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Depressed, bored, lazy, lonely

Sunday, January 16, 2011

I used these adjectives today when I got upset. That's how I feel. I feel a little better now, because after I went through a crying jag, I took a six-hour nap.

Today is day 2 of yet another attempt at quitting, and I feel pretty solid, because I'm FEELING. Yes, I'm feeling jonesy, but I'm also feeling the above. That means I'm dealing with things more profound than the quit. I guess I just think I need to get them down and the laptop is closer than the old journal I have in a drawer in my bedroom.

Lonely is a little bit of a funny one, because I've been home all day with my two favorite guys--my husband and Sammy. But I had a ton of DVR to watch, because last week I was on vacay with my mom and my sister and got back last night. So I sat all day watching TV (bored and lazy). Depressed, that one I have to work on pinpointing the causes right now. Part of me wants to attribute it to the quitting and no more, but I think there IS more, and I want to figure it out.

So that's it. Tomorrow, I'm going to go to the gym and take the little guy to the foo-foo parlor, so I should feel more productive. I think it will help. I think I need to do something big. It's been awhile since I have.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CYNTHIAMINUS40 1/18/2011 12:09AM

    I often feel a little bit of a let down when I come home from vacation. I get melancholy. Vacations are such a wonderful diversion from every day life. not sure but maybe there's a little of that going on for you? It may be as simple as settling back in to your normal routine and getting in the groove. I hope you're feeling 100% soon!

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JMCADE 1/17/2011 11:57PM

    Good luck with your being more productive tomorrow. Now that you gotten all that off your chest maybe it will help

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MONAKIN314 1/17/2011 9:54AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RUTHXG 1/17/2011 12:27AM

    Sometimes sadness is telling us important things--I'm glad you recognize that.

I don't know you very well, but I have a strong feeling that your life is too small for you. Not that you need a different husband or a different job . . . but you are very smart, & I'm thinking you are hankering for involvement in a cause or a project that would make the world a better place. Or maybe art or music of some kind.

Just write me off as goofy if that doesn't sound right to you! I could be projecting, as I felt some of this same restlessness/depression when I was young, & besides deepening my relationship to God, I began to explore ways of self-development & self-giving. Now I'm honestly one of the happiest, most stable people I know!

That's my testimony. emoticon Big hugs & warm wishes to you.

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Prepared for gym...Please tell me to go!

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

I have three minutes before my lunch break is over, so I'll type fast. I have my gym clothes with me. I planned to go to the gym after work. But I'm feeling iffy about it now. Tired. Upset about two different issues that came up one after the other. A bit jonesy.'s really hot in here. And I kinda want to go home, open a beer and sit and stew.

Part of me says, you can do that if you promise not to smoke. The other part says, hey, you! You gotta go to the gym! Somebody tell me who to listen to and why, please!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEATLETOT 1/5/2011 7:45PM

    I went...the book I'm reading is GOOD. I stayed later than I meant to so I could keep reading.

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JMCADE 1/5/2011 7:00PM

    You need to go to the gym. You will be amazed at how much better you will feel when you are done. An dit will keep you from the beer and the cigs. Neither of which you need this evening!!

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RUTHXG 1/5/2011 5:11PM

    You'll be SOOO glad if you go. Best way to work off stress & hassle. And Doritos! emoticon

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SKINNYPANDA2015 1/5/2011 3:27PM

    Definitely go!! You may not want to now, or you're waffling, and even when you're there you may feel tired and hot....but the feeling of accomplishment afterward is well worth it!

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    I agree...jost go do it!!! You will feel so much better afterwards!


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LAMKIN101 1/5/2011 2:10PM

  I think you should go to the gym and work off the stress.Believe me,you will feel a lot better after a good workout. I have days like that myself,in which,I am debating if I should go or not. I have been exercising for about 10 years now,on most days I have no problem going to the gym, but other times it is still a struggle. Hang in there and just do it!

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Blazin' Buffalo and Ranch Doritos...

Monday, January 03, 2011 taste as good as thin feels.

At least, I thought so before I wolfed down about six servings...

I'll make it up at the gym in the next couple days.

I'm editing to's only almost 8. Should I go back to the gym? I did 35 minutes already, before I got into the chips. Let me know what you think while I'm thinking about it. =)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 1/4/2011 12:05PM

    Sorry I caught this so late! I hope you hit the gym, but if not, you can make it up today! emoticon emoticon

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TIMETOSHINE2011 1/3/2011 7:44PM

    Don't let it set you back....hit the gym!


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Out of the Funk

Sunday, January 02, 2011

I guess I am not totally out of the funk...Maybe I am. I had a good day today. And the sun set at 4:59 today, which means tomorrow, it will set at 5. Maybe even 5:01.

I went to the gym. I ate within my calorie range. We cooked up food so it wouldn't go bad, and it didn't. My sister, who's having a hard time, called tonight and sounded okay. I drank enough water. I'm ready to go to the gym tomorrow. Right now, I'm sort of watching "Grown Ups," but it's a little boring, so I'm typing this blog, too.

Oh, and good news that I guess I hadn't talked about. Sammy's fine. Completely fine. If you can believe that. I took him to the specialist, and they said he doesn't have the disease the other doctor said he had. They found a tumor in his abdomen, and two days later, I had it removed, and it turned out benign. Unbelievably, though, the stupid doctor that gave him the wrong diagnosis, and a very high dose of very powerful medication called and offered me an ESTIMATE on the surgery. Like, I'd use anything other than a board-certified surgeon. And he almost killed Sammy twice. I wasn't going to let him cut him open so he could finish the job.

And since he's fine, I plan to save money to take him to an ophthmologist later this year. If he were going to die soon, it doesn't make any sense, but since he's totally fine, it may be worth it. Probably they can't do anything, but just in case.

He's not eating lately, but I think he's being bratty. He'll eat if I put green beans, hot dogs, ham, and Pupperoni in with his food, but otherwise...

So everything's going to be okay. And today was good. Maybe now I'm just tired, and that's why I'm afraid to say with confidence that I'm out of my funk.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SASSACAIA 1/3/2011 10:03PM

    Oh, I'm so glad to hear about Sammy!! That is wonderful news!!

Keep up the good work! And stay away from those chips! They are my downfall as well!

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SEATTLESIMS 1/3/2011 5:03PM

    That is great news that Sammy is fine and problem already addressed! Now, keep looking forward to the days getting longer! I know I am!! Have a nice afternoon and say goodbye to that funk!

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 1/2/2011 11:57PM

    Wonderful to hear!! About your dog and your coming out of the funk! Now hopefully your good vibes will transfer over to me! emoticon

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RUTHXG 1/2/2011 10:37PM

    emoticon Sammy's fine!!! emoticon

And you are exercising & eating as you should, & you're still off the smokes, right?


See, we can be excited for you even when you're feeling a little tired. Thanks for sharing the good news! Happy new year!

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Heart Hurt

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

I felt kind of the same way today as I did yesterday, with two big differences. One, I felt really depressed, not just tired and down, but really, really sad about Sammy. Two, I didn't drag my butt to the gym. I went to the pet store to find a warming blanket for Sammy, but they only have them online, so I need to buy one tonight. I just want him to be comfortable. I feel like I have this dull ache inside, and everytime I think of it, it expands and gets stronger.

But I will go tomorrow, and I'll make up for it on Saturday. Pinky swear. On my way home, I heard on the radio that Tuesday is the worst day of the week for people. According to some study in London that had 22,000 participants. And I think that's probably right. I'd have to go through and look at my exercise minutes by day to see if that's really true, but it sounds right to me.

So, sorry Starfish. But we're doing BANGIN', anyway. I can't believe how many minutes we've gotten in the last 24 hours.

I don't want to wake Sammy to give him his medicine. I know I have to, but I hate it. Maybe my husband will do it...he likes to see Sammy's sleepy face.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KRISTA64 12/8/2010 6:59AM

    from one animal lover to another I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers...remember to take care of yourself!

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RUTHXG 12/7/2010 11:30PM

    Today has been really hard for me too--& I don't have a sick animal friend, & I did exercise this morning. It's the dang weather, & the alleys & sidewalk segments that are treacherously coated with ice, & the lack of light.

Be good to yourself--get the exercise you need to help stabilize your feelings (not a cure-all, but it does help a lot!). I am praying peace for you & comfort & health for Sammy.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DESERTNATIVE1 12/7/2010 11:17PM

    I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I was in your shoes last year about this time with my "baby" - Casper. You need to fight to take care of yourself, too!! Hang in there. Thoughts and prayers are with you. Us other Starfish can pick up the slack until you are ready -- but don't take too long!! We do need you!!!

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 12/7/2010 11:07PM

    emoticon Must be so tough to go through what you are right now.

emoticon emoticon

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