BESSHAILE   46,351
SparkPoints
40,000-49,999 SparkPoints
 
 
BESSHAILE's Recent Blog Entries

The Merry Month of May - and that red polka dotted bathing suit

Saturday, May 01, 2010

If I were in charge of the world, there would be at least 3 Mays every year - and maybe even as many as 5. May in Virginia is so beautiful I could weep. May skies are so blue your eyes sometimes have to blink. And Scarlet Tanengers flicker their redness across that blue background on a daily basis. May mornings are often crisp like some juicy fruit and are perfumed with roses and honeysuckle blossoms and every now and then, the rare swamp sweet bell, which is like a buttery lily of the valley. May afternoons are usually only warm but even when the temperature climbs into the 90s they don't feel brutal because the ground is still cool from winter's frosts. May evenings chirp with frogs and insects and lilt with owls' calls. I always manage to take time off in May.

May is also the month my son was born, so there is a sweetness to it that stirs up memories of that long ago day when we all got to meet face to face. And do you remember Julie Andrews in Camelot, singing "Tra La, It's May, the lusty month of May" ? Yeah.

I am sitting here, thinking about where I am this May compared to previous Mays. I am a little lighter - that's good. And I have some familiarity with yoga - that's good too. I have a week's vacation coming at the end of the month and by hook or by crook or by our family car - I am going to spend some of it at the ocean. And that brings up the question of how will I look in a bathing suit this May? Hmmmm.

I have about 3 weeks till we toddle off to VaBeach or Nags Head or wherever we decide to go. I believe I will see how far below the 160 mark I can get between now and then. I think an image of me in that really cute red polka dotted bathing suit (Not a bikini, please) is what I need to keep before me. I know where that suit is. I could even pull it out and hang it inside the wardrobe door so that every time I get dressed in the morning I will remember what I want to be wearing this summer.

Yes. A cute red bathing suit is just the inspiration I need.

What do you need for your May inspiration?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JLITT62 5/1/2010 11:00AM

    In TX, by May, you're already getting into the heat of the summer. But here, everything's just beginning to bloom (that would've been over by March in TX!). I won't miss the summer in TX, but I sure do miss the spring. Nothing like a field of bluebonnets.

For me, right now, I am wearing the bracelet I bought myself to celebrate getting thru my plateau (which didn't last long with going away -- I think my body must be particularly sensitive to sodim. Or maybe I'm just kidding myself. Whatever).

But right now I do need a tangible reminder that Hershey's dark chocolate kisses aren't a free food. And my bracelet serves the purpose. I was thinking about blogging about that today, actually.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALEXTHEHUNN 5/1/2010 8:02AM

    I love May; it's my favorite month also. However, I think I shall forgo the red polka-dotted bathing suit.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSLZZY 5/1/2010 7:41AM

    Blue skies, fresh spring flowers and my growing garden keep me inspired. Have a great day! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHEILA1505 5/1/2010 6:37AM

    Oh wow, Bess - then everyone would have to give me 3 (or 5) sets of birthday gifts, cards, flowers, greetings etc - Oh I do like your ideas!

It is a simply stunning month in Cape Town too - though sometimes we get serious downpours of rain for day after day after day. However .... it is the month the rosy-purple azalea blooms beneath blue-purple tibouchina, next to the double shocking pink and white camellia, opposite the double scarlet camellia, alongside the purple white and lavender (yesterday today and tomorrow) Brunelsia - you get my drift ... a total riot of colour in my garden - oh and lots of leaves are turning orange too just to add to it all.

And ... added to that ... it is sometimes one of the best months for clear skies and tolerable temperatures for tourists - if they hit it lucky

I am a great big fan of May ... and I hope your itsy bitsy teeny weeny (non-yellow) red polka dot bikini does the trick for you

xxx
hugs

Report Inappropriate Comment


Rewards of following the path of Love

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Thank you all again for sharing this powerful journey with me. I was of two minds about discussing such family stuff here and yet I was unable to hold it all inside. Also - because I did share things with you I felt compelled to keep trying to find the way out of a very sad Monday instead of just staying in TheBluePlace and feeling sorry for myself with Mr.Chocolate and MsCheese, though I will admit, we've had a few meals together this week. Let us hope they have been brief enough that there won't be any dismay on Sunday's weigh-in.

But here is something ELSE that comes from putting down defences, resentments and hurt feelings and looking for the love. It opens your ears and heart so that you can recognize an apology when it comes. Sometimes people can't actually say words but they can make gestures and if you've opened up to that loving possibility - you can hear what's not said.

You have to admit - that's mighty sweet.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHEILA1505 4/29/2010 5:31PM

    How wonderful that is - big hugs

with love


Report Inappropriate Comment
JUSTDUCKY1405 4/29/2010 4:43PM

    That IS mighty sweet! And thanks for sharing it! I will definitely keep my awareness open to the unsaid gestures of forgiveness!

Seriously... never looked at it that way! Always felt an actual apology had to take place... thanks for allowing me to open my mind up a little more today!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALEXTHEHUNN 4/29/2010 9:52AM

    What a wonderful piece.

Thanks

Report Inappropriate Comment
EDWINA172 4/29/2010 9:24AM

    Thank you for opening up your heart and sharing your feelings with your Spark friends.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JUGE300000 4/29/2010 8:07AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SKINNYPOWELL1 4/29/2010 8:00AM

    Glad your heart was open to feel the love. Hope your have a blessed day. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
OPAL50 4/29/2010 7:59AM

    Beautifully expressed. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSLZZY 4/29/2010 7:52AM

    So true! Not everyone can express what they are feeling. Saying "I love you" can be difficult.
Not for me! LUV you bunches! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Following the path of love

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Thank you all for your kind words yesterday - they were enormously helpful.

I admit it - I was really cranked yesterday - nervous and anxious and sad all rolled into a big ball. The truth is, yesterday was not about food or nutrition or health at all - it was all about family dynamics and old hurts and Other Stuff. The back story isn't too different from that of other families with aging parents - a little dysfunction, a little creativity, a little jealousy, a dash of fun - oh - and half a century of memories. There could have been more kindness, there could have been a whole lot of better choices made along the way - they could have made the decision to move a heck of a lot sooner. Whenever I hear people say "We kept mama home as long as possible I want to shriek "no No NO! Help them move while they can still put down new roots, make new friends, form a new life!" Alas, it didn't happen with mine. At the moment, after celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary, my parents are living in separate elderly situations about 70 miles away from me. Everything is twice the burden because there are two situations to deal with - two places to visit, two sets of nurses to talk to, two cleaning ladies to get to know.

There are other issues too - sibling issues - division of labor issues - Martha and Mary roles to play, some that fell upon us by chance, some by design. The long and short of it is yesterday looked to be a day of tension and sadness and ...

well

I don't do tension and sadness very well. In fact I flee from both - oh not in any denial sort of way. I just like to solve my way out of sadness and tension. I hate fights - though I will cary my weight in one if I must. But I would a whole lot rather make it work than be right.

You all know I have been working with finding my Place of Thinner Peace but the truth is, that peaceful place has a lot to do with everything else in your life too. I've been doing the right hand/left hand writing most every day since I first tried it last week and it's been a real eye opener. First off - you have to really slow down and concentrate on what your non-dominant hand is doing ... just to form any letters at all. That's why the first question you should ask yourself should be a polite formality question - How are you?

You have to slow down so much and focus so hard on a physical activity just to answer that your subconscious has an opportunity to let clear emotions float through the clutter of our word dominated organized thoughts. By the time you've scrawled out a "Fine, Thanks" everything seems to be in slow motion.

And yesterday, when I went to that quiet, slow place and asked how I felt, all the truth bubbled up to the surface and when I asked what I could do to help myself through the day, the word LOVE floated to the top - almost like that little triangular answer die in the Magic 8 Ball.

Love.

Remember the love.

Act with love

Know there is more love than anything else in the world and all you have to do is pick it up, put it on, accept it's warmth.

And once I did that - everything else fell into place. I could talk about IT to my husband. I could call my sister. I could be gentle with my dad. We had a totally fun day. My mom was home from the hospital and even up and dressed and looking herself again. Even the cell phone worked ... which, if you knew me ... would be the biggest miracle of all! I am singularly cell phone challenged.

So. There you have it. When the BIG UGLY looms in front of you, trying to scare the bejeezus out of you, just remember. There is more love out there than anything else and it's flowing onto you all the time. Just open up to that and suddenly that scary thing will just shrivel up into the big nothing it is and crawl away.

May you feel it today.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALEXTHEHUNN 4/28/2010 8:21PM

    You're amazingly insightful and self-aware. I always enjoy reading your posts. I wish you the best possible outcomes.

Cheers,
Alex

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSLZZY 4/28/2010 7:37PM

    Love makes the world go round and keeps the negatives from ruining our lives. Thanks for sharing. May the blessings of love surround you always!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WEDDWT 4/28/2010 3:13PM

    Bess, I'm glad your yesterday was love-filled.
It always interests me to read about your non-dominant/dominant hand dialogue as I have been doing this for some time. May I be so bold as to recommend a book to YOU, a Librarian?
Recovery of Your Inner Child by Lucia Capacchione, Ph.D.
She's the author of The Power of Your Other Hand.
Good stuff!
Remaining on that love path along with you,
S.
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JUSTDUCKY1405 4/28/2010 11:52AM

    Beautiful! LOVE it! What an awe inspiring blog!!!

I am curious as to learn more about this left handed emotional surface approach... that's is really intriguing!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CAROLJEAN64 4/28/2010 9:40AM

    Yesterday, I was invited to a cocktail party at the home of a children's author. I am in Chicago at a reading conference. She is a fascinating person... check her out on whoisamy.com. (This will relate to your blog, I promise. ) She is working on a project she calls Beckoning the Lovely. As part of that project, she wants everyone at 4:29 PM on 4/29 (Thursday) to text "i love you." to someone special in their lives. Love is the answer!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
OPAL50 4/28/2010 8:51AM

    Oh my...do I relate. Fortunately, my own parents made their own decisions (with a little help from good communication and active listening) to move out of the family home when it was too much. Both have passed on and my sisters and I feel good about how it all played out. We had our trials, but mostly good.
However, you could have been writing about my husband's family! I feel for them because there are so many emotions involved.
Take care..."keep the FAITH" and LOVE and PRAYERS. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CRAVE_FREE 4/28/2010 8:49AM

    You gave me goosebumps. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ABBY_G 4/28/2010 8:41AM

    Hello. Just to let you know that I was trying to decide whether to join the Official Mindful Eating Challenge team and saw just the title of this blog, which inspired me (sparked me) to join. Thanks. I'll come back and read the blog (have only read the title so far) when I get a chance. All the Best -Abby_G

Report Inappropriate Comment
JLITT62 4/28/2010 7:53AM

    My brother & I were just talking yesterday, which is actually a rather rare event. It's not that we don't get along, we do, we're just all so busy with our lives.

We all know it is time for my parents to unburden themselves of the house they have lived in for almost 40 years. Even my parents know this. But no one knows how to get the ball rolling. My sister lives a few miles from them, we're 90 minutes away, and my brother -- who my father would probably actually listen to -- is unfortunately in CA (altho my parents winter there, so they just got back from seeing him even tho he works like a fiend so they don't see him a whole lot).

Anyway.

For me what mostly works is staying in the moment. Traveling is always so fraught with tension. Not so much the actual travel, but the prep work. Yet mostly I felt almost tranquil getting ready last week. Now I just hope I can recapture that tranquility getting ready next week!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Coping with tensions

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

As is so common when there are aged sick parents, our family dynamics right now are very tense. While little frustrations and tensions flutter around the edges of my life all the time, they can be a challenge and fun to work with. The big guys that are sitting on my head right now are Not fun to deal with.

And yet they must be because responding to them with chocolate or butter or something else in the fast fat food category, will not just make me fat. It'll make me sick. So there is nothing for it but to pull out every tool in my bag and use it to the best of my ability.

Today I will be deeper into the scene than other days as I take my dad out to do some much needed shopping. An unplanned visit to the hospital to see my mother and find out what the coming days will look like - she is quite ill but not with something fatal - will be added to the mix. I guess I had better do some serious preparations - yoga, pack lots of water, check in with the inner self, who is probably afraid - afraid to say good bye to parents and afraid of the demands ahead till she has to.

Funny how roiling emotions can make us do such stupid things, say such stupid words, feel such stupid feelings. Wouldn't it be good if we could look at those emotions - nod - acknowledge them, and then put them in a box somewhere to deal with later? Perhaps at Tara?

Gonna be a hard day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUSTDUCKY1405 4/27/2010 2:50PM

    My heart ached for you through out this blog! I so appreciate your honesty and willingness to share this with all of us! I am sending big love filled prayers your way! Hang in there! You'll get through this... hugz!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WEDDWT 4/27/2010 12:14PM

    Sweet Bess, Isn't is something how when certain conditions exist in our lives (kinda like the 'perfect storm') we have the perception that we are not in control? -In actuality we are not in control, but that's a whole different subject-
But as things are stormy right now, remember that you really can still make choices that support the inner you and the outer you in the best possible way. Prayin' for ya.
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CRAVE_FREE 4/27/2010 9:13AM

    I'll say a prayer for you today and I am glad that you have quite the bag of tricks to fall back on as for taking care of that emotional eating (though I feel a little every once in awhile is justified). emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
EDWINA172 4/27/2010 8:44AM

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. I do know (somewhat) how you feel. Both of my parents were ill and passed away a few years ago. My father lived with me for a year before he passed. He was on hospice. Its a difficult situation. You are an adult, but you are their child. I had to be the parent of my parent. That is not the way that nature intended.
Please know that others are praying for you and wishing you well in this difficult journey.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JLITT62 4/27/2010 8:07AM

    My parents are, thankfully, still doing pretty well. I often feel one of the reasons we ended up in NY, where we didn't want to be, was so I could be near them as they are moving into their mid-80s.

The best thing to do with feelings, really, is to feel them. It can be uncomfortable, to be sure, but in the end, we actually feel better for feeling our feelings (what an odd sentence!). The biggest thing, I've found, is to concentrate on today, not what's going to happen tomorrow. Not that that's easy!

Wishing you peace.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSLZZY 4/27/2010 7:18AM

    I'll be thinking of you today! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DEBNICU 4/27/2010 7:18AM

    Good luck in the coming days. It is really hard when our parents are ill and having to take care of them. I can relate. My husband and I took care of his parents for about 8 years when we moved them close to our home. Plan ahead so you can continue to take care of yourself and make sure you add some me time in there. I know it is hard but if you don't take care of yourself you won't be there for them. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


At least I saw 163

Sunday, April 25, 2010

I had hoped to see it today as well, but it was my scale reading yesterday. Today the number is up a pound which I am going to blame on the law of contrariness or maybe the Law of Salt Consumption or perhaps merely the GotCha Factor. The scale is down and it has flirted with further down so I know that illusive goal weight is somewhere up ahead for me. She is just being coy.

163 will at last enable me to claim the "I Lost 10 lbs" button here on SP. 10 lbs in 7 months seems absurdly slow progress, but gaining 10 lbs in 7 months would look like a runaway train. Isn't it funny how numbers mean different things depending on the direction they're going?

Ahh - and that is an important thing to remember. We think of ourselves as static, but we're not. We are always only somewhere between here and there, now and then, yesterday and tomorrow. Important thing to remember when there's a disappointing number on a scale somewhere. It's why we're advised to look at our weight infrequently over a span of time - because the number isn't important - the movement is.

Eh. I don't, of course. I don't follow the good advice. I'm not ready to give up my security blanket of daily weigh ins. Most of the time I don't let a single day bother me. And, as I love to say, down is down.

I had thought I'd have a lot more to say today but instead it is grey and raining and everything has that soft shut-in feeling. My brain is still on snooze. I believe I shall finish up the latest Alexander McCall Smith offering from Botswana. And do some knitting math.

May your Sunday be full of rest.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WENDYSPARKS 4/27/2010 7:28AM

    You doing well! :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
JUSTDUCKY1405 4/27/2010 7:17AM

    Sounds like you're doing well to me!

Report Inappropriate Comment
OPAL50 4/25/2010 8:50PM

    You are going in the right direction...that's progress! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSLZZY 4/25/2010 8:20PM

    At least you saw it yesteray.
Lots to ponder in your blog! Hope your Sunday was special!

Comment edited on: 4/25/2010 8:21:29 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
SANDYJAS 4/25/2010 1:00PM

    10 pounds is fantastic!!! Congratulations. It doesn't seem slow to me, it seems like real progress.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JKTENTATIVE 4/25/2010 10:29AM

    I was just telling someone last night that one of the things I am learning here at SP is patience. In the past, a concerted weight loss effort involving a dietician or group meetings would not have lasted if the weight loss had been this slow. This time around I am starting to understand what people mean when they say it is better to lose the weight slowly because then it is more likely to be gone for good. I can tell by your blogs that you are changing too. Hopefully none of us will have to see the pounds that are being shed through SP ever again - by doing it right this time.

Report Inappropriate Comment


First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 Last Page