Saturday, February 12, 2011
Meal planning. It's driving me insane.
I don't really know what to do. For 5% Challenge, I had decided I was going to use Spark meal plans, but then, when I tried to organize them, I realized they kind of blow. I'm sure they're good for some people, but some of it was weird. Like, applesauce at dinner, and drinking glasses of milk like I'm five. Plus, I figured with two grown men, one of whom is 23 and appears to have a hollow leg, living in my house, I'd need to quintuple the amounts for the grocery list, causing the grocery list to have ridiculous things like "80 stalks of celery."
So I figured I would see what the calorie ranges, carbs, fat, protein, fiber and sodium were, and then I'd prepare around that. And that was HARD. I found about 25 good recipes in SparkRecipes, then I tried to maneuver them around, so I could have the grocery list. I got through breakfast and lunch of one day, and then the tedium set in. And I couldn't imagine planning anymore.
At this point, it was 4pm. And I'd been at this almost nonstop since 9am.
How did I waste an entire Saturday? And what am I going to do?
Add to this that I am a good grocery shopper--coupons, shopping around circulars, saving boatloads of money, and my head started to spin. It's completely overwhelming, and it makes me hate grocery shopping. A year ago, it was my hobby, and before today, I was already feeling grocery fatigued. Now, I've almost developed a phobia.
So what the hell am I going to eat for the next nine weeks? How am I going to plan it? Now I understand the draw to those meal plans where they deliver the meals daily to your house, but the shopping ninja in me cannot conceive of spending that kind of money.
If anyone can toss me an insights, tips, and a rope, I'd really appreciate it, because I feel like I'm right back to where I was this morning, with not even a change in attitude towards food. At this rate, I'm going to be overeating for this challenge just like I did for the last one.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
What do you want to change? Well, that's purely vanity. I want to change my shape, and be cute again. I used to be super-cute, and you know what? When I was super-cute, I didn't even realize it.
How do you want to look? Mostly thinner, but I'd also like to have toned arms. I'd like to be able to show my belly button ring off. I love it just for me, but I don't think I've bared my midriff in at least five years.
How do you want to feel? Cute. On par with all the pretty girls at work. There are so many gorgeous girls at my office! I feel like I'm working at a beauty pageant. I could never wear as much makeup as the "pretty girls" do, but I'd take having a figure closer to one of theirs.
What things will you be able to do in the future with a slimmer healthier body? Bare my midriff (see above), take a good photo, go to my high school reunion this year and be a bit close to how I was in high school, at least so I won't feel like people are talking. You know, it's odd, though. In high school, I was super-cute (see above), but no one paid much mind to me in that regard. But I'd still be nervous they'd think, geez, look at all the weight BeatleTot gained...and in a bad way, I want to have the schadenfreude for myself. I feel a little guilty saying that. But I can't be the only one--especially at a high school reunion! And, as Karl Marx said, "There is something in the misfortune of even our closest friends which does not displease us."
Okay, and this is going to sound crazy, but here it is. When I'm at my goal weight, I want to go on a pizza diet. Seriously. It started when I was talking to my exchange student, and I made the comment that I thought it was impossible to get sick of pizza. And once it fell out of mouth, I decided that I would like to take it as a personal challenge. I will eat nothing but pizza for as long as possible, and then see how long it takes to get sick of it. It does sound crazy. But if I get to my goal weight, I will have the tools (portion control, discipline in working out, etc.) to be able to control my weight even if I do the pizza diet. Now, I am very excited about this, not gonna lie. But I can wait till I'm there.
I recognize the dangers. Too much fat, spiralling out of control, and most seriously, the possibility that by the time I'm done, I may not want pizza again for the rest of my life, like an ex-McDonald's employee with Big Macs. But that's a risk I'm willing to take. So there you go.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
I used these adjectives today when I got upset. That's how I feel. I feel a little better now, because after I went through a crying jag, I took a six-hour nap.
Today is day 2 of yet another attempt at quitting, and I feel pretty solid, because I'm FEELING. Yes, I'm feeling jonesy, but I'm also feeling the above. That means I'm dealing with things more profound than the quit. I guess I just think I need to get them down and the laptop is closer than the old journal I have in a drawer in my bedroom.
Lonely is a little bit of a funny one, because I've been home all day with my two favorite guys--my husband and Sammy. But I had a ton of DVR to watch, because last week I was on vacay with my mom and my sister and got back last night. So I sat all day watching TV (bored and lazy). Depressed, that one I have to work on pinpointing the causes right now. Part of me wants to attribute it to the quitting and no more, but I think there IS more, and I want to figure it out.
So that's it. Tomorrow, I'm going to go to the gym and take the little guy to the foo-foo parlor, so I should feel more productive. I think it will help. I think I need to do something big. It's been awhile since I have.
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
I have three minutes before my lunch break is over, so I'll type fast. I have my gym clothes with me. I planned to go to the gym after work. But I'm feeling iffy about it now. Tired. Upset about two different issues that came up one after the other. A bit jonesy. Hot...it's really hot in here. And I kinda want to go home, open a beer and sit and stew.
Part of me says, you can do that if you promise not to smoke. The other part says, hey, you! You gotta go to the gym! Somebody tell me who to listen to and why, please!
Monday, January 03, 2011
...do taste as good as thin feels.
At least, I thought so before I wolfed down about six servings...
I'll make it up at the gym in the next couple days.
I'm editing to ask...it's only almost 8. Should I go back to the gym? I did 35 minutes already, before I got into the chips. Let me know what you think while I'm thinking about it. =)
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