Saturday, February 13, 2010
One of the things I wanted to concentrate on this year was getting Enough Sleep. SP emphasises sleep in its program as do other good health guides but in this world of instant 24/7 distraction it's easy to think we can fit more in if we just stay up a little later - or, as in my case - since I am a lark - get up a little earlier. So one of my New Year's Resolutions was that I may not get out of bed before 5 a.m.
for you night owls, that may seem preposterous but there you have it - I think staying up later than 9 o'clock is absurd and I quit a promising career in music because it is basically Night Work. I actually look forward to 8:30 when I can start thinking about going to bed.
But my brain is just as susceptible to the world's demands for speed and quantity as anyone else so I often go to sleep already planning to hop out of bed early the next day. And in my case, I think it has a little to do with not living enough in the present - with running away to the future so I can be prepared - and in the end, loosing touch with the here and now.
I notice this with my yoga practice yesterday - that I wouldn't come back to a resting pose and think about what I had just done - and feel what had changed within my body. Instead, I was reaching for a prop or putting myself into the next pose the moment I reached maximum stretch. I would watch myself do this and think 'You're being absurd, Bess! Stop it!" and I would, but the period of flowing into repose was already gone, brushed aside in my haste to Be Prepared for the Next Move.
Like multi-tasking - another bad habit I've embraced - and mindless eating - I am not actually doing anything in and of itself. It's always got to share space with TheNextThing which will also get smashed into whatever follows that. I tend to never actually BE anywhere or DO anything solely and completely because I'm always preparing for What's Next - which frequently includes borrowing troublesome worries about the many ways What's Next can go wrong.
I've actually realized this about myself for quite some time. Now and then I've even consciously stopped behaving this way. But I believe that, for today, I am going to concentrate on living in the present - finishing everything I pick up, eating all of what's in my mouth, completing every yoga move - for the whole day. It will be fun to see how I feel about things at the end of the day.
Happy Saturday to you
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I was cranky all day yesterday. the list of reasons for being cranky goes on and on but really, these are just the usual February complaints coupled with a simply wretched economy that may or may not kibosh my work and, consequentially, my personal economics. Most of the time I can stride ahead through the morass of Reasons for Being Cranky and leave them all behind me, gasping on the side of the road - but yesterday it all began to get to me. I was snappish with an employee - crabby with my DH who managed to do all the things I really hate for him to do, all in one day - and on my second unwelcome trip to the grocery store, in the falling sleet and fading daylight I stood in another long line at the checkout counter and stared at those dreadful little bags of cheetos.
Cheetos. Cheese. Sigh.
Cheese is my chocolate. I would rather have a bite of French Corbier or English Stilton than the finest Belgian chocolates - although there is the most marvelous little shop in Culpepper VA that will sell you both - the French Corbier AND the perfect dark chocolate (no fruity taste, my dear) to go with it - as well as the absolute matching bottle of wine.
The Frenchman's corner - if you are EVER in that upper central part of VA you have to stop there - the staff really knows what they're selling and it's the only place where one bite of cheese or chocolate lasts on your tongue for 15 minutes.
oh dear - I am SUCH an ENFP! distracted by the slightest wisp of a thought. But at least thinking about that little shop has lifted my spirits to the point where I can laugh at myself.
anyway - to get back to the POINT of this post - I was standing in the check-out line and I was fretting and grousing inside because Other People were Making Me Do Things I Didn't Want To Do and it was ALL THEIR FAULT when that familiar orange bag winked at me. It shrugged it's little cellophane shoulder. It made a little kissy face and asked "Who loves ya, baby?"
And I reached over and plucked it up in my grubby little hand - I tossed it on the conveyor belt - pulled out some dollars - made my meager purchases (all the frackum way out here just to buy Someone some stupid green tea that I don't even like!!!!) and hurried out to my (defective car that I had to add anti-freeze to Right There in the Parking Lot of Walmart!!!! Me! A Girl! Touching the grimy inside of a car hood!!!!)
Mechanic duty completed I sat behind the wheel and ripped open my little bag of ecstasy and selected a salty cheesy gritty crunchy greasy little morsel.
And right away, that fickle bite turned on me. Oh - mind you - it was salty enough for me to eat the whole bag. I'm not a major salt consumer - but I can succumb to the addictive qualities of salt - especially if they have (even only) Artificial Cheese flavor in the mix. So. I can't claim any Road to Damascus conversion from a profligate life of junk consumption to a transformed life of pure clean living.
But honestly - those cheetos really weren't that good. And of course they did nothing to elevate my mood so when I finally got down my half a mile of flooded, rutted, frozen driveway with my soggy self and all those groceries to put way, I was still not prepared to greet, with any sort of equanimity, the utter chaos Somebody had created in the kitchen while looking for Green Tea that I Don't Even Like!
It took more than an hour to get the grouch off my face. Somebody quickly stuffed all the contents of an entire kitchen cabinet back any which way so that at least I didn't have to keep looking at it. Dinner was a fairly easy bean soup that always pleases and NEVER turns on me inside my mouth with a lackluster taste and a pile of empty calories. But the caloric damage had been done. already dabbling slightly over the top limit, those cheetos pushed me 200 calories over and with grim honesty I logged every one of 'em in the nutrition tracker.
Because. Because I wanted to tell the truth to myself. Because I have to know what sorts of things can go wrong. Because one 200 calorie day is not going to even cause a ripple in my progress - but by golly a whole string of them will. And while I can't do anything about the weather - or even the ancient car that I have to drive in this wretched weather (because I'm not taking my golden chariot out in This Weather) - or truly - even the Someone who I know was sick yesterday and in a lot of pain.
I can only do something about how I react to these things. And I believe, the next time it all piles up on me - no matter what else I do in response - it is NOT going to be flirting unfaithfully with that durn bag of Cheetos. by golly - If I'm going to eat cheese it's going to be a rich buttery cheddar or maybe some of that artisianal Swiss cheese I picked up at the health food store.
For me - From now on - If I am going to have a food affair - it is going to be with something that's really worth it!
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