As a first step I plan to wean us from the dinnertime television hour. For this week we'll eat every other dinner on the porch – or anywhere else that is TV-less. Next week we'll see if we can add to those days. Who knows – by August we may not even want to eat any meals there. Let's see if this baby step will help me get a little more real with my life.
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