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BELDAME's Recent Blog Entries

An Inspirational Statement.

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

Hello, hip bones! Long time, no see!



The Biggest @#$%#!! Loser

Monday, September 08, 2014

First of all, I generally avoid "reality" shows (with the exception of Hoarding: Buried Alive and Mountain Monsters), and I really don't see the entertainment value of this one other than perhaps schadenfreude. So I don't watch it.
However, I know when a new season starts, because all chubs that watch this show are apparently inspired by it to get off the couch. I see this as a bad thing, because they all join my cheap gym and clog up the works for a few weeks until they go back to their couches. It's the same thing that used to happen at Weight Watchers in January; the lines would be out the door until early February, when all the New Year's Resolution people would give up the ghost and stay home.
So now, for an exceedingly irksome month-or-so, the Biggest @#$%#!! Loser people will be hogging up the weight machines, treadmills, and ellipticals. They're the worst for bringing "workout buddies", the worst idea in the history of EVER because "working out with a buddy" generally means "sitting around on machines that other people want to use and having a kaffe klatsch", or "getting on an elliptical and barely moving while having a loud annoying yappy conversations so as to disturb the people who actually go to the gym to accomplish something."
Thank Bob for noise-blocking headphones.



Exaltations and Hearts on Sleeves with Icewater

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican.
The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican.
I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess.
And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.
I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.

Luke 18: 10-14



Goondocks.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

During the course of a few interwebz exchanges as of late, this occurred to me:
The interwebz at its inception, which was created by nerds so that they could look at naked girls and insult one another, was like a clubhouse for malefactors, miscreants, oddballs, cynics, and other assorted misanthropes where we could say and do the things we'd never get to do in polite society. It was AWESOME.
Then as in the plot of a hundred '80s movies the corporate developers, realizing its commercial potential, brought in the bulldozers and razed the clubhouse to build a massive industrial park, shopping mall, and country club in its place. Sometimes we malefactors forget ourselves when we're out there, and act like we used to when discourse was free and open; we used to banish thin-skinned people whose feewings were easily huwt, but now those people run the joint.
I don't swear at people and I refrain from name-calling, but I'm just a little bit more than tired of having posts deleted because some denizen of the new country-club doesn't know how to tell the difference between a serious post and satire.



MAGIC .SQL

Monday, August 11, 2014

OPTION ERROR=0 missing=' ' NODATE NONUMBER LS=256;
PROC SQL;
CREATE TABLE UNICORN as
Select * from MYTHICAL_CREATURES
WHERE
mc_creature_type = 'unicorn'
;
RUN;
QUIT:
PROC SQL;
CREATE TABLE LEPRECHAUN as
Select* from MYTHICAL CREATURES
WHERE
mc_creature_type = 'leprechaun'
;
RUN;

create table MAGIC as
SELECT *
FROM UNICORN.TOTL a left outer join LEPRECHAUN.TOTL b
ON myth_creature_id;

RUN;

PROC SQL;
DATA MAGIC;
IF mc_unicorn_horn = 'sparkly'
THEN poop_status = 'gold coins'
substr(UPDATE TABLE MYTHICAL_CREATURES (mc_creature_type = 'leprechaun' AND mc_creature_socks = 'stripy' AND mc_creature_power = 'wishgranter');
RUN;
PROC SQL;
DATA MAGIC;
IF mc_leprechaun_bowel = 'GOLD'
THEN RUN SUBROUTINE 'defecate'
substr(create table PILE OF GOLD where mc_creature_type = 'leprechaun')
RUN:
QUIT;



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