Monday, January 11, 2010
Here's a bit more backstory to That Dress and an explanation of why I'm bringing it with me as I move ahead.
I come from a large family of plump-to-fat ladies and in some ways I have always believed I would be one too. I fought weight gain in my teens and by the time I hit 20 I had a handle on it plus on fairly healthy eating and a much more vigorous daily life. Alas, in the early 1990's I began to eat my way into what I thought of as my heritage. It took a particularly awful photo my darling husband snapped of me - when I was wearing my "skinny" sweater (or I’d never have let him take the picture) to bring me to my senses. When he brought it to me from the developers - I looked like a purple beach ball. With tears in my eyes I asked him if I really looked like that - and with all the love in the world glowing from his face (like he was giving me a diamond neclace!) he said "Yes. That's exactly what you look like!"
And when my tears spilled over, he made it worse by saying "But, but Honey! Look at your MOTHER!!"
Yes. I think it's a miracle he's still alive too!
I've since then done some fairly serious work on my good health, including my weight. I'm considerably smaller than that purple beach ball. But I'm not where I want to be AND that wicked bad Belief that - from fat I came and to fat I will return - is my biggest hurdle, my heaviest ball and chain and the most important thing to stop believing in.
I really needed something to supplant that wrong belief and it was while thinking back over my life that I realized there were more than 20 years when I was NOT fat. I did the things a healthy fit person does, made the choices a fit person makes. And during those 20 years when I lived a healthy life I wore That Dress. I wore lots of other nice clothes too, but that was my favorite and the only one I kept - the only one that isn't too decidedly 1980's Dynasty Retro. And that is why it deserves to come with me as I stride into the future; fit, healthy, AND slim.
So fear not, my friends, that I am clinging to the past. I am merely bringing a fine antique into a new setting.
Friday, January 08, 2010
There's a trick to my scale that involves where you place your feet. If you step squarely in the middle of the two foot pads you get one weight. If you squinch your feet close together you get a different, lighter weight. There are other scale tricks too, like, going to the bathroom first and weighing early in the morning and taking off your shoes ... do you have any idea how heavy shoes are?
Of course. This is not news to anyone here on SP. We all know all sorts of tricks about scales because scales and their accusing or admiring numbers have played such a big part in our lives. In fact, I sometimes think of my scale as a bad boyfriend. A lover who insults you in front of your family and then looks blankly up and says "Well. It's the truth, isn't it?"
that's why I've learned to play that little trick on my scale - to make him say something that isn't true - so then I can answer that snotty question with "No. It's not the truth."
Well. I have never continued a relationship with a person who played mean mind games with me. I reject unhealthy relationships much more quickly than I do unhealthy physical habits. And this year I have decided to break up bad relationships with things like Mr. Ice Cream Box and, this week, with Mr. Scale.
A bit of back story now - when I joined SP I didn't really want to know the truth - and I ceratinly didn't want to hear it from Mr. S. So I squinched my feet together and accepted the lowest weight I could trick him into giving me. Then, each week, I'd do the same - figuring directional movement and proportions would be relatively true.
Fast forward to Wednesday night, when I realized how unhealthy ( really I want to say how sick ) this relationship was, as I faced my Thursday morning weigh-in and a decision was made. I am divorcing Mr. Scale. But, like a divorce where there are children, I know I'll have to see him now and then. To make our visits as brief and as infrequent as possible I plan to weigh only once a month and I plan to weigh with my feet squarely planted on those foot pads. Though I can't say Mr. S is no longer a part of my life, I can state emphatically - he is no longer a part of my DAILY life.
Instead I plan to keep on seeing Mr. Nutrition Tracker with whom I have a much healthier relationship. He helps me along the way with suggestions of nutrition packed meals and opportunities to hydrate. He makes no statements about me in humiliating ways - such as "Good Lord, Woman! Do you realize you weigh a gazillion pounds!"
Instead he says "Congratulations! You've met your goals in calcium (or protein or, one day, potassium!)" I think Mr. NT and I will have a wonderful relationship together.
As for Mr. Scale. We'll get together for supervised visitation once a month but other than that we are through.
Oh! And I did take a walk yesterday and what did I see?
What is that speck up in that tree?
Yep. King of Birds - ready to soar. Just like me!!!
Thursday, January 07, 2010
I don't know what other's have planned for their off days but I am definitely not giving up all that luscious extra time the weekend offers for really working out. I have scheduled Thursdays as my "off" day, which doesn't mean I won't take a walk, but it does mean it will be a liesurely one that involves strolling around outdoors, enjoying the sights.
Because I intend to get in 30 minutes of movement 7 days a week. some days I'll move really vigorously. Some days I'll give it a good effort. But one day a week I intend to just move. And that's today. And boy am I looking forward to it. It's a clear cold day today and I've already packed my lunch. I will dine at noon and then head out for a stroll around town. I think I'll take my camera. Who knows .... maybe there will be a pretty photo to post tomorrow.
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