Wednesday, June 04, 2014
Let me make one thing clear. I have never cheated on my husband. He is A #1 in my book, putting up with me through thick and thin--mostly thick--for almost 40 years. However, I realized I do have love affairs--with food.
Man, oh man, even the thought of breaking off my affair with mashed potatoes, my comforter of choice, sends me running to the local grocery store for a carton of Bob Evans Homestyle Mashed Potatoes. I can, and often do, make a meal of this silky smooth, almost as good as homemade, side dish with an addition of Hormel's Roast Beef Au Jus. These two combined really get my juices going--gastric that is.
Another lover I enjoy is ice cream--especially any mocha or java flavored ice cream. This lover transports me into ecstasy. Alas, the high from our interactions only last a few minutes. Inevitably guilt sets in and I crash. I beat myself up for caving into my desires, for not being strong enough to say "NO!"
None of these affairs of the heart cause me to feel better about myself. On the contrary, I realize they could care less about me. I'm just a piece of meat to them--if even that. So why do I allow them such power over me?
I argue with myself that I don't have to TOTALLY give them up. I can allow myself to meet up with them occasionally and for smaller amounts. But another part of me wonders if I'm strong enough for that. Will a normal portion satisfy my lust for them?
I had to totally break off my affair with another lover--Diet Dr. Pepper. I was out of control in my craving for him. Ahhhh, the cold tingly feeling of those first swallows. The caffeine rush he gave me. I thought I wouldn't be able to live without him. The first weekend without contacting him was awful. I felt sick with loss: headaches, fatigue, dizziness, irritability. A thousand times I thought, "I can't do this" and wanted to run to the store to reconnect. But I stayed strong and true to myself.
Eventually, the headaches and fatigue passed. I still have an occasional craving, but I realize I feel better about myself without him. I'm sure he doesn't miss me at all. Surprisingly, I'm sleeping better. So now I'm evaluating my other affairs of the heart and deciding who needs to go next, and if it needs to be a clean break or can we settle on a friendship.
It's time for me to put my effort into relationships that give back--that take care of me--such as fruits, vegetables; complex carbs. These guys don't try to chain your soul. They really want what's best for me. I can't imagine having the same passion for them as I do my current affairs. But if I switch my allegiance to them I hope to be around a lot longer for the true love of my life--my husband.
Thursday, May 08, 2014
I have kicked the Diet Dr. Pepper habit 3 times before. The last time I even lasted 3 months before falling off the wagon. What's interesting to me as a therapist is how similar my behaviors are to anyone who struggles with any addiction, be it chemical or behavioral (drugs, gambling, etc.) There is the physical discomfort of giving up the desired substance or behavior as well as an emotional loss.
Diabetes runs in my family. My father is diabetic and my deceased brother was as well. Recently I read some articles linking aspertame to an increased risk for developing diabetes and it scared me into making the decision to get off of diet sodas of any type. My goal is to withdraw from the caffeine first then give up all soda. On May 2, 2014 I drank my last Diet Dr. Pepper. Saturday I felt lethargic and had a moderate headache. By Saturday evening I was in bed with a pounding headache, dizziness. My eyeballs even hurt. It was weird. I'd never had such severe withdrawal symptoms before. Sunday morning I felt slightly better, but not much. Throughout Sunday and Monday the withdrawal symptoms came in waves, each slightly less intense. Today--Thursday--no headache or fatigue.
Now it's on to the hard part--breaking the behavioral patterns and giving up soda entirely. But I believe it is worth it. More research is coming out about the dangers of processed foods including artificial sweeteners. The game is on and I intend to be a winner.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Thank you to everyone who responded to my post last night when I was feeling frustrated and angry with myself. It helps to know that others have struggled with the same issues. The advice is helpful, also; especially to hang in here with SparkPeople and not give up on this goal for myself. What is particularly frustrating for me is that the difficulty I'm having sticking to my plan for even a day. Day after day for the past 6 months I've either eaten over points and/or had sweets. I really pondered my situation last night (both before and after blogging.) In the past I've kind of pooh-poohed the idea of being addicted to sugar or carbohydrates. But I realize that these are exactly the foods that trip me up. When I'm tired, frustrated, happy, sad, etc., etc., etc., I think of junk food. What's with that? I realized last night that I'm thinking like an addict. For example, the idea of NEVER having mashed potatoes again, or chocolate cake or mocha ice cream SCARES me! Really?!!! They're just foods, but I seem to have an emotional--even visceral attachment to them. So do I treat myself like an addict? Should I aim for abstinence from certain 'trigger' foods or put myself through one of the popular cleanses (Even the thought of that makes me feel anxious)? This seems counter to SparkPeople's philosophy of moderation in eating. I would love feedback on this question.
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