Thursday, October 10, 2013
I am seriously considering signing up for one of these "Diet Bet" thingy-ma-jigs. I keep hearing people talking about them and there is something so tempting about putting money down on whether or not I stick to my plan and make it work. Not so much really to win money (but that would be a bonus I suppose) but more to not lose my own money. Especially with the holidays coming up, I could use a little extra motivation to NOT devour everything in sight. I have done so well recently that I REALLY, REALLY do not want to just put it all back on over the next few months. And we all know how it is in an office at Christmas-time. There are constantly cookies and candy and potlucks and everything else imaginable that could suck me in.
I did have TWO (yeah, that's right, that is plural) coworkers tell me today that they can really see my weight loss and that was reassuring. It was also weird because I never really know what to say when someone comes up and says "I can really see how much weight you have lost." I always just smile and say "Oh...yeah, thanks. I am trying....." But I always feel awkward. Part of me wants to be happy and "YAY!! Someone else noticed!" but the other part of me doesn't want anyone to bring it up. I don't really completely understand it. I am not really doing this so others will pat me on the back...I am really only doing it for me. Well....and for my boyfriend, because let's face it, if he's gonna lose weight and get all smokin hot, then I gotta catch up. I mean, c'mon, he has lost almost 50 lbs and it is ridiculously maddening. And extremely motivating. I think that him doing that has been more motivation than just about anything else, and not because I feel like he is judging me or won't be as attracted to me or anything like that, but more because I see the dedication that he has had and it made me realize that if he can be that healthy and still be so happy throughout it then I can do the same. It doesn't have to be a miserable process.
So all that being said, should I or should I not do the Diet Bet? Has anyone else done one and did it help curb any bad habits that may have tried to rear their ugly, hungry heads? Or am I better off just sticking to what I have been doing and hope that my willpower stays strong in the coming days and months? That tis the question of the day....
Wednesday, October 09, 2013
Things are going well I have to say. I am down 20 lbs since I came back and I am feeling really good about it. Sometimes I don't see it when I look at myself, but the scale says it and I know that my clothing reflects it so it has to be at least somewhat true, right? I still have not been on the site as much as I need to be. I have not been logging my food (I am however really keeping a very close eye on what I am eating, even if it was skittles and hot tamales...I watched them go from my hand to my mouth and then knew that it was okay because it was one occasion and it hasn't happened again).
I think this is probably the least stressed out I have ever been when it comes to losing weight. Maybe that is why it is successful this time? Maybe the cortisol levels are down so my body is cooperating? Who knows, whatever it is, I'll take it because it is working.
I am going to post an actual goal here so that I can have it out there where I want to be and maybe it will help to make it happen. I would really love to lose another 40 lbs. That would put me back at the weight I was after my daughter was born and I was really happy and healthy at that point. It is not some unrealistic goal. I am not going to try to get back to a weight that I was before I had kids and before my body changed so drastically. That would be really, really hard to maintain and I am not going to make any excuses, but I do not have the time to maintain that sort of weight. That was a weight that I only achieved by working out almost 2 hours a day, 5-6 days a week. I do not have that kind of free time anymore. But I do have the ability to lose 40 and maintain it. There is no reason not to....
Also, I have been trying really hard to get my salon clientele built back up so that I can go back to working only as a hairstylist and get out of the office job I am in now. I am really not happy there and all I really want is to go back to a job that I love and make enough money to not worry about how I am going to pay my bills. Anyone who reads this, if you could send a little positive energy my way, it would be much appreciated on that front. This is something I really want to happen and at the same time, I am really scared that it won't. I suppose that I just need to have some faith that it will work out....
Okie dokie....it is time for me to head off to lunch now (somebody brought vegetarian black bean soup for lunch today!) and so I must bid you all adieu....so long....farewell......until we meet again! Have a great day!
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Do you ever have one of those days when you feel like you cannot seem to just make things go the way you need them to? Try as you might, it just doesn't pan out? That was yesterday....I had every good intention of working out when I got home and it didn't happen. Walked in the door at 6, started dinner for the kids and fully planned on working out while it cooked but then my phone rang. And when I finished with that call I had to have an hour long phone interview with a specialist about some issues with my son. So that workout never happened.
Sometimes all our best intentions still do not work out in our favor. But there are still things that we can control. What I have realized and somehow managed to make happen recently is being in control of my diet. I don't know exactly when it happened, but with the grace of (insert any higher being) I have managed to conquer one of the biggest problems I have always had. Stress eating. Nights like last night when my stress levels and emotions take over normally lead to a bowl of ice cream, or 1/2 a bag of chips or something equally inappropriate. But lately, I haven't resorted to these things. Even when others around me have treated themselves, somehow I have managed to not go there. And this morning was the first time I really thought about how it has been easier to just say no. And it is paying off. For the first time in my life I am not killing myself with workouts to barely see any results. For once, the weight is starting to come off and I am only working out when I can really fit it in.
I had always heard and read that diet is 70-80% of losing weight, but I still would just work out harder in the gym so that I could have that dessert after dinner, or eat fries for lunch and tell myself to go a little further in my run. And guess what, I barely lost anything, if I lost at all. Lately, I haven't been killing myself in workouts (although when I do work out, I work out hard) and I am still seeing some results. And because it is actually working, for once I am not so frustrated and that means I don't decide to just say screw it and eat what I want. I'm not saying I don't eat a meal I want from time to time. At least once a week I have a meal that I eat simply because it is what I want and I don't feel guilty about it later. But I don't do an entire weekend of eating whatever I want, and I don't have to, because I am actually enjoying eating healthier. I honestly, as much as I have said that I did, didn't ever think that I would be this person. It is a really liberating feeling to know that you can always surprise yourself.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
I feel so much better so far this week. It feels like the cloud that was hanging over my head went ahead and moved on to the next unlucky fella. I finally feel like I have a little bit of control over my situation. I know that I always have, but sometimes it just feels like you don't have control over anything.
So...since I have been gone for quite a while and haven't really updated much on anything because I was all Debbie-downer last week, I am going to explain how things have changed for me the last few months.
One- I decided that I am going to remain a vegetarian. I have never felt better than I do now and it is a bonus that I can look all the critters in the eye and not feel so guilty about eating their cousin twice removed. My cats eyeball me from time to time I think, wondering if I am going to suddenly get the urge to eat meat again and turn on them since there is a lack of said sustenance in the house.
Two- I have taken up running again. I took a break when I moved in May and I am just now getting back into the swing of things. I am doing a new program of intervals. I thought it sounded easy...run for 30 seconds and then slow down for 1 1/2-2 minutes. Easy enough, right? Not so fast. The first two times I did this I did it manually on my treadmill. I walked at 4.6 and did my sprints at 8.5. It was hard but I was able to get through it and felt like maybe I should bump up my speed the next time. Then I looked at my treadmill and realized that it has a Sprint 8 feature and thought "SCORE!! I don't have to move the speed, I can just go with it..."
This was not the great thing I thought it was....let's just say that my step-daughter and son looked at me at one point like they might have to dial 911. Here is why: I wanted to bump my speed up, so when I plugged everything into the program I set my sprint speed at 9.2. Seemed like a good idea. It is only 30 seconds and that's like the time it takes me to walk to the refrigerator and realize that I'm not even hungry. The first two sprints only went up to 8.8 and the resting speed was 5.8 which seemed a little fast but I figured just go with it. Then the third sprint hit and not only did it bump it up to 9.2, it also went up to a 5.0 elevation! What the what?!?! Who said to do that? It certainly wasn't me because I don't really have a death wish. So after doing 3 of these I hit stop. And I bent over and tried to force myself to breathe again. And not puke. Apparently I am not a great uphill sprinter. Who knew? But, I was proud of myself because after a 2 minute break of gasping for air and reassuring my kids I wasn't going to die, I got back on and finished the last 3 sprints. I am pretty positive that when I get on there tonight I am going to either slow down the sprint slightly, or try my darndest to make that stupid machine not elevate on its own whim.
So....yeah, I am trying. I want to be healthy. I want to be fit. I want to be able to do all the things that I want to do and not worry about if I can actually do it. I want to wear clothes I like, not clothes that fit. I want to feel great about my body because I know it is strong. And I want to run in a 5k and beat the time I set for myself when I started this journey in the first place. And I want to do yoga and put my body in some crazy position and hold it because that just seems like a totally cool thing to do.
Thursday, September 05, 2013
So things have just been crazy lately. I have been working two jobs all summer in an attempt to get my salon clientele built back up enough that I can go back to just being a hairstylist. Office jobs just aren't for me. I am really not cut out to sit at a desk all day.
So I am working Mon-Fri from 8-5 at my desk job and working sometimes several nights a week and on Sunday at a room in a salon that I am renting. So I am exhausted and trying my best to still squeeze in some exercise and make good choices with my food.
It has definitely been a struggle at times. I have moments of completely breaking down emotionally and feeling like I have taken on more than I can handle. The bf and I have had a few problems the past few months too which has been hard. It hasn't been anything huge, its just very un-like us to be so snippy with each other and being so...distant at times. I know that it is just stress on both sides because he has been dealing with a lot himself, but it has been hard. It isn't the biggest problem by far, just one more needle on the haystack. Through it all I finally found the "stress that causes me to not eat"....
What?!?! I had always heard people say this and never understood it because I always eat badly when stressed. But the last few weeks it seems as if each time I get really stressed out, I suddenly have no desire to eat. I know in my head it is not healthy, but I just can't. There is this lump in the back of my throat that makes me feel as if I will gag if I even attempt to ingest anything other than liquids. I never knew what that was until recently and I suddenly understand that it is real and I shouldn't judge those people who say that they have lost weight due to stress because it is a very real thing.
Of course....at the same time, when the office had major drama today and the world was swirling around me threatening to cave in, I suddenly wanted nothing more than a big cheeseburger and a frappuccino (this was due to a coworker walking in with 3 at that exact moment). So the urge still lurks somewhere under it all, but for the most part lately food has been very unappealing when I have been stressed out.
Part of me is sort of grateful because at least it seems to have curbed any weight gain through all of it. But more than anything I just want to feel like things are going to work out and that everything will be ok in the end. I just want a little bit of a break and for things to start to look bright and shiny again. I don't think that is asking too much...but maybe it is. Who knows.
Gonna go home and go to Meet the Teacher with my kids and then go home and get my run in, maybe watch some tv before gratefully passing out. I will stop my whining now and hopefully this wasn't too depressing....
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