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I messed up but I'm sorry.

Thursday, December 02, 2010

My girlfriend and I stopped at Einstein Brothers this morning, and a lady on the sidewalk was walking from the opposite direction and I almost hit her. =( I was really apologetic, but she was not going to hear it, so she kept yelling, even as I said I was sorry over and over, and I didn't mean to, and I know I should be more careful. But there's only so much groveling a person can do, and she was being really angry. So I said the B-word as I rolled up my window, and she heard me, so she yelled back, "Muslim!" Which I'm not. But my friend wears hijab.

Can you believe that? I was feeling really upset about the whole thing, until I wrote that, but now, as I write that, I feel like I meant it when I told my friend it's okay, that it was an accident, and it happens, and I never have to see her again, and she has to wake up tomorrow and still be her. I said that to comfort myself before, but now I believe it, because she was a nasty woman.

And I meant it, that I was sorry. And I will be more careful in the future.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 12/4/2010 6:20PM

    As someone who has been run down by an SUV in a hit and run, let me just tell you that you have done enough apologizing! It was an honest mistake, and everyone walked away. Even though it went to a bad place, you will be ok. Try to get it all out of your head, although I imagine you'll be so careful from now on. No more feeling sorry! It's over :D emoticon

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RUTHXG 12/2/2010 11:10PM

    Good grief.

Definitely no more need to grovel.

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SONYARODRI29 12/2/2010 1:08PM

    People always amazing the amazing things they do and the stupid stuff they do/say. I hold the opinion that most of the people in the general public are good...or try to be. So, with this said, I know that you were not trying to intentionally harm this person. You said you were sorry, that's it, it's over, you were sorry. When you REALLY think about it, you actually don't have anything to be sorry about it. You DIDN'T hit was an almost hit. Why is she getting all bent out of shape over something that didn't even happen?

Brush it off, move on, chalk it up to a learning experience, all that jazz. You're cool! emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/2/2010 1:13:19 PM

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ANITA012 12/2/2010 11:58AM

    You did fine! Brush it off and put it behind you. When I encounter people like that...the kind with no brains...I tell myself that they are just on edge and I'm the one they are venting to. So when I hear their rants/raves, I just shake my head and keep on going.
It's a shame that their comment of "Muslim" had to come out like it did. It obviously shows how little brains she does have.
Well...Know that you did good. We are all human and we all have those kind of days. Take a deep breath, brush it off and smile.
I know it always makes me feel better!

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BEATLETOT 12/2/2010 11:08AM

    Well, and at the risk of sounding "Muslim," hamdalillah (thank God) I didn't hit nor injure her, or that it wasn't much worse in general (i.e. she had a kid or a dog or a group of nuns with her). It wasn't smart driving on my part, but really, both of us should be relieved, not upset.

That is crazy, that woman. A car is just a THING. And it's not like you singled her out to hit her car. Good call on thinking of the cops.

*Sigh* People.

Today is going better. I watched the 2018/2022 World Cup Host announcement. Spoiler alert!

It's Russia and Qatar, respectively. I'm bummed about Qatar, because they beat the US, and because they're such a small country, and a Qatar/UAE-joint-sponsored World Cup would have been AMAZING. Not that I heard that anybody besides me was planning such a thing, but it would have been really awesome.

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MEL_UNRAU 12/2/2010 9:36AM

    As if "Muslim" is an insult! Of all the NERVE! I think you are dealing with it brilliantly. Accidents happen and to be unforgiving is ridiculous.

Personal story: once I was in a car accident, I rear ended this lady. My fault. Accepted the consequences. Owned up to it and paid for it. She called me every day for two weeks to tell me how horrible I was and how I ruined her life because I had totaled her $2000 car. I was 19 years old and didn't know how to deal with her. She was so malicious! I finally had to threaten her with calling the police to charge harrassment to get her to stop.

Some people have no kindness in them and it is terribly sad. Hope today better!

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My 5% Challenge Blog

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Today's assignment is to list all the reasons you want to lose weight. What do you want to change? How do you want to look? How do you want to feel? What things will you be able to do in the future with a slimmer healthier body? And list all the other things that you want to change!

So, here I go.

I want to change my pants size. I want my backside to not look huuuge in dressing rooms. I want my shirts to hang naturally off my torso. I want to feel sexy. I want to feel like I look human when I do zumba...not an elephant. I want to belly dance again. There's actually a Groupon for it today. But the location and schedule isn't ideal. But there are other ways. I used to feel bee-yoo-tiful when I belly danced, but after seeing myself sideways in the mirror doing zumba...not so much. I'd love to have that feeling again.

I have been meaning to write another blog about something else, but I've been a bit busy lately. I hope to write it in the next two days or so.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUTHXG 12/2/2010 11:09PM

    Great reasons! We will be victorious!


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MUNCHIE718 12/2/2010 8:53PM

  You can do it!!! Glad you'll be joining us for the Winter 5% challenge. It will be a lot of fun. Good luck!

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KARENE10 12/2/2010 8:59AM

    Great Blog! I am on the Starfish team with you and emoticon~WE CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KALISWALKER 12/2/2010 12:39AM

    Those are all really great reasons to lose weight. I know you can do it this winter. I wish you all the best in the Winter Challenge.

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Monday, November 15, 2010

I'm not really sad. I wrote that to mean "Seasonal Affective Disorder." Ever since I moved north, I usually get it in February. Last year, I told myself everyday after December 22nd that the days get longer, and I would look up the sunset times sometimes just to see the days getting longer.

So it's too bad that I'm already feeling bummed out about it getting dark at 5pm. It just makes me sleepy and lethargic and bored.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANITA012 11/16/2010 1:33AM

    I know...This time of year can be rather depressing. I feel it too when it's dark for such a long time.
I have found that the "Daylight" bulbs that are energy efficient are worth every penny. Do yourself a favor and invest in some of those. Not only will you save money/energy, but the lighting really does make a big difference. I've noticed since my husband has switched the bulbs out for those, that I'm much happier.
Also...Even if the weather is a little cold, spend a few minutes outside each day. It will also help.
There are also some good fragrances that you can simmer on your stove that can help lift your spirits. Find some that you might enjoy and put them on. A nice scent can make everything feel cozier, and will help lift you out of the blues.
Hang in there...Spring and Summer will be here before you know it! emoticon emoticon

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IBECCA 11/15/2010 5:11PM

    I love daylight savings. all this spring forward and fall back
baaaa humbug! leave it alone.

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Maybe I got it this time

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I love this article.

And I think I understand now. I mean, the article was a little all over the place, about our denial about being fat, weight loss methods, how to calculate BMI, etc. But what got me was the part about the food. This part:

First, this is the example we are given. We're constantly told that we don't exercise enough, but we are more seldom told that we eat too much. Weight-loss infomercials rarely talk about food—usually they hawk fitness gizmos that miraculously helped people melt away their fat in just minutes a day....Weight-loss reality TV shows depict people killing themselves in the gym for hours a day, not weighing their food or talking about how hungry they are from eating less. Fitness magazines primarily talk about workouts, with headlines about losing your gut...It's no wonder we think a lack of exercise is what's to blame for our increased girth.

But what about food? People are always told that there is no such thing as good and bad foods, but can that honestly be true? Realistically, there are bad foods—we all know what they are....Food is deeply personal to us....For something that says so much about you, to admit that the food you choose to eat isn't so good might mean that you're not a good person either. It may signal that you're weak, that you lack willpower, that you don't care, or that you don't care what others think of you. Because food matters that much to us, and we want freedom to eat whatever we want. We don't want to be told what to eat or how to eat. We especially don't want to be told what NOT to eat. For some reason, there's not much stigma associated with a sedentary lifestyle, but people become very defensive and protective if you try to change, control, or analyze their food choices. It's easier to just say we don't exercise enough than to dissect something so personal to us.

Read more:

And I have blogged about that. I want to eat what I want, when I want. Why can't I? It made me think that I should feel a little hungry sometimes, and that I should ban foods that have little to no nutritional value. And I think that's the key. I need to suffer just a tiny bit. A tiny bit of suffering can yield me some serious results.

By suffer, I don't mean that I think this is a prison sentence or a diet or a non-lifestyle change. And I don't mean that good for you foods are inherently gross. But I can't eat pizza once a week because that's what I want. I can't go out drinking with my friends once or twice a week because I had a hard day. And if I do do that, I can't have three beers each time. I mean, of course I can, I'm an adult, but I can't do it if I think I'm going to lose weight.

I want to write about something else, too. Yesterday, I went shopping after work. I needed new pants for my job badly, and I'm wanting to methodically build a basic wardrobe. So I went to the stores. I said, I need to buy pants, I just have to, even if they're size 8 or 10s. When I started on SparkPeople, I wore an 8. Last time I bought pants, I bought 10s, just temporarily, you know? I mean, I have this one pair of pants that were really quite nice-looking, and I was so SURE they were not going to fit for long, so I never got them hemmed properly. They still have safety pins in the bottoms. And I wear them at least twice a week. When I went yesterday, the 8s barely buttoned. The 10s were too tight for work. I thought, "Oh, EFF! I can't do it. I can't buy 12s. I just can't." Then, I said to myself, "You need new pants. You really do. So, look, you have a choice. You can either be a size 8, or you can buy new clothes. Which one is it?"

And I hadn't bought clothes in so long because I didn't want to buy bigger sizes. I wanted to wait until I could get back into my 8s (because 10s were temporary). But I decided that I deserve to be well-dressed. I don't have to punish myself for being overweight. And that's what I was doing, even though I thought I was rewarding myself for doing better. I have several articles of clothing in my closet that I haven't allowed myself to wear yet, because I made a rule that I had to lose a pound for each new item. It obviously didn't work. I bought them in May of 2009. Yes. 2009.

I feel better now. And my new pants feel really good. And I think I may be on to something here.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JODIANN421 9/19/2010 9:33PM

    You are going to do this. But don't punish yourself the whole time! You are doing great!! I wish you all the luck in the world :) emoticon

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My knees blog

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

The challenge today in the group "The Knees" is to blog about my weight loss. I don't know how I got started doing these challenges--I so rarely have gone to my teams--but after I did one, I guess I wanted to have a streak.

I used to be very slender. Of course, then, I didn't think I was as cute as I know now I was. That makes me sad. After I went to graduate school, I didn't have time to work out. I didn't have time to do anything. But now, I've been out of grad school for almost three years, and I'm still gaining weight.

Well, not now. But I'm also not really losing. I'm frustrated and I'm kind of sad. I'm working out like a maniac, but I get hungry and darn it, I eat! Even I try to be better and only eat when I'm hungry and things like this, but it's not having a lot of effect.

But I don't defy science, so I must not be trying hard enough, right?

I just want to be cute again.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SONYARODRI29 9/14/2010 1:44PM

    Change is good. Even before I had my big weight gain...when I was "cute" and thin....I ate when I was hungry, and I never ate breakfast. I managed to stay a pretty healthy weight. Then the babies came, and life set in...and the weight came on. I tried doing what I did before, eat when I was hungry, skip meals, but nothing. NOW, I can't even THINK about missing breakfast. It's weird...I eat every 2 hours, fueling my body...I'm NEVER hungry, because I don't allow myself to "get hungry". I changed. I made a change. Small changes=big the long run... Good luck! emoticon

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KNH771 9/8/2010 6:36PM

    I don't really know about your program, so it's hard to give any specific comments on what you might change to get your weight loss going in the direction you want. I do want to congratulate you on maintaining though. emoticon People don't give that stage the importance it merits. While your body takes a break you are learning valuable habits that will carry you long term when you do get to your goal weight. Whatever you do, don't give up! Keep sticking with it. Track your food, track your exercise, and look for small areas where you can improve.

There's a quote that says "most people don't go far enough on their first wind to see if they've got a second one." Persistence really does pay off. One time I worked out at the gym every day for over a year without losing a single pound. Sometimes I worked out two or three hours. I dropped inches. I lost dress sizes. But the scale didn't budge. It was frustrating, but I hung in there and eventually the scale started moving again. Quickly. emoticon

Thank God I stuck it out! You will see the success you're after. emoticon

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JSBETHUNE 9/8/2010 6:13PM

    Sometimes there can be a medical reason for weight gain or loss. My brother-in-law had thyroid problems that gave him a very high metabolism. Once he had that fixed he is gaining weight so he is upset now. You might want to look into a medical reason. You also might be trying too hard and your body could be rebelling. Sometimes slow is better. You don't have to kill yourself every day and if you fail one day do not workout harder the next day to compensate. It can do more harm than good. Just keep working and work with your doctor as well. He might have some ideas that might work for you as well.

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