Sunday, January 16, 2011
I used these adjectives today when I got upset. That's how I feel. I feel a little better now, because after I went through a crying jag, I took a six-hour nap.
Today is day 2 of yet another attempt at quitting, and I feel pretty solid, because I'm FEELING. Yes, I'm feeling jonesy, but I'm also feeling the above. That means I'm dealing with things more profound than the quit. I guess I just think I need to get them down and the laptop is closer than the old journal I have in a drawer in my bedroom.
Lonely is a little bit of a funny one, because I've been home all day with my two favorite guys--my husband and Sammy. But I had a ton of DVR to watch, because last week I was on vacay with my mom and my sister and got back last night. So I sat all day watching TV (bored and lazy). Depressed, that one I have to work on pinpointing the causes right now. Part of me wants to attribute it to the quitting and no more, but I think there IS more, and I want to figure it out.
So that's it. Tomorrow, I'm going to go to the gym and take the little guy to the foo-foo parlor, so I should feel more productive. I think it will help. I think I need to do something big. It's been awhile since I have.
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
I have three minutes before my lunch break is over, so I'll type fast. I have my gym clothes with me. I planned to go to the gym after work. But I'm feeling iffy about it now. Tired. Upset about two different issues that came up one after the other. A bit jonesy. Hot...it's really hot in here. And I kinda want to go home, open a beer and sit and stew.
Part of me says, you can do that if you promise not to smoke. The other part says, hey, you! You gotta go to the gym! Somebody tell me who to listen to and why, please!
Monday, January 03, 2011
...do taste as good as thin feels.
At least, I thought so before I wolfed down about six servings...
I'll make it up at the gym in the next couple days.
I'm editing to ask...it's only almost 8. Should I go back to the gym? I did 35 minutes already, before I got into the chips. Let me know what you think while I'm thinking about it. =)
Sunday, January 02, 2011
I guess I am not totally out of the funk...Maybe I am. I had a good day today. And the sun set at 4:59 today, which means tomorrow, it will set at 5. Maybe even 5:01.
I went to the gym. I ate within my calorie range. We cooked up food so it wouldn't go bad, and it didn't. My sister, who's having a hard time, called tonight and sounded okay. I drank enough water. I'm ready to go to the gym tomorrow. Right now, I'm sort of watching "Grown Ups," but it's a little boring, so I'm typing this blog, too.
Oh, and good news that I guess I hadn't talked about. Sammy's fine. Completely fine. If you can believe that. I took him to the specialist, and they said he doesn't have the disease the other doctor said he had. They found a tumor in his abdomen, and two days later, I had it removed, and it turned out benign. Unbelievably, though, the stupid doctor that gave him the wrong diagnosis, and a very high dose of very powerful medication called and offered me an ESTIMATE on the surgery. Like, I'd use anything other than a board-certified surgeon. And he almost killed Sammy twice. I wasn't going to let him cut him open so he could finish the job.
And since he's fine, I plan to save money to take him to an ophthmologist later this year. If he were going to die soon, it doesn't make any sense, but since he's totally fine, it may be worth it. Probably they can't do anything, but just in case.
He's not eating lately, but I think he's being bratty. He'll eat if I put green beans, hot dogs, ham, and Pupperoni in with his food, but otherwise...
So everything's going to be okay. And today was good. Maybe now I'm just tired, and that's why I'm afraid to say with confidence that I'm out of my funk.
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
I felt kind of the same way today as I did yesterday, with two big differences. One, I felt really depressed, not just tired and down, but really, really sad about Sammy. Two, I didn't drag my butt to the gym. I went to the pet store to find a warming blanket for Sammy, but they only have them online, so I need to buy one tonight. I just want him to be comfortable. I feel like I have this dull ache inside, and everytime I think of it, it expands and gets stronger.
But I will go tomorrow, and I'll make up for it on Saturday. Pinky swear. On my way home, I heard on the radio that Tuesday is the worst day of the week for people. According to some study in London that had 22,000 participants. And I think that's probably right. I'd have to go through and look at my exercise minutes by day to see if that's really true, but it sounds right to me.
So, sorry Starfish. But we're doing BANGIN', anyway. I can't believe how many minutes we've gotten in the last 24 hours.
I don't want to wake Sammy to give him his medicine. I know I have to, but I hate it. Maybe my husband will do it...he likes to see Sammy's sleepy face.
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