Thursday, December 31, 2009
That's right. I pulled out the tape measure and found out the truth of how much space I'm taking up these days.
It took courage - I really just had to push myself to get going and not stop till I knew. And though the numbers were not pretty - they were not a real surprise. I knew I was, well, um, big.
Not Ginormous, mind you. But ... Big.
But not depressed. Just determined. Determined to see those numbers go down over the next few months. and truth is - I'm glad I know. Because as I get fitter and slimmer and more toned - as I improve things around here - I'll have another measure to take that's not a scale measure. Because truth is, I wouldn't care if I weighed forty levendy hundred pounds if I were a trim fit slim thing, wearing That Dress.
So. Now I know where I am I can go on from here.
I want to do one more thing before tomorrow is over. I want to take a BEFORE photo. One in some sort of outfit that really shows what I look like - not in something subtly flattering from my for public wardrobe but oh, something like my fitness shorts and a tank top - or a bathing suit or leotard. I'll dig around in my drawers to see what I have. But I simply ADORE before and after photos and articles, so why not let this year be the year I star in my own?
Happy Blue Moon Eclipse New Year's Eve to you all - remember - today is the day you can let go of things so let's let go of fluffy flabby old bodies and bad eating habits!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
I confess it - I'm a magazine junkie. I think of magazines as eye porn and I buy a LOT of them. I'm particularly addicted to art, craft, food and organizing magazines. I love to imagine I am an artist. I love to imagine I have a perfect studio and oodles of time to play in it. I believe imagining it is so much fun that I haven't yet gotten started actually building my dream studio - but it's there in my heart and my imagination and one of these days ... like when I am closer to retirement ... I will begin to move and once that happens - look out world.
One of the things I like about magazines is all the photography. I often don't even read them, but instead, look at the pictures. As a mildly dyslexic adult, with highly trained auditory skills, I find reading is harder for me than it was in my middle years. (Don't ask about school - I was in the vulture reading group for years and only true love could inspire me to work hard enough to get into the Swan reading group where I could sit beside Reggie Kirkpatrick.
and yes. I AM a librarian and I adore books but reading is still harder for me than you'd ever think!
so. where am I going with this - (classic ENFP behavior here - wandering all over the place)
I have two points to make and one is that once when I had lost a substantial amount of weight on Weight Watchers, I found to my amazement, that I finally felt like those magazines were speaking to me. I finally felt as if I was one of them - one of those fit people - that I looked like and behaved like the Bess version of a fitness model! Wow!
I don't feel like that any more.
I want to feel like that again.
I know I CAN feel like that since I have felt that way before.
The other point is that yesterday I bought a stack of magazines to curl up with during this holiday week and one is a copy of Fitness (with Better Homes & Garden's special issue on Diet) and another is a copy of a healthy eating magazine and another is on storage and organization (not that I don't have half a dozen of them already ... but you know ... it's eye porn). And one is on Starting The New Year .... probably a martha stewart type of magazine.
And I bought all these because it's time I made a visual collage of my goals. I need help staying focused on what I really want because.... I need to want it more.
I have long realized that I'm pretty satisfied with my life. I have lots of ease and comfort surrounding me. Getting OUT of my comfort zone is very difficult because it's sooooo comfortable. Some of the things that keep me in my comfort zone are:
I live in the rural south - where a size 16 is fairly small and everything is fried in butter.
I'm middle aged. In fact - more people now are younger than me than are older, so nobody expects me to look buff.
My communitycompletely identifies me with my role as Library Director - which means (these innocents) think ... I'm assuredly brilliant - I have read every book in the library and if I am that smart I must do every other thing right so my size and weight and such must be right. Right? And if every one else already approves of me it's easy for me to accept their kind, if lazy judgement.
Don't get me wrong - I am utterly grateful that people are so kind and accepting. I thank God for that every day - to live in a kind world is a true blessing.
But it does make me complacent. And when I look at myself objectively - not enfolded in the glow of love and acceptance and tolerance - but in the cold reflection of my full length mirror - I am not satisfied, not ready to settle into complaisant acceptance of what I see.
And SEEING is the point here. Once I close the wardrobe door and stop looking in the mirror I forget what it was I wanted. I forget I wanted to look better, feel stronger, move with more stamina and garner admiration instead of acceptance. I need something to keep reminding me - something visual - something Out There In Plain View. I need a dream poster - a goal collage - I need photos and pictures of what I want so that I can lust for it - desire it - and keep steadily focused on getting it.
And to make that I need magazines with pictures I can cut out. So I am going to read all the pretty new eye candy magazines I bought - and then start cutting out images of what I want. I plan to post it on the refrigerator door as a daily reminder of what it is I really want!
Sounds like a lot of fun doesn't it? Like giving myself a present. Isn't that just perfect for this Christmas season?
Monday, December 28, 2009
That's what I'll be doing today. Today all traces of holiday excess go out the door - as gifts, as trash, I don't care. It gets out of here.
And a trip to the grocery store for fresher, cleaner, lighter fare will be made!
Hooray for a Monday and a vacation Monday at that!
Saturday, December 26, 2009
What a surprise in my emailbox this morning - a Welcome to stage III in the SP program.
Ha! Well. Wait! Whoa. Who said I was ready for that - especially the morning after our lavish and traditional Christmas Dinner? Not after being such a slacker with keeping track of everything this past week - from water to exercise to nutrition.
Let me think about this.
There are 6 healthy habits one is supposed to introduce during stage II
1. Portion Sizes
2. Eat the right stuff
3. Exercise consistently
4. Drink enough water
5. Eat on Purpose
6. Find unexpected opportunities
The only thing I have done with almost perfect consistency is #4 - drinking enough water. Not only do I drink enough, I have virtually eliminated soft drinks from my life and though I will have a glass of wine with a meal, I'm otherwise, not a social drinker. I would give myself an A on this.
I have done fairly well on #3, exercising regularly, though I have had some setbacks with plantar fascia and a touch of sciatica - both of which put a damper on my workouts. Also, I'm not fully utilizing the tracker. It's very graphic and responds slowly to my Internet connection. I think if I ever once got things set up efficiently, I could have a better handle on how I'm doing in this area. But I'll have to devote a lot of time to setting it up. I would give myself a C on this. Average but a whole lotta room for improvement.
Food, of course, is the big issue for someone who's not at her desired weight. #1, 2, and 5 really must be addressed and assessed.
#1 - Portion control. Here I would say I do fairly well. I know that restaurant servings are almost always twice what a portion should be. I do measure fairly often just to check up - especially here at home. I would give myself a B on this.
#2. Eat the right stuff. Whoa boy! I think I have to do some serious reconsidering about things here. Because even if I don't eat a LOT of wrong stuff - it takes only a little wrong stuff eaten steadily to kibosh any efforts to grow fit and healthy.
When I look back over my nutrition tracker I see a couple of things that disturb me.
Half the time I've eaten over my calorie limit
2/3 of the time I've eaten over my fat limit
2/3 of the time I've hit my carbohydrate allotment right on target
2/3 of the time I've eaten enough protein
3/5 of the time I've gone over the sodium limit
Only 3 times have I eaten enough folate
Only once have I eaten enough calcium
I have never ever gotten enough potassium and magnesium
I have rarely gone over the cholesterol limits
So - that's a 41% or a resounding F on this report card.
I am not exactly surprised. I am also not quite sure what to do about getting enough calcium, folate, magnesium and potassium. But I'm pretty sure about where to go to find out. I believe this weekend I will spend time reading about and planning meals around getting the dairy, fruit and vegetables I need to get up there in the healthy zone.
In fact - I am having an idea about how I want to start my New Year - even start it a little early - because wouldn't it be cool if, say, over the next few weeks, I could raise my grade from an F to passing to an Honor Roll A!?
Okay - I think the best thing to help me with that, besides more nutritional information, will be -
#5 - Mindful Eating - on which I will give myself a C-
I actually love it when I eat mindfully - when I really do taste my food and savor it's smells and textures and fragrances. I am always happy when I do this and disappointed when I realize I've gobbled down a meal and poof! it's gone and I can't remember enjoying anything about it.
In fact, I'd venture to say that every day when I've hit more of the nutritional targets was a day that I ate mindfully and every day when I missed them, I was also gobbling.
I believe I will pick this Healthful Habit to start with and to start today. I believe I will add a moment of thoughtfulness before every meal in which I will survey what is offered and say "thank-you" for the gift of it before I put fork to mouth. Yup. Time to add saying grace before eating to my daily routine.
Which brings me round to #6 - to which I will award myself with a D+ Find unexpected opportunities - like the one just mentioned above. Not just opportunities to exercise, but opportunities to do Other Good Healthy Things. Because - the world is full of opportunities. It's just up to us to take them.
Doing the math I see I've earned an A, B, C, F, C, D - which comes out to a 2 on the 4 point college scale. A C over all which, had you asked me to guess, was what I would have liked to have given myself. C.
And though a C may be not too far off from where most people are - I want to be an A. A nice good solid honor roll A sort of girl. I want A health. I want A energy. So I believe I want to go through stage 2 once again. I want, very much, to start a "bootcamp" program on January 4 - I've signed up for the SP bootcamp team and will use their ideas and suggestions to help me mold mine into something that's a perfect fit. But I need to be sure I've given each of these 6 steps the attention they deserve before I move on to Stage III.
But look out world - because I'm heading for Stage IV and I believe I'll be there before bathing suit weather gets here!
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