Wednesday, April 20, 2011
My Knees Wednesday challenge is to write a blog. So I'm writing a blog.
The questions to answer for the blog were:
How has your year been so far?
Have you made progress in the areas you wanted to address?
To answer those questions, my year has been all right. I've really enjoyed the 5% challenges, I'm having fun, and though I'm not seeing much progress in my weight, I'm learning some things. I mean, this weight isn't a weight I haven't seen frequently over the last several years. I'd be sooo jazzed if I saw 134, which is only 3 pounds away. God, it takes so much to lose a pound at 4'10".
Have I made progress? Not really, from the weight perspective. But I've got a better workout routine that I like doing, and I'm doing cool things for me, like my voice lessons. So that's all good.
Saturday, April 09, 2011
I think a recurring theme in my blogs has been how depressed I get on weekends. It happened again today. I have such a routine on weekends that it seems to me that feeling depressed is part of that routine! So I read the paper and clipped some coupons. I got up during commercials for "It's Me or the Dog!" and washed some dishes. I eyed the pile of mail on the kitchen table and the hall table and fantasized about picking up the coffee table, too. When there was nothing left on TV, I had the feeling that I should do something productive, but didn't have it in me to pick something and execute it. So I took a shower and lied down with the little dog, who, light and fancy-free, fell asleep immediately, while I looked on jealously.
I tried to figure out what makes me so DOWN on weekends. I mean, they are WEEKENDS! Like billions of other people, I spend the whole week waiting for them. Then, when they come, I can't wait for Monday. How dissatisfying, to want to be at work when I'm at home, and at home when I'm at work.
Then, I started thinking about closure. I'm reading this book, "Watercooler Wisdom," and it talks about getting closure on tasks. The argument is that a lot of the stress in our lives is caused by things that would take very little to complete, but we just don't. So, for example, you should make sure that your voicemail is checked before you go home on Friday, or it will gnaw at you over the weekend. Make sense?
And I SUCK at getting closure.
I kind of do it on purpose. I make rules for things, because I feel that the less control I have over what I do, the better. Which seems kind of silly, but let me explain. Say I am going to go to the gym. I might make a rule that says how long I have to stay...if there are two slow songs on my iPod in a row, I can go home, for example. Or until I finish my book. Or until I burn x number of calories. This keeps me at the gym longer than if I DECIDE, "10 minutes" or whatever. It's better for me to not have control, to not have to decide.
But I do it in other realms, too. Like, I get up to do the dishes just on commercials. I read the paper in the order it falls out of the newspaper bag. I clip coupons only as long as there's something on TV. And this habit has the capacity to leave a lot of things undone.
By then, Sammy was snoring, so I couldn't wake him up, but I promised myself when we got out of bed, I was going to get closure on the things I was working on when I lied down. I fell asleep and had two dreams, both of which involved getting closure and Sammy. I don't remember the shorter one, but the first one was that I had a calendar of all his health problems, and we went through them one-by-one and fixed them. When the calendar had been completely flipped-through, we were done. It felt good.
Then, I woke up and washed the dishes, and finished the coupons. That felt good, too. I read the mail. I didn't clean up like I should, but that's okay. In the book, it doesn't say you have to get everything done, but to finish what you started.
To get closure.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Yesterday, while I was sitting with the little dog, I went through the nutrition reports from December 2008 on. Then, I thought that I could create the grocery lists from weeks that were particularly good, but it turned out I couldn't. Oh, well. Instead, I just printed out my food log from days where I was in my calorie range and had a good balance between carbs, protein, and fat.
But I was shocked at how many red dots my reports had! And how few blue! That is, when you ate within your calorie range on a given day, it was in this colored strip on the chart, and the dot was blue. But if you were over or under, then it was a red dot. And my reports looked like it had measles, the chicken pox and poison ivy all at once!
I don't know if I would consider myself a visual person, or a visually-motivated person, but in my mind, I began to imagine all my dots as blue dots lined up neatly on that little colored strip, and I saw that as very desirable. So yesterday and today, I have a streak going of earning blue dots for the day. Maybe if I stop getting red dots, I will finally have some weight loss success.
Because, I mean, really? Nutrition reports from December 2008, and I've lost very little, if anything at all, if I haven't gained in that time? Doing SparkPeople? And by doing SparkPeople, I mean, "doing" SparkPeople. Obviously, my commitment hasn't been that strong. About as strong as my commitment to...I don't know...get a pilot's license. Seriously!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
I picked Little Sammy up from the hospital this morning. I cried when they brought him to me. I didn't know you could love a dog so much. He did really well during the surgery, and he's surprisingly alert this morning. He keeps wobbling around only slightly more wobbly than usual. He IS an old man! I'm trying to feed him, but he doesn't want to eat, and I need him to eat for his medicine.
If I can get him to go sleep, I will go to the gym. I actually think he's asleep right now, but I've got him on the couch with me, and I can't leave him up there alone. I guess if that doesn't work, I'll go tonight when my husband is back.
Poor Sammy! He can't catch a break. I hope he stops growing things he's not supposed to. We'll get the biopsy results early next week.
I'm off the rest of the week for Little Sammy. I'm going to use this time well, but I don't quite know how.
I'm kind of back to where I was before when I was home alone that weekend. What should I do with myself? How can I best use my time? Besides snuggling with the Little Dog. Organize some closets? Freecycle a bunch of junk? Rosetta Stone? Learn how best to plan meals for a week? Any other ideas?
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Today was the day that I would pay for my next four sessions. I won't be doing that. I'm a little nervous to tell her.
It's not that I'm not getting anything out of it or that I hate it. I really enjoy my voice lessons. But...
The results of an articulation or whatever it's called that was done on a spot on Sammy's abdomen came back as a mast cell tumor, and it needs, needs, needs to be removed. They said that they could do it in their office, and he could go home the same day, but I asked if it wouldn't be better to have a board-certified surgeon do it, instead. She said that she would be honest with me, and yes, it would be better, because Sammy is old and has a heart murmur and SHOULDN'T BE UNDER ANESTHESIA at all. But it has to be done.
So I called the center that did his splenectomy, and they said they could do it, for 2.75 times what the regular vet's office's estimate was. But he stays overnight, and they are experts, which is so important to me. So I'm paying it.
Thus, it would be irresponsible to pay for more voice lessons. Honestly, it was probably not that responsible in the first place without having a full 8-month emergency fund (which is a work in progress). If I had asked Suze Orman if I could afford it, she would have said, "Denied!"
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