BERAEL   25,547
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BERAEL's Recent Blog Entries

Rough night at work = urge to binge.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Tonight was a really rough night at work. I pride myself in my ability to retain my composure no matter what guests may throw at me. But tonight, this one lady was just horribly mean. She kept speaking to me as if I were scum, and every time I went to their table, she had some horrible snitty remark to make. I tried so hard not to let it get to me, but it did. By the time I left for home, all I could think about was driving to the nearest Taco Bell and stuffing my face with soft tacos supreme and gorditas. It was difficult to resist, until I basically just told myself that that one lady being a bitch to me was no reason to derail my fitness efforts. Instead, I did give myself one treat - I went by this amazing french bakery on my way home (they're open 24/7) and got a chocolate eclair. It's pretty small - probably still had about 400 calories, but it was worth it. Plus, I'd been really good all day. Got home, ate the eclair with two glasses of red wine, and I feel much better. I kind of wish I hadn't eaten the eclair, because of the calories and all, but honestly, I can't keep myself from eating everything that isn't a salad or grilled chicken. All in all, I'm happy with the choices I made, and proud of myself for not stress eating $15 worth of Taco Bell. A few months ago, that's exactly what I would've done.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TONISSA76 6/13/2011 11:27AM

    Bravo!! on not caving in to the Taco Bell binge!!! Small changes make all the difference!

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TINY67 6/12/2011 8:09AM

    Sounds like in general you're doing alright. Hey, we aren't all saints. emoticon

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CLWALDRO 6/12/2011 8:07AM

    Change is all about understanding why we eat and learning to control the emotional eating. One thing I have tried in the past that worked for me is to tell myself I am not the person the rude customer was talking about. I then begin to list the good qualities I have either verbally or on paper. This gets me focused off the negative feelings and back on the things I have accomplished. I am not sure of your occupation but i have been a waitress in the past and sometimes no matter what you do there will be some people that are not nice.
Next time if you but the éclair and get home only to have a change of heart about eating it. Put it in the freezer as a reminder that you have strength to overcome any obstacle in your way. Then if you still want it on another day then only eat 1/4 of it.

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Back on the Spark!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

These past 3 weeks have been very de-motivating for me. I hurt my back (pretty badly, actually) on Aug. 31, and after two visits to the chiropractor last week I'm finally back to normal.

I'm 11 days in to my 2-week California vacation, and I'm itching to work out. I think I might venture out tomorrow with some jogging shoes on.

I've somehow managed to lose about 2 pounds while out here, despite not really watching what I'm eating or being able to exercise. I think it's because I've been pretty active out here (for instance, the 5-mile wine tasting tour, haha).

Anyway, I'm excited to be back on the spark, and excited about joining a new challenge. Hopefully it will give me the push I need to get back on track.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KEETAK 9/17/2009 1:14AM

    Welcome Back!!!

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IMREADYTODOIT 9/17/2009 1:09AM

    Enjoy the rest of your vacation! Your a lucky duck for losing 2 lbs on vacay:)

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MSZIP76 9/17/2009 1:04AM

    Wow...I really feel your pain. Back pain is...(no words to describe it). I pray continued strength and relief for you. Try to enjoy the remaining days on your vacation.

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So, tomorrow is my birthday.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

I have been really down lately. I'm not completely sure why. I've always struggled with mental health issues. I was diagnosed in college with Dysthemic Disorder, which is basically long-term, low-grade depression. Sometimes I don't notice it so much, but for the past week or so it's been really bad.

I have always been a kind of emotional eater. Since I joined SparkPeople, I've been able to keep int under control, but this past week as been pure hell. I've been trying not to eat when i get sad, but at night when I'm basically crying myself to sleep and the only thing that makes me want to stop crying is some chocolate ice cream, it's hard not to give in. So far I've been good. I haven't gone over my calories, just over on my fat grams by no more than 5. But it's been a struggle.

Tomorrow is my birthday, and it is not going to be very spectacular. So far, I haven't even heard from my father (we haven't spoken in almost 3 weeks), and I've only gotten cards from my mom's mom and my dad's dad. Usually by this time I've received a ton of presents from family members all over the place.

It also doesn't help that I don't have any friends in the area I'm living in. I really only have 2 best friends, one of which is in Japan (well, actually she's vacationing in Laos right now), and the other is over an hour away. And the guy I've been dating (1) isn't currently speaking to me for some reason (I believe it's because I asked him why he hasn't made any physical contact with me yet, in almost 2 months) and (2) his mother's birthday is the same day as mine. So basically, I will spend the day with my mom and my stepfather (who is being a complete jerk to me right now, because that's what he does when he's stressed - he takes everything out on me) and my two little brothers.

On the bright side, I have a bottle of cherry riesling in the fridge that I can have all to myself tomorrow.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Be kind to yourself, sometimes birthdays can just be rough. Do one really nice thing for yourself today, promise me!!!

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PYNNER 8/15/2009 10:50PM

    Have a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Don't worry about all the rest of the stress...tomorrow go and do something special just for yourself...even if you are doing it yourself, it will be special as long as it's something that makes you happy. I hope your special day is absolutely Wonderful. All your Spark friends wish you well. emoticon

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PAGGYJ 8/15/2009 10:47PM

    Happy Birthday tomorrow! Sharing may help you. Hugs.. read this.....Life isn'tabout waiting for the storm to's about learning to dance in the rain! I hope life will be better tomorrow..hugs pj emoticon

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UMUCGRAD 8/15/2009 10:41PM

    Happy birthday.

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AMYGRINER 8/15/2009 10:37PM

    Try to have a happy birthday...and try to never depend on a man for your happiness, they will always fail you! Good Luck! emoticon

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INHALE2680 8/15/2009 10:36PM

    Go easy on yourself. God loves you. I love you and you should love yourself.HAVE A GREAT BIRTHDAY!!!

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Eating "Good" on the road vs. at home

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

I just got back from a week-long trip out of state with a friend who is also on SparkPeople. I don't know if it was because she was there to help influence my eating habits, or because I wasn't surrounded by food I felt comfortable eating, but I ate much healthier while on vacation than I did before I left and in the one day since I've returned.

I only went over my calorie goals by 100 calories today, which isn't a lot, but overall I feel less healthy. I always assumed that eating right while on vacation or at a friend's house or eating out would be more difficult, but it seems I am wrong.

Unfortunately I live in a house where I cannot get rid of unhealthy food. I currently live with my parents and two younger brothers, and I think my Mom and my brothers would be very upset if I went through and threw out all the junk food and sodas. My main problem with "dieting" is that I lack the self-control to eat only when hungry and then to only eat things that are good for me.

I've only been on SparkPeople for two weeks. Hopefully I can start making little changes and eventually get to the point where I DO have the self control I need.


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