Tuesday, January 08, 2013
Something I have had to accept about myself is that I HATE routine. I have never enjoyed being controlled by something I have to do the same way, every day or every week or every anything. Unfortunately this can lead to disorganization and being unable to achieve goals, so I am learning that there has to be a basic plan but to keep lots of variety involved so I don't get bored and forget it.
I was almost immediately uninterested in continuing the walking program as it stands. Soooo, rather than hold myself to that and try to doggedly force myself to do what the program says, I did 30 minutes of elliptical today! I love the feeling of freedom to say that I'm not doing that exercise or this amount of time...I'm going with how I feel and what I feel like doing. Only catch is, I have to be active in some way-period.
While I was working on the elliptical and having a good time listening to my tunes, I thought about having so many minutes at this intensity, etc. etc...and then I decided I would do something revolutionary and go by how I feel. When I felt winded and I no longer felt like the exercise was fun, I slowed it down. When I played a faster tune and felt like kicking it into gear, I did. I made sure to do a short warm up and cool down, but otherwise the intensity of my work out went by what I felt I was comfortable with. No more, "you must do at least 15 minutes of exercise at this heart rate to even make it worth your while". I think those expectations are what make people feel like failures in no time flat! I know I have skipped working out entirely because I felt tired that day and didn't feel up to so many minutes at such and such heartrate. If I had just done something light and giving myself this freedom, maybe I wouldn't have given up.
This is MY body, and MY workout, and MY fitness plan. I can learn from reading articles and keep their tips in mind, but in the end this has to be tailored to what I will keep doing. The reason I am still fat after many years of worrying about my weight is because I KEEP STOPPING. The way I see it, even a slow walk for a few minutes is better than lying like a lump on my couch feeling sorry for myself.
Do this YOUR way!
Friday, January 04, 2013
I was looking through the articles on Sparkpeople, looking for a workout to do or something. Then I came across the walking section. I thought, well, walking is easy. No extra tools, no money down, just walk. It suggested that a beginning walker should warm up for five minutes, walk briskly for five minutes, and cool down for five minutes every day for the first week. Then you add two minutes to your walking time each week.
One of my biggest reasons for failing at Sparkpeople in the past was because I set myself up for what all the books and even this site at times tells me I need to be doing. When it says "we suggest three days a week." I feel like a loser if I don't shoot for that. For someone like me who has gotten this out of shape, getting so that I do ANYTHING on a schedule for my health is going to be the biggest hurdle. I can always add more time and frequency, I have to get myself into the habit of doing it first!
So, not wanting to fall back into my old mistakes, I decided to go for this walking program. Once I have shown myself that I can go a whole seven days keeping to my exercise program of just five minutes a day, then I will be on my way. I mean, hey, I even did my walk today in the nasty cold wind during the winter!
Sparkpeople's website says in one article that one of the most common reasons people fail is biting off too much at once, but sometimes in their zeal to encourage fitness, they encourage just that. It's not their fault, but I do think sometimes they should emphasize that doing ANYTHING is an improvement in your health over doing NOTHING.
I'm on my way...
Wednesday, January 02, 2013
Well, I ditched the program last time. I get sick of logging in what I've eaten. As soon as I stop doing that, it's a sign to myself that I'm going to go about eating whatever I want. I gained back all the weight I had lost. Surprise.
2013 is different. I have done a lot of homework on my "issues" and know a big part of why I am overeating and have come up with great plans on how to counteract them. I have a new job, and new plans in my life. I am a nurse, and I cannot continue to be this out of shape and heavy while being someone who wants others to be as healthy as they can be. It makes no sense, but it does give me unique insight into why people have the problems they do.
I just did the 10 minute Bootcamp cardio workout on here. I was blown away at how heavy and lumbering I felt, and how I couldn't even do ONE jumping jack. But I still moved with the modifications, and that is more than I have done for myself in a very long time. I am blowing myself out today by drinking tea and eating veggies until supper time, because I ate so much rich food over the holidays and I want to rid myself of all that extra salt and sugar.
For the first time in many years, I feel that I want to do this because I DESERVE IT. Not because I'm a blob and should be ashamed, not because I want to look a certain way, but because I deserve to have the goals I have dreamed about and almost none of them can come true unless I get control of my eating addiction and get healthy. That starts today, and will continue the rest of my life.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Does anyone remember the movie, "Peter Pan" with Robin Williams as Peter? Remember when he went back to Neverland and the kids don't believe he is Peter Pan because he's old and flabby? Then one of them walks up, pushes his face flab out of the way and smooths the wrinkles, and exclaims, "OH! There you are, Peter!" That's the way I felt today.
I stood in front of the mirror and shoved a few rolls of blubber around, resculpting my body. I thought, yeah, there is what it should look like. That's the person I would like to be seeing in the mirror. I didn't give myself an unrealistic shape, but I did like the look of that person I was tugging and squeezing around to get. There I was. Then I let go of the rolls and "Plop!" I was back to where I am now as I type.
My friend, Lisa (Sunspot Baby), has been working on her weight for nearly a month and I have been reading her blog. I've been admiring her determination. I lost some weight earlier this year and have kept most of it off, but then I stalled out and didn't seem to care anymore. It's hard for me to keep going with something like that. I never did keep up diary entries, I never did stay on a diet for very long, and I tend to just lose interest and start chaffing at the bit. I don't like having things on a rigid program. It seems I am always looking for a way to feel that I am free.
But what is free about being chained to my obesity every day? I mean, if I really want to get down to it, spending every single day of my life being limited by my size, or what I think of my size...now THAT is being restricted! I think about it every day. There have been a couple of times in my life I was thinner and actually didn't have to think about my weight, and one would think that would be the most freeing thing in the world. But no, I went right back to being subdued by my fat rolls, like running back to an abusive friend that offers up pain but at least it's a pain you are familiar with.
I've set a realistic and attainable goal. It's not what the charts say I should shoot for. My exercise plan is not what my online college PE class says I should be doing every week. But anything that I set up and actually follow through on is bound to be better than the overly optimistic plan that I ditch after a month because it seems too loftly to attain.
It will be VERY hard for me to make myself come to this computer every day and log what I eat. I hate doing that. I hate feeling that every single move I make needs to be logged. However, I think I have come to hate the feeling that my life is passing me by while I have no energy and lug around too much fat just a little bit more. It's a certainty that I will not make a blog entry every day, unlike my great friend, Lisa. She's doing so well! I think I have grown tired over the years of letting myself down on an awful lot of things. It seems anymore that I don't even start, because I think if I don't begin I can't be dissapointment when I mess it up. Nice thinking, eh? My thinking is what I've been working on for the past 4-5 months. I realize that my weight issue is a mental issue, and I wanted to work out some of the reasons my mind turned to overeating all those years ago. I think I've done enough background work to finally achieve my goals.
So it's time to be who I am. I will never be thin, and that's okay with me. I don't need thin to feel well and look good, because Goddesses come in all shapes and sizes! But I do need to be the best me I can achieve, and to stop living in fear. This is the beginning of that journey.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
I've run into snags the last couple of days. It's difficult to have a day when I am not here in front of the computer, logging everything in, and still keep track and stay on the diet. So I haven't, and I've gained some back. I don't consider that the end of the matter, though. Today I am right back on the plan. Deviations will happen and I think it's a matter of how I handle them that dictates my success. One day I went out with my friend and we ate a LOT of chocolate (it was a girl's day out sort of thing, with expensive chocolates!) and then we had pizza later in the day, and of course my husband brought home other goodies (I think he may be trying to sabotage me, we'll see) and I popped them into my mouth. It was just a mess. Yesterday was less of a mess, but still couldn't keep track of my eating. So today I'm back where I need to be. Onwards....
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