Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Had a new trainer last night and the only thing I said to him was, I want the good hurt. I found out that my abs were in a complaining mood(have been since I did a boxing class) but,,, pushed through it to the good hurt.
I feel a lot better today and am re focused on my goals. The new trainer is writing me up a 1/2 hour strength training program to be done 3 times a week. YAY!!
Go forth and conquer.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Well did the weekly weigh in and I've gained 2kgs. (4.4 pounds) so I'm now back to being that much further away from my target.
Was I horrified? Hell yes. Why had I gained? Well it could be a lot of reason's. That time of the month, stress ( I gain when I'm stressed not lose) eating too much or maybe no "last chance training last night or this morning (I was so sore from Monday's training it was hurting to walk lol) . Probably a little bit of all of the above. I stayed within my limits but this last week, I planned my whole week of exercise at the beginning, loaded them into the tracker and then adjusted my fitness setting which in turn adjusted my calorie intake up.
So this weeks goal, reset my fitness tracker and track daily. Reduce the amount I eat back to between the 1200 to 1550 limits. Go back to what I know works. This is a setback not a fail.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Today I'm wondering why I don't even seem to be happy. From an observer's point of view, I am always smiling and laughing. I have a nice house, a good husband, a good looking son. I have a good paying job. I have lots of friends, but on the inside, well I have a horrible litany going on. If I was skinnier I'd be happier. If I was earning more money, I'd be happier. If I didn't have to work I'd be happier.
I do jump from job to job. The longest I have been in any job is just under three years which ended 2011. I didn't leave that job, the company closed down. If it hadn't have closed down, I'd still be there.
Ever since, I've been trying to find a place like it. While rationally I know that no two places are ever the same, I still want what I lost. Last year I did some temp roles. Each of them no more than 2 - 3 months. I enjoyed it but I hated the insecurity of when one job ended having to go find another one.
Where I am now, well like all jobs I started it with high hopes. I felt a bit pressured into this role as there was another possible option but the recruiter wouldn't let me have the extra time I wanted to decide between the two.
Everyone at this job has been working together for at least eight years. They are set in their ways. I was asked to streamline things and write procedures then implement them. I did this but when it came time to implement them,, the boss backed down. He continues to let things that are illegal to continue.
I am isolated because of trying to implement the changes he asked for but then wont implement. I cant talk to any of my co workers because everything I say gets twisted around. I don't talk to anyone about anything. Its kind of lonely and depressing
I have started keeping records of all the things I am being asked to do that I know are wrong. Records of all the times that I have been bullied.
I'm stuck here for at least two years otherwise, I wont be able to get another full time role. Recruiters don't want people who jump from job to job.
I don't know whats wrong with me.
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