Monday, October 31, 2011
So on my way home from work today, I had an epiphany. I think the reason I've been having so much trouble getting started on this healthy lifestyle journey is because I'm afraid of the future. I'm afraid of skinny, healthy me. Let me explain.
I know I can do this. I know that once I have the right amount of willpower and motivation, I'll succeed and will lose the weight I want to lose, and will become healthy and fit. I know I can. But after the past few weeks that I've had (just down in the dumps, eating anything and everything, and not being able to motivate myself to workout), I know that a month of not really watching what I'm eating, and not working out will make me gain 10 pounds.
And I'm terrified that, once I get started and start seeing results, I'm not going to be allowed to slip up. I'm not going to be able to make that really yummy-looking recipe for red velvet cheesecake brownies that I saw on Pinterest because if I do, I'll eat all of them, and I'll gain 5 pounds. I have very little self-control when it comes to overeating delicious foods like that. And the thing is, I want the option to eat those damn brownies! I don't want to have to watch everything I eat for the rest of my life so that I can stay in my size 6's (or whatever I'm in at my healthy weight).
Once I get there, it's for good, and there's no turning back. I think the reason I've had so much trouble is because I'm not ready for no turning back. I wish I was, I really do, because I want to be thin and fit and healthy. I just don't know quite where to turn next.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
So I took the plunge. I've heard so many good things about Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred, so I rented it from Netflix (no sense buying the DVD if I won't stick with it; that's how I obtained my impressive collection of workout DVDs that is currently collecting dust on my DVD shelf).
Monday was day 1. Did it that night, because the DVD didn't come until Monday, but I still wanted to start that day. There's something about starting things on Mondays that just seems right to me. I've heard day 2 is the hardest, because you're so sore from day 1, but that wasn't the case for me, since I did my second workout Tuesday morning (less than 10 hours after the first), and therefore my muscles weren't sore yet.
But boy - day 3 kicked my ass. Starting Tuesday night I found it was extremely difficult to stand up from sitting, and climbing the stairs to my apartment? I thought my legs were going to detach from my body - and even kind of wished that they would. But I still made myself do the workout this morning, even though my entire body was screaming in pain. And I'm glad that I did.
A few notes on the workout:
1. If you have big boobs, the cardio parts will be painful. Extremely painful. I was wearing 2 sports bras AND a workout tank that has that built-in shelf bra, and my chesticles (yes, I just went there) hurt so bad I couldn't do the jumping jacks / jump rope / butt kicks properly because I kept having to hold my boobs with one hand. Just be warned.
2. Start with the 3-pound weights. Even if you think you can start with the 5, don't. Because starting about the second half of the first strength circuit, you're gonna wish you'd gone with the 3.
3. It's true that after only a few workouts you will find your endurance getting better. Days 1 and 2, I would have to do the second reps of the strength circuits without the weights, but today, I used weights the whole time! I was screaming bloody murder (the neighbors probably thought I was dying) because it hurt, but I was able to do it! Can't wait until day 5 or even 10 to see what I can handle.
4. Drink lots of water beforehand, especially if you're working out in the morning. Jillian doesn't let you take breaks. And come on, it's 20 minutes, you don't need a break. But in the mornings, after going 7+ hours without water, you're going to get dehydrated within the first 5 minutes. So I drink a glass or two of water before the workout, and a glass after.
5. Don't eat before doing the workout. I made the mistake of eating my oatmeal prior to the workout on Tuesday, and I thought I was going to throw up halfway through. Wait until you've finished and showered to eat.
Can't wait to do more of this tape - I have a feeling I'm going to be on level 1 longer than the recommended 10 days (I won't move up until I'm able to do the workouts with 5 lb weights, and do the push-ups on my toes instead of my knees), but that just means I'll make the shred last a little longer. I'll post updates as I go along.
I really think you should try it if you haven't already - even if you don't lose 20 pounds in 30 days (I really don't see how that's possible), you're still going to get GREAT workouts in less than 30 min. a day.
Saturday, July 09, 2011
I can't lose weight. I don't understand. For the past three weeks or more, I can't get past 188 - actually, I keep hovering closer to 190. I don't get it! I'm watching what I eat, I'm drinking my water, I'm exercising (this week, I went jogging 4 days, and did 2 cardio workouts, and the scale went UP 2 pounds!).
I'm getting so frustrated. Maybe I'm supposed to be a fat girl. Maybe my body is telling me I'm not supposed to weigh less than this.
I don't know what else to do, short of cutting off a limb. I know the number on the scale isn't supposed to matter - but it does, ok?
I'm trying hard not to let myself get discouraged, but really, what's the point if all my hard work isn't paying off?
Friday, June 17, 2011
I have a pair of gray slacks from the Limited that are a size 14. I put them on this morning and as soon as I got to work, the darn things started falling off of me. I thought, "Super! My size 14 pants are too big for me!" Then I started thinking about all the jeans I have at home that I've been waiting to wear again. Size 13 Levi's, size 10 Banana Republics, my size 12 black skinny jeans. I can't wait to wear them!
Then I start thinking, wait a second, my pair of size 14 Banana Republic slacks are so tight for the first day I wear them that it's almost uncomfortable. Why on earth are those size 14s not too big but these Limited ones are?
Why do pants sizes have to be so inconsistent? I know it doesn't matter what the size label says, because no one sees it but you (and I would never squeeze into pants too small for me just to be wearing a smaller size), but still. It's so discouraging to see that pants size not go down at certain stores. I don't understand why we can't have a consistent standard sizing chart. Do those expensive labels want women to feel bad about themselves? Is that it? I mean, heck, Marilyn Monroe was a size 8 in her day. Now, she'd be a size 14. Why?!
Sorry. Frustration of the day.
But on the bright side, those gray slacks are still too big for me!
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