BESSHAILE   44,221
40,000-49,999 SparkPoints
BESSHAILE's Recent Blog Entries

Living in Thinner Peace

Sunday, April 04, 2010

More Martha Beck talk today - because when Bess is struck with what her Big Darling calls "Bess' Passions" she really likes to share.

So - Thinner Peace is that state when you have calmed your Wild Child and reassured your Dictator ... when you say to them "May you be well. May you be free from fear. May you know that I love you as a part of me that helps keep me safe."

Just typing that starts the peaceful juices flowing through me so I think I will spend a lot of time in the Place of Thinner Peace. PTP. (oh. dear. I am SUCH a sucker for acronyms.) It's rather fun to go there and just look around - ask myself, once the two warring factions have called a truce, "How do I feel?" Not JUST as far as food goes, though I spent a LOT of time there yesterday asking those questions, but also about work, or about being ticked off at Someone who might be sucking up my limited home time asking for help with his hobbies. All sorts of stress type triggers can be looked at from the PTP and seen for what they are, not what either the frightened the Wild Child or offended the Dictator thinks they are.

In fact, this trick of stepping back from the emotions I'm feeling seems a lot like what my Lenten Project was about. If you remember, I was to snap a rubber band whenever I got ticked off at someone or some thing or some situation, and then write out ways to deal with it. So I see now that I was headed in that direction all along. A little Dictator-ish with the rubber band snap and all, but still headed straight.

I had lots of opportunities yesterday to ask myself "So how do you feel about food right now?" and sometimes I was hungry and so I ate, and sometimes I wasn't and so I didn't. But never once, even in the 50% off Easter Candy Aisles in Walmart where I did have to get some Other Things yesterday, did I feel attacked or in any sort of food danger. I just breezed by, armoured in my cloak of Thinner Peace.

And as this is the day of the Prince of Peace's triumph - I wish all of you who celebrate Easter a special peaceful joy filled holiday and for those who do not, may you have the peace and joy as well.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAXBALLARD 4/5/2010 7:07AM

    It was a blessed Easter! Thank you for sharing about PTP. It really makes sense. I've got Beck's book on request at the library.

Congrats on maintaining PTP yesterday.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JLITT62 4/5/2010 5:19AM

    My biggest problem lately is that it doesn't much seem to be about the emotions, it's about the appetite.

I've been working hard to eat healthy, get in more whole grains & greens -- been successful -- but am still just way hungry. Which isn't a sustainable healthy lifestyle. Maybe it has to do with some of the limitations of Passover . . .

Well, anyway, I am glad you have found your PTP. May you continue to be cloaked by it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSLZZY 4/4/2010 10:16PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOOOOW 4/4/2010 10:39AM

    I am now familiar with Martha Beck, I will look up some of her writings. Again a very good blog and I again thank you.
Pris emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JAYJO64 4/4/2010 8:10AM

    I really like Martha Beck's writings. Finding Your Own North Star is one of my favorites.

Report Inappropriate Comment
HARPERLADY 4/4/2010 7:47AM

    happy easter emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

You always have a CHOICE - same message, two voices

Saturday, April 03, 2010

And my first choice is to thank you all for your laughing support yesterday, when my brain was on STOOPID. Things got beter as the day went on, culminating in a sudden, surprise, 2 hour holiday, a gift of our county administrator via the Governor. We closed at 4 o'clock and skeedaddled.

But TheUniverse has been trying to get some information into my head these past few weeks and it just upped the wattage on its electronic brain drill this morning with the article from Dean Anderson about Mastering the Mysteries of Motivation.

Lawsee - I keep reading paragraphs I want to cut and paste here so it's better if you just go read the article yourself. If you're having trouble with motivation, that is - which - in my case - is the ONLY issue I have with weight (or pretty much anything else in my life)

You see - at my age I know enough facts to figure out how to always eat healthy and be slim and strong. (or how to organize my desk at work or prioritize my TTD lists or keep the house clean). One learns the facts if one lives long enough. The issue - the ISSUE - is getting myself to do the stuff I know is GoodForMe.

"Many people seem to think that "being motivated" means not having to struggle with opposing desires. Not so. It is our nature as human beings to pursue both the gratification of our senses... and the psychological gratification of achieving meaningful but more abstract goals ... As long as you and the world remain less than perfect, you will have to struggle with this conflict between immediate and long-term gratification.

Things go much better when you see motivation as the ability to give yourself the chance to make conscious decisions and take responsibility for these choices. Therefore, the main "enemy" of motivation is the tendency to see yourself as the hapless victim of forces ... over which you have no control. " ... see Anderson, linked above

And here we have the crux of my issues with weight (and organization and procrastination and any of a host of other things).

I see myself as the helpless victim of DNA - I come from a fat family. I will never be thin.

No. I know this isn't true. But do I believe this is not true? Do I believe that I have choices - that I MAKE choices - that move me here and then there and sometimes I am slim and sometimes I'm fat and sometimes I'm organized and sometimes I'm disorganized and sometimes I am thin and disorganized and sometiems I'm fat and disorganized ... most of the time, actually -

Only that's not true. If it were I'd be draped across a sprung out couch on the broken front porch of my shack at the end of a dirt road - the focus of a Jeff Foxworthy joke.

I have been reading Martha Beck's two books Steering by Starlight and her diet book The Four-Day Win and BOTH of them say the same thing as Anderson - though in different, more humorous, words.
As she puts it - we have our Wild Child (lizard brain flight or fight instinctive stayin' alive crave-woman) and our Dictator (We hefff waze uff mekng yooo ztop eeeetng woman who will whip you into shape with her Things To Do lists and calories-in-calories-out charts)

But we also have our Watcher - who sees the value of both - who can soothe them both, assuring them both that there is enough food and the rules can be followed - who loves both for the gifts they bring into her life.

Ms. Beck offers a host of exercises, tools, tricks and tips on how to call the Watcher self into action, promising the Wild Child she won't be starved, reassuring the Dictator that her rules are good. Do this enough and not only will our behavior change and our bodies - but even the molecular structure of our brains!

And I think ... If I can change my brain I will stop choosing to believe that: From Fat I Came and To Fat I Will Return.

Because, really, I do have a choice - and so do you.

Glorious Happy Saturday to you ALL - and another thank-you.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EDWINA172 4/3/2010 11:21PM


Love this!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOOOOW 4/3/2010 5:29PM

    Again you hit an issue we all have to face. I think this is one blog subject of yours that I will take to my class and tell my students to apply to their everyday lives. Thanks.
Pris emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JKTENTATIVE 4/3/2010 3:25PM

    I really like that you share these inner thoughts and can relate. Never thought to have someone articulate some of the stuff I think about...but there you go again.
-- And, I have to believe that as you help us readers of your blog deal with some of this complicated stuff, that you are also making big progress on your own.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHEILA1505 4/3/2010 9:35AM

    Thanks for the link - it was good to see again that if we stress about hitting a plateau we'll end up getting even heavier because the stress causes us to hold onto it all!

I also like the choice between instant gratification or long-term results - when it's put plain and simple like that, it's really a no-brainer isn't it. But we still find it so very hard if we don't pay attention at all times.

with love

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHISHYCAT 4/3/2010 9:26AM

    Thanks for the great post. I've been in the throes of "do nothing, it's too hard" side of the equation for a couple of months now. It's amazing how quickly that creeps up on you! I love Martha Beck and have read the "4 day Diet" and you've inspired me to pick it up again! I love how she admits that sometimes doing anything! in the right direction is hard, so just show up for 4 days. So, if your goal is exercise, commit to doing the absolute minimum (even down to like 30 seconds) but for the first few days, just get up and sit in the place that your going to exercise. Then get on the machine, etc... That is just so true to my experience! I can't get all gung ho because I've done that before I peter out! She is much more realistic. I really appreciate you writing about that!

Report Inappropriate Comment

The pressure mounts and Custard rears his worried head

Friday, April 02, 2010

Funny - because, my life is really not at all a strenuous or anxiety producing or one of those edge of the knife lives like oh, say, a brain surgeon or um, an astronaut or a leader of the free world. I'm just a middle aged librarian in a nice town with a loving husband and lots of hobbies.

So why is the old lizard brain shrieking at me that Danger is Immanent and Life is about to Explode? And why is my life so stressful? run Run RUN ..... to the kitchen where Mr. Ice Cream Box is waiting!!!

Heck. I don't know. I just know there are a lot of Things To Do on long lists that must be checked off and they're starting to make me feel enervated.

I woke at 3 a.m. dreaming about the census form that I forgot to fill out - and then remembered that there was a glitch in the house insurance bill - which I paid twice - and for which I haven't gotten a refund. and there is this morning's radio interview and that reminds me that my email to the local tv station bounced back and I really do need to contact them by phone. and the house is suddenly horridly dirty and my thick furred yellow dog is shedding whole carpets of hair on all the floors and we have guests coming next friday but I will only have Saturday to clean house because I'll be taking my parents to lunch on Easter which isn't just lunch but 200 miles of driving and then helping one wheel chair occupant get in and out of my car. It's an all day project. I get only one day this weekend and it will be filled with housecleaning. And grocery shopping.


Oh yeah. Everybody cleans house and shops for groceries. These are NOT stress inducing activities. It is not as if I don't have a vacuum cleaner or money.

Why? Oh why does all this make my lizard brain rear up in panic? I mean - these are just things. things to do. Things I can do today. I can do them tomorrow. why are they causing such stress and is it true? am I really a Type A, masquerading as a Type B+ ( I love that so much - I mean, doesn't being a Type B+ sound so comfortable? I really want to be a type B+) And now thinking about being a Type A ... which is something I don't want to be - I mean - I've never met a happy Type A person! Every Type A person I've ever known seemed to be critical and also to be sabotaging herself at the same time .... now just thinking about being a Type A is making me feel stressed too.

So is this going to make me eat all day long? My flight from Type A-dom - chased by Custard the lizard brain?



did you ever take the Myers Briggs Test and did it turn out you were an ENFP? You know, that Look A Bird ... Oh isn't that shiny object pretty? ... easily distracted sort of person? running away before she has to be committed to any long haul project? Crying "don't make me marry my job!" as she hey... isn't that a pretty flower?

well. that's how I feel today.

I think I need to do Yoga.

Oh No! Another Thing To Do!

Well. Obviously I shouldn't be allowed near a computer when I haven't had enough sleep. emoticonI hope you are all laughing because this is mostly a ridiculous vent, but ... well... there you have it. Sometimes my brain is just crazy. Fortunately, a lot of the time it isn't.

Happy Friday!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WEDDWT 4/2/2010 12:04PM

    I'm going out of town for Easter and I'm feeling a tad frazzled; is there such a thing as a 'tad' frazzled?
it's a long list...

Happy Easter!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SANDYJAS 4/2/2010 9:56AM

    Great, great blog post! I think it needs to be Custard's last stand.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALEXTHEHUNN 4/2/2010 7:57AM

    Simply brilliant. So well said.


Report Inappropriate Comment
MSLZZY 4/2/2010 7:32AM

    emoticon What a wit! This was funny but still got the point across. Life is what you make it so have a great day!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHEILA1505 4/2/2010 7:28AM

    My Dad used to say I worried because I didn't have worries and then I'd worry cos I was worrying just like he said I did - but he was a silly old .......... what would HE know?

Those middle of the night terrors when the To Do List is going to come and smother or gobble us up are not so easily pushed aside but it puzzles me why you have that big ice cream box in the kitchen - and he even has a name!!!

emoticon emoticon
together we will get thru this!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JLITT62 4/2/2010 7:17AM

    Oh, yes, I had a good laugh WITH you, not at you.

Here I am, finally getting my new kitchen (hopefully, he didn't actually pick up the counters yesterday), and yet it's stressful because I must stay downstairs, didn't have advance warning so couldn't prepare as I'd like to, and on top of it kicked my kettlebell, deeply bruising my toe -- and now can't even run in this lovely weather we're finally having.

I mean, I don't even work, I get to do my grocery shopping when it's only mildly busy, how could my life possibly be stressful?

So anyway, take a deep breath. Focus on what's in front of you, not what's 10 miles down the road. And know that this too shall pass.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DAYHIKER 4/2/2010 6:27AM

    I understand! I seem to go through that sort of middle of the night brain activity when the seasons transition from winter to spring and summer to winter and the rest of the year I'm fine. Weird.


Report Inappropriate Comment

The difference between

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

It hit me suddenly yesterday that there is a huge difference between those two and I have not been playing enough in the "No Longer Hungry" zone.

You know how it is - there is Full emoticon as in "Wow - What a meal!"

and there is FULL emoticon as in "OMG. I couldn't eat another bite"

Both places are skirting discomfort, even they don't make you feel like Harry Potter's Aunt Marge. Both sensations are just a little to close to panic and lizard brain thought for me.

No Longer Hungry feels very different. No Longer Hungry is calm and at ease. It's fueled for action but not weighed down with the heat of digestion. It is ready to go on to the next thing without needing a nap first. It does not ever offer up reminders of where it's been in the form of gastric reflux or other inner rumblings. No Longer Hungry means you really CAN stop eating anything - even scoops of Nutella on top of Ben and Jerry's French Vanilla Ice Cream. You can always come back to it if you are HUNGRY again. No Longer Hungry is a simply wonderful place to be.

I often override the pleasant sensation of No Longer Hungry because I'm not yet full, much less FULL. After a lifetime of dancing on the edge of FULL I have the body to show for it, both inside and out. So. My new mantra is eat whenever I want, pretty much whatever I want ... just remember to stop when I'm


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHEILA1505 4/1/2010 1:29PM

    I wish I could do that!
I've had a serious case of the munchies ever since my tummy bug starved me for a few days last week - at first I thought I was just levelling off the totals for the week - but now?? Nooooooo-oh it's the munchies!

What do you say " I am no longer hungry " - do you hear me Sheila?

Have an awesome Easter - and thanx for commenting on my blog today


Report Inappropriate Comment
MSLZZY 3/31/2010 2:16PM

    This is an excellent way to look at things! Have a wonderful Wednesday!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JLITT62 3/31/2010 11:03AM

    It's a great mantra . . . works for me sometimes -- and sometimes the emotions take over & it just doesn't work. Then I have to rely on my bag of tricks (which also works sometimes & not sometimes).

Report Inappropriate Comment
GRAMLORI 3/31/2010 9:01AM

    That is a GREAT way to put longer hungry. I think I will start using that for my guidelines as well. Thank you!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
IFDEEVARUNS2 3/31/2010 8:57AM

    Excellent blog!

Report Inappropriate Comment
EDWINA172 3/31/2010 8:49AM

    So wise! Wow! This is how I'm going to look at eating from now on. I will pass this wisdom onto my family and friends also. Isn't amazing that something so simple, can give you such an "a-ha" moment?

Report Inappropriate Comment

Why do I think there'll never be any more food?

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Or perhaps I should say

"Why do I FEEL there'll never be any more food?"

I KNOW there will be so Thinking there won't isn't possible. That urge to clean my plate is lizard brain stuff - Custard, shrieking to me "Fill Up or you'll be hungry by 10 o'clock".

Well. So What? It's not as if I'm working on the floor of a store or factory and don't get a break till noon. It's not as if I'm still in school and we all know there's no snacking in school. It's not as if I'm going into combat and don't know when I'll see a meal again.

Heck. I work in an office with a lunch room and a fridge and besides ... I'm the boss! If I am full after eating half my breakfast I can stop eating in the sure knowledge that I can walk into the lunch room at 10 o'clock and get something to eat.

So yesterday, when I'd eaten half my breakfast and was comfortably full - and even though I could have eaten all my breakfast and not been miserably full - when Custard began to shriek "DONT STOP NOW! YOU'LL BE HUNGRY BY 10 O'CLOCK" ... because he always talks in all caps ... I just stroked his back and said "That's okay honey. If I am, I'll go eat something."

Felt pretty triumphant all day too.

Oops. Almost 8. More on this another time.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAXBALLARD 3/31/2010 6:48AM

    Love the concept. Now if I can get my lizard brain to remember it more than just once....LOL

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALEXTHEHUNN 3/30/2010 12:07PM

    What wonderful insights. I find myself reacting like that. A good example is, I'll be eating very well, everything under control, right amounts, right balance etc. Then, I stroll into the break room to get some water and someone has set a cake (or pizza, or whatever) out to share with whoever wants it.

My brain kicks into high gear.
"Oh, get some of that, it's ok, it's free!"
Not to brag, but I bring home a comfortable salary, and acquiring food has NEVER been a problem - EVER. So where does this grab-it-it's-free mentality come from?!?!

Glad to know I'm not alone.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JLITT62 3/30/2010 11:28AM

    Lately my lizard brain has been winning more often than not . . . good for you for taming yours!

Report Inappropriate Comment
NANCYANDRA 3/30/2010 8:04AM

    Ahhhh that's a great feeling to be satiated after only half your plate - I love it - that and the extra energy we have with less food to digest - of course I'm talking NOT overeating - Good Job!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
HARPERLADY 3/30/2010 8:01AM

    clean plate, oh yeah has been a problem but little by little we learn to overcome it, I try to make a small plate so if I do clean no biggie still in control emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSLZZY 3/30/2010 7:58AM

    Excellent control there! Tell Custard to take a nap!

Report Inappropriate Comment
STEPHASANA 3/30/2010 7:55AM

    I like this! I'm the same way. I just need to learn when to stop, and that it's ok. Thanks.

Report Inappropriate Comment

First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 Last Page