Tuesday, January 08, 2013
On Saturday, my husband and i had a date afternoon....i was almost embarrassed at how much i was looking forward to spending time with my husband, just the two of us. He is on his own weight loss journey, quietly making his changes, and doing a great job of it. I am so proud of him; he is truly a kind man, honest, works hard for our family and loves us.
We decided to have a 'free' day, once a week, on Saturday. We went for pizza at a new pizza place that boasts of 'Chicago Style Pizza!!" for lunch....and i started watching the two of us.
I ordered a Diet Coke and water.
He ordered water.
We both ordered the buffets.
We walked up to the buffet together, grabbing a plate and deciding what to eat. I love thin crust, so i grabbed (yes, "grabbed!") 3 small cut squares of thin crust cheese pizza and 2 bread sticks with marinara. Robert grabbed a slice of the Hawaiian pizza, a slice of the pepperoni pizza, a slice of the sausage pizza and a couple of bread sticks.
We were almost giddy with excitement over the pizza.
Yep, it's a huge weakness for both of us....
After finishing our plates, we sat and talked.
And talked some more.
And drank our drinks.
Interesting as usually, we would have made a mad dash back to get more pizza. After all, isn't it a law to eat the most pizza you possibly can when you order the buffet?!?!
The answer to that questions is 'no'.
We got up to get more pizza.
I grabbed a slice of the Hawaiian pizza and the husband picked up two more slices of pizza.
We ordered more water.
We finished our plates of pizza.
And we were done.
Usually, the pizza buffet is a call to eat without abandonment.
Not any more.
We are slowly changing.....together.
Realizing that date afternoon isn't a reason to eat like there is a massive food shortage and we must stuff ourselves is a huge deal.
Date afternoon is about spending the time together, enjoying each other without food crammed into our mouths.
We headed off to the movies, with me smuggling two bottled waters in.
We were full from our lunch and now, just wanted to drink our waters.
Slowly....we will find our way into being healthier husband and wife, and as parents.
Wednesday, January 02, 2013
....which hasn't been the case the past few months. It feels good, though, to feel hopeful. It feels as though a door has been cracked open just a bit and the light is shining through that crack...just enough to make me hang on and be hopeful that all the things i have learned through Spark and on my own will finally come together for me and i will not only 'get it' but put together but live it.
Like so many folks, i have struggled with depression. I don't talk about it, almost as if i pretend i don't struggle with it, then i don't. It's what i like to call my "head in the sand" approach! What bothers me the most about depression, is that i know that it can effect others, like my little daughter and husband. I do my best to not let anyone see, not even them, that i would sometimes just like to pull the covers over my head and raise the white flag. In those moments when i fail, and they do see my struggle, i feel like i have lost hope. Hope that i will be a good mommy and wife; hope that i can beat depression's grip. It's the worst feeling of all, thinking you have lost your hope....because if you truly do loose your hope, then what is left?
I love watching how my daughter has hope. "Don't worry, Mommy! Let's hope that our plant will survive! Let's pray for it!" She will say this even as our little seedling plants are wilting to their death for lack of water because i have forgotten to water them in a week or so.. She is hopeful in God's promise. I honestly think that i have learned more from my little daughter than i ever would have imagined possible. I thought that i was to be HER teacher....and many times, it's the other way around.
This year, my word of the year is "HOPEFUL".
A hopeful heart doesn't give up.
A hopeful mind believes in change for the good.
A hopeful attitude helps in taking care of one's self.
A hopeful aura means that you don't give up....ever.
And so.....here is to a most "hopeful" New Year!
Tuesday, January 01, 2013
....and be prepared. If anything has contributed to my not being at goal, it would be how I don't practice follow thru by being prepared for my day food-wise. I don't take the time to plan; and if I do, I don't follow thru.....which then leaves me totally unprepared for my day.
If I don't have a plan, I will continue to fail.
If I don't follow thru, I will continue to fail.
I am tired of failing.
I have to sit down and plan my week's food.
I have to follow my plan.....
.....and in doing that, I will be prepared and make good food choices.
How come something that sounds so easy has been so hard for me to do?!?!
Grocery store today.....bagged spinach, fruits, veggies, frozen, cooked sliced chicken breast will make life easier. I dug out my most favorite water bottle yesterday; I have no idea why it is so easy to meet my water goals when I drink from this bottle, but I don't struggle with water when I have that water bottle.
I haven't done any measurements yet. I know it is important to do, so in the morning, I will dig out my tape measure. I hate doing measurements....but it needs to be done and recorded.
Off to think, plot and plan.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Not knowing where else to turn, I am here to begin again.
I am tired of being tired.
I am so very tired of being tired.
I have found my rock bottom and have no where to go other than up from this point.
I can't go any lower.
I have an amazing husband.
I have a beautiful daughter.
But I am existing at this weight and use it as an excuse to not play with my daughter, or dress up to go out with my husband.
I am tired do existing....
And so, I begin.....again.
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