Sunday, March 28, 2010
The weigh-in was not so hot today. I didn't exactly expect it to be good, but I had hoped it would hold steady. Alas. there was a small gain. It looks like I'm still playing around with that same 5 pounds that have dogged me for the past couple of years.
Sometimes I feel like they are this swinging gate that resists me going through and when I finally do, it smacks me on the back swing and shoves me inside again.
But that's only when I am feeling sorry for myself - which isn't all that often.
Other times it's as if I figure out how to deal with one situation only to see that two more have popped up ... There must be 50 ways to loose your .... groove. (Can't you just hear Paul Simon singing "50 Ways to Lose Your Lover"?) www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5--Sje98jI&
Here's a sample of the next few weeks of my life:
3/31. Someone's (who wants to eat out) Birthday
4/4 Easter brunch with parents in high carb heaven nursing home dining hall
4/9 Work Function with guest and meal
4/17 36th wedding anniversary -sorry - I don't cook on my anniversary
4/22&23 Work retreat at another high carb heaven ... meals pre-selected for maximum tryptophan ... after all, it's held at a resort where you are supposed to relax. Just because we'll be working all day doesn't mean we won't also be SITTING all day Ugh!
Lordy! An opportunity to fail every week! And this isn't counting all the times when I am tired and feeling like cary-out - or celebrating a friend's triumph or patting her back in a food laden situation.
I know that we are supposed to find Other Ways to celebrate our friends and loved ones, but I do not always have the say in selecting these ways. And in fact, during most of the week lunch time is the only time I have to play with buddies. Some of my buds are happy to brown bag it with me but a goodly number of them either can't or won't.
No doubt about it. If there are 50 or even 100 opportunities to loose my diet mojo I have to find a way to cary it with me all the time. That's why one of my goals is to be calm around food - because I'm going to be around it all the time. It's the world I live in - an agricultural rural community of beloved friends and family that doesn't necessarily think thin is beautiful. I am actually on the skinny side of the fulcrum so there is no societal pressure on me to be fitter and trimer. It all has to come from me.
So. What's a girl gonna do? Especially faced with a couple of weeks like the ones I've got comming towards me!
Okay - let's see - 3/31 ... Someone wants very much to go to the Churrascaria ... the Brazillian restaurant where they bring you all sorts of grilled meats on skewers. Okay I can do this. I just have to remember what a portion looks like. My favorite meat there is the tenderloin so I need only eat a portion sized amount of that and let Someone do the festive eating. I can still have fun even if I don't eat all night long.
Easter Sunday brunch at the nursing home? Well. I know there will be fresh fruit and I know there'll be other healthy choices. Nobody will pry my mouth open and shove a Danish or a muffin down my throat.
The library function on April 9? Easy - just eat only half a portion (it'll be lasagna) and NO bread. Just decide this, bess. And half the desert since I know it will be special.
The anniversary? well. There I will have some control over where we go and if the weather is nice Someone will be happy enough with a picnic ... which (laugh at me) isn't cooking! Or rather, that sort of cooking is done before the event so it doesn't count.
The library retreat? ouch. That is going to be tough. It's always at the same place and it's always this same heavy food, of the sort and quantity needed to fuel 19th century coal miners or perhaps men going into combat. And it's all good too. I'm going to have to really decide ahead of time what and how much so that when the 5th platter of vegetables laced with butter is passed beneath my nose I can be calm and pass it on to someone else.
Well. Dear me. Obviously what is needed are plans (maybe written down?), a goal to keep in mind, and .. not exactly willpower, but decision. Calm decision. Because .... this is only April. There are 12 more months and 50 more ways to loose my groove.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
One of my goals is to feel more confident around food - to feel calm and at ease in all food situations. I hate the sensation that IF a box of cookies is in the house I WILL eat it. Of course, I don't keep them around often, though during Girl Scout season I am likely to have several or many boxes of them at least pass through my hands. Most have been immediately donated to armed service folk overseas and a goodly number of them have been handed off to the 20 something young man who is on my staff - but a few boxes have made it home.
Anyway I am digressing ... Just know that I seldom have sweets in the house but I sometimes do.
The point is - I would like to be confident around food so that if there are boxes of cookies, or huge platters of macaroni and cheese (far more likely to tempt me) or pizza or any of the other juicy gooey things that can show up on a dinner plate, I can either take a healthy sized portion or pass - depending on how hungry I am - not on how irresistable the food is.
I want me to be the boss, not food. I am working hard to develop the ability to stand back and asses my physical needs - the ones my sweet little body will tell me any time I ask it how it is. I haven't been doing that very well the past month and my weight reflectes this. So yesterday I decided that for the next 4 days I intend to devote myself completely to asking first and then eating.
The idea is that I can do anything for 4 days. On Sunday I may commit to another 4 days or I may take a day off. Well. I suspect I shan't take the day off because I feel so good when I eat Only when I am hungry, Only want I want, Savor each bite and Stop when I am full. But I will still DECIDE about a second 4 day stint, I won't go onto autopilot just yet. The goal is to string enough 4 days together to make eating this way the norm but I am not there yet.
Best of all, eating this way will lead to the big goal of being confident about food - so I won't end up like this:
(That is a sleeve of Girl Scout Thin Mints, promising to still respect me after I wake up from eating his box mate)
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