Thursday, July 10, 2014
One of my brother's classmates tragically passed away a few months ago in an accident. They are several years younger than me and of course it always makes one consider their mortality.
I hate to admit this, but I have to say that I am annoyed by grieving on social media websites. There was an event in my life that I grieve deeply, even though that even is ten years old now. I never mention it on social media, well rarely, because if I mentioned my grief I would be told that it was for the best and that other people gained so much from my loss.
I work everyday with people who are faced with tragedy, great tragedy. These people are usually members of marginalized groups of people in our community. They don't have the privilege of having a nice home, money, food on the table, education, a way to take care of their kids, or often any kind of family network. So few people care about that, but when a privileged person loses someone, everyone is falling all over themselves to take care of that person.
It adds to my sadness and pain that this goes on. I watch people struggle that no one cares about unless it is to be angry that they are getting public assistance. Care about them a little sooner and maybe their reliance on those programs can lessen. Care about them before the tragedy that causes their grief happens and maybe there will be less addiction. Care about them before they are homeless and maybe you won't have to be upset about them being in your park or wherever.
Now I'm off to the grocery store and then to play with the dogs. Those little beings love everyone and are an inspiration.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
So I used to be someone that didn't believe so much in prayer. Then I found a spiritual home, not a church, but a spiritual home.
I had the honor and privilege of working at a shelter on the Crow Creek reservation for two years. I'm back home again now, at a shelter where I'm the director, but I digress. The women I worked with and for helped me learn so much about myself. They helped me learn about prayer and the power of it.
I pray to the Creator. I believe in leading the best life I can and doing good to all people and creatures.
Last night when I smudged (burning sage and praying) a lot of pain was lifted from me. My heart hurts sometimes from the weight of my work. That hurt leads to anxiety. That anxiety leads to eating. Food is the most abused anxiety drug after all. When that pain is gone I don't eat.
Of course the 35 minutes on the elliptical didn't hurt either, man those endorphins rock.
Point being, even if you don't believe in God, whoever or whatever you believe in, let them lift some of that pain from you. Most of us that have food issues have pain in some form from a trauma or traumas that we have experienced.
Have some faith in yourself too. When you have a bad, anxiety ridden day, know that tomorrow will be better and you can get through today.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
So I broke up with my boyfriend for the third time in six years. I'm done this time. Absolutely done. There is nothing left to be said there.
He isn't a bad guy, he just isn't right for me. I get lazy. I don't take care of myself or my house. I gain weight. I have no motivation.
I'm back to cooking at home, not eating meat, not eating sugar, drinking only water and the occasional glass of milk. It's amazing how good I am at this stuff when I'm alone. Having a boyfriend can be overrated I guess!
A month alone and I've lost 7 pounds, what does that say? I'm only 9 pounds from the first goal of 30 pounds lost that I set for myself back in May. That was a short term goal. There is definitely a much larger long term goal, but there is no point in thinking that is the way to reach my goal. I have to actually have goals that are achievable in the short term, this one is!
Tuesday, March 06, 2012
So sugar cravings suck. I am having them right now because I just ate supper and now I think I need dessert. I struggle at work too because there is all kinds of junk food around and it is just hard to avoid all of it. If there is a box of donuts I can't leave it alone. I really have a hard time when I am there alone and bored. Being home alone and bored is hard too.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
So I know that I need to work on my weight, heavens knows, I know. So why don't I? I know full well that I am a compulsive over eater, but I also know that I can control my eating, I just choose not to do so.
Controlling those urges to binge aren't always so easy, but I know how to do it. I think I just get lazy, plain old lazy. It is easier to just eat whatever I want than to take the time to shop and eat only the good stuff.
I am on day 2 of abstaining from sugar. Everyone says "treat yourself once in awhile or you will binge later". Nope, not me, if I "treat myself" that leads to a binge. I start eating and I can't stop. It is a like being an alcoholic I think.
I work on refocusing myself and not thinking about food, sometimes that makes it worse, but a lot of times it really helps. Finding other stuff to do helps a bunch too.
I can do this I know I can!
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