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Fearing the future

Monday, October 31, 2011

So on my way home from work today, I had an epiphany. I think the reason I've been having so much trouble getting started on this healthy lifestyle journey is because I'm afraid of the future. I'm afraid of skinny, healthy me. Let me explain.

I know I can do this. I know that once I have the right amount of willpower and motivation, I'll succeed and will lose the weight I want to lose, and will become healthy and fit. I know I can. But after the past few weeks that I've had (just down in the dumps, eating anything and everything, and not being able to motivate myself to workout), I know that a month of not really watching what I'm eating, and not working out will make me gain 10 pounds.

And I'm terrified that, once I get started and start seeing results, I'm not going to be allowed to slip up. I'm not going to be able to make that really yummy-looking recipe for red velvet cheesecake brownies that I saw on Pinterest because if I do, I'll eat all of them, and I'll gain 5 pounds. I have very little self-control when it comes to overeating delicious foods like that. And the thing is, I want the option to eat those damn brownies! I don't want to have to watch everything I eat for the rest of my life so that I can stay in my size 6's (or whatever I'm in at my healthy weight).

Once I get there, it's for good, and there's no turning back. I think the reason I've had so much trouble is because I'm not ready for no turning back. I wish I was, I really do, because I want to be thin and fit and healthy. I just don't know quite where to turn next.

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ANDYLIN90 10/31/2011 11:25PM

    But the thing is, you will be allowed to slip up. You are human and there will be days you overeat, eat the wrong thing and have those velvet cheesecake brownies you can't resist. And the good news is that the very next day can be a new day to get back on track. Your weight loss journey will not be a straight line down, but rather many ups and downs. What determines success is CONSISTENCY and how willing you are to NOT beat yourself up when you slip up. Patience, time, consistency and you will get there. emoticon

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Jillian's 30 Day Shred - Day 3

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

So I took the plunge. I've heard so many good things about Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred, so I rented it from Netflix (no sense buying the DVD if I won't stick with it; that's how I obtained my impressive collection of workout DVDs that is currently collecting dust on my DVD shelf).

Monday was day 1. Did it that night, because the DVD didn't come until Monday, but I still wanted to start that day. There's something about starting things on Mondays that just seems right to me. I've heard day 2 is the hardest, because you're so sore from day 1, but that wasn't the case for me, since I did my second workout Tuesday morning (less than 10 hours after the first), and therefore my muscles weren't sore yet.

But boy - day 3 kicked my ass. Starting Tuesday night I found it was extremely difficult to stand up from sitting, and climbing the stairs to my apartment? I thought my legs were going to detach from my body - and even kind of wished that they would. But I still made myself do the workout this morning, even though my entire body was screaming in pain. And I'm glad that I did.

A few notes on the workout:
1. If you have big boobs, the cardio parts will be painful. Extremely painful. I was wearing 2 sports bras AND a workout tank that has that built-in shelf bra, and my chesticles (yes, I just went there) hurt so bad I couldn't do the jumping jacks / jump rope / butt kicks properly because I kept having to hold my boobs with one hand. Just be warned.

2. Start with the 3-pound weights. Even if you think you can start with the 5, don't. Because starting about the second half of the first strength circuit, you're gonna wish you'd gone with the 3.

3. It's true that after only a few workouts you will find your endurance getting better. Days 1 and 2, I would have to do the second reps of the strength circuits without the weights, but today, I used weights the whole time! I was screaming bloody murder (the neighbors probably thought I was dying) because it hurt, but I was able to do it! Can't wait until day 5 or even 10 to see what I can handle.

4. Drink lots of water beforehand, especially if you're working out in the morning. Jillian doesn't let you take breaks. And come on, it's 20 minutes, you don't need a break. But in the mornings, after going 7+ hours without water, you're going to get dehydrated within the first 5 minutes. So I drink a glass or two of water before the workout, and a glass after.

5. Don't eat before doing the workout. I made the mistake of eating my oatmeal prior to the workout on Tuesday, and I thought I was going to throw up halfway through. Wait until you've finished and showered to eat.

Can't wait to do more of this tape - I have a feeling I'm going to be on level 1 longer than the recommended 10 days (I won't move up until I'm able to do the workouts with 5 lb weights, and do the push-ups on my toes instead of my knees), but that just means I'll make the shred last a little longer. I'll post updates as I go along.

I really think you should try it if you haven't already - even if you don't lose 20 pounds in 30 days (I really don't see how that's possible), you're still going to get GREAT workouts in less than 30 min. a day.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GREENTOMKAT 7/29/2011 6:50PM

    Keep it up Girl! I love Jillians 30 day shred too. So awesome that you are doing it every day. I never thought of doing that. I may have to try it (when my knee is better).


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FRESHMANFIFTY 7/28/2011 8:36AM

    Sounds fun! Lemme know how it goes!

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ASHWILLDOTHIS 7/27/2011 9:20PM

    Great JOB!!!! Keep it up!!!!

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MANDYELYSE 7/27/2011 3:57PM

    I LOVE 30DS!!! I do level 2 Mon-Fri and love it. Ive been doing it for about 4 weeks off and on. (one week on one off one on...wasn't planned that way) I love it, I haven't seen a HUGE change on the scale but my endurance is up, my clothes are looser and I feel better by a mile. Stick to it, and I agree about the boobs in the work outs. I wear a normal bra with 2 sport bras and a tank with a built in bra. Its gotten better though. Enjoy the shred!!!!

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LINASMILEY07 7/27/2011 2:14PM

    ROFLMAO!!!Awesome!!! I can't wait to here back from you to see if it works!!

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EBERKSHIRE86 7/27/2011 11:22AM

    I just got this dvd from netflix too! about a week or 2 ago but I ended up dusting off my elliptical so I've been neglecting the shred to funny that you posted this today because I was just thinking I have to get my butt back in gear for 30 day shred for my toning. But yes what you say is horribly true the cardio part stinks if your big chested your not alone :)

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DRKYASHI 7/27/2011 10:48AM

    LOL! Your commentary not only rang true, but it was also humorous (we often forget to laugh). Looking forward to seeing how you feel on Day 15! Good luck!

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Arghh!!! (Frustrated scream)

Saturday, July 09, 2011

I can't lose weight. I don't understand. For the past three weeks or more, I can't get past 188 - actually, I keep hovering closer to 190. I don't get it! I'm watching what I eat, I'm drinking my water, I'm exercising (this week, I went jogging 4 days, and did 2 cardio workouts, and the scale went UP 2 pounds!).

I'm getting so frustrated. Maybe I'm supposed to be a fat girl. Maybe my body is telling me I'm not supposed to weigh less than this.

I don't know what else to do, short of cutting off a limb. I know the number on the scale isn't supposed to matter - but it does, ok?

I'm trying hard not to let myself get discouraged, but really, what's the point if all my hard work isn't paying off?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FRESHMANFIFTY 7/11/2011 9:08AM

    Wow we're are the same plateau! I get all excited to hit the 180s and then the next week I'm right back at 190. So discouraging! Just keep doing all that your are doing, the scale will move eventually. At least it's staying the same and not going up! Imagine if you weren't doing all that you're doing!

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EBERKSHIRE86 7/9/2011 11:59AM

    Best way to break a plateau is to change things up! Your body gets used to exercises when you do them repeatedly so change your routine and it should help. You may also want to add some strength training in there if your not doing so now. Also make sure that you stay within all your ranges not just calories thats something I struggled with in the past my calories would be in range but I would go over on carbs and fat and I couldnt figure out why when I added more fruits/veggies and protien the numbers started going down again. Good luck!

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SLEVY1027 7/9/2011 11:14AM

    I had the same problem around the 190lb mark, and then again at the 180lb mark. As in, I would work out, eat right, religiously track my calories, everything I should be doing, and yet for weeks at a time the scale WOULD NOT budge more than +/- 1 pound. I think some people hit plateaus more often than others. Mine is at every 10lb mark, yours seems to be at 188. All you can do is keep working on. Try changing up your exercise routine (i.e., I was walking 5k most mornings, and when I switched to belly-dancing for 3 of the 6 workout days, suddenly I started losing again).

You just have to find what works on your body. It's hard, but try to not be too discouraged. As long as you keep on track, weight loss will start back again.

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PEACEWYTCH72 7/9/2011 10:58AM

    Also, pay close attention to the other numbers. It even says here on sparkpeople somewhere to not get too caught up in the number on the scale. If you are doing measurements, you might be surprised that you are still losing inches, but not pounds due to muscle gain. When I am at my fighting weight of 130 or so, which I was once and trying to get back there again, I was still no skinny minnie...I was athletically built.

You can do it, girl!!

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REVIVED 7/9/2011 10:43AM

    I've had this same thing going on myself. You should check out the blog i wrote on my page, second to most recent one. I got a lot of positive feedback that made me feel better. It could be that you're building muscle. Or someone suggested to me that maybe too much sodium is making me retain water. Seriously you should go read the comments I got.

All I know is that I give up I've got no chance. So when the scale is moving super slow, which it totally is for me right now, I just have to think about how much better i feel now that I'm eating healthy and that if i keep doing all the right things that I know I'm doing, sooner or later its going to pay off.

I wish it were easier though. It's alsolutely infuriating. People make it sound so simple. Just eat right and exercise! 3500 calories burned equals a pound!! It's not that easy. There are so many variables, it makes me CRAZY if I think about it too much. That's why I LOVE sparkpeople. I could not go through this on my own. Just keep moving forward and reaching out for support. And encourage others. I find that helps me.

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PUPPYDOG0613 7/9/2011 8:45AM

    I know the number on the scale really does matter, no matter what anyone else says. It's tough, but just hang in there. I'm new at this, so take these suggestions with a grain of salt. Maybe try changing up your workouts? Some different types of cardio? Are you doing strength training? Do you take your measurements? Possibly you are losing inches but not pounds. Smaller numbers are good no matter where they come from, right?
emoticon emoticon

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Half-Marathon, here I come!

Friday, July 01, 2011

So I got an interesting newsletter from Fitness Magazine today. It begun with things that I didn't care about, such as "Take this quiz to find out if you're competitive" (I'm not), and I almost deleted it. But then I noticed the small links underneath that. "Your pre-race warm-up." Well, don't need that. "Run your first 5-K!" I had been thinking about doing a 5-K this November. I should read this.... but... wait a second... "Run a Half-Marathon in 10 Weeks." Bingo.

Just the ambitious goal I need. A 5-K is "eh." I could pull that off without even working at it or training. I did a 4-mile run for Mulitple Sclerosis last year and made it though in less than an hour, and I was in a whole lot worse shape then than I am now. But a half-marathon. 13.1 miles. Now THAT'S a challenge. And there just happens to be a half-marathon happening the same day as the 5-K I previously planned to sign up for.

I have a feeling it is going to take me longer than 10 weeks. It says that as long as you can walk for 15 minutes straight you can do this - and I regularly walk for hours on end at work - but I have a bad knee that I'll have to work on a little in the process. Oh, and there's the fact that I work 65+ hours a week and will have to find places to fit in an hour-long run most days.

But I have faith!

Here's the link if you want to do it too!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Thanks for the link! I will be looking into this!

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Inconsistency in clothing sizes

Friday, June 17, 2011

I have a pair of gray slacks from the Limited that are a size 14. I put them on this morning and as soon as I got to work, the darn things started falling off of me. I thought, "Super! My size 14 pants are too big for me!" Then I started thinking about all the jeans I have at home that I've been waiting to wear again. Size 13 Levi's, size 10 Banana Republics, my size 12 black skinny jeans. I can't wait to wear them!

Then I start thinking, wait a second, my pair of size 14 Banana Republic slacks are so tight for the first day I wear them that it's almost uncomfortable. Why on earth are those size 14s not too big but these Limited ones are?

Why do pants sizes have to be so inconsistent? I know it doesn't matter what the size label says, because no one sees it but you (and I would never squeeze into pants too small for me just to be wearing a smaller size), but still. It's so discouraging to see that pants size not go down at certain stores. I don't understand why we can't have a consistent standard sizing chart. Do those expensive labels want women to feel bad about themselves? Is that it? I mean, heck, Marilyn Monroe was a size 8 in her day. Now, she'd be a size 14. Why?!

Sorry. Frustration of the day.

But on the bright side, those gray slacks are still too big for me! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    I totally understand your frustration. When I worked for a junior retailer, I asked the same question of our company. Basically, it depends on where the clothes are made. Companies based out of the West Coast (Forever 21, Charlotte Ruse, etc) run smaller, because their target market is smaller (whether this is true or not, I'm not sure, but its how it works). This is especially true if a company is international and has a lot of business in areas of the world that are smaller. Companies based in the Midwest (Vanity) tend to order up, so they fit bigger people. So, an XL at Vanity would be an XXL or even XXXL at another company. Really, it drives me crazy (especially now that I'm living in Korea, where I can't buy anything because a large here is a small back home!). emoticon

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FRESHMANFIFTY 6/18/2011 9:49AM

    I feel the same way. I'm a size 14 in jeans but had to order my wedding dress in an 18... Kinda made me feel bad... Shouldn't the bride be able to feel GOOD? Haha. I don't understand it but I'm all for making a more universal sizing chart.

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THEDIARYWITHIN 6/17/2011 12:58PM

    Yeah, it's a pain to think about the different sizes when they all have the same number.

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SWIMMERGIRL0222 6/17/2011 12:52PM

    I have the same problem! I'm normally a size 11/12. They are starting to fall off of me! I go to the store to find some other pants and I can't even get my thigh to fit into some of the 11/12's. "Size" doesn't really matter though. I would rather look incredible in a bigger pair of pants then look decent in the same pair of pants but smaller size. It is very nice and accomplishing to fit into the smaller ones though!

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