Friday, January 29, 2010
Months ago I created a list of rewards for mileposts along the way to reaching the body I want. Most were numerical - reaching 1/4, 1/2 and3/4 of my goal but two were non-scale rewards. And I have reached both of them! and yet - I haven't accepted my rewards. what's with this?
Why is it that intellectually I acknowledge that smaller clothes and compliments from people ought to not just count, but perhaps even be a bigger reason than a scale number but emotionally I don't.
Emotionally I have been telling myself "well, that person just remembered me as bigger than I am" or "oh I am clever at disguising my size with flattering clothes". Emotionally I have said "well, of course those pants fit - you've been working out". Emotionally I am saying "you have not been good enough to deserve those rewards .. . they were for after you actually lost X amount of weight."
Man. That emotional coach has a bad attitude.
My thinking brain says "look girl. the only reason you're doing all this is so that you have a body that fits in the space you want it to (those khaki pants?) and moves with the ease you want (working out girlfriend!!!)
My feeling brain screams "BAAAAAAD LUCK! Reward yourself too soon and you'll get lax and quit!"
My thinking brain says "What's with this fear of rewards? You earned these freakin' things!!!!"
My feeling brain tsks "Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat"
And that's when the thinking brain turns to the feeling brain and says "Wrong Wrong Wrong Wrong Wrong. If you deny the rewards you promised you are a liar liar liar liar liar"
And my feeling brain gasps and then blushes and then swallows and says "oh. you are right. And I hate lying to myself. "
Because, the truth is, my feeling brain isn't really a meanie - it's just ... well ... emotion driven and sometimes it gets afraid and tries to protect me from things it fears. In fact, I believe I see my Dad in that feeling brain of mine, poor thing. Always afraid to savor the triumphs.
And the truth is - I have not only gotten into those khaki trousers, but someone who understands what weight loss looks like, what body shrinkage really is, asked me if I was working on my weight (again) and told me how good I looked. And unlike hearing it from my darling husband who once told me I looked as slim as I did when he met me (and I laughed all the rest of the day ... that was 35 lbs ago!) so you know, I can't believe him. But B? Yeah. She knows. Her compliment I believe.
And the rewards for those two triumphs are
Fit nicely into those khaki trousers --- Leave 3 hours early the following Friday
First time someone says “Haven't you lost weight?” --- Schedule a pedicure and take the rest of the day off
So. I will leave work today at 3 o'clock and this morning when I am having my nails done I will schedule a pedicure for next week and make plans to take the rest of THAT day off too.
Remember - be true to yourself - don't let either your head or your heart fool you.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Even the tiniest ones.
And I have to remember that and also that they don't always come in nice neat little increments, each one bigger than the last one. Certainly not for everyone. Most definitely not for me, the classic ENFP scatter girl who always has 10 projects going at once and wants progress on all of them.
I realize that's the biggest message of SP but sometimes it's lost beneath the da capo retelling of someone's giant triumph. I really like to read other people's success stories - they inspire me a lot. But stories tend to be told in chronological order and just hit the high spots - so the tiny victories get forgotten - get lost in the telling.
and though, of course, we all live chronologically, we may not be victorious in a straight line. Weight may go down one month and inches go down another, energy may be up one month but strength another. And that is why I have to hold on tight to each victory as it comes along and celebrate it, appreciate it, remember how much effort it took and how proud of myself I feel for making the effort.
My victory last night was to NOT eat anything after dinner. I wasn't hungry. My inner devil was saying "its just yogurt. It's nutritious. It's low fat. You just want the taste of something sweet."
To quiet that wicked imp I had to pull out all the stops - use every trick I had.
First I asked myself if I was hungry. Nope.
Second I asked myself if I was hungry again Nope.
Third I asked myself if I could just skip indulging my craving for this one night and for a few moments I could say Yep.
Fourth I asked myself if I was hungry yet. Nope.
Finally I looked down at my tummy and asked myself "would you rather button THAT dress over this tummy or would you rather have a snack? THAT dress won.
And for the first time in a long time I felt that surge of power. that sense of mastery over the situation. I felt as if I really will do this.
this was my spark. this little silly 100 calorie step suddenly felt like a triumph.
yes. I must remember. Every victory counts and deserves to be acknowledged.
You remember it too - you victorious sparkers.
edited to add this link: www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=all
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
and she's rarin' to go. AND she's -ing SP all over the place.
Today there was a great article on staying motivated with two tips I am going to try starting today.
First: Do 3 things today that will move me towards my goals.
a. I will get out of my desk at work every hour and walk around the library, inside and out.
b. I will absolutely positively drink 8 glasses of water
c. Just for today I will eat only and exactly enough food that is Good For Me. No "small handful" of cheetos. No "just one" cookie. Just for today everything I eat will be within my calorie range and 100% nutrition.
These are wonderful things to do any day or all the time, but today I am going to concentrate only on doing them today.
Second: Focus on my good qualities!
So. Just for today I will take 10 minutes and write down everything about my body I like.
I might do that #2 every day - and focus on things other than my body as a spur to get me to move along a little faster in the Other Areas of my life that I would like to be better. I know I respond to praise ... but I don't often give it to myself. I think I actually forget the talents and skills I have that I may not be using and that might just make my work life better, my house tidier, my finances more productive.
Besides - it's not just a silly exercise in self aggrandisement. It's a reminder of things I like to do, know how to do, but have forgotten I can do well because LIFE just hasn't called on those talents lately. But they're there, lying dormant and waiting to be used.
I'm actually a fabulous budgeter and have made mere pennies stretch around the block and then some in years when I've needed to. I haven't needed to in a long time so I have gotten lazy about it. But it isn't THAT hard and I am ready to hone those skills again.
These two things alone are enough to make me SP all over the place, but then there were these chair yoga exercises that can be part of my getting up and moving every hour plan.
Today I really do feel as if I got my groove back. I wish the same for everyone who reads this!
Monday, January 25, 2010
Whoa! Had an epiphany yesterday.
It actually began Saturday when I got down on my knees and really scrubbed out that awful bathtub of mine. It's an old tub and most of the enamel has worn either thin or actually OFF so it's the biggest chore in my whole house - scrubbing it and never knowing for sure if it's actually clean. Ugh.
By Sunday afternoon I got to thinking about how we have lived in this house for 28 years and that's the same bathroom, lino floor, wall tile, and crusty tub that was there when we moved in. It's always had a half finished look to it anyway and now it's a crumbling half finished look. Time for a renovation.
and the first thing I thought about after that was ... how are we going to pay for this? And that's when I thought about our family budget and how we spend our paper calories and it seems that ... the budget looks a little like my Pre-Spark People diet. Basically sound but with too many empty calories in it.
So using tools I'm developing here I sat down with pencil and paper.
First I set a goal - a refurbished bathroom.
Then a time-line - probably next year, but maybe in the fall.
And then... I began doing the math with the budget. I put down the essentials we need to cover every month - the household versions of protein, folate, calcium, vitamins. . . things like utilities and insurance and such. I added on groceries in a lump sum. Then the monthly expenditures that are small, but add up. You get the idea - what I found was there was a good sized chunk of money I could salt away.
I'm still doing the figuring and the math but once I've done that I plan to
Enlist support - i.e. talk to Himself
Make my vision board - i.e. go window shopping in magazines and home improvement stores to see what's out there
Log my financial nutrition - i.e. bank book
Talk to experts - i.e. those plumbers and carpenters and tile setters.
All very exciting and fun - so - once again, THANKS Spark People, for lighting another spark in my life.
Happy Monday to you all.
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