Thursday, February 04, 2010
Some kind of subtle shift in my self-definition is happening. Softly, in little bursts of realization, I find myself standing at a check out stand in the grocery store thinking "oh well, but I am not the sort of woman who eats candy bars." or "oh, no. Cheetos are for other people. I'm want some carrots." I'm finding myself saying "no" to all sorts of things that used to be temptations - that used to sit just within my grasp and sing siren songs to lure me into some sort of instant happiness ... only to be followed by morning after regrets.
And yet ... if I've truly wanted something like a cookie I've just eaten a cookie .... note the delineating word "A" . A cookie. Not box-0-cookies or handful of cookie dough or something manic like that. Just - a cookie - which I thoroughly enjoyed. And then I didn't want any more.
I realized this week that I think of myself differently. I have a new definition of me. I don't believe I'm a woman who needs to be restrained. I'm a woman who wants to go some place wonderful.
It feels very sudden but I suspect it's something that has been growing on me for a long time. I believe what's brought it to the forefront of my awareness is the yoga practice. That hour of really paying deep conscious attention to my body - to my arms, my legs, my toes, to my spine, my eyeballs, my tongue - has introduced me to myself.
I know those arms! I love them. They want ... what is it they're asking for? Ah! Protein. Guess I'll have a few almonds. That skin? It wants lots of vitamins? Okay - how about a nice green smoothie?
I was a little afraid to post this today because it seems so sudden and it might sound oh ... like tempting fate, like jinxing things - but it's just too powerful a feeling to not share.
As my dear husband likes to say "I'm in the throes of one of Bess' Passions." Well, BPs have taken me to the most delightful places so I don't mind it that I'm all swept up in another one. In fact - I recommend passions to all my friends. May you find yours today and let it sweep you to a magnificent future!