Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Today was the day that I would pay for my next four sessions. I won't be doing that. I'm a little nervous to tell her.
It's not that I'm not getting anything out of it or that I hate it. I really enjoy my voice lessons. But...
The results of an articulation or whatever it's called that was done on a spot on Sammy's abdomen came back as a mast cell tumor, and it needs, needs, needs to be removed. They said that they could do it in their office, and he could go home the same day, but I asked if it wouldn't be better to have a board-certified surgeon do it, instead. She said that she would be honest with me, and yes, it would be better, because Sammy is old and has a heart murmur and SHOULDN'T BE UNDER ANESTHESIA at all. But it has to be done.
So I called the center that did his splenectomy, and they said they could do it, for 2.75 times what the regular vet's office's estimate was. But he stays overnight, and they are experts, which is so important to me. So I'm paying it.
Thus, it would be irresponsible to pay for more voice lessons. Honestly, it was probably not that responsible in the first place without having a full 8-month emergency fund (which is a work in progress). If I had asked Suze Orman if I could afford it, she would have said, "Denied!"
Monday, March 21, 2011
I realized something today.
My Wanderlust is gone.
Years ago, I traipsed around Europe...twice. I wanted to see every continent before I died. I fell in love with a Latino and asked him to take me to every country in South America. I learned two foreign languages. I dreamed of the day I would move to Germany and tried to figure out a way to hasten the day. I wanted to go around the world.
Now, I just want the world to come to me.
I host exchange students. It's fun, and it's my dream, but even when it's someone who speaks one of my two foreign langauges, I don't bother. The thought of planning a trip is exhausting to me. Last time I was dragged to my husband's native land, I had a hissy fit and cried and begged to be taken to the airport early. Oh, my. I sound like a brat.
When did I get so BORING? And when did I get so LAZY? Is it when I started allowing myself to skip articles in the "Travel" section? Where is my joie de vivre? Is it strange to not want to see the world? Is it weird to want to stay home? Is it odd to feel this tired? Am I only asking this because I live in a major, urban area? And because every "Date Lab" (a weekly column describing a blind date) they set up in the WaPo Magazine has in the "Interests to Share" section travel? Is this a strawman, when I am trying new things, but just sticking closer to home? I dunno.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Did that get your attention?
Well, I am! But I'm not going to use cayenne pepper or lemon juice. No green shakes nor juices. No maple syrup nor diuretics.
I ate like a pig this week. Pizza, tacos, chips... It's embarrassing to write that!
So I will detox. No ingredients I can't pronounce...almost! I can't give up the soda or my aspartame headache will happen, even though it contains phenylalanine. But just one a day. And I'm going to go buy my bread from Whole Foods. I'm going to have to hide it from the human vacuum we have living with us. I used to bake my own bread, and I'd like to start again, but it's SO MUCH WORK, and that kid will eat the entire loaf in a day with no comprehension of the work, time and love that went into it. So I'll buy from Whole Foods. The Dirty Dozen produce will come from there, too. All-natural meats, no hormones, no salt. I'm sure there will be other things I need to think of to make sure I am eating only good, solid, whole foods.
I don't think it's really going to "detox" me. I believe what they say about our bodies detoxing naturally. But I DO think I'm going to feel better after doing it. And I'm not picking a "detox diet" to follow. Just a solid diet for a week. I think that, even though I'm not detoxing, I'll feel better knowing I fed myself well with good foods.
Like an LTGL challenge, I think after I complete my one-week commitment, I won't continue as strongly, but it will make me think, and a few parts of it will stick. And I'm looking forward to it. Even though some may think you shouldn't be so rigid, I know myself, and while I know I can't keep up with this for more than a week, I know that this will make me feel like I accomplished something. So I'm looking forward to it. =)
Friday, March 18, 2011
I'm home alone.
Not completely alone. Sammy's here with me. But my husband and my exchange son are gone. It's a little lonely and a little peaceful.
But I don't know what to do with myself. Here are my ideas:
1. Watch a ton of TV.
2. Vacuum my rug.
3. Go to the diner by myself with the paper.
4. Change the sheets.
5. Sweep and mop the bedroom floor.
6. Work on my Rosetta Stone.
7. Clean the water stains off my kitchen table.
8. Go to the gym (done that once already).
It all sounds so BORING. I wish that I had friends that could come over and play games and hang out with me. But I don't. Part of me is really cool with all this, and part of me is lonely and sad about it.
Anyway. I wanted to ask y'all what I should do with this time by myself. What should I do with this time by myself?
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Okay, so since I wrote my last blog, I've been eating like a maniac. I've so completely overeaten this week, I can't even believe it. How do I stop this? I don't even know. I go to bed at night saying, tomorrow will be better, and I wake up saying, today will be better, but then I EAT.
So, any suggestions you have would be most appreciated. Just by writing this, I feel more like I can get past this. I'm just completely creeped out, because yes, obviously, I've eaten more than my fair share of calories over the last few years, but I wasn't really thinking about it, you know? And now, I am, but I can't seem to stop it. It's disconcerting.
Anyway, I'm committing tonight to a healthy meal. I have cooked kale in my fridge. I hope it's still good! Tomorrow, I'm off work, so I can go shopping for the foods that have kept me in my calorie range in the past, like apples. I'm going to buy some more pop, because part of my problem has been stopping in the morning to get a soda at 7-Eleven, and then I wind up walking out with a bag of chips (justified by its small size), taquitos (which I'm pretty sure are made with crack, because I'm addicted), peanut M&Ms (which I'd been craving) or a sausage biscuit. Not all at once, but some combination of the above. Ugh.
Got to get off this train. I hope that tonight, I will.
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