Sunday, January 31, 2010
Whoa. Those are my January stats and I am pleased.
Did I say Pleased?
I am THRILLED!
I dropped a decent healthy number of lbs. to drop but better than that, over the past few weeks I've really made the effort to think before I eat, to asses myself and my body and really decide what it is I'm hungry for ... or if I'm hungry at all!!
The derailment of my heavy duty workouts dissapointed me but it didn't stop me and I am positive it opened the door for something new and valuable that I'll come to love as much as my elliptical sessions. And I learned, both by reading and doing, that small bites of exercise really do make a big difference and can fit into my life neatly, easily.
Fitting it into my life - the lifestyle change - that's always felt like the illusive component. This past month I feel like I've stood in the doorway - no stepped into the foyer of my new life. And I like it very much!
Friday, January 29, 2010
Months ago I created a list of rewards for mileposts along the way to reaching the body I want. Most were numerical - reaching 1/4, 1/2 and3/4 of my goal but two were non-scale rewards. And I have reached both of them! and yet - I haven't accepted my rewards. what's with this?
Why is it that intellectually I acknowledge that smaller clothes and compliments from people ought to not just count, but perhaps even be a bigger reason than a scale number but emotionally I don't.
Emotionally I have been telling myself "well, that person just remembered me as bigger than I am" or "oh I am clever at disguising my size with flattering clothes". Emotionally I have said "well, of course those pants fit - you've been working out". Emotionally I am saying "you have not been good enough to deserve those rewards .. . they were for after you actually lost X amount of weight."
Man. That emotional coach has a bad attitude.
My thinking brain says "look girl. the only reason you're doing all this is so that you have a body that fits in the space you want it to (those khaki pants?) and moves with the ease you want (working out girlfriend!!!)
My feeling brain screams "BAAAAAAD LUCK! Reward yourself too soon and you'll get lax and quit!"
My thinking brain says "What's with this fear of rewards? You earned these freakin' things!!!!"
My feeling brain tsks "Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat"
And that's when the thinking brain turns to the feeling brain and says "Wrong Wrong Wrong Wrong Wrong. If you deny the rewards you promised you are a liar liar liar liar liar"
And my feeling brain gasps and then blushes and then swallows and says "oh. you are right. And I hate lying to myself. "
Because, the truth is, my feeling brain isn't really a meanie - it's just ... well ... emotion driven and sometimes it gets afraid and tries to protect me from things it fears. In fact, I believe I see my Dad in that feeling brain of mine, poor thing. Always afraid to savor the triumphs.
And the truth is - I have not only gotten into those khaki trousers, but someone who understands what weight loss looks like, what body shrinkage really is, asked me if I was working on my weight (again) and told me how good I looked. And unlike hearing it from my darling husband who once told me I looked as slim as I did when he met me (and I laughed all the rest of the day ... that was 35 lbs ago!) so you know, I can't believe him. But B? Yeah. She knows. Her compliment I believe.
And the rewards for those two triumphs are
Fit nicely into those khaki trousers --- Leave 3 hours early the following Friday
First time someone says “Haven't you lost weight?” --- Schedule a pedicure and take the rest of the day off
So. I will leave work today at 3 o'clock and this morning when I am having my nails done I will schedule a pedicure for next week and make plans to take the rest of THAT day off too.
Remember - be true to yourself - don't let either your head or your heart fool you.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Even the tiniest ones.
And I have to remember that and also that they don't always come in nice neat little increments, each one bigger than the last one. Certainly not for everyone. Most definitely not for me, the classic ENFP scatter girl who always has 10 projects going at once and wants progress on all of them.
I realize that's the biggest message of SP but sometimes it's lost beneath the da capo retelling of someone's giant triumph. I really like to read other people's success stories - they inspire me a lot. But stories tend to be told in chronological order and just hit the high spots - so the tiny victories get forgotten - get lost in the telling.
and though, of course, we all live chronologically, we may not be victorious in a straight line. Weight may go down one month and inches go down another, energy may be up one month but strength another. And that is why I have to hold on tight to each victory as it comes along and celebrate it, appreciate it, remember how much effort it took and how proud of myself I feel for making the effort.
My victory last night was to NOT eat anything after dinner. I wasn't hungry. My inner devil was saying "its just yogurt. It's nutritious. It's low fat. You just want the taste of something sweet."
To quiet that wicked imp I had to pull out all the stops - use every trick I had.
First I asked myself if I was hungry. Nope.
Second I asked myself if I was hungry again Nope.
Third I asked myself if I could just skip indulging my craving for this one night and for a few moments I could say Yep.
Fourth I asked myself if I was hungry yet. Nope.
Finally I looked down at my tummy and asked myself "would you rather button THAT dress over this tummy or would you rather have a snack? THAT dress won.
And for the first time in a long time I felt that surge of power. that sense of mastery over the situation. I felt as if I really will do this.
this was my spark. this little silly 100 calorie step suddenly felt like a triumph.
yes. I must remember. Every victory counts and deserves to be acknowledged.
You remember it too - you victorious sparkers.
edited to add this link: www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=all
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