Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I was cranky all day yesterday. the list of reasons for being cranky goes on and on but really, these are just the usual February complaints coupled with a simply wretched economy that may or may not kibosh my work and, consequentially, my personal economics. Most of the time I can stride ahead through the morass of Reasons for Being Cranky and leave them all behind me, gasping on the side of the road - but yesterday it all began to get to me. I was snappish with an employee - crabby with my DH who managed to do all the things I really hate for him to do, all in one day - and on my second unwelcome trip to the grocery store, in the falling sleet and fading daylight I stood in another long line at the checkout counter and stared at those dreadful little bags of cheetos.
Cheetos. Cheese. Sigh.
Cheese is my chocolate. I would rather have a bite of French Corbier or English Stilton than the finest Belgian chocolates - although there is the most marvelous little shop in Culpepper VA that will sell you both - the French Corbier AND the perfect dark chocolate (no fruity taste, my dear) to go with it - as well as the absolute matching bottle of wine.
The Frenchman's corner - if you are EVER in that upper central part of VA you have to stop there - the staff really knows what they're selling and it's the only place where one bite of cheese or chocolate lasts on your tongue for 15 minutes.
oh dear - I am SUCH an ENFP! distracted by the slightest wisp of a thought. But at least thinking about that little shop has lifted my spirits to the point where I can laugh at myself.
anyway - to get back to the POINT of this post - I was standing in the check-out line and I was fretting and grousing inside because Other People were Making Me Do Things I Didn't Want To Do and it was ALL THEIR FAULT when that familiar orange bag winked at me. It shrugged it's little cellophane shoulder. It made a little kissy face and asked "Who loves ya, baby?"
And I reached over and plucked it up in my grubby little hand - I tossed it on the conveyor belt - pulled out some dollars - made my meager purchases (all the frackum way out here just to buy Someone some stupid green tea that I don't even like!!!!) and hurried out to my (defective car that I had to add anti-freeze to Right There in the Parking Lot of Walmart!!!! Me! A Girl! Touching the grimy inside of a car hood!!!!)
Mechanic duty completed I sat behind the wheel and ripped open my little bag of ecstasy and selected a salty cheesy gritty crunchy greasy little morsel.
And right away, that fickle bite turned on me. Oh - mind you - it was salty enough for me to eat the whole bag. I'm not a major salt consumer - but I can succumb to the addictive qualities of salt - especially if they have (even only) Artificial Cheese flavor in the mix. So. I can't claim any Road to Damascus conversion from a profligate life of junk consumption to a transformed life of pure clean living.
But honestly - those cheetos really weren't that good. And of course they did nothing to elevate my mood so when I finally got down my half a mile of flooded, rutted, frozen driveway with my soggy self and all those groceries to put way, I was still not prepared to greet, with any sort of equanimity, the utter chaos Somebody had created in the kitchen while looking for Green Tea that I Don't Even Like!
It took more than an hour to get the grouch off my face. Somebody quickly stuffed all the contents of an entire kitchen cabinet back any which way so that at least I didn't have to keep looking at it. Dinner was a fairly easy bean soup that always pleases and NEVER turns on me inside my mouth with a lackluster taste and a pile of empty calories. But the caloric damage had been done. already dabbling slightly over the top limit, those cheetos pushed me 200 calories over and with grim honesty I logged every one of 'em in the nutrition tracker.
Because. Because I wanted to tell the truth to myself. Because I have to know what sorts of things can go wrong. Because one 200 calorie day is not going to even cause a ripple in my progress - but by golly a whole string of them will. And while I can't do anything about the weather - or even the ancient car that I have to drive in this wretched weather (because I'm not taking my golden chariot out in This Weather) - or truly - even the Someone who I know was sick yesterday and in a lot of pain.
I can only do something about how I react to these things. And I believe, the next time it all piles up on me - no matter what else I do in response - it is NOT going to be flirting unfaithfully with that durn bag of Cheetos. by golly - If I'm going to eat cheese it's going to be a rich buttery cheddar or maybe some of that artisianal Swiss cheese I picked up at the health food store.
For me - From now on - If I am going to have a food affair - it is going to be with something that's really worth it!