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Those fleeting emotions are still powerful

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Thank you all so much for the good wishes. We're going to spend the whole day playing together but our biorhythms don't change even for an anniversary so my Night Owl is still asleep while this Lark has a few moments to blog and I have a few thoughts I want to share before I forget them. Sieve brain stuff.

As you all know, I have been devoting a fairly good bit of time to letting my Wild Child and my School Marm duke it out and I am much more aware of fleeting emotions as they flicker through me. The hint of jealousy when a friend tells you of an adventure she's setting out on, while you are just scrubbing the bathroom floor. The pinch of frustration when the 60 watt light bulb is too dim and you haven't any stronger ones and it's 10 o'clock at night. That tiny pinch of anger when the socks are on the bedroom floor instead of in the hamper that is right next to them.

It dawned on me that it's important to acknowledge those twinge emotions because ... I think that tamping them down, ignoring them because we are ashamed of them, because it's polite, because they aren't really important enough to investigate, makes us stop listening to all sorts of emotions - which are our Wild Child's way of warning us that something's wrong. We just placate it with chocolate.

Well. I'll be. hmm. have I had a light bulb moment here?

I also notice about my WC and my SM is that for the most part they like each other and cooperate. Like true siblings they squabble and argue and each can make the other truly miserable. What I realize is that they both want me to be safe, they both want my life to be good and they often embrace.

So, I'm working my way through the 4-day win book, making head changes. I'm about finished my ridiculously easy first 4-day win, which I have accomplished, so long as I eat no more than 2 deserts tonight. LOL Really! That was what makes it so ridiculous. It's been hard to do the daily rewards because I tend to forget about that part, but the 4 day win reward, which is sort of big this time, because it's the first and because we're getting a tax refund, is to purchase some yarn from elann dot com - because they have some stuff I want to buy.

And I am utterly drooling at the idea of writing with both hands, dominant hand asking questions and Wild Child hand answering - so that is going to be my next 4-day win challenge. I'll let you know how it goes. Sounds like an art class to me!

Happy Saturday

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OPAL50 4/17/2010 8:39PM

    Well...great idea! If you are writing with both hands you won't be able to eat. emoticon LOL!

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MSLZZY 4/17/2010 12:02PM

    Stay in touch with those emotions but let them leave as quickly as they come.

Writing with both hands-interesting concept! Have fun and have a wonderful weekend! emoticon

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TAMMS001 4/17/2010 9:00AM

    Oh WOW! I love the idea of using both hands to write! I will be curious as to how it goes and I just might give a try too! Great blog! Thanks!

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JKTENTATIVE 4/17/2010 8:59AM

    Very intriguing. Can't wait to get deeper into this 4-day Win book...

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It's in the stars - but it's also at the picnic table

Friday, April 16, 2010

Do you read your horoscope? Do you scoff at people who read horoscopes? Himself, who is an astronomer, twitches when I read them out loud so, of course, I'm sorely tempted to do it every day just to tease him. I don't, but I'm tempted. My son, who is pure Haile engineer (ALL Hailes are engineers, even the poets among them) says disgustedly "Mom, do you really think one twelfth of the world is going to stub his toe today?" To which I reply - "I do not care about the math. I am only having fun. I also read fortune cookies. I do not base my retirement investments on them. It's play, like cards or hopscotch."

But when a horoscope hits close to home I do like to acknowledge it and boy, look at mine
(and all the rest of my Virgo sisters and brothers battling weight issues) for today.

"You have lately been getting quite an education. You have started to see old familiar situations in a new light. You may not feel any older ... but you are most definitely wiser. Events, this weekend, will enable you to apply that wisdom. You will naturally know that it is safe to stand back and take a philosophical view of circumstances that might once have caused you much aggravation and exasperation. That means you can have power over a factor which once had power over you."

Well. Well and well. Tomorrow Himself and I celebrate our 36th wedding anniversary and we're going to an all you can eat fundraiser meal in our community. I've never been - it's always around our anniversary and it's a bit pricey. But this year we're going and a scant month ago I was pretty worried about being exposed to all that food. I can pretty much guarantee there will be every high calorie fabulous tasting food these farm wives, and daughters of farmers can stir up. The food is aimed at the menfolk 'round here, which means in addition to being tasty it's going to be plentiful.

One of my goals listed on my sparkpage is to be calm around food situations and this is exactly the kind of foodie situation I was thinking about. And do you know? I don't feel nervous about going. I honestly think I have some tricks in my pocket now for facing the high energy sugared and spiced social foodie situation with calm equanimity and the power to make healthy choices. Happily make them with every part of me cooperating willingly to have a good time.

Neat, huh? To have power over food that once had power over me? Sounds good to me. Hope you gain that same power, even if you are not a Virgo or don't read horoscopes.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALEXTHEHUNN 4/16/2010 8:32AM

    Enjoy your anniversary outing. Sounds like it's going to be fun.

I like reading horoscopes when I see then, though I never seek them out. As for their occasionally seeming to be "right", a colleague of mine used to say, "Even a blind hog finds an acorn now and then."

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JLITT62 4/16/2010 8:02AM

    I've no doubt that tomorrow's report (or the next day's, I guess) will be positive.

Have wonderful anniversary! 36 years is something to celebrate.

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MERALO 4/16/2010 7:23AM

    I read the horoscopes when I get a chance...I usually forget what was written as soon as I put the mag down though!

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MSLZZY 4/16/2010 7:17AM

    I read horoscopes, laugh about them and move on. Good luck with your eating adventure and Happy Anniversary! Enjoy the day! emoticon

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When a craving strikes - SIN

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Still wallowing in the mind of Martha Beck and yesterday I took her advice and SIN-ed. SIN stands for Substitute Inedible Nourishment. This could be tactile - anything from stroking a pet, to a massage or hot bath, to passionate lovemaking. All wonderful ways to make yourself feel good, but hardly appropriate in an office setting, where afternoon boredom eating so frequently hits. But it can also be intellectual. Our brains love to learn and we are each of us very particular in the things we really love to learn. There are no value judgements on knowledge - what your mind loves is what it loves. So you may love learning heart surgery or you may love learning fly tying. The thing is - in an office setting it's a heck of a lot easier to pick up your favorite hobby magazine and read an article than it is to take a hot bath in the staff washroom.

I love puzzles, quizzes and filling out forms. (even IRS forms hold a certain fascination for me) Yesterday I was working hard on some tedious-but-important-to-my-job writing and when I came to a good stopping point I was assailed by an urge to snack. Fortunately the Four-Day-Win book was on my desk and it's chock a block full of little fun forms you could fill out - exercises she calls them, all of which ask you to come up with mini rewards. So I opened the book, filled out the first form, thought up a little gift to myself and wrote it down and in less than 10 minutes I had absolutely zero craving. I had never been hungry. I just wanted a treat for completing a task.

woo woo. Is this a non-scale victory or what? I would have sworn I was hungry but I just wanted some love. and I gave me some.

So. Go SIN next time you get a craving and see what happens.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OLSEN9310 4/16/2010 6:59AM

    ooooh, I love this concept. I have been craving soda lately....but hate to break my streak (none since January )....I do like crossword puzzles and word games....maybe will try this option when it hits me :) nice one!

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JKTENTATIVE 4/15/2010 10:35PM

    You are an inspiration. I want you to know that I went out and bought that Martha Beck book because of you. Am only in the first chapter ...but will keep you posted and perhaps we can compare notes.

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4LUCKYMOM 4/15/2010 10:08AM

  good stuff emoticon

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CRAVE_FREE 4/15/2010 9:47AM

    GREAT idea! I will probably use this today!

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CRAVE_FREE 4/15/2010 9:47AM

    GREAT idea! I will probably use this today!

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GRAMJANX5 4/15/2010 8:42AM

  Thanks for sharing. The book,"Four-Day- Win" sound interesting.

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HARPERLADY 4/15/2010 7:50AM

    what a wonderful blog, so helpful and so true I will definitly keep that in mind each and everyday, thanks so much for posting emoticon

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IFDEEVARUNS2 4/15/2010 7:45AM

    Great tip, I'll have to try this.

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JLITT62 4/15/2010 7:37AM

    Well darn, I needed this last night.

Why is it that when I'm in the throes of eating stuff I haven't planned for, I never think to try something else?

I guess last night it might've been because I was actually in the middle of doing soemthing else. It wasn't so much a craving as a hungry feeling. Altho my binge looks like this: 2 dark chocolate Hershey's kisses, 1/4 dark chocolate peanut butter bar, and 2 ounces cinnamon chips. All eaten thoughtfully. The dark chocolate peanut butter bar was last, and I must say I was impressed that just that one quarter bar did the trick -- I stopped eating after that.

If only today wasn't my WI.

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MSLZZY 4/15/2010 7:28AM

    Very interesting! I'll have to try that! emoticon emoticon

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ALEXTHEHUNN 4/15/2010 7:27AM

    Fascinating. I'll have to try it.


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The body learns quickly

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

So that half a Taco Bell thingy I bought on Monday and saved in the refrigerator at work made a second appearance yesterday for lunch, just as I'd figured. The neat thing is that the Wild Child and the School Marm and the Watcher self all knew that it would be enough to hold me the rest of the day - hadn't I proved that yesterday? - so I had this opportunity to eat in the most carefree way. I knew what I was consuming, I knew I'd feel fine after I finished. It was such fun to eat and then stop and feel exactly right. I actually didn't think about food the rest of the afternoon.

So I tried it again with dinner. I wanted to eat and watch a dvd with Himself yesterday and I'd fixed something I really really like. This can be a real danger zone because I know that when I get engrossed in a movie or documentary I can scarf down a mountain of food without realizing it. Not that I cook a mountain of food, mind you but it's possible for a plate of dinner to disappear and you think you're still hungry and start foraging in the kitchen and before you now it ... disaster.

But I remembered the trick from Monday at lunchtime and before I finished my whole plate of carefully measured out, yummy but nutritious calories (I'd done the homework for this meal) I just stopped. I bargained again with my little Wild Child about waiting a few minutes and then finishing off the plate and even having more if we were still hungry. Evidently the WC is beginning to trust me a little because I was able to pause - and then finish off my dinner and feel just right.

There is a little kernel of wisdom somewhere in this - I'm trying to pull it out and polish it up so I can see it before me all the time. It's all about the portion size ... And taking time to eat ... It's about teaching the body how much is enough and assuring it that More is not necessarily Better but it's There if the body wants it. Wants it, mind you, not needs it. Because the truth is - when I don't get to eat what I want to ... that's when things derail and I end up eating MORE than I want to.

Well. anyway. That's the State-0-Bess today. A little triumph and a little learning. And it's only Wednesday. Who knows where she'll be come Sunday Weigh-in?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JKTENTATIVE 4/14/2010 11:55AM

    I always look forward to your thoughtful blogs. thanks for sharing!

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SHEILA1505 4/14/2010 9:55AM

    I'm sure you'll be down - and I look forward to reading all about it next week.

Meanwhile, after an excellent day well within my limits yesterday, I still had room when I was in need of (oh, OK then, wanting) a top up of rye crispbreads and butter followed by some 70% chocolate (just a small piece) and that just wobbled over my upper limit. Do I care? Naaah - did an extra hour of dancing today and that took care of that. Still thinking of a suitable name for my PTP and Custard.

Keep well and keep smiling

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HARPERLADY 4/14/2010 9:50AM

    great blog, and great going emoticon

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OPAL50 4/14/2010 9:37AM

    My DH and I always talked to our children about the difference between "WANTS" and "NEEDS" while they were growing up. LOL I never thought about applying this to my eating habits...but I will now. emoticon

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CRAVE_FREE 4/14/2010 8:39AM

    Oh you lovely librarian, I think you're on your way to writing a book with all these pearls of wisdom.

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JLITT62 4/14/2010 8:15AM

    "It's about teaching the body how much is enough and assuring it that More is not necessarily Better but it's There if the body wants it. Wants it, mind you, not needs it. Because the truth is - when I don't get to eat what I want to ... that's when things derail and I end up eating MORE than I want to."

Truer words never written! But oh so hard to live by, sometimes.

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MSLZZY 4/14/2010 7:53AM

    Down, down, down! That's where she'll be!

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SHIMMYHIP 4/14/2010 7:42AM

    Great insight!

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Made a deal with myself and won

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I didn't pack my lunch yesterday so I had to eat out. I was pretty hungry but I also had to do some other shopping so I stopped at a fast food place and ordered something I didn't know but that looked tasty and possibly not too high in calories. It was a Taco Bell Salsa roja Tortada - a flour tortilla with grilled chicken and some sort of tomato based sauce and a little cheese.

It was also enormous. So I went to that quiet place inside me and breathed a little and got calm. And then I pretended I was actually talking to a miniature Wild Bess in skins and bark with a gleaming hungry look in her eye and I said. "how about this. You eat half. Enjoy it. Taste every bite. Then we'll go do that other shopping we have to do and when we come back to the car, if you want to eat the rest you can. Or you can put it in the refrigerator and have it as a snack later in the afternoon. I'll look up the nutrition facts when I get back to work, just so we'll know, but no matter what they are, if we want to eat it we will. Promise."

And since I was being so calm and gentle, the Wild Child agreed. Needless to say she wasn't in the mood for the second half the rest of the day. It's still in the refrigerator at work and I'll probably eat it today since I have a meeting during lunch.

Score ONE for the watcher me - watching out for the whole self.

BTW - calories are 480, which is high but acceptable, but whooee - sodium through the roof. Not a choice I'll make too often.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALEXTHEHUNN 4/13/2010 3:02PM

    Good job!

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HAWKEYERANT 4/13/2010 12:29PM

    That is amazing! You rock! I like how you had to talk yourself down to the half... I do that often. I go, do you really need to add X amount of calories to your nutrition today? And then I sit and think about how much I've consumed and if it's an okay choice for me or not. Good job!

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SHEILA1505 4/13/2010 10:25AM

    Good girl - was that 480 per half??? Or total?
Just wondering - I only asked ....

Last night when I took the students to the steakhouse to thank for letting me go away shortly, I had calculated my 200g steak and 1.5 cups of salad, plus a glass of red wine - OK didn't expect to eat some deep fried onion rings but I was still in my range! Woohoo - you have PTP and Custard - I need to name mine. Perhaps I'll think of something appropriate in Paris :)

Keep well and keep winning

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HARPERLADY 4/13/2010 9:42AM

    emoticon emoticon glad to hear you are still in control, you are going a great job!!!

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JKTENTATIVE 4/13/2010 8:34AM

Sounds like you really are getting this whole thing under control.

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PLAYBLUES22 4/13/2010 8:10AM

    Nice job and such will power

U GO GIRL !!! emoticon

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JLITT62 4/13/2010 7:52AM

    Really makes you wonder just what the heck they're putting in there.

480 isn't bad at all. Sounds pretty healthy.

Congrats on a job well done!

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MSLZZY 4/13/2010 7:16AM

    Now you know. It sounds good but probably not something I'd want if it is high in sodium.
Thanks for sharing the nutritional facts. Probably a good thing that Taco Bell is 60 miles from home LOL!

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